Home
The 12 Steps from a Buddhist Perspective
Taking Refuge as a Higher Power
Admitting When We Are Wrong While Refraining from Blaming Others
Replacing Shoulds with Healthier Self-Talk
Handling Others' Projections of Character Defects We Actually Have
The Unbearable Cuteness of Consumer Addiction
Should I Be Ashamed of Myself? Powerlessness and Unmanageability as Manipulation
Moral Inventory with Self-Love
The Process of Awakening to a Non-Defensive Self
Or, How I Show Off with Disguised Cross-Talk
I have noticed that I have a tendency to show off in any kind of discussion group, but I have a sneaky way of pretending not to be doing this. I disguise my advice to others as confessions of personal experience while secretly expecting to hear that I have done such a good job on my own recovery that it has inspired others to change themselves. However, when I actually get this feedback, I feel kind of dirty inside because my Principal Witness knows that these praises are ill-gotten gains.
What is this wanting to be the best? What is this wanting to be considered an expert or an authority in what we are doing? It is a search for security through the approval of others. It is something that I have in common with other human beings, and therefore I can have compassion on myself for it.
What can I learn if I will just shut up and listen to everyone else’s expertise? Will others suffer if I do not share my own wisdom with them—or will they discover their own wisdom for themselves? When I see that my hidden aggression is an obstacle to others’ self-discovery, I choose to be silent.
Each one of us is rightly the hero of his or her own story; I cannot write myself into the starring role in anyone else’s story. They will reject me if I try to do this. I would rather do my best than be thought the best. Being thought the best depends on how others judge me; doing my best depends only on how I am willing to treat myself.
Doing my best is a source of joy because it means I am fully present to whatever I am doing. Such attention is an experience of love. When I am attending to others in this way I am loving them, too. I can allow them to focus on themselves instead of diverting their attention to thinking about how wonderful I supposedly am.
Please Read These Important Disclaimers:
It is a 12 Step Tradition not to have any opinion on "outside issues" such as religion or spirituality. Therefore, I wish to emphasize that all the writings on this site are my own personal experiences in recovery, and do not reflect the views of any 12 Step program or group.
Further, the ads that make this a free site are not endorsed by any 12 Step program, nor by me personally. It is another 12 Step Tradition that groups be self-supporting, and not take contributions from outside sources. Therefore, visitors to this site should note that I am using this ad-supported site to air my personal opinions on the recovery process, and not those of any 12 Step program or group. Moreover, as I have no control over any of the ads that appear on this site, I state no opinion on the material that appears in any of them.
