TNW13177@aol.com

Title: Me Mate
Author: Nickle
Email: tnw13177@aol.com
Summary: Oz and Spike humor fic.
Disclaimers: Characters not owned by me at all.
Notes: Hey I tried. Don't string me up if its crap, LOL.

"I'm gonna wash that blood right out of your fur, I'm gonna wash those
entrails outta your fangs..."

Spike continued to sing to himself as he strolled to his little crypt, his
feet light, his walk swaggering. He shifted his bag of supplies to one hand
and opened the door, stepping over the disembodied limbs littering the ground
and stepped inside.

His eyes followed the trail of half chewed body parts, scanning the room for
his little friend.

"Rex?" Spike sang out. "Come on out boy, daddy's home."

He spun around the room, a frown coming to his face when his friend didn't
emerge. Hearing the low rumble of challenge, a grin slipped across Spike's
lips and his face immediately morphed into full fang gear.

"Bring it on, little pup," he puffed as he dropped his bag on the floor. A
moment later a small lump of silver fur leaped down at him from above,
landing on his shoulders with solid hit.

A roar and curse snapped from Spike's lips as the two beings tumbled to the
floor. As one they rolled back and forth, paws and hands hitting, fangs
snapping to fang. Finally Spike got the better of the smaller creature,
grabbing him by the midsection and lifting him up with a hearty laugh. The
wolf snarled and snapped and struggled against him, but Spike just continued
to laugh.

"You do have balls I give you that," Spike praised as he petted the animal's
head. "Yes, my little Rex does have balls, doesn't he?"

The wolf snapped again, narrowing missing taking off a finger and Spike
bopped him on the nose.

"I am not a chew toy," he scolded. The wolf glared at him and Spike glared
back finally causing the wolf to back down and begin nose around and licking
itself.

"No need for that, boy," Spike said as he walked them over to the prepared
basin of water. "You're getting a bath!"

He tossed the animal into the water and the beast began to thrash around as
if being thrown into fire.

"Stay!" Spike ordered. "Stay or I'll bash your bloody head in!" he roared.
The animal seemed to get the message and remained in the basin. It looked up
at with undeniable anger, but kept its paws and jaws in check. Satisfied
Spike turned back to his parcel.

"Now see here," he began as he began to unpack his bag. "I've brought you a
brush, and a bottle of 'No Tears Shampoo' WITH conditioner." He presented the
bottle to the wolf who gave no acknowledgement.

"Well damnit do you not want your mane as silky and tangle free as mine?"

Again no answer.

"Rex, I'm trying to do something nice for the werewolf that saved me from
those bloody prisses yesterday. The least you can do is appreciate what I'm
trying to do for you."

The wolf snorted and stomped in the water, sinking down into the basin to
wait for Spike to continue.

"Thank You," he beamed as he went back to the bag. "I also got you a nice
towel and a blanket to sleep on," he said as he whipped out rugged blanket.
"It's not pretty but it'll do.

"Last but not least," he said as he reached into the bag one last time. "Dog
collar!"

He held up a black leather collar studded with gold spikes. The wolf whined
in offense.

"It's not silver," Spike defended as he glanced down at it. "I think it's
pretty nice," he continued to defend at the wolf's whine.

"Sodding fashion critic," Spike muttered as he threw the collar back in the
bag and took off his jacket.

"Alright then," Spike sat as he grabbed the bottle of shampoo and unscrewed
the cap. "Time for the wet and wild wild."

He squeezed the scented gel from the bottle, slathering a generous helping
onto the beast's body and head. Slapping his hands back and forth across the
wolf's body he worked up a good pinkish lather.

"That's a good wolf," Spike cooed. He rubbed his head and haunches, his belly
and butt, he left the hard to reach spots for Rex to take care of himself.
Some things are better handled by one's own hand.

'Almost finished mate," Spike soothed as he grabbed the furry animal by the
mane and dunked its head and body under the water. The wolf lurched up,
sniffing and growling, licking its lips as it shook its body and threw off
the water as best it could. Glaring up at Spike with dark brown eyes the
werewolf scrambled out of the metal basin and turned on him with a menacing
snarl.

"Now, now, I was only rinsing you clean." He picked up the towel and snapped
it in the air. "Come," he ordered.

The wolf snorted at him and they engaged in a brief standoff before the wolf
finally clambored to the vampire, allowing itself to be wrapped in the fluffy
towel.

"Good boy," Spike encouraged as he rubbed the animal down. "Yes, you are a
good boy and tomorrow I'll take you out and we'll have a good ole time out in
the graveyard. We'll play fetch with all the demon parts we can find-or make
ourselves."

He was rewarded with tiny licks of affection from the wolf, its tongue
sliding over his lips and nose. Spike laughed at the attention, cradling his
new best friends head and accepting his kisses.

"Yes you are a good boy. You're Spikey's very good boy-"

BLOODY FRIGGIN HELL!

Spike bolted up from his slumber, sitting up in his coffin with a pounding
headache, the heebie jeebies, and a nasty taste in his mouth.

"The absinthe. It must have been...the absinthe." he muttered as he held his
head in his hands. He lifted a leg to remove himself from his coffin and
stopped as he spied the curled up human sleeping next to him on the floor.
From his vantage point he could see the familiar red spikey hair.

He cringed.

"Oh somebody bloody stake me," he groaned as he fell back into the coffin and
passed out.