When It Rains,
Episode 407: The Storm
I almost don't want
to write this recap. This episode was just so amazing and so beautiful
and I know that whatever I write simply will not do it justice. But
I shall make an attempt. ["Oh shit. Here we go." --Carmexa]
["Oy. I think this episode is going to be hard to make fun of,
so the usual interjections may be sparse." - Bitchavia]
We open with Ben
at the place he always goes when things in his life are overwhelming
him-the basketball court. He is by himself, endlessly shooting baskets.
Felicity walks up to the fence and watches him for a moment. Finally,
she says, "Hey." Ben turns and walks towards her, still dribbling
the ball, not saying anything. You can see the pain in his eyes as he
looks at her. ["Even though you could barely see his eyes because
he had that hat pulled down so far over his head." --Carmexa]
Felicity asks if she can talk to him, but Ben doesn't answer. She says
she's been calling him all night. Finally, Ben answers her, saying he
was at the hospital. Ouch. In case Felicity had forgotten that Ben found
out about her sleeping with Noel while his dad is on his deathbed, he
just reminded her. Felicity asks how his dad is doing and Ben says simply,
"He's sick." All the while he continues to dribble and shoot.
Felicity starts to apologize through her tears. She says she knows she
should have told him about Noel. Um, excuse me? I think she should be
apologizing for ever having slept with him in the first place. But I'll
let that go, because she is obviously emotionally distraught. Ben doesn't
want to hear it and tells her she should just leave. Felicity begs him
to let her talk to him, but Ben tells her he doesn't want to talk to
her and again tells her to "get outta here." Then he tells
her he'll be by later to pick up his stuff and turns his back on her.
Felicity just stands there for a while, absorbing it all. Finally, she
turns around and begins to leave, hesitates for a moment, and then walks
off, wiping tears from her eyes. Wow, Keri Russell and Scott Speedman
were amazing in that scene. They're actually amazing in every scene
in this episode, and I don't want to be redundant, so that's the only
time I'll mention it.
Roll credits. Begin
Richard is in Noel's
room at the loft, peering through the doorway at Ben. He is worried
that Ben is going to rip Noel's throat out. Not if I do it first. Noel
doesn't think Ben is going to rip his throat out, but Richard says that
if he had slept with his woman, Noel would be dead. I wish that Noel
would sleep with Richard's non-existent woman. That way, Noel would
be dead, and Richard would have to go to prison for murder. Two birds,
one stone. ["But you know that neither Noel nor Richard would
ever even have a 'woman', at least for any length of time before the
woman came to her senses. Wonder how Richard would feel about Noel sleeping
with another guy though?" - Bitchavia] Anyway, Noel appears
to be making flyers indicating that he's looking for a new apartment.
How thoughtful of him to move out. ["Too little, too fucking
late." --Carmexa] Noel asks Richard to hand out some of his
flyers. Richard invites Noel to stay with him, but Noel declines. Richard
checks to see that the coast is clear, and Noel heads out the door.
As they walk out
into the living room, Sean walks out complimenting Noel on his suit.
Noel informs us that he starts his new job today. Sean wants him to
wear a Schmegan tie pin. Richard decides now is the time to tell Sean
and Meghan the news. Noel doesn't want to, but Richard basically forces
him to. So, Noel tells them that he slept with Felicity. Sean is dumbfounded.
Meghan is amazed that Noel is still alive. Richard gets all protective
of Noel. ["Meghan could kick Richard's ass with both of her
legs broken." -Carmexa] Noel says he knows it will cause tension
in the house, and so he's looking for a new place.
Ben is at his desk
studying. The credits reveal that the episode was written by Jessica
Queller. I've never heard of her. I don't think she's ever written an
episode of Felicity before. But I worship her. I want her to write every
episode for the rest of the season. J.J. better not steal her for Alias.
Anyway, Sean knocks on the door and comes in. He tells Ben that he heard
about Felicity. Ben looks like he is really sad, but like he is trying
to pretend that he's not really sad. Sean asks if he wants to talk about
it. Ben considers the offer for a moment, but then says he's okay, and
that he has a lot of studying to do, and that his mom is in town to
see his dad. Sean thinks that's good and Ben agrees. But you can pretty
much tell that Ben is not so sure that it is a good thing. Sean tells
him that if he changes his mind and wants to grab a beer, he's there.
Ben says that he really appreciates that. And so do I. I love Sean right
now. Sean leaves and Ben turns back to his desk and grabs the back of
his head. He is definitely not okay.
Meghan shows up
at Felicity's apartment and announces that she knows that she slept
with Noel. Felicity thinks it's horrible, but Meghan thinks it's about
time. Whatever, Meghan. Anyway, Felicity is not enthused and so Meghan
apologizes. She follows Felicity into her room, asking if she's okay.
Javier is on Felicity's bed eating ice cream. He tells Meghan that he
knows. Felicity tells Meghan that Ben won't even talk to her. Meghan
doesn't seem to understand what the big deal is. Felicity thinks it
couldn't be any worse than this, but Meghan says Sean losing a testicle
was worse. Now, I will grant Meghan that the possibility that Sean might
have died was probably worse, but I don't think the losing the testicle
part really was worse. Lance Armstrong only has one testicle and I would
still totally marry him, if he wasn't already married to like the most
perfect wife in the world. ["Oh, Litigia. You flatter me so.
Yes, Lance and I are very happy together. We appreciated your gift at
the wedding. And just for the record, Sean having one ball, and Lance
having one ball---apples to frigging pineapples, I swear to God."
--Carmexa] ["Excuse her, she's delusional." -Litigia]
Sorry, I digress. Meghan asks Felicity if she is getting back together
with Noel. Felicity says no, that she wants to be with Ben. I thank
the writers for the hammer over the head to all the people who still
think Felicity and Noel are destined to be together. Subtlety just doesn't
work for these people. Javier says that she will be after Ben has time
to cool down. That's very optimistic of you, Javier. Meghan goes on
about her experiences cheating and I so do not care. Neither does Javier,
who gives her the "shut the hell up" look. Meghan offers to
stay with Felicity as a show of female solidarity, but Felicity declines.
Then Meghan tells Felicity not to worry about it, because Ben loves
her, and they are a fairy tale and so everything has to work out. Javier
jokes that it's pretty scary when Meghan is the most romantic person
in the room. Hee.
Noel gets his orientation
for his new job at Webb Graphics. He's supposed to work on a CD cover
with Zoe, who he meets and learns is the boss's daughter. She bears
quite a resemblance to Ruby. ["Yeah, just like Avery. What the
hell?" --Dyslexia] We all know Noel is going to screw this
job up. Come on, it's Noel.
Felicity is walking
down a hallway at school when she gets flagged down by one of her students.
Apparently, he's on the hockey team and he needs her help because he
didn't get the midterm project in on time and he'll get booted off the
team if he fails. Felicity sees Ben and Trevor enter the hallway. She
watches him and completely tunes out the Hockey Guy. Ben looks at her
but then looks away and walks right by without saying a word. Hockey
Guy asks Felicity if she can fix it and she says sure.
Ben is mixing chemicals.
["Listen closely. Mr. Speedman makes some hilarious noises at
the beginning of this scene. 'Whooooaaa.' It was the funniest part of
the episode." --Carmexa] Then he spouts off some chemical formula
stuff and Elena looks amazed. ["Whoa, indeed. Something about
carbons attacking something-something. Chemistry has never been so fascinating."
-Dyslexia] Ben enquires about her amazement and she says that she
can't believe he can concentrate. ["I thought maybe Elena was
being a bit of a bitch here, and was amazed because she couldn't believe
Ben was doing well in class without the help of her anal-study-geek
abilities. - Bitchavia] He tells her matter-of-factly that the lab
is due tomorrow. Trevor walks up, blabbing about the lab. I don't think
Trevor is a very good lab partner. ["Yeah, but he's cute and
probably knows all the best parties to go to afterwards, so that's gotta
count for something. " - Bitchavia] It seems like Ben and Elena
are doing all the work and Elena isn't even in the class. Anyway, Ben
says he has to go. Trevor says it's not that bad, but Elena tells him
that they're finished because Ben figured it out. Trevor is impressed,
but Ben says it was easy. See, Ben is smart! All those mediocre grades
before were just an indication of his lack of inspiration. ["That's
what Dr. Pavone always said. And no one questions that she knows what
she's talking about
well except for that damned drawer." --Carmexa]
But when he applies himself, he can do anything! ["Uh-huh. She
also said he's 'not average.' Thank you, Captain Obvious." --Dyslexia]
Ben leaves and Trevor informs Elena that Ben is dying inside. He goes
on to talk about how cheating is harder for guys to take because when
guys cheat, it's just about sex, but when girls cheat, it's about emotion.
Elena says when she cheated, it was just about sex. Trevor agrees with
her, but I think he only says that so she'll explain the lab to him.
["Trevor probably found it sexy that Elena had physical needs
that had to be met through cheating. He's probably going, 'Woo, I can
meet her needs!'" - Bitchavia]
Felicity opens the
door to her apartment and reveals Ben standing at the door. She is really
happy to see him, but Ben tells her that he just came to pick up his
stuff. He walks right by her and Felicity stands there kind of shocked,
before finally closing the door and following him into her room. Ben
gets his clothes from her closet and then her dresser. Felicity keeps
looking like she wants to say something, but either thinks better of
it, or just can't think of anything to say. She tries to help Ben get
something out of the drawer, but he says he can get it. He asks if she
knows where his green sweatshirt is and Felicity goes to the bathroom
to look for it. Ben gets some books off her desk and then, as Felicity
walks back into the bedroom, he hands her the key to her apartment.
He can't even look at her as he does this. Felicity stares at the key
in his hand for a moment and then finally takes it. Ben wants to get
out of there so badly, he almost runs over Elena on his way out. Elena
asks Felicity if she wants some ice cream. Felicity just shakes her
head "no," but cannot even speak or she will burst into tears.
She turns and walks into the bathroom, no doubt to cry her eyes out.
At this point, my eyes are officially watering. That scene was just
too much. And we're not even half way through the episode. God, I don't
know how much more of this heartbreak I can take.
Ben shows his mom
around his apartment. Ben's mom is played by Dee Wallace Stone, Elliott's
mom from E.T., which is my third-favorite movie of all time (right behind
Star Wars and Casablanca). ["God, you are such a loser!"
--Carmexa] ["No need to share your utter geekiness with
the world, Lit. Some things you should maybe keep to yourself."
- Bitchavia] ["Since when is liking classic movies geekiness?
You have no taste." -Litigia] ["Oooooouch." -Dyslexia]
As if I wasn't emotional enough already, now I'm reminded of E.T. and
want to cry again. ["That space monkey always gave me the heebie
jeebies." - Bitchavia] ["You are a cruel and heartless
bitch if you didn't cry when you saw E.T." -Litigia] Ben brings
his mom into his bedroom and she gushes about how great his apartment
is. I think she is nervous about something because she seems overly
gushy about his apartment. Anyway, she notices the painting above Ben's
bed and asks who did it. It's the painting that Felicity did back in
"One Ball, Two Strikes." The one that Ben bought and then
told her that she was the one person he could trust and he needed that.
God, I really hate Felicity right now. Anyway, Ben tells his mom that
Felicity painted it. (Sidebar: In the first couple episodes of this
season, Ben had some Beatles poster hanging above his bed. ["SOME
Beatles poster?!?! My God! That was like one of the last pictures of
them ever taken as a group! It's from when the were recording "Let
It Be," which isn't a bad album. But anyway
["Ben rotates the art above his bed? Well, he's just a regular
Martha Stewart when it comes to home decorating, isn't he?" - Bitchavia]
[Oh my God. Ben AND Martha Stewart. I just had a quadruple
orgasm. --Carmexa] Now, the painting is back. Does this mean
that Ben put the painting back up after he found out about Felicity
sleeping with Noel? Or did the writers just decide that they wanted
to work the painting in and so they're pretending it was there all along?
I'm not sure why this matters so much to me. I guess I'm just super-obsessive
about little details like that. Anyway
) Mrs. Covington starts
talking about running into Mrs. Porter at yoga class and how Felicity
is passionate about her art, but Ben can't stand the talk of Felicity
and so he interrupts her to ask what she wants to do today. Mrs. Covington
says she just wants to get back to the hospital. Ben seems disappointed.
She tells him that Mr. Covington was put back on the transplant list.
Ben didn't know that but says that it is good news. Mrs. Covington hopes
her ex-husband will be strong enough to take home in a couple weeks.
Ben doesn't like where this is going. Ben's mom confirms that she and
his dad are getting back together. Ben sighs heavily and sits down on
his bed and hangs his head. His mother tells him that she knows it's
hard. Ben says that he understands if it is what she wants, but that
it makes him very nervous. Awww, he is so protective of her. Because,
you know, he's perfect. Mrs. Covington says that it is what she wants
and that he is a part of her after all they've been through, and it's
not easy to let go. You see what they're doing there? Ben is also feeling
how hard it is to let go after all he and Felicity have been through.
["Yeah, that was about as subtle as an anvil to the head."
- Bitchavia] But he and his mom are obviously in very different
places right now. Mrs. Covington grabs Ben's hand and they just sit
Felicity lies in bed, unable to sleep. It's raining with thunder and
lightning outside. She gets up and retrieves a notebook and pen and
begins to write. All we see is "Dear Ben,." I know what you're
thinking. Keep reading.
Felicity approaches the doorway to the loft. She stops for a second,
reconsidering. Then, she walks ahead and knocks on the door. Ben answers.
Felicity says that she knows he doesn't want to see her right now and
Ben just looks at her, with so much pain in his eyes. She says that
she knows she needs to respect that and so she wasn't going to do this,
but she couldn't help herself, and she hands him the letter. Ben doesn't
take it. Felicity tells him to just take it and so he does. He still
looks really, really hurt. Felicity turns around and walks away and
Ben stares after her for a moment, still looking really, really sad.
God, this is killing me. ["Damn. For a second it looked like
he wanted to speak to her. I think she should have lingered for a bit.
And what the hell is wrong with a little groveling? If she were that
concerned with respecting him she wouldn't have
never mind (sigh).
Felicity is working on her painting in the art studio. Felicity looks
awful. ["Yeah. About as awful as Keri can look. The gorgeous
wench." --Dyslexia] She is wearing the same red, white, and
blue shirt she wore when she and Ben first broke up in "The List"
and when Ben found out she spent the night with the frat boy in "Surprise."
(Sidebar: I love that the characters on this show actually wear the
same clothes over and over again, like real people. And I love that
Felicity wears the same shirt every time things are bad with her and
Ben. It's just a nice bit of continuity.) Hockey Guy comes in all pissed
because he got an F on the midterm and Felicity apparently never talked
to Cavallo. She apologizes and says that she has a lot going on. Hockey
Guy doesn't care. I don't care about Hockey Guy. But apparently Felicity
does because she promises to talk to Cavallo.
Trevor walks into lab to meet Elena. He talks about these articles that
prove that men and women are different when it comes to sex. It's the
same old "men need to spread their seed and women need a protector"
stuff guys always use. Whatever. We get it.
Noel is working late at his job. Zoe wants to know why he's still there.
She loves what he's done so far with the CD cover and then tells him
he should go home. Noel says he should finish and Zoe starts to leave,
but then turns around and asks if he wants to get some dinner with her,
because she's dying for a pizza. Noel thinks about it but says that
he should go.
Ben, Trevor, and Sean are at Epstein Bar. Ben is throwing darts and
Sean is narrating everything. ["He's throwing darts like he's
picturing Noel's-or Felicity's-head on the receiving end. But he looks
damned sexy doing it." --Carmexa] ["As if there is
anything he does that he doesn't look damn sexy doing. And I really
don't think he was picturing Felicity's head. But Noel's is a definite
possibility." -Litigia] Sean tells Ben to tell him if he is
talking too much and Ben says that he is. Sean tells Ben that he needed
to get out. Ben says he doesn't need anything, but Trevor thinks he
needs a blonde, brunette, or a redhead. Whatever. Anyway, Ben says he's
going to get another beer and asks Sean if he wants one. Trevor says
he wants one, too, but Ben asks if he's sure. I imagine that is because
Trevor nearly died from alcohol poisoning only two episodes ago. Trevor
assures Ben that he's only had one so far.
Noel and Richard enter the bar. I think Richard is telling Noel that
he shouldn't get involved with the boss's daughter. Richard spots Ben
at the bar and tells Noel he has his back. ["Oh yeah, because
you're safe as a kitten with Richard protecting you. Not." - Bitchavia]
["Although I agree that Richard would not stand a chance against
Ben, I kinda think he could be good in a fight. I think he's scrappy
and I bet he'd pull hair and bite and stuff." -Litigia] Then,
he goes to the bathroom. Heh. Ben sees Noel and stares at him. Finally,
he turns around and walks out of the bar. Sean sees Noel and shakes
his head at him. Go Sean! I don't care if Noel loaned you all that money!
Noel shows up back at Webb Graphics carrying a pizza and a bottle of
wine. Zoe is happy to see him and his pizza. Yeah, we can all see it
Felicity is banging on her bathroom door, trying to get one of her annoying
roommates to come out. Finally, one of them does and she's wearing Ben's
green sweatshirt. She denies it's Ben's, but Felicity points out the
bleach stain on the back and the annoying roommate hands it over. Then
she mentions that they're out of toilet paper. I really hate these roommates
and I don't understand why they are even here. ["I guess they're
supposed to be comic relief? Except for the comic part. And the relief
part." - Bitchavia] ["Kind of like the whole beauty
Meghan shows up with some toilet paper. Felicity gives her the sweatshirt
to give to Ben. Felicity says that she can't see Ben again because there
is "literally hatred in his eyes." Funny, I didn't really
see hatred. I just saw massive amounts of sadness and pain. Anyway,
Meghan says she can't wait to give it to him, so she can give him a
piece of her mind. Felicity doesn't want her to, because she thinks
Ben will think she sent Meghan to do that, but Meghan assures her that
he won't. The annoying roommate comes up and expresses her excitement
about the toilet paper. Meghan tells her that neither she nor her roommate
is permitted to use so much as one square of the toilet paper to pick
her nose. Felicity laughs and says, "I remember that." Me,
Noel and Zoe sit on the floor, drinking wine and admiring their work.
They chit- chat about stuff that no one in the entire universe could
possibly care about. Noel kisses Zoe. ["Noel is hands-down,
the most disgusting kisser ever. Seriously. His lips form a sort of
vacuum seal over the person's whole face. It's gross."-Carmexa]
Ben and Sean are playing a racecar game on Playstation 2. Ben looks
like he is having fun. Awwww, how sweet is Sean? Meghan walks in and
throws Ben's sweatshirt on his head. He thanks her, and she says that
he should thank Felicity because she wanted to throw it in the incinerator.
Sean tries to stop her but Meghan insists that she is going to give
Ben a piece of her mind. Ben says he doesn't want to hear it. Meghan
thinks it is completely moronic that Ben won't even talk to Felicity.
Okay, here's the thing. I agree that Ben should talk to Felicity. But
doesn't he have the right to have some space first? I mean, can't the
guy have a couple days to sort all this stuff out in his head before
he has to listen to her explanations? I don't think that is so much
to ask. Anyway, Ben says he doesn't have to take Meghan's crap and gets
up to go to his room. Sean says, "Nice." But Meghan isn't
through. She heads to Ben's room. In a much softer tone, she tells him
that Felicity loves him, that she loves him so much it makes her nauseous.
That when she thinks about it too much, she has to barf. Awww, this
is Meghan being romantic again. Meghan tells Ben that he should at least
talk to Felicity and listen to what she has to say. Ben doesn't answer.
He hangs his head, because he is still really, really sad. ["I'm
just going to say right now that I adored both Sean and Meghan in this
episode. I thought they were just the types of friends that they needed
to be. I wish we got to see them in these types of roles more often."
Ben lies on his bed, staring up at Felicity's painting. He turns to
face the ceiling and sighs heavily.
Sean is furiously cleaning the kitchen. Meghan comes down and wants
to know what's wrong. Sean tells Meghan that he can't believe she is
taking Felicity's side. Meghan says that Felicity is her friend. Sean
wonders if Meghan even cares that Felicity cheated on her boyfriend
with her best friend. Meghan says not really. Sean thinks this means
Meghan thinks it's okay to cheat. Meghan says sometimes it just happens.
Blah blah blah argue. Meghan tells Sean it's not about them. Sean agrees
and apologizes. They start to make out. Ben walks out and apologizes
for interrupting them. He asks Meghan what Felicity wants to talk to
him about. Meghan looks quite pleased with herself.
Noel and Zoe are making out as they walk toward a couch. Oops, Zoe's
dad is there. Noel tries to make excuses about what he was doing. Dad
fires Noel. Hee! ["Go, Dad, go!" - Bitchavia] ["Is
that even legal? Can you fire someone for making out on the job, and
if so, shouldn't both parties be fired? But it's Noel, so who cares."
Felicity explains to Hockey Guy that Cavallo won't help him out, despite
his so-called extenuating circumstances. Meghan walks in and tells Felicity
that Ben has changed his mind and that he wants to meet her for dinner.
Felicity can't believe it. Meghan tells Hockey Guy that Ben is the love
of Felicity's life. Hockey Guy didn't know that existed. Meghan says
it does. It's gross, but it does.
Ben's dad is asleep in his hospital bed. He's still hooked up to I.V.s
and monitors but he's not on the ventilator anymore. Ben watches him.
Mr. Covington wakes up sort of startled and Ben comforts him. He asks
him if Ben's mother is there, but Ben says she went to get some food.
Ben asks if he needs something and Mr. Covington asks for some water.
Ben gets it for him. Ben has a great bedside manner. He can be my doctor
anytime. I know what you're thinking, and you're right. But also because
he really does have a great bedside manner. Anyway, Mr. Covington asks
if Ben's mom told him about the transplant list. Ben says yes and then
says that she also told him that they were getting back together. Mr.
Covington is surprised. Ben asks if it is true and he says that it is,
but that he didn't think she would tell him, because she thought he
would be too upset. Ben just looks down. His dad asks if he is upset.
Scott Speedman does this great thing where he just looks up for a second
at his dad without saying anything. Then, he looks back down and begins
to speak. It's really subtle but so effective. Ben says that he's not
upset, but he's worried it's just going to be the same crap all over
again. Mr. Covington says that he still loves her. Ben ponders his father's
Elena and Trevor are at Elena's working on O-Chem. Trevor is figuring
it out. They make small talk and then Trevor asks about why Elena's
wedding was called off. He wants to know if it was because she cheated.
Elena says it's complicated. Trevor says it must have been harder for
Tracy because he lost Elena. ["Nice line. I don't know how genuine
Trevor was being here, but nice line. And it worked obviously. "
- Bitchavia] They kiss.
Ben stands outside a restaurant in the rain. He is looking at Felicity,
who is sitting at the table alone, fidgeting nervously. He looks like
he is thinking about turning around and leaving. Finally, Ben walks
in and sits down. Felicity says, "Hey." Ben tries to dry off.
Felicity asks how he is doing. Ben says he's okay, a little wet, but
okay. Felicity says it's going to be storming all week. Finally, Ben
looks at her. His eyes look so sad that I almost start sobbing. ["Yeah,
that's the part that really got me. What amazing acting. Oops, I guess
we weren't going to be redundant." --Dyslexia] He asks her
what she wants to say. Felicity says that she doesn't know where to
start now that he is there. Ben just stares at her with those eyes full
of sadness and pain. Felicity asks if they can just sit and talk for
a little bit. Ben says that he didn't come down there for them to just
talk; that she said she had something to say and she should say it.
It's not as harsh when you watch it as it appears when you read it.
You can just tell that it is so painful for him to even be in her presence
and he is doing all he can to sit there and listen to her. Felicity
gathers herself and finally says that she wishes she could take it back
and that it had never happened because she doesn't know what she was
thinking. She talks about how she was upset about her dad and how she
and Noel were up on the roof. Ben can't take it. It just occurred to
me that Felicity blaming what she did on the crap going on with her
dad must almost make it worse for Ben. He has had to deal with a million
times more horrible stuff with his dad than she has and he never went
out and screwed anyone else because of it. Ben just starts to shake
his head. His voice catches as he tells her that he's sorry, but it's
just too weird. Felicity looks down and holds her head in her hands.
Ben says he has to go and gets up and leaves. Felicity just sits there
trying to figure out if she said the wrong thing. Honestly, I don't
think there was a right thing she could have said at this point.
Ben walks outside in the rain. Felicity runs after him, yelling for
him to wait. Ben just keeps walking. Finally, Felicity says, "I
love you." Ben stops and turns around. He walks back to her and
tells her that he is really starting to hate that word, the way people
use it. He hates how Felicity and his dad use it as if that is supposed
to make everything better, make everything go away. Ouch. ["Ouch,
indeed. What an amazing expression of his true feelings; as brutally
honest as Ben was, Felicity really needed to hear him say it. Good for
Ben." --Dyslexia] If there is anyone who knows how much pain
and heartache Ben's dad has caused him, it is Felicity. Being compared
to his dad must be about the worst thing she could possibly hear him
say. Felicity begs him to tell her what she can do. Ben says she's already
done it. He tells her that he's really tried to understand why she'd
do this. He starts to say that every time he thinks about her and Noel,
but his voice catches and he stops. Felicity tries to tell him that
if he could only understand, but Ben interrupts her and says that he's
sorry, but he just can't do that right now. He just can't. He turns
around and walks off. Felicity looks completely devastated. Wow. Keri
and Scott were amazing in that scene. I know I promised I wouldn't say
it again, but I couldn't help myself. ["You are such a frigging
liar. But I'll forgive you because they really were incredible here.
You could feel the pain coming in waves off the screen. I feel like
bawling just thinking about it." --Carmexa]
Felicity stops by Noel's guidance counselor office. She wonders when
he's starting his new job. He tells her it didn't work out. She says
she's sorry because she knows he was excited about it. He says it's
okay and it's always good to have a back-up. They exchange a knowing
look. It's as if in this scene, Noel finally realizes that he is nothing
more than Felicity's back-up. If it were anyone else, I'd feel bad for
him. But it's Noel, so I don't. At all. ["Me neither. I know
you're all surprised that I don't feel pity for Noel. But God, he has
got to be the densest piece of meat in the universe. He should have
realized like THREE YEARS AGO that he was Felicity's back-up. What a
dumbass loser. I hate him so much I can feel the bile rising in the
throat." --Carmexa] After an awkward pause, Felicity tells
Noel that it's going to take a while for her to understand why he told
Ben. Noel says, "Me, too." Felicity asks why he told him.
Um, Felicity, did you not just hear him? He says he doesn't know. ["They
both know. Just nobody dares to say it. They can't say Noel is a jealous
petty little ass. I don't know why because I have no problem saying
it at all" - Bitchavia] But anyway, Noel says that it's like
he keeps doing things, even though he hears a voice telling him to stop.
So, it's not like he doesn't know what he's doing is wrong. He just
doesn't care. Why doesn't he care? I don't care. I just know that he
has acted like a complete asshole for months and I am so tired of it
and I'm tired of Felicity putting up with it and I'm tired of people
talking about what a great friend Noel is to Felicity no matter what
crap he puts her through and I'm tired of Noel worshippers always making
excuses for him. And that's all I have to say about that. ["Not
bloody likely."-Carmexa] Felicity says she's going to go and
that she just wanted to say, "hi." The each awkwardly say
"hi" to one another. Felicity leaves and Noel sits there,
contemplating how he has totally screwed everything up. ["Felicity
is still being way, way, way too nice to Noel. Maybe that's why he never
learns to get over her and leave her alone. She baits him. She needs
to just cut him loose already. I can help. I have a sharp knife and
I know how to use it. " - Bitchavia]
Ben walks out of the loft. Noel walks by him and they barely acknowledge
one another. Noel stops and tells Ben that he's looking for a new apartment.
What? Does he want a medal or something? Ben says, "okay."
Noel asks Ben how his father is doing and Ben says he's doing better.
Noel says that's good to hear. Ben says thanks and leaves.
Ben walks through the hospital. When he reaches his dad's room, he stops
when he sees his mother through the window. She has a basin of warm
water and she is shaving his beard. This scene makes me want to cry.
When my dad was really sick and in the hospital, my mom would do the
same thing for him. He was so sick from chemotherapy and radiation and
having my mom shave him made him feel so much better. Ben is apparently
as touched as I am, because a small smile comes across his face as he
Ben and Sean sit on the couch at the loft drinking a couple beers. Ben
says that his mom used to give his dad haircuts and that he supposes
it was to save money, but that he thinks she really just wanted to be
close to him. He says this wistfully and this is really the first time
I have ever seen or heard Ben express any sort of positive emotion about
his parents' relationship. Ben says that he wants to forgive her. Sean
wonders if he's talking about his mom, but Ben clarifies that he means
Felicity. But he doesn't know how to forgive her. He doesn't know if
he's like his mom that way. Sean just sits there and listens, because
he is the greatest friend in the world.
Ben lies on his bed, as the rain pours outside his window. Ryan Adams'
"Harder Now That It's Over" plays, just in case you weren't
sad enough already. [God, I love Ryan. December 5, babeee! --Dyslexia]
Ben gets up and walks over to get Felicity's letter. He sits down on
his bed and stares at the envelope for a moment before finally opening
it. We hear Felicity reading the letter in voiceover. There is no way
to do any sort of justice to this scene without reciting the letter
word for word. So, here it is:
I dreamt once that I lost you. We were on icebergs [scene shifts
to Felicity lying awake in bed], and I can't remember if you were
floating away from me or I was floating away from you. But I remember
waking up beside you. It was the middle of the night and it was raining-like
tonight. And I heard your breathing. [scene of Felicity and Ben
carving pumpkins from "Spooked"].
Calming me. It was like we could speak without words. [scene of
Felicity holding the necklace Ben gave her and then him putting it on
her, also from "Spooked"]. I wonder how and when we learned
it. [scene of Ben taking Felicity's hand on the roof in "The
List"]. This secret language. [scene of Ben and Felicity
on the roof, watching the Charlie Chaplin movie in "The Aretha
Theory"]. I only know that at some point, in the silences, I
heard you. [scene of Felicity and Ben's first kiss in "Felicity
Was Here"]. And now I'm left with words. These useless words. [scene
from "One Ball, Two Strikes" when Ben told Felicity she was
the one person he could trust; they hug]. When all I want is to be
beside you again. To make you feel safe. To help you sleep. [scene
of Felicity lying in bed in the present]. To bring you back to me.
Ben stares at the letter for a moment and then looks away. He lies
back down on his bed, the letter in his right hand, his left hand clutching
at his broken heart.