Why....by Don Bernal
“They might make you think you are happy,
Maybe for a minute or two
But no one can make you laugh
Like I do.”
Everclear “I will buy you a new life.”
She waited by the window, watching the overcast sky from the fourth floor of the apartment. She was by her favorite chair, which she used for her sketching table. A quick check of her watch said that it was 4 pm already. If he was going to arrive at the apartment, he should be here soon, she thought, considering she had important business to get to by six. She looked back out the window, the clouds gently sliding across the icy plate of sky.
He was looking at the same sky, though nowhere near the apartment. He hadn’t seen her for weeks, maybe a month or two, he wasn’t sure. But his promise to her to visit was going to be broken, he knew that for sure. Because, though he was looking forward to it for a whole week, imagining the laughter and conversation they would have as today came, his mind could think of nothing, save one thought: he was not going to visit her.
She was waiting, he was waiting. He wasn’t going to visit her, but he waited anyway, for the endless minutes to pass, till he knew for sure that visiting her would be impossible. What he wanted, for a few weeks now, at his grasp, but he will simply let it go. He couldn’t even look at the mirror, his own face disgusted him.
She would wait, till waiting was impossible, then she would spend one moment, one thought, why isn’t he here, why didn’t he wait, then anger, soon forgotten. He knew all this, it was like a movie whose plot was overwhelmingly predictable; he knew and he didn’t want that to happen, but it would, and that’s why he was looking out into the sky: to dream of it crushing down on him, till he was forgotten like the promise he made to her.
He would not say. Not to himself. Not the answer. It was too…wrong. Too painful. Too ridiculous. Too unconvincing. Please. He wouldn’t even try to lie. There would be no point. She would probably believe him, maybe, but so what? He couldn’t do that to him or her. Why.
He stared at a patch of sky that was rather gray. It was ugly, depressing really. That’s how he felt. Completely. He could imagine the days coming, the questions, why didn’t you show up? What’s wrong? What’s the matter? And soon, no more questions. Like everyone else, he thought. Just another cloud passing across the sky; leaving the gray patch alone in the sky. Goodbye, he waved at the cloud in his mind. I’m sorry, he thought. But there is no reason why. Simply how it is. How it is with me. Bu the clouds and sky above, crossing the great beyond, my apologies for the pain I have caused, there simply isn’t a reason why.
She was looking out the window, hoping for the sun to shine through.
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