Stress Proofing Your Life 

This was no ordinary birthday party! We had gathered from all over the country to celebrate with "young Tom" his 103rd birthday. Imagine celebrating your 103rd birthday! Tom had seen a lot of life. His body was tired and dull, but his spirit was alive and radiant. I can still see the light that poured from his eyes when I think of him. Such passion! I remember during the party, an "old friend" (soon to celebrate his own 90th birthday!) asked Tom to sum up his experience of life. He replied: "The first 100 years are the hardest - and the best!"

Life is challenging. Each and every day of our life we face experiences which challenge us to choose love or fear, faith or cynicism, generosity or meanness, going on or giving up, adapting or stagnating, being open-hearted or closed-hearted. Stress is a challenge, and one that need not necessarily be "bad", "wrong" or "negative". The experience of stress teaches us, its not what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you that counts. To put it another way, life is 10% what you make it, and 90% how you take it. This is what I learned from "young Tom". 
NHS Stress Busters

In March 1989, I had the great pleasure of opening the first government-backed NHS Stress Buster Clinic in Birmingham, England. The very first day was somewhat stressful! We had two and a half ladies attend the very first meeting! The half a lady got up half way through the first relaxation exercise because, she said, "I can hear my bus coming"! She thanked me for a wonderful 15 minutes, and swiftly departed. I never saw her again. Now I was down to two! I learned some time later that these two ladies had been shown into the room by mistake, and, realising they were the only ones present, hadn’t had the heart to leave me!

Fortunately, Stress Busters grew quite steadily over the next few months, until I had similar projects running through government, BBC, NHS staff, British Telecom, and Body Shop.. I was invited to give Stress Buster training courses to doctors, television presenters, lolly-pop ladies, traffic wardens, sports professionals, poll tax collectors, heart attack survivors, teachers, single-parents, unemployed and millionaire clubs. What I have learned from this is that stress is the unique experience we all share in common. It affects us differently because we respond to it differently.

The word "stress" is used to define two distinct conditions: 1) creative tension; 2) destructive pressure. We enjoy creative tension - this is the spice of life. Too much spice leads to destructive pressure. Stress can be life-affirming. If on a quiet, solitary walk through a beautiful everglade forest you were interrupted by a billowing echo of "TIMMMM-BERRRR!", I would suggest that this would be the wrong time to practise your favourite relaxation exercise! Any so-called "negative emotion" be it fear, anxiety, worry, depression or guilt holds a wonderful potential for learning, growth and getting out of the way of falling trees! 

Stress only becomes "bad" when we handle it "badly" either by fighting it, blocking it, running from it, burying it, intellectualising it, suppressing it, or doing nothing about it. In fact, I would say one of the biggest causes of stress is doing nothing about your stress. In my book, "Stress Busters", I refer to this as the "Freeze Response". 

Waiting around for life to get better may involve a long wait! Life doesn't get better - you do! Madness has been described as, "doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result". Similarly, doing nothing and hoping for something is equally mad. If you only do what you have already done, you will get what you have already got! Basically put, stress is a challenge to be your own best friend. Think of the advice you would give to your best friend in the situation you face, and then follow it yourself.

The first challenge of stress is to listen: stress is, essentially put, a petition sent from one part of your being to another urging you to respond to a simple request: "URGENT: Please improve the quality of your life". In other words, be conscious, be creative and change something! Outlined below are ten suggestions for making stress help and not hinder. Some are "doing suggestions" and some are "being suggestions" - I begin with the "being suggestions" because the challenge of stress is really a challenge of changing consciousness - this is true of all healing. Stress is really a six letter word spelled c.h.a.n.g.e. 

Perception

I often describe stress as the moment in time when we perceive there are no options. Stress is collapsed perception. Perceived demands appear to outweigh perceived resources and we see things are "bad", going "wrong" and entirely "negative". It is vital you hold a space in your mind where you accept the possibility that, "If I look differently, I will see something different". Perception is creative. 

Fig 1. is a simple collection of letters. Read it once. Then, read it again, differently. There are two messages here. One is, opportunity is nowhere and the second is, opportunity is now here. It all depends on how you see it! All of my work is about helping people to shift their collapsed perception from opportunity is nowhere to opportunity is now here. Make up your mind to see stress as a friend and not an enemy, as a set up and not a setback, as a potential gain and not a loss. Take it on faith: you will one day see that the stress you are now experiencing offered you an invaluable opportunity for growth. 



OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE Fig. 1 
Belief

The Chinese word for "crisis" is wei-chi and it has two meanings: "danger" and "opportunity". In my book, "Living Wonderfully", I made the statement, we live in a land of make believe - in other words, what we believe will be how we live. Belief and perception work together. Perception gathers evidence to prove the belief you currently value is true. In other words, whatever you believe you will see. 

You can believe in "danger" or in "opportunity". Whatever you believe, you must realise that beliefs are self-fulfilling prophecies - choose wisely. You can create a new meaning and a new outcome by choosing to create a different belief. Once again, the magic comes from first holding a space in your mind in which you affirm something like, "I choose to believe I can benefit from this". Change your belief and you will see a change. Belief is creative. 

Attitude

There is a fantastic force in life that has a miraculous power to transform fatigue into energy, despair into delight and anxiety into action. This force can make "bad" things "good" and "wrong" things "right". An "upset" can become a "set-up", a "misfortune" can become a "favour" and a "failure" can become a "success" This miraculous force has the power to decide.

The great news is that you are perfectly entitled to use this fantastic force, if you so choose. If you do, you may well find, quite miraculously, that obstacles can turn into opportunities, adversity into advantage, breakdowns into breakthroughs, and unhappy endings into bring new beginnings. This force, if you haven’t already worked it out, is the power of thought.

Whenever I find myself "suffering" from stress, I ask myself, "Do you want to be part of the problem or part of the solution?" Sometimes I find myself admiring the problem so much I forget to look for solutions! The solution begins with making a commitment to what Robert Schuller calls "possibility thinking" i.e. trying a new way of thinking. 

Albert Einstein once wrote, "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them". Stress challenges us to take a mental helicopter to the top of the ceiling so that we can view things differently. Hold a space for your thoughts to allow for a new idea, a new focus, a new perspective - turn everything 180 degrees, upside down and inside out. Unless we are prepared to think differently, we will experience no difference. Thought is creative.

Communication

Words shape worlds. Every word you send out into the world casts a consequence, conjures a return and weaves an effect that inevitably shapes and alters your life. You really do get to "keep your word" in life! Your word is your bond, and you have the "say-so" to choose how you will live and how things will be. Like perceptions, beliefs and thoughts, words have enough magic to create a massive change in body-chemistry. Muscles, nerves, heart rate, lungs and blood pressure react to the words you and other people say. A happy compliment, for instance, is, I believe, nutritionally equivalent to at least a week’s supply of multi-vitamins; a criticism, mind you, is probably the equivalent of a mouthful of castor oil. 

Remember, the challenge of stress is to listen to your Self! Whenever we fail to listen and to follow our own authentic impulse we will experience stress. Honour yourself; listen to yourself. Watch out, in particular, for the "victim talk" that animates the "freeze response" - phrases such as, "yes, but", "if only", "maybe", "we'll see", "I hope so" and "I'll try". Your words affirm outcomes. Words are creative. 

Action

In "Stress Busters" I outline a series of choices we must make. One such choice is between anxiety and action. Alas, anxiety has never once in the whole history of the human race solved a problem. With action, as my friend Robert Redfern states, "the universe only rewards actions". The highest function of anxiety is to serve as a prompt for action. 

The next five suggestions outlined below are the "doing suggestions" which require some action. Not every action will bring you happiness, but happiness will not happen without some action. The greatest technique of all is something called "willingness"! When it comes to creating a positive change, you will if you are willing. 

Breathe

Keep breathing - it improves your chances of future happiness! In the ancient wisdom of yoga it is said, "the harmony of the lungs support the harmony of life". I would go as far as to say that the quality of your breathing determines the quality of your life. It is certainly true that one of the first things that happens whenever we are adversely stressed is that our breathing collapses. Fig 2 "S.C.A.R." illustrates the close relationship between stress, poor breathing, anxiety and more stress.

Three times a day, for five minutes, create a "breathing space" in which you allow yourself to breathe easily, effortlessly and naturally. Allow every breath to be deeper, longer and slower as you allow the breath to breathe you. This simple, effective and portable relaxation exercise has a wonderful, calming influence on nerves, muscles, heart, circulation and attitude. Breathe in courage, breathe out fear. 

Friendship

As I said earlier, the challenge of stress is to be your own best friend. Be kind, be loving and be supportive to your self - willingness is the key. Treat yourself, reward yourself, encourage yourself - the more friendly you are to yourself the more friendship you will attract from others. 

Surround yourself with supporters - be they family, friends, professional therapists, God. Ask for help, and then allow yourself to receive the help. So often, the real issues of happiness are not about giving, but receiving. All of the help, the answers, the light and the love already surrounds you, all you need do is accept and receive. 

Nourishment

The wisest words of nutrition were said by Hippocrates: "Let your food be your medicine; let your medicine be your food". What you put in your mouth either helps or hinders your body's attempts to handle stress. No food flies out of the fridge into your mouth and down your throat against your will! Make choices. Eat healthy, be healthy.

Miranda, my wife, is a qualified naturopath. I asked her what general advice I could give in thirty words! She told me: "Herbal teas instead of coffee. Fresh food instead of cooked.. Juices instead of alcohol. Small regular meals instead of large blow-outs. Vitamin B complex, vitamin C and zinc. 3000mg of evening primrose oil a day for women."

Also, make a commitment to nourishing yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually with a good diet of relaxation, meditation, prayer, therapeutic massage, yoga and gentle exercise of any kind. Ask yourself everyday if you are nourished enough. 

Laughter

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they will never cease to be amused! When it comes to stress, if you can laugh at it you can live with it. Laughter can help us to see things differently, restore faith, encourage possibility thinking, affirm joy and inspire action. What nourishment! Over-seriousness all too often leads to sickness, stress and a sense of separation. A dedication to laughter, fun, enjoying the moment, sharing happiness and giving praise offers heightened prevention against stress. Laughter is life-affirming!

A smile goes a long way but it is you who must start it on its journey. Go out to play, call up a friend for fun, indulge in recreation therapy, let your favourite comedian entertain you, do something silly. Laughter is a marvellous face lift! As Max Eastman wrote, "humour is the instinct for taking pain playfully". Be willing.

Goals

If only we would live as well today as we hope to live tomorrow! Set yourself an aim today to look at your stress, listen to it and learn from it. The present moment is where the present (i.e. the gift) is.

Most of the people who come to me for individual help are suffering not from stress so much as aimlessness, no meaning and no purpose in life. The greatest goals of all are not about "doing", they are about "being" i.e. clearing perceptions, boosting Self-belief, elevating thought patterns, improving affirmation and enhancing motivation to act.

Make the time to explore a conscious-creative list of goals you would enjoy aiming for. Do this in the knowledge that happiness is not circumstance-dependent; rather, happiness is a decision we make. Also, know that with goals the reward is not what you get at the end but who you become along the way. One of the favourite mottoes from another of my projects, The Laughter Clinic Project, is, "Happiness is a Way of Travelling".

"The wise man in the storm prays God, not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear. It is the storm within which endangers him, not the storm without," wrote Emerson. Most often, the challenge of stress is not so much living well with the world around us but living well with the world within us. The challenge of stress, therefore, is not only to go through it but to grow through it. 

Stress is the stuff strength springs from - a fertiliser! Like any other kind of fertiliser, the smell isn't great but the results can be wonderful! 

Written for "Top Sante" Magazine, article by Robert Holden