1) I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
2) I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.
3) The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.
4) I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
5) I will not throw up in the car.
6) I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.
7) I will not steal used sanitary napkins from the bathroom garbage.
8) I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
9) I will not eat other animals' poop.
10) I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
11) I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
12) "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
13) I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
14) The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
15) I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.
16) I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose in her face.
17) I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
18) I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
19) When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
20) I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
21) We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
22) I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
23) The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
24) My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
25) I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
26) I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
27) I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
28) I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
29) The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
30) I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
Back to Mind Scrap *D*.
