Maybe if I tried a little harder. Gave it an extra push. You can't blame a guy for trying hard. You can always pat him on the back. You can always tell him you gave it your best shot.
There's no regrets that way.

You can always say that. I don't. Don't believe in consolation. It masks a pain necessary to living. People have to suffer painful episodes. It's the only way they get strong. You have to break your muscles to make them stronger.
We have to kill ourselves to live a better life.
We have to tear ourselves apart to become a stronger person.

I believe in the breaking of man. Once broken can you be made whole.

And maybe if we can all see the power of falling down we wouldn't stay down there so long. If we could see how the deeper the wound the tougher our hides become, how broken bones become more resilient along the way. If we could only see that the harder we crash, the more invulnerable we grow to be.
Whatever doesn't kill you...

I believe in this falling. Our lives aren't fantastic stories of laughter, love, mischief, and joy. At least not mine. At least not in the real world. My glass eyes can only be so focused on such things, before the staring hurts. But it's not that these joyous things don't exist. A fantastic world knows of such things. A fantastic person becomes these things. Fantastic lives use these things as foundations.

Theoretically speaking, I acknowledge that a life can have laughter, love, mischief, joy, holding of hands, sharing of warmth, the peacefulness of mind and soul. All good and well and possible. But no one really knows. No one can really tell. There's a lot to go through to get these fantastic things. There's the risks of not getting these things at all. It's a challenge, a tough road, a hell of a mountain to climb. There's always the falling down to get you.

The point is to fall. Because you'll want to get back up that mountain, again. Especially if you get a taste for these fantastic things. Especially if you want get a touch of it in your life.

Being that we get all so worried about other things that we forget, but climbing a mountain of pain to reach a pinnacle of brief joy/laughter/hand holding/warmth/peace will get things back on track. You've only got yourself to carry. Only yourself to blame for not reaching high enough.
Only a mountain stands in your way. Only a fall away from being right back up again, stronger and more determined than before. And in falling you always get that extra push.

You always come back trying a little harder.

Don Bernal
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