Where you are
By Don Bernal
The shade of color was definitely less bright here a few seconds ago. The details... the windows, the buildings, the blades of grass, all more vivid, real to me now.
How weird. It must have been similar to when the first color tv's came out, when black and white was the normal way to see the world. With me too, it was a bit disorienting. The clarity, the sheer vividness of the details around me. "Is that a sign up on that window across the street? 20% off? Look, it's Garfield up on that car window over there. I can see the petals on those flowers in the sidewalk."
Just like someone wiping away the rain on the windshield. The things I must have missed out on. The beauty of things. Details that surely would have been enhanced my appreciation of beautiful things. The delicacy of flowers. Fine, minute strokes on artwork, the intricacies of a beautiful car, the sheer joy of looking at a face. How much have I missed out on? How could I have waited for so long to actually see the world?
But I can take things too far. What really is the truth I seek? I can see the cracks on the sidewalk, the chipping paint on increasingly bland walls. The filth on the street. The signs of hard times and hard lives all over the sidewalk. Did I need to see this? Did I ever notice these things before? Where is the truth in that?
How could I have lived so ignorantly then? What a fool. How must have the clouds seem to me before, before I can see each curve and shade on its billowy form now? How many freckles on a person's face have been blurred into my memory, before, I truly appreciate it now? How is the world changed, just when I thought I could never be fooled by it again, where air, land, and water have taken these unbelievable dimensions?
My own room would be foreign to me, also. Could I ever stare at my bed, my shelf, my books and see them as I saw them before? What of my friends? God, will I actually see them with new eyes? Will I even see them at all? Does she have freckles? God, I never noticed. Will I change my whole life, because I see a truth that I never knew existed?
Is this what I want? Was that the whole plan? I have changed, but to what end? The world is surely not the same, but what then? Where is my beauty? Where is nature's form? Where is my truth, if it is in the details at all? Was I wrong to call a rose beautiful before, before I understood it now? Was I blind then? Am I any better now?
I see with my eyes as I have before, but surely I am not the same, not with this, this thing changing everything. I hear behind me, "Are you okay?"
"I am fine."
"Are you sure, you look confused there? You don't have to where those glasses now, you can wait and get used to them."
Yes I can. Wait and get used to them. Used to me and the world too. Confused, no. I think I'm more surprised and curious now. How beautiful the details, when I can close my eyes to them.
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