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Taking Refuge as a Higher Power
Admitting When We Are Wrong While Refraining from Blaming Others
Replacing Shoulds with Healthier Self-Talk
Handling Others' Projections of Character Defects We Actually Have
The Unbearable Cuteness of Consumer Addiction
Being the Best versus Doing my Best
Should I Be Ashamed of Myself? Powerlessness and Unmanageability as Manipulation
Moral Inventory with Self-Love
The Process of Awakening to a Non-Defensive Self
I am having trouble with the 12-step language referring to my problems as “defects of character” or “shortcomings” that have to be “removed” by a Higher Power. I think this is because my depression responds to these terms with hopelessness and helplessness that is unresponsive to any power, higher or otherwise. It creates an overwhelming task and unrealistic expectation to think that my “shortcomings” will suddenly be “removed” by supernatural force, never to return again, which is the picture the 12-step language evokes for me. From a Buddhist perspective of “starting where you are” the recovery community can be seen as the sangha in which I can take refuge without escaping my problems. I realize there is a need for using strong language in order not to minimize my problems or put off dealing with them. Although I think of these problems as “maladaptive,” that is probably too intellectual a term. “Self-harming beliefs and behaviors that lead to suffering” works better.
1. I admit that I am powerless over others, and that my clinging to a self-dramatizing illusion that my own life is catastrophic has made my life unmanageable.
2. I believe taking the three forms of refuge can restore me to sanity: the buddha, the dharma, and the sangha, the last of which can be seen as my friends in recovery.
3. I turn my will and my life over to the process of awakening to a self that no longer holds self-harming beliefs or engages in behaviors that lead to suffering.
4. Just for today, one day at a time, I am willing to suspend self-harming judgments long enough to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. If I am gentle with myself, there is nothing to fear.
5. I admit to myself, to the sangha, and to at least one specific individual the exact nature of my self-harming beliefs and behaviors that have led to suffering.
6. I am entirely ready to awaken to a self that no longer harms itself or contributes to the illusions others use to maintain their suffering.
7. I allow this gentle self to guide my new thoughts and behaviors.
8. I am willing to make a list of all persons I have harmed and willing to make amends to them all.
9. I am willing to make direct amends to such wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. I am willing to continue to take personal inventory, and when I am wrong, promptly admit it. I will refrain from all complaining, blaming, and “explaining” that my wrongdoing is the result of others’ actions.
11. I seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with Awakened, Gentle Self, praying only for knowledge of right action and the power to carry that out while harming none.
12. I am willing to carry this message to other addicts through my actions, by practicing these principles in all our affairs. I will practice these principles by my own free choice, refraining from struggles to force other addicts to follow my example. While unity with others who are in recovery gives me strength, my commitment to my own recovery is independent of non-recovering addicts’ responses to it.
Please Read These Important Disclaimers:
It is a 12 Step Tradition not to have any opinion on "outside issues" such as religion or spirituality. Therefore, I wish to emphasize that all the writings on this site are my own personal experiences in recovery, and do not reflect the views of any 12 Step program or group.
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