Assignment #1-Wesley
Title: Loss of Mind, Loss of Heart
Author: Nickle
Notes: I tried, Lord did I try to go for action ya'll but it kept
slipping
back into angst. This is an AU Wes and Gwen with knarly superpowers and some
extesive history. Yeah I'm wierd that way:)
~*~*~*~
"How we've come to this moment darling, I'll never know."
She backhanded me across the cheek, the stone of her ring ripping my skin. As
I brought my hand away from my face, and saw that she had drawn blood I knew
that I was no longer dealing with my wife but with a woman I no longer knew.
Still I hesitated to strike back. In those green eyes I saw the madness of a
childless mother in grief, of a woman broken and lost.
I tried to help her. I honestly did. But she refused me, she rejected my love
and comfort and support. She gave me none in return. Instead her soul went
black and all she had once been had been twisted into what I saw before me.
I hesitated to strike back. But not for long.
I reared back to deliver a punch, but she solidly cut the action off by
kicking my leg out from under me. I heard the bone snap, felt the explosion
of pain, and fell to the earth with a grunt.
Fool. She knew my style, my procedures. Had we not learned the same
techniques while studying together? Had we not sparred in our hand to hand
combat classes, both of us so quick and sure in our movements, both of us so
'professional'?
Professional indeed. Up to the moment I asked her to marry me, long past the
first night we had shared a bed, I had referred to Gwen as 'Miss Post' in
public.
I rolled instinctively, the blade of the downward swinging ax going firmly
into the ground behind my head.
I exhaled face down in the dirt, my training taking over, automatic responses
going into effect-
Hands on the ground and PUSH
I landed solidly on both feet, my knee throbbing, but healing. Again she had
anticipated my move and was already turned at the ready.
She swung the ax and I reeled back. She swung again and again I adjusted.
She was being sloppy. In any other circumstance my head would be on the
ground by now.
Her patience had run its course and she charged head on. I dropped to the
ground, catching her by her legs and flipping her behind me and straight into
the wall of the crypt.
Flesh hit the marble with a thud.
I whirled to see her laying dazed and crumpled on the ground, the soft grunt
of a wounded person coming from her form.
"Gwen," I offered. "We can stop this now."
She slowly lifted her form, turning on the ground to look over at me. She
smiled in sad bewilderment, her eyes wet and bright in the darkness.
"Really?" she asked softly. She sniffed and cleared her throat as she
gingerly pulled herself to stand, wincing and hopping in place as she tested
her leg.
I wasn't fooled by her softening. She wasn't fooled by mine either.
Neither of us would walk away.
Her eyes flickered over my face, a small knowing smile coming to her face
before she gave a brief nod and leaned back against the crypt's wall.
"Did they have to ask or did you volunteer?"
"I said it was to be me."
"Because I'm your responsibility-"
"Because this could not happen any other way. I could not let-"
"Wesley," she interrupted in a long hiss.
He eyes accused me, but I displayed no guilt.
She had become dangerous, a threat all her own to the Council and to the
public at large. A renegade Watcher selling her secrets to the enemy, seeking
out to upset the balance of good and evil in the world. Seeking to destroy
and to hurt.
I felt no guilt for what I was to do. As a Watcher it was part of my
responsibility, my duty to protect the world from evil.
As her husband it was my responsibility to love, honor, cherish, and protect
her the best I knew how.
Either way you looked at it, I had to do this. It had come to the point of
there being no other way.
At least that's what I told myself as I hunted her down.
"They wanted to send a team, I told them not to."
"I warranted a team?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "In a way I feel
honored."
My face must have registered my feeling on the matter for she averted her
eyes from mine, her face falling free of its hardness and becoming thoughtful.
"I honestly don't know how we came to this point Wesley," she finally said.
"
Was it when I lost him?"
"I lost him too," I replied with less emotion than I felt. "WE lost our
son,
Gwen. You seem to have forgotten that-"
"I haven't forgotten anything, Wesley. Not a thing-"
"Apparently you have," I said as I took the glove out of my coat pocket and
held it up for her to see. "The difference between right and wrong. Living up
to your duty-your CALLING-
She straightened from her slumped position, standing tall and threatening as
she bristled from my attack.
Lord help me for what I was doing, but it was the only way I could follow
through with it.
"You expect me to remain loyal to the Council after what they took from me?"
she demanded as she took a step towards me. "To follow their orders, to
respect and trust them and be a 'good little' Watcher after everything
they've done?"
"They're not to blame, Gwen-"
"They KILLED our son!"
"His life would not have been worth living had he lived. You knew that. We
both knew that."
Her advance stopped. I remained where I stood as her eyes searched my face.
Then they flared in realization and I knew the time was at hand.
"You pathetic excuse for a-"
She screamed, bringing up her hand to aim at me, sending out a shockwave that
I know came nowhere close to the power of her rage and grief. Prepared, I
took it full force and was thrown back into the air, flying past tombstones
and graves, finally landing again on the earth.
I was vaguely aware of my chest smoldering, the back of my head undoubtedly
bruised and bloodied.
I was in terrific pain.
But not nearly enough. Lord, not nearly enough.
"He was my son Wesley," her voice said suddenly from in front of me.
I forced myself up, leaning to rest on a piece of granite as I gasped for
breath and held a hand to my tightening chest.
Tears of pain and regret ran down my face. I had plenty of excuses, plenty of
justifications, but no real defense.
What had brought us to this point wasn't her or him or the Council, but me. I
did this, I created this and the burden of this responsibility would be mine
to bear in this life and the next.
Her face became level to mine as she kneeled down in front of me, and covered
my hand on my chest with hers.
"You have no heart," she said as her hand began to warm my chest, her gaze on
my face ready to watch me die.
I quickly grabbed her by the throat, her eyes widening in surprise as she
looked to my arm and saw that I wore the glove.
"I'm sorry that it came to this Gwen. You'll never know how sorry I am."
Her eyes returned to mine only but for an instant before it was finally,
mercifully over.
For both of us.