Ben Shoots! He Scores! Oops, Wrong Goal.
Episode 412: Future Shock

An Eyeful

By Dyslexia

Sean, Felicity, and Ben are trying to talk Noel into asking Joanna, the girl upstairs, out on a date. Ben's pretty chummy with Noel, which is only further confirmation of Ben's sainthood and perfection. ["Seriously, the fact that Ben hasn't killed Noel is reason enough to canonize him. Being his friend basically makes him God. Not that God likes Noel or anything. But you know, love for all mankind and all that." -Litigia] It's great to see everyone together again. Noel says he wants to work and get his "ducks in a row." Holy nerd, Batman. So, it seems that ever that since season two's "Final Answer," there will never be any hope of having more than two consecutive minutes of happy Felicity and Ben time without something or someone messing it up. That someone knocks at the door, and it's Lauren. Lauren wants to talk to Ben, and they go into the hallway. She tells him she's pregnant and she thinks the baby is Ben's. ["Nice to see you again too, Lauren. Geesh, that's a fine how-do-ya-do." -- Bitchavia] Ben says, "You think it's mine?" and Lauren replies, "No, it's yours." That funky haunting Survivor music kicks in, and this time I want to vote both Lauren and her baggage off the island. Lauren says she knows her news is shocking but she's keeping the baby, and she's not asking Ben to do anything. ["I wish she'd thought of not asking him to do anything back in 'Moving On.' 'Just one night, Ben...for the rest of your goddamned life!'" --Carmexa] Uh-huh. So then Lauren tells Ben to call her if he wants, kisses him on the cheek, and leaves. The trollop. Why is she kissing Ben? ["Okay, I had just as defensive a reaction to her kissing him, too. But are you seriously asking why she's kissing him? I mean, it is Ben. That doesn't make it right, but I understand the motivation." -Litigia] the poor boy looks like he's about to vomit. A terrified Ben walks back into the apartment and stares at Felicity, lost and afraid of losing his true love.

I'd tell you to shoot me at this point, but I seriously am just happy to have my show back. The theme music kicks in and I can't help but feel happy as my toes wiggle to "Can you become, can you become ..."

Felicity's back to making tapes to Sally again. ["Kinda. Luckily, we only have to endure fifteen seconds or so of Sally. I got so sick of that bitch." --Carmexa]["Uh, Felicity, they have these things called phones now! It still confounds me why Felicity doesn't just pick up the phone and call Sally once in a while. She likes Sally to have all the news on mail delay? A call to Sally in New Mexico or wherever Sally is now couldn't possibly cost any more than all the straightening balm Felicity's been buying for her hair." -- Bitchavia] I think she is inspired to speak to Sally only when she's feeling sullen, because now she's expressing how afraid she is of the future. Everyone else seems to have more direction than she does, but she's trying to start her career by pitching her art at galleries throughout the city. She's hitting the pavement with Owen, that semi-cute boy that she dated in "Moving On," and so far the bohemian duo has been unsuccessful. ["Semi-cute? Ewww. I think he's weird looking." -Litigia] ["He talks like he has a) gravel and b) a joint in his mouth....And really, can anyone who's wearing a scarf from the Gap be called 'Bohemian?'" --Carmexa]["Oh shit, everything I have on is from the Gap. Does this mean I can't be Bohemian!? Yeah, I thought not. Oh well, who wants to be Bohemian anyway?" -- Bitchavia]

Guess who else is back? Trevor. God bless that slow-witted cutie-face. I really like Trevor. ["Me, too." -Litigia] He's got a great heart. By the way, is he still dating Elena? ["Is Elena still even on the show?" -Litigia] ["No." --Carmexa] ["Who? -- Bitchavia] Anyway, Ben and Trevor are apparently lab partners again and they also must have grown to love Hodges, because they are taking another class with the hard-ass chemistry teacher who has a soft spot for Ben. Can you blame him? Hodges walks by and asks if he can speak to the two of them after class. Ben obviously told Trevor about Lauren's latest bomb because Trevor says he didn't even know Ben and Lauren "hooked up." Bleah. ["I take the fact that Ben never even told Trevor about it as evidence that Ben regretted sleeping with the dreaded wench as soon as it was over." -Litigia] Trevor asks how Ben can be sure that he put the bun in Lauren's oven; Ben ponders. The lab partners approach Hodges after class and Trevor immediately blurts something about how if the problem has to do with their lab, then they can redo it. Ben shakes his head at Trevor and gives him the cutest disapproving glare. ["It was so cute that I would do something Ben would disapprove of on purpose, just to get him to glare at me like that." -Litigia] ["You wouldn't have to try hard." --Carmexa] He's adorable, if you haven't noticed yet. So, Hodges is doing a study for publication and wants to know if the boys would like to be his research assistants. Both of them are excited and agreeable. Hodges firmly adds that the project is serious and there is no room for mistakes. How's that for a little foreshadowing?

Sean and Noel are at CGG Corp., ["Crappy Googly Guacamole. I just wanted to pretend that it meant something. If you have a better idea, you can email me, and I'll switch it." -Carmexa] ["Crappy Graphics Guys? Consortium of Goofy Geeks? Cabal of Gregarious Gonads? Okay, I'll stop now." -- Bitchavia] preparing to pitch their business. Out of sheer damn coincidence, Zoe walks into the office. Zoe's the chick that Noel worked with at Webb Graphics and tried to have sex with at the office but ended up getting caught and fired by Zoe's daddy, the owner of the company. Whew. Anyway, Zoe shows up. Is it just me or does she look a lot like Ruby? ["No, it's not just you." -Litigia] ["I hate her bangs." --Carmexa] ["Wasn't she on Growing Pains? Or was that just her bangs?" -- Bitchavia] Either way, I'm totally cool with her showing up because maybe it will mean that Noel will leave Felicity alone. ["Amen!" -Litigia] A girl can dream. Zoe tells Noel that she's also pitching for the CGG account. May the best girl win. ["Hee!" -Litigia]

We need a scene with Meghan and Javier, the writers say, so they decide to throw Meghan into an acting class and have Javier be her scene partner. It's quite a brilliant story line, no? ["I would call it brilliant if they hadn't already done the whole 'I don't want to be in drama class, but the registrar is making me' story way back in the SECOND episode ever. And since it involved Ben, it was much better back then, of course." -Litigia] Apparently Meggie needs this acting class to graduate. I believe she's a psych major, so you'd think any general humanities or art class would do, but whatever. Javier's in the class too, so that takes care of two more regular cast members.

Ben's trying really hard to study but it's obvious he's deep in thought, what with his once perfect life suddenly being turned upside down and all. ["I would contend that his life is still perfect, because he is still him, but he'd probably be too modest to agree." --Carmexa] Felicity walks in and is frustrated that none of the galleries in the city were willing to look at her work. Ben immediately wants to comfort her and offers his lap, giving her that trademark "c'mere, c'mere" invite. She's seriously a lucky wench. ["Soooooooo lucky." -Litigia] She sits on his lap and Ben rubs her belly ["And, um, other parts of her, just above her belly, ahem" -Litigia] ["Her boobs, her boobs! He touches her boobies!" --Carmexa] as they look at each other, desperately in love. I love how Ben touches her - it's all so very Speedy-esque. ["I'm guessing Keri loves it, too." -Litigia] ["Duh." --Carmexa] This moment alone is enough to get me through the week. Felicity notices that something is on Ben's mind and asks him if anything is wrong, but he says no. ["I love it when Ben's pants catch on fire; it's such a hot look for him." --Carmexa] Ben tells her that he can't have dinner with Felicity and her mother because he is going to work with Hodges on this new carbon nanotubes research study. ["And he apologizes, because he knows that she hates to be alone with her parents. Ha! But, really, who can blame her? Felicity's parents are psychotic and her mother wears half a ton of make-up and has frizzy hair." --Carmexa] Felicity congratulates him and is obviously very proud of him. I'm so glad Felicity is supportive and isn't feeling inferior to Ben like we saw earlier in the season. ["Well, I think she is feeling inferior, but at least she doesn't let that stand in her way of being happy and supportive." -Litigia] ["Unlike in the first episode of this season...bitch." --Carmexa] Ben has to check on the experiment every 12 hours and apologizes for having to miss the dinner. Felicity tells Ben that things are really coming together for him. Ugh. I really hate all this. Ben looks distraught.

Sean's encouraging Noel to get out of the loft and meet new people, but Noel says he's fine hanging out with his loser self. Sean leaves and Noel sits down to eat his microwave meal, only it's still frozen. At this point, I think you're supposed to feel really sorry for Noel and stomp your foot in protest because nothing ever seems to go right for Mr. Nice Guy, but I won't do it. ["I can't feel sorry for someone who's too dumb to cook a microwave dinner properly." -- Bitchavia] He's so damn pathetic. So Noel waddles over to the phone and decides to call Zoe. Cool. Get married. Move to Alaska. ["I hear chunks of Antarctica are floating away as we speak. Move there! Melt!" --Carmexa]

Ms. Hunter is looking at her daughter's slides while the two are at dinner. They talk about Felicity's gallery visits and Felicity says the galleries won't even consider new artists. Ms. Hunter says that must be discouraging. "It's terrifying," Felicity laughs, especially considering she wants to support herself with a career in art. Ms. Hunter says that Felicity's dad is worried about too. For like the third time, Felicity mentions how it took CÚzanne years for people to accept his work. It's like she's trying to convince herself that she's not alone and that there is hope for her future. ["I think that's the point of the constant references." --Carmexa] Felicity tries to change the subject by asking her mom how things are at home, and her mom tells her that she's studying for her real estate license. Felicity asks about her mother's writing, and her mom says that was never really anything; it wasn't realistic. "Maybe real estate is the key to your solid future," Mom blurts, and gives Felicity the card of some realtor guy. Felicity says she's not interested in this new career, she wants to be an artist. I wish Ms. Hunter would have been more supportive and tactful, but I don't think her actions were unrealistic at all. ["Yeah, but since Felicity's parents have made this an issue for years, I think it's time that they let it the fuck go. For God's sake, the passive-aggressive-we're-so-worried-for-you-but-are-trying-to-control-your-l ife act gets pretty old, pretty fast." --Carmexa] Reminds me of the time I told my dad I was going to major in English, and he said I'd be destined to work at a hardware store. It's just a freak-out parent thing, and ultimately it should be up to the individual to decide where their heart belongs. ["I wouldn't be so mad at Felicity's mom if she wasn't so damn passive-aggressive about it. She acts like she cares about Felicity's art and then basically tells her to give up on it. And Felicity has been fighting this battle for three years now! Not to mention that this is just one aspect of Felicity's life that her mom (and dad) are always trying to control." -Litigia] ["Um, right. I hadn't read Litigia's comment when I inserted my interjection, but it's a sentiment that bears repeating, and we share a brain anyway, so I'll let it go." --Carmexa] Lately, I'm not so sure Felicity is ready to make that decision, and that kind of freaks me out. I hope Felicity gives me a reason to change my opinion soon, because I need for her to get it together and marry Ben. ["Don't we all." -Litigia] That's all I'm saying.

Oh, but that's right. Ben's also got this little problem brewing in the gut of an alcoholic manipulative wench. A fidgety Ben knocks on Lauren's door. The home wrecker invites Ben in and he says no. Ben wants to take a paternity test because he's not convinced the child is his. It's obvious that Lauren knows there isn't a chance that the dad could be anyone else ["Well, how many other sad, confused guys could she have possibly conned into sleeping with her in the past few months? I don't think women who look eerily like the Transvestite from Transylvania score that much." -- Bitchavia], but she still agrees and Ben leaves. ["Lauren doesn't really seem to have any family or friends-duh-so why doesn't Ben just drop her out the window or something? Or even better, for the sake of irony, bash her over the head with a big-ass bottle of vodka?" --Carmexa]

Meghan and Javier are watching "All About Eve." Javier looks giddy and Meghan looks irritated. Javier thinks Meghan is just like Margot in the film. Meghan gets nasty and says Javier will never make it as an actor. They fight and she leaves. ["Who cares????????" -Litigia] ["Well, they have to pay Amanda Foreman and Ian Gomez for every episode regardless so I guess they're desperate to have them do something, even if it's this. Whatever this is supposed to be." -- Bitchavia] ["I've never seen 'All About Eve,' but 'All About My Mother' is a damned fine flicky bobber. Penelope Cruz as a nun who is pregnant with the child of an HIV-infected transvestite! What's not to love? Plus, Pedro Almodovar-the director-is producing Scott's upcoming movie. That's my off-topic babble for this paragraph." --Carmexa]

Noel and Zoe are out at a bar and Zoe apologizes for the night they almost had sex at the office. ["'Oh Noel, I'm so sorry I almost had sex with you that night. What the hell was I thinking? Thank heavens my dad stopped it, or I'd have been sorry for the rest of my life.' Okay, I guess she didn't really say that, but that's what she should have said." -- Bitchavia] Noel mentions how Zoe's dad gave Noel the look of death at CGG Corp. See, dads usually love Noel so he's not used to this kind of treatment. Oh boo-friggin-hoo. You almost had sex with his daughter on the company premises. Anyway, Zoe says she's glad he called, and they chat.

At the clinic, Ben is getting blood drawn. The nurse prepares his vial of blood and Ben watches, looking so lost and afraid. ["I thought he kind of looked like he was trying to will the paternity test to be negative, as if he could "mind over matter" the baby to be someone else's. I can relate because even though I had read the spoilers and knew that the baby was Ben's, during this scene, I was still hoping that maybe it wouldn't be. Praying, even." -Litigia] ["Um, I thought he looked hot." --Carmexa] I loved Speedy's acting in this scene. He has such an amazing ability to convey so much in just one glance or action. The scene flashes to Trevor and Ben at the lab, monitoring Hodges' study. Ben's thoughts are obviously elsewhere; he picks up the nitric acid and Trevor tells Ben he already put it in. Trevor tells Ben not to worry - it's not going to be his kid. Yeah, I wish Trevor were right. You see, if this situation involved Noel, everything would have turned out fine. Mind you, Noel had plenty of opportunity to get women pregnant, including some chick in Berlin, Ruby, Natalie, Avery, and Felicity (bleah!) but I think maybe he just doesn't have it in him, if you catch my drift. ["I do." -Litigia] ["Are you referring to Noel's lack of a penis?" --Carmexa] ["It's hard to impregnate anyone when you are a eunuch. And for that the world is thankful, because honestly, do you really want the spawn of Noel running around? The earth cannot house that many pairs of hideously gigantic lips and flaring nostrils." -- Bitchavia] I just find it peculiar is all.

After another day of being rejected at gallery after gallery, Felicity and Owen commiserate at the art studio. I think that Owen is supposed to be a likable character, but I don't like him at all. He's a big-ass flirt and he knows Felicity is dating Ben. ["I don't like him either. What was up with him telling Felicity that he was incredibly attractive? First of all, no, he's not. Secondly, Felicity is dating Ben and he shouldn't be flirting with her. Thirdly, he said it the way he says everything--out of the side of his mouth; and that really annoys me. Go away, annoying, boring, one-dimensional tertiary character!" -Litigia] ["I don't think he's around after this episode. Maybe he was the first person ever to overdose on pot." --Carmexa]["I think they are just keeping him around because he's Shawn Hatosy and he was in some feature films and they signed him to a guest contract for more money than they usually ever pay a guest -- except maybe Lionel Ritchie -- and the Owen storyline went nowhere, but they have to keep him now anyway to run his contract out. Or something." -- Bitchavia] I guess Felicity likes him as a friend because he basically gives her the ego boost she desperately needs, but hello? Wasn't the consolation belly-rubbing on Ben's lap enough for her? I don't get it. ["Me neither." -Litigia] Felicity asks Owen if it bothers him that they don't have a career path. She says her mom wants her to be a real estate agent and she wonders if she should be investing in a more promising career. ["Felicity specifically mentions doctors and lawyers as examples. Owen says that all doctors and lawyers are miserable. As opposed to all the happy artists out there? I am a lawyer, and I am not miserable. So there." -Litigia] ["Yes, and I am a world-renowned physician, and I am also jumping through hoops of joy. Take that, artsy folk!" --Carmexa] ["I'm an astronaut and I'm delirious with happiness!" -- Bitchavia] Owen says it all depends on what Felicity wants, and Felicity says she doesn't really know what she wants. Oh boy. Here we go again. ["Is it just me or has Felicity turned in to the most wishy-washy, spineless, insecure character on television? Why have the writers done this to her? No wonder Keri wants to slap her. So do I." -Litigia] ["You stole my line! But yes, I don't blame Keri for wanting to beat her silly." --Carmexa] ["If Felicity continues to be so whiny and stupid enough to think that trotting her art around to galleries is her only art-oriented career option, then I'm going to have to start siding with her lame-ass mother and tell her she'd look marvelous in that yellow Century 21 jacket." -- Bitchavia] I'm trying hard to understand why Felicity is so lost here - I can relate to the feeling a little bit, but I thought Ben taught her not to sweat the small stuff. I only know that I don't feel bad for her and I hope her woe-is-me crap doesn't result in her making another terrible mistake.

Felicity returns to the loft and Javier shows her a clip from "All About Eve." Javier asks Felicity who Bette Davis' character reminds Felicity of. "Blah blah, it's Meghan," Javier says, and this is all just a big waste of time. Elena walks in. Shit! I totally forgot about Elena. Seriously, I'm not kidding, I thought to myself, "That's right, Elena's in the show!" So Elena brings in this letter from Columbia Medical School and she's freaking out wondering if she got accepted. Javier opens the envelope and reveals that Elena was accepted. The girls celebrate and Elena runs off the set and has the rest of the week off. ["I think perhaps Tangi has pissed off the writers of the show. This is two episodes in a row in which she had only one speaking scene. Not that I'm complaining. I hate her. And Elena, too." -Litigia] Felicity looks terrified and pitiful, and goes into her room.

Noel returns to the loft and Sean tells him they got the CGG Corp account. Webb Graphics also wants them. Well, what do you know - things are really coming together for these two inexperienced graphics guys. By the way, does Sean even have two minutes of experience in graphic design? ["I don't think so. I think he's more the sales pitch/idea guy. Or something." -Litigia] ["Theoretically. But really, none of Sean's ideas have ever worked, so I don't think I'd put him at the helm of my business operation." --Carmexa] What does his resume look like? Well, the boss at Webb, Zoe's dad, wanted the CGG account so badly that he's willing to hire Sean and Noel as independent contractors. Noel says he's not sure if he wants to work for Webb Graphics. Is he kidding? Sure Noel, just wait for the next unprecedented big-buck offer to knock at your door. Apparently, the reason for Noel's hesitation is that he went out with Zoe, and isn't sure if working for Webb would conflict with his feelings for her. ["Of course, he didn't worry that his feelings for FELICITY would be an issue when he worked with HER on 'Loser Pet Store,' or offered her that job in Seattle. Noel, I have one word for you: bigfuckingdoublestandardyoumotherfucker." --Carmexa] Noel blubbers about how he spent the past three-and-a-half years of his life waiting for someone who wanted to be with someone else ["Which, by the way, is exactly what Ben accused him of doing in 'Oops.' Noel, of course, vigorously denied it. Asshole." -Litigia], and he thinks he found someone that he could care about. Sean says Noel's happiness is more important, and agrees to let Noel think about the job offer. ["Noel, if you swallow an entire bottle of those antidepressants, your happiness will be permanently assured, I promise you." --Carmexa]

After leaving a message with the real estate guy asking for him to call her back about possible career opportunities, Felicity gets up and leaves with her portfolio.

Ben arrives at the clinic to see about the paternity test. He asks the woman at the counter if his results are in and the woman bellows, "Oh, the paternity test!" Yeah, right. I'm thinking that you're supposed to ensure confidentiality and all that legal stuff when you're a medical professional. Nurse Nosy looks at the results and says, "looks like you're going to be a dad." Ugh! Zip it, lady, but whatever. ["And while you're at it, mind your own fucking business, bitch!" -Litigia]["I'm surprised she didn't just holler into a P.A. system, 'Covington! Yeah, it's your seed! We can call you Pappy!'" -- Bitchavia] The damage is done, and Ben looks devastated. ["I believe that the script called for him to look like his world had just shattered into a million pieces. I'd say he pulled it off pretty well, eh?" --Carmexa]

Felicity enters a super-hip art gallery and asks Snotty Lady behind the desk if she has a second to look at her art. Who is the woman behind the counter? She looks familiar. Anyway, the snotty lady says the gallery isn't interested in new artists. Felicity asks if she could please reconsider, and the woman says no again. Felicity starts waking away and approaches Snotty Lady once again, telling her that she's had a really bad day and she knows they are busy, but she has been to like 50 galleries and no one will look at her slides. Snotty Lady says okay, looks at like two of Felicity's slides, folds up the folder and says thank you. She's still not interested. ["Really, what's worse-being rejected without any consideration, so you can hold onto some hope that you're actually talented? Or having your shit looked at and still being turned down?" -Carmexa]

At their acting class, Javier and Meghan act out a scene from "All About Eve." Since Meghan's such a natural sassy-bitch and since Javier and Meghan were feuding, they manage to present a pretty kick-ass scene. They're a big hit. ["Even though I couldn't care less about this storyline, I thought they both did a good job acting like they were acting. I'm not an actor, but I'd think that would be challenging." -Litigia]

On the flip side, Ben and Lauren are having a shittier go of it. In fact, it's a friggin nightmare. Stupid Lauren has is ruining everything. Ben shows up at Lauren's place, and is very upset. He says the whole situation is crazy because she's known about the pregnancy for four months and didn't say boo until now. She insists that he doesn't have to participate, but Ben still thinks she wants something. Lauren says she thought Ben might want to be a part of the child's life. As if it's that easy. Ben's says he's in college; he's going to med school and he doesn't want to raise a kid. It's crazy to think that Lauren's going to have a baby and there will be a kid out there that's his and he'll never see him, Ben says. Lauren insists that it's happening; she's made a decision and Ben needs to deal with it. ["Selfish bitch." -Litigia] ["Listen, I don't resent Lauren for keeping the baby; that's her choice. But if she really wanted Ben to be able to make HIS choice, she should have told him from the get-go, and let him deal with it properly. Instead, she's put him in an impossible position, and that just sucks my dick." --Carmexa] Ben leaves.

Noel meets Zoe at Dean and Deluca. ["Yeah, because there is absolutely nowhere else in New York to meet someone for coffee. Ever. Oh right, but they have this set already. Righto." --Carmexa] Zoe tries to be really cutesy when she says maybe she should have told Noel earlier, but she already has a boyfriend. She's got a great idea; maybe they can just be friends! Damn, that's funny. Noel says he's tried that friends thing before and it didn't work out too well. I'll say. ["Not that this will stop him from still trying to be Felicity's 'best friend.' Why can't he just butt out of her life forever?" -Litigia]

Once again rejected by a girl, Noel arrives at the loft, tail between his legs ["Wait, I thought we establishd he has no tail?" -- Bitchavia], and tells Sean he should call Webb and say yes to the contract. The stuff with Zoe didn't work out, and even though Noel thinks it will be weird to work with Zoe, he realizes his future is more important.

Ben shows up at lab and Trevor immediately asks where Ben was last night. Ben was supposed to check on the experiment, and Hodges is super pissed off. An apologetic Ben tells Trevor the kid is his, as Hodges storms past and Ben runs after him. Ben says he's sorry, but it's too late: Hodges is already looking for a replacement. Ben's world is crumbling, and he can't do anything but leave the class. ["Poor Ben! Hasn't he suffered enough? Goddammit. I hate this." -Litigia]

Felicity's mother shows up at Felicity's dorm and waits for her daughter to get ready for a play. Ms. Hunter asks if everything is going well with Ben since she hasn't seen him since she's been in New York. ["I hated her even more after this moment. Felicity's mother, who was supposedly won over by Ben last season, is still trying to sabotage the relationship. What the fuck? Die, old woman, die!" --Carmexa] Felicity insists that everything is fine. Her mom says she heard that Felicity called the real estate guy, and Felicity says that she's not interested anymore. Again, Ms. Hunter says she's worried about her and Felicity says she's worried, too, but a little support from at least one parental unit sure would make things easier. Her mom argues that she just doesn't want her daughter's heart broken, and then things get nasty. Felicity says it breaks her heart to see her mom give up on her writing and become a real estate agent, and she wants to skip the whole play altogether. Her mom leaves and everyone feels bad. ["I actually didn't feel that bad. I was congratulating Felicity for finally standing up to her controlling bitch-ass mother. It's about damned time." --Carmexa]

Naturally, Felicity runs to Ben's apartment to take comfort in the arms of the man she loves. I love that she went over there immediately. She knew Ben would make her feel better, and he does. Ben is lying in his bed, thinking. She crawls into bed with him and props her head on his chest. ["Ben strokes her hair throughout this whole conversation. It's perfect." -Litigia] ["He strokes the side of her face, too." --Carmexa] Felicity asks what he's thinking about, and Ben says he screwed up his lab. ["First, he says 'I dunno' really quickly, like he's trying to decide whether or not tell her. And then he mentions the lab." --Carmexa] Before Felicity can ask for more detail, Ben wants to know how the play was. Felicity tells him that they didn't go because she got into a huge fight with her mom and said some awful things. Ben wants to know if she'd like to talk about it, but Felicity says no. ["I love how Ben actually asks her if she wants to talk about it, instead of just shooting questions and spouting platitudes at her like someone else on this show." -Litigia] ["You mean the dickless one?" -Carmexa] Ben sighs and says that what he really wants to do is just stay in this bed forever. Good Lord, that's what we all wish, sweet boy, but your writers prefer to make your and Felicity's lives into a living hell. They cuddle. ["I would call it 'holding onto each other as if no one else in the world existed' more than cuddling, but maybe that's just me." -Litigia] ["I would agree. There really isn't any cuddling involved. It's more like clinging. And I mean that in the best, most amazing possible way." --Carmexa] This scene is tasty, but would it kill them to throw in a little kiss? ["Actually, this was a scene--and this is probably a first, folks--in which I'm really glad they didn't put a kiss. It wasn't a sexy scene, at all, and I don't think it was supposed to be-just incredibly intimate." --Carmexa]

Javier is watching that damn movie again. Does Javier still live at the dorm with the girls? ["It appears that way. It also appears that the annoying freshmen roommates never came home from Thanksgiving. I'm not complaining. It's just sort of a glaring continuity error." -Litigia] ["Must have been some bad turkey or a plane crash or something." -- Bitchavia] Dare I ask what's going on with him and Samuel? ["I noticed that he's still wearing his wedding band, but that could just be because Ian Gomez forgot to take his off." --Carmexa] So Meghan walks in and gives him a phony Best Actor award, which is actually pretty sweet. Javier apologizes for saying she's like Margot, and suggests that maybe Meghan's just sad about something. "Whatever," Meghan says in her typical bitchy but lovable fashion. Meghan tells Javier that he did a great job in class and leaves. Javier does a fake acceptance speech thanking his cast, director and mama, then walks off the wrong side of the stage. I thought this bit was damn funny because it reminded me of the old, playful Javier. ["Me, too." -Litigia]

Those who say Ben doesn't care about his child are oblivious creatures and frankly a big fat waste of my time, because once again Ben visits with Lauren to talk about this kid thing. It's obvious Ben's been thinking about it constantly, but he's decided not to be a part of the child's life. I don't believe Ben, but I'd prefer that it'd stay that way. Actually, I'd prefer that a big-ass bus hit Lauren, but no one ever listens to me. ["Please!!!!!!!" -Litigia] Ben says that the whole pregnancy thing has already started to mess up his life and he can't let that happen, but he's really sorry. Lauren tells Ben he doesn't have to feel bad and Ben insists that he does and he will feel bad for a long time. However, he knows what he wants in life and raising a kid isn't it.

I'm extremely bored with Owen already. ["No good comes to any show when they have a character named Owen. Don't they remember Retarded Baby Owen who grew into Annoying-Child Owen on Party of Five?" -- Bitchavia] I think he's had as much airtime as Meghan or Javier, and that's just wrong. There are only 9 episodes left and I don't think we have time to mess around with someone new. ["I don't think he's in any more episodes." --Carmexa] Anyway, Felicity and Owen chat at the art studio, and I guess the purpose of this scene is to make sure we all know that Felicity is really, truly freaking out about this whole future career deal. Yeah, we get it. Owen asks if she's still thinking about career stuff, and she says she is. He says she's very talented, and if she wants it to happen, it will happen. Felicity says her parents don't agree. Well, Owen's got the same problem because his parents think he should be an accountant simply because he's good at math. I hope Felicity realizes that the lack of support from her parents should not be used as an excuse for her to feel sorry for herself or to shy away from what's really important to her. ["I honestly don't think she does; like she said, it's just hard when your parents won't support you. And no matter how much you wish their opinion didn't matter to you, it does." --Carmexa] I really don't know what more she needs at this point - the greedy girl already has Ben to run to anytime she needs comforting. Felicity wishes she didn't care what her parents thought, but whenever they come into town she ends up caring what they say. She wonders if that feeling ever goes away, and Owen says it doesn't. Yeah, so in other words, deal with it, sweet pea. ["I'm going to jump to Felicity's defense here. Yes, I think she needs to suck it up about a lot of things, but I am completely empathetic about the parent issue. No matter how strong you think you are, your parents can reduce you to nothing. But enough about that! I'm just saying that I'm willing to cut Felicity a lot of slack over the parent issue." -Carmexa] Owen asks her to promise him something, and I think about barfing. He wants her to promise that she'll never go into real estate. She'll agree only if he promises to not go into accounting. Isn't that just precious. ["Yeah, so precious that I think I'm going to vomit." -Litigia] ["This scene is so blah that it doesn't even merit barf. Fast-forward!" -Carmexa]

Ben shows up at Hodges' lab, and asks if he can speak with him. Ben says he knows he screwed up, but there was a reason and that reason has been taken care of. I wish I believed Ben, but I don't think his little "reason" is going anywhere. I don't think it means he'll space out on the lab again, however. So, Hodges just sits there while Ben says if he tried to do anything last semester it was to prove how much he cares and how important his medical career is to him. Oh man, I love Ben. Hodges says okay, but it better not happen again. Ben says it won't. Hodges asks if he wants to talk about his little problem and Ben says no thanks. Hee. I love Hodges; he's like Ben's second dad. ["There's something special about having a second dad in your life. I love Hodges, too." -Litigia] I hope we get to see more of him. ["Me too. Let's play 'Reduce the Cast!' Good-bye to Noel, Elena, Javier, Sean, Richard, Meghan, etc...and hello to Hodges!" --Carmexa] I'd prefer him to Lauren or Owen any day. ["I'd prefer John Ashcroft over Lauren or Owen. And if you know me, you know that is saying a lot." -Litigia] ["I would prefer Ashcroft over Lauren, but not Owen. He may be annoying, but he's as harmless as hair, and I don't think that, as an open-minded artist, he'd have any beef if Ben wanted to run around naked all the time. Our asshole of an attorney general, however, would try to throw a sheet over Ben's jewels. You see what I'm saying?" --Carmexa]

Noel and Sean arrive at Webb Graphics for their first day on the job. Zoe runs into Noel. After Noel introduces Zoe to Sean, Noel gives Sean the "leave me the hell alone" look. I guess Noel learned that look from Ben - too bad he never quite understood how to act on it. ["Word." -Litigia] Sean leaves and Zoe tells Noel that she broke up with the guy - apparently he wasn't right for her. Whatever. Mr. Webb says he's ready to meet with Sean and Noel, and Noel and Zoe exchange a smile.

Ben greets Felicity just as she gets off the elevator at her dorm. Ben says he needs to talk to her about something, and he looks very serious and determined. Gulp. ["And he grabs her hand." --Carmexa] Felicity immediately asks if everything is okay, and Ben says yes. She wonders if it's about Hodges and he says no. Ben looks so lost and sad, it just breaks my heart. I'm so glad that Ben decides to tell her what's going on, however. Ben assures Felicity, "Before I tell you, I just want you to know we're going to be okay. No matter what, we're going to be okay." Felicity asks what he's talking about and he hesitates. Some superb acting is going on here, because you can just feel Ben's angst and utter dismay. Felicity pleads for Ben to tell her what's going on because she is starting to freak out. Eek. Rightfully so. He finally tells her that Lauren's pregnant, and it's his. He says it was one night when he and Felicity were broken up. ["I know it's a tiny thing, but I was so, so proud of Ben for using the proper grammar in this scene: 'It was when you and I were broken up.' That's my boy." --Carmexa] Felicity asks if she's having the baby and Ben says yes. Felicity looks shocked and devastated. Ben says, "I just need you to know that I love you, and this doesn't change anything. I need you to know that." Oh God. It's just so gorgeous and so heart wrenching all at once. It's a very powerful scene that also makes me feel desperately sad and fearful for their future. At this point, I want to strangle the writers for thinking this story line was worth pursuing. Felicity says she doesn't know what to say. ["Keri Russell pulls out an entirely new facial expression here. Damn, she's good." -Litigia] ["It's the 'Oh shit, what can I say? What can I do? Agh!' face."  --Carmexa] There have been a few instances in which I've seen Ben near tears; add this moment to the list. He's welling up, and I just about bawl myself, because this whole thing blows and I'm tired of seeing my favorite couple so hurt for bullshit reasons. All Ben can offer is a very sincere "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" as he holds her. It's awful, but the scene was handled beautifully given the crappy content. ["It was perfect. Except for the fact that the whole thing sucks. It's a paradox, but it's true." -Litigia]

All I can do is hope that next week isn't so horrible, but I'm not betting on it. ["I'm pretty sure next week is going to be worse." --Carmexa] Until next time, remember: Noel is a dipshit, Javier thinks he can act, Elena is invisible, Sean's clinging to his no-talents, Meghan probably has some issues that make her so bitchy, Owen is boring enough to be an accountant, Zoe's only mission should be to get Noel out of Felicity's life, Lauren needs to die a quick death, and Felicity and Ben need to get married immediately, and should never, ever be messed with again.



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