Ben Don't Leave...Or There Will Literally Be Nothing Good Left on This Show

Episode 416: Ben Don't Leave

Lookie here

By Litigia

Felicity and Javier work at Dean & Deluca. That's good, because lately, I've been wondering if either of them still worked there. ["If by working you mean, standing around the counter discussing your personal life and then having friends and acquaintances drop by to talk to you." -- Bitchavia]Javier tells Felicity that her "archest enemy" just walked in. Felicity tells Javier that she doesn't have an arch enemy. Just then, Lauren interrupts them to ask if Ben is there. Lauren looks like total shit. Seriously, she looks like she hasn't slept in two weeks and she is wearing her hair in these weird curly pigtail-type buns on the top of her head. If I were Lisa Edelstein, I don't care how much they were paying me, I would never have agreed to wear my hair like that on national television. ["Lisa Edelstein played a MAN on national television; I don't think her standards are too high." --Carmexa]["You mean, she's not still playing a man?! Y'know, she was actually more attractive as a man." -- Bitchavia] Of course, she did get all those make-out scenes with Speedy, so I'm not crying for her or anything. Anyway, Felicity tells Lauren that Ben isn't working today. Lauren looks peeved. Felicity, being the sweet, kind soul that she is, asks if everything is okay. Lauren informs us that she is leaving early and needs to talk to Ben. Again, Saint Felicity is way nicer than I would be and asks if she can pass along a message to him. Lauren tells her that she's leaving for Arizona tomorrow. Lauren starts complaining that Ben promised that he would help her pack up her car and she hopes he still plans on doing that, because so far, she's had to do everything herself. Listen, bitch. You were the one who decided to have this baby, no matter what Ben wanted. And you're the one who unilaterally decided to move to Arizona, despite Ben's pleadings for you to stay. ["Plus, what's all this bullshit about 'so far…'?!? Whorebatross! Ben wasn't even aware for four months that you were pregnant at all! He was supposed to be helping you out, how? Telepathically? With Miss Cleo's help?" --Carmexa]["And you have stupid hair!" -- Bitchavia]So, can it with your complaints about having to pack by yourself. God, I really hate her. Felicity, still being way too nice, promises to tell Ben and tells Lauren that it must be hard and that she's sorry. Lauren, who really has upped her bitch quotient for this scene, tells Felicity that she knows she's not really sorry and that she shouldn't pretend that she cares. Felicity protests that she does care. Lauren starts to leave, but Felicity wants to know what Lauren's problem is. Lauren tells Felicity that her problem is that she and Ben are "incredibly selfish people." Apparently, Lauren's definition of a selfish person is someone who won't do what she wants. Stupid bitch. The thought of this woman being in Ben's life forever is enough to make me puke. Stupid writers! Anyway, Lauren leaves, telling Felicity to have Ben call her. Felicity asks Javier if he heard that and Javier protests that he only heard a little, even though we know he was totally eavesdropping on the entire conversation. Felicity is pissed and says that she really doesn't like Lauren. ["She says she doesn't like her, 'even if she is pregnant.' Huh? Good to know that you're instantly likeable as soon as you get your uterus in gear." --Carmexa] Join the club, Felicity. Javier says he hopes Lauren gets a stretch mark over her entire body. Hee. This is where Javier belongs. Making jokes with Felicity or Ben at Dean & Deluca. Not off somewhere discussing his love life with Rita! Stupid writers!

Roll credits.

Meghan and Felicity are in Felicity's room. Felicity is still pissed about Lauren, fuming that she has no right to be rude just because she's pregnant. Meghan, who hates Lauren almost as much as I do, agrees. Felicity thinks it's insane for Lauren to think that she and Ben would just pack up their lives and move to Arizona. Well, it's not so insane that Ben wasn't seriously considering doing it just a couple episodes ago. But anyway. Felicity puts the dissertation she copied in her bag and Meghan wonders what the hell she's doing. Felicity admits that she's going to confess to her professor that she cheated. Meghan now thinks Felicity is insane and that she should just copy the guy's references and she'll be homefree. Felicity thinks the guy will freak when he sees his dissertation published under Felicity's name. Meghan informs Felicity that it's being published in the UNY Journal and if the author actually reads that, he's a loser who deserves to be plagiarized. Whatever, Meghan. I really love Meghan for being the super supportive friend she has been to Felicity this year. But when it comes to this plagiarism stuff, she sucks. She planted the idea in her head in the first place and she's just compounding it by continuing to give her really bad advice. Not to mention the whole ethical implications of what she's saying.["And not to mention that the guy who wrote the dissertation is probably now some sort of academic, the type of person who would read a university journal with essays from his field. Shuddup, Meghan. Go fight with Sean! -- Bitchavia]. Meghan tells Felicity that no matter how bad she feels now, she's going to feel worse when she doesn't get her college diploma. Felicity stands firm and says that she'll be kicked out for sure if she lets them publish her paper, and hopes turning herself in now will bring her some leniency. Meghan wishes her luck.

Sean and Noel have a stupid conversation about how Noel and Zoe haven't had sex yet. Okay, they've only been dating for three weeks. Am I living in a completely different universe where not having had sex after going out for only three weeks seems normal? ["Hello, this is NOEL we're talking about. It's more than normal. It's also wise and recommended." -- Bitchavia] According to Sean, I apparently am. ["He and Meghan weren't even dating the first time they had sex; why does his attitude surprise you at all?" --Carmexa] He thinks Noel is missing out on the best part of the beginning of the relationship, when you get tons and tons of sex. We get the impression that he and Meghan, since getting married, have not been very active in the bedroom. I find that hard to believe. Surely the amount of make-up sex alone that those two have is better than average. I always assumed that's why they fought so much in the first place. Anyway, Noel is now more bummed than he was before about not having sex with Zoe. I'm bummed that I had to listen to an entire conversation about Noel's sex life. Blech.

Richard shows up at the girls' apartment. Hey, it's Richard! Elena opens the door. Hey, it's Elena! Brace yourselves folks, because these two actually have an entire subplot this week.Richard tells her he needs her to go to a "Save the World" fundraiser with him. Elena didn't know he was into that. Richard assures her that he isn't, but that he needs her to go with him because he's trying to woo some ultra-PC girl and he needs Elena to make the girl jealous. He calls it the perfect bait and switch. Elena, surmising that she is the bait, politely declines. Richard thinks she should take it as a compliment, because he wouldn't ask her if she was ugly. Hee. I love Richard. He really thinks that is a compliment. Finally, Richard begs her and tells her that his four years of being among a huge pool of eligible women is about to end and he needs her to help him. Elena takes pity on him and relents. Richard leaves, telling her to wear something sexy. ["Applause, applause, applause. And with that scene, Elena had more lines and screentime than she had in the past three episodes combined! -- Bitchavia]

Felicity tries to tell Prof. Carnes about the cheating, but her professor is too caught up in her own problems with her ex-husband to listen. ["I keep assuming she's a lesbian because of that whole Best in Show connection." -- Bitchavia] Apparently, she thinks the whole stink the board is making about the plagiarism is just academic politics and jealousy and Felicity is just caught in the middle of it. Prof. Carnes tells Felicity she has moved up their meeting with the board a week and it will be tomorrow morning at 8:30. Nice of her to ask Felicity if that time was convenient for her before doing that. I think the writers did that just to make us feel sorry for Felicity in this whole cheating storyline. She's the one who did the heinous thing, but now when she tries to confess, her professor won't listen and is insensitive and so, we suddenly feel sorry for Felicity, instead of thinking of her as the big, bad cheater. These writers are so manipulative. Or at least, they try to be.

Felicity walks along the street. She sees Lauren, across the street, standing outside the loft. She considers turning around and leaving for a second, but thinks better of it and heads toward the loft. Lauren looks at Felicity with disgust. Felicity says, "hey," but Lauren turns away and says that she's waiting for Ben. Felicity asks her if she wants to come up, but Lauren, who won't even look at Felicity, says that Ben knows she's there.

Felicity enters the loft, yelling that she doesn't know what Lauren's problem is. She tells Ben, who is tying his shoes, that Lauren is downstairs waiting for him. Ben says that he knows and he's on his way down. Felicity wants to know why Ben has to help her at all. Ben says, "Felicity…" like he knows that she knows why he has to help her and he doesn't want to have a fight about it. At least that's the way I took it. Felicity doesn't get the hint and says that she doesn't understand why Lauren can't hire someone to help her or have other friends do it. Ben tells her that he's just going to move some boxes and it will just take a couple hours, and then, Lauren will be gone. ["Awww, and he uses that sweet, condescending voice like from…shit, which episode?….right. 'Girlfight.' When Felicity was all mad about Avery and he told her not to worry." --Carmexa]["If only he followed it up with nose-rubbing kisses and rolling around in bed like before." -- Bitchavia] Felicity apologizes and says that she's had a bad day. Ben asks how things went with her professor and Felicity tells him that she tried to tell her, but it's all just such a mess. Ben offers to take her to a movie when he gets back. This seems to make Felicity feel a little better. He kisses her on the cheek, tells her he should be back by 5:00, and leaves. Felicity watches the door close behind him and sighs.

Noel runs into Zoe at work. She tells him she's glad to see him and that she's had a rough day. She asks him to look at some graphic design thing she's working on because something doesn't seem right about it. Noel thinks it's great. Zoe gets all flirty, grabbing onto Noel's tie and tells him that she wishes they could just hang out tonight instead of doing the client party for work. Noel says Sean can handle it. Then, he starts reminiscing about his first day there. You remember the one? When Mr. Webb caught Noel and Zoe about to have sex in the office and fired Noel right on the spot. Yeah, apparently for Noel, this is a great memory, and he wants to re-create it. He and Zoe kiss. I guess they threw that whole, "Let's be professional at work" credo out the window. Anyway, Zoe pulls away and says they need to go to the party because it's Noel's account. Noel is frustrated yet again. That Zoe. She's so frigid, what with her not wanting to kiss in the office, her insistence on going to client parties, and her not having given it up to Noel after dating him for three whole weeks. Three whole weeks! Whatever.

Meghan is waxing her legs. Felicity wants to know what's taking Ben so long, since it's now a quarter after six. Meghan cracks a joke about Lauren returning her six packs for the nickel refund. Meghan rips the wax off her leg, yelling, "mother of pearl." No way in real life, Meghan would ever have yelled, "mother of pearl." Mother something else, yes. Mother of pearl, no. ["It probably would have been a mother who's name starts with 'F' and ends with 'ucker'" -- Bitchavia] Anyway, the phone rings and Meghan answers it. She gets a concerned look on her face and Felicity wants to know what's wrong.

Felicity comes charging through some hospital doors and walks toward an admitting desk. She tells the desk clerk she's looking for her boyfriend, Ben Covington. The desk clerk asks if he's been admitted yet. Felicity tells her all she knows is that he was in a car accident. The clerk asks her if she's a family member. Felicity says she's his girlfriend and she wants to know if he's all right. The clerk eyes her for a moment and then turns to look up his name on the computer. She tells Felicity that he is in surgery. Felicity asks if he is going to be okay. The clerk tells her that's all the information she has. Felicity looks frightened. During the whole scene, Keri Russell had this quiver in her voice that sounded like she was trying to cover and she also looked like she was using all her strength to fight back major tears. That girl is the master of the stifled cry. (tm Carmexa) ["Thank you! Ahh, pre-emptive credit. I totally would have bitched you out for that one, and it's not even one of my best lines. Just because that's what I do." --Carmexa] ["I knew you would bitch at me if I didn't give you credit. Because that is what you do." -Litigia]

Felicity sees Lauren lying in a gurney in the emergency room. She approaches her and asks if she and the baby are okay. Lauren tells her that she and the baby are fine. Dammit!!! ["Aw crap, there goes our big chance to get rid of that baby. Why did Noel get to have his misbegotten spawn magically disappear in a puff of contrivance? Why is Ben not given the same courtesy?-- Bitchavia] Felicity seems relieved that she and the baby are okay, but deep down, I know she must agree with me. She tells Lauren that Ben is still in surgery. Lauren doesn't say anything. Felicity asks Lauren what happened. Lauren gives some bullshit story about how she was turning and someone ran into them and that she didn't see him. Felicity is surprised to hear that she was driving. I'm not sure why, seeing as how it was Lauren's car. ["I don't think she was surprised that Lauren was driving; I think it just hit her that Lauren might have been at least partially responsible for Ben's injuries, and that it was unfair that Lauren was all right, and Ben was not. Y'know?" --Carmexa] Anyway, a doctor comes up and introduces himself to Felicity and tells Lauren they got her blood work back. He turns to Felicity and asks for some privacy. Felicity agrees and steps back as the doctor pulls the privacy curtain. ["The magic sound-proofing curtain! Oh, wait…." --Carmexa] Felicity almost knocks over a guy on crutches as she backs away. Heh. I wonder if that was an accident that they just left in or if it was scripted. Anyway, the doctor seems to be unaware that the privacy curtain gives visual, but not audio privacy, because he proceeds to tell Lauren that her blood alcohol was over the legal limit and they had to tell the cops. Felicity, of course, overhears this and is shocked. When the doctor pulls the curtain back, Felicity just glares at Lauren before turning around and storming out.

Noel and Sean are at the client party at some fancy bar. Sean tells Noel that Dwayne, the client contact is Zoe's ex-boyfriend, the one who made her all depressed. Sean says Pauline, the office busybody from a couple weeks ago, told him. Noel says it doesn't make sense because they've been courting him for weeks and Zoe hasn't mentioned a thing.

Richard and Elena arrive at the "Save the World" fundraiser. Surprisingly, this wasn't just the simplified name Richard was giving it. There is literally a banner that says, "Save the World" hanging in the hallway. Richard doesn't think Elena dressed hot enough. Elena tells him she's lucky she showed up at all. Don't we know it, Elena. This is more than we've seen of you in the last three or four episodes combined. Richard says it doesn't matter what she's wearing, because the girl he's interested in is not into material things anyway. He adds that she'll be suitably impressed that he showed up with a black chick. Elena is pissed. She wants to know if he invited her just because she's black. Richard says that he did, because it makes him look culturally diverse. Elena punches him in the face.["Elena's good at beating the stuffing out of people. She karate-kicked Richard in the face once too. Maybe we should send her over to Lauren's. -- Bitchavia]

Felicity calls Meghan at the loft. Meghan asks how Ben is and Felicity tells her that he is still in surgery. Meghan offers to come down, but Felicity says that she doesn't need to. She tells Meghan that Lauren was drunk and the police are talking to her. She's talking like a mile a minute here. Meghan says the police should be arresting her. Felicity says she can't believe Lauren was drinking when she's pregnant and that if anything happens to Ben . . . Meghan assures her that Ben will be okay. Felicity says that he better be. ["No shit! For my sake!" --Carmexa] Meghan tells her that she called Professor Carnes to reschedule her meeting for the next day. Felicity, who had completely forgotten about the meeting, thanks her. Meghan offers to come down again, but Felicity says she thinks she should be there alone. Meghan tells her to call as soon as she hears anything and that if she needs food or a magazine or someone to yell at the nurses for her, to call her. Felicity thanks her and says goodbye.

Back at the party, Zoe is telling Noel how great he looks. He asks her why she didn't tell him about Dwayne. Zoe doesn't know what he's talking about. Noel explains about all the stuff he's done to get Dwayne's business. Zoe says he did a great job and that's why they're having the party. Noel is pissed and says that after all he did, he finds out that she dated Dwayne. He asks her what kind of an idiot he feels like. Zoe says, "A really big idiot?" Heh. Noel agrees that he feels like a huge idiot. Zoe says maybe that's because he is one. ["You'll get no arguments here, sister friend!" -- Bitchavia] She tells him that she never dated Dwayne, and that, in fact, the first time she met him was when Noel introduced them last week. Noel excuses himself to go chew out Sean. Sean insists that Pauline said they did. Noel doesn't know why he ever listens to Sean. Sean calls Pauline over to verify what she said. She's wasted and denies having said anything about Zoe dating Dwayne. Sean reminds her and she agrees that she did say it. She adds that when she got a closer look at the guy, though, she realized it wasn't him. Neither Sean nor Noel is pleased.

Lauren walks out of the emergency waiting room, followed by a couple of police officers. Felicity, who is sleeping in the waiting room, wakes up and sees Lauren leaving. She follows after her. Outside the hospital, she yells at Lauren to wait, but Lauren keeps on walking. Felicity wants to know where she's going. Lauren tells her she's going to the impound lot to get her stuff. Felicity asks her if she's coming back. Lauren says she doesn't know. Felicity tells her that Ben is still in surgery. Lauren just tries to ignore her and keeps on walking. Felicity is now officially pissed off. ["Explain to me how you can be UN-officially pissed off?" --Carmexa]["I think that's when you don't get the certificate in the mail." - Bitchavia] She yells at Lauren that she is "unbelievable." Then, Felicity rips Lauren for calling her and Ben selfish, when she is the one who is selfish. To clarify what she means by selfish, she yells that Lauren doesn't think about anyone but herself. Lauren says she doesn't have to listen to her. How Felicity keeps from just decking Lauren right in the face ["Or the stomach! Or the stomach!" --Carmexa], I don't know. I would not have been able to control myself. Lauren starts to get into a cab and Felicity tells her that the person she really feels sorry for is the baby, because it has Lauren for a mother. Ouch. I mean, she totally deserved that. But, ouch. Lauren gets into the cab and leaves and Felicity turns back toward the hospital, wishing she had just kicked Lauren in the stomach. Well, at least that's what I was wishing.

Felicity looks at Ben through the window in his room. He is still unconscious, his face is bruised and scraped up, and he's wearing an oxygen mask. She enters his room quietly, pulls up a chair by his bed, and sits down. She rests her hand on top of his and watches him. Her eyes are welling up, but she again manages to fight back her tears. She doesn't do as good a job stopping her nose from running, because she keeps having to wipe it away. It would have been nice if someone-a doctor, a nurse, anyone-had told us what Ben's injuries were, how the surgery went, what his prognosis was, or something like that. You know, just to give us an idea of what the situation is. ["Well, they did. In the script. Too bad all that stuff got butchered out of the episode. Motherfuckers." --Carmexa]["Don't you mean Mother of Pearl?" -- Bitchavia]

Instead, we get Noel and Sean walking down the street, still lamenting Noel's problems with Zoe. Apparently, Zoe just wanted to go home after the party. Noel tries to explain that she's just tired because she has to be at the office at 6:30 every morning. Sean thinks it is pitiful and that Noel and Zoe are too young to be too tired to have sex. Noel stops to look at a painting of a nude woman in a gallery window and agrees he has a problem. Noel says he knows that Zoe likes him, but something is wrong and he doesn't know what. Maybe she just isn't ready to have sex after only three weeks of dating? Jesus, why does that have to mean something is wrong? Sean asks if she has ever said that she's not in the mood, because that means something is fundamentally wrong. ["Oh great, sex and relationship advice from Sean, the guy who was basically celibate and friendless before Ben moved into the loft and introduced him to people." -- Bitchavia] Whatever, Sean. Noel wonders what he means by fundamental. Sean explains that she might be repulsed by his natural odor or something. Or maybe she's just repulsed by the fact that he is Noel. I am. Then again, I wouldn't get to the point where I was actually dating him like Zoe is, so that's probably not it. Noel tells Sean that he is horrible at cheering him up and actually makes him feel ten times worse. Oh, poor baby. Sean suggests that he do something spontaneous and romantic, like show up at Zoe's with some flowers and wine tonight. ["In some cultures, and in many Shakespearean tragedies, suicide is considered spontaneous and romantic, you know." --Carmexa]["It is! It is! -- Here's to my love!/ O true apothecary!/Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die." -- Bitchavia]

Ben is still unconscious. ["And hot." --Carmexa] ["Duh." -Litigia] Felicity is watching him, half asleep. She gets up and asks the nurse if she can bring her a blanket. This, by the way, is the same woman who gave Ben his paternity test results. She must have gotten fired at the clinic for being loud, nosy, and obnoxious. She also must have gotten a personality change, because she's very sweet to Felicity and agrees to get her a blanket. Felicity walks out into the waiting room and sits down. Lauren walks in and asks how Ben is. Felicity hesitates, but tells her that he still hasn't woken up. Lauren says that she got her stuff from the impound lot, but the car is totaled. Felicity gives her a look like she couldn't possibly care less. Lauren tells Felicity that in AA, they tell you that it is one day at a time, but when she woke up this morning, one day seemed like forever. Two things. First, Lauren smiles very inappropriately during this little speech and it annoys me. Second, her whole "one day seemed like forever" thing might explain why she drank again. But it certainly doesn't explain why she drove in that condition, thus endangering the lives of Ben and every other person on that road. Oh yeah, and the baby's, too. But you know how I feel about the baby. Lauren continues that she's been trying to find someone to blame for everything that's gone wrong in her life, and the truth is that she has no one to blame but herself. ["That's right! And, by the looks of things, you won't be shaping up anytime soon, so do us all a favor, and step, literally, off of the wagon forever. Kaput. Good-bye, Lauren." --Carmexa] Felicity looks like she takes these words to heart, maybe thinking about all the problems she's facing now, and how she has only herself to blame. Or maybe I'm reading too much into it. ["I can't believe that you'd give the writers any points for subtlety at this point." --Carmexa] ["Well, even if the writers didn't intend it, Keri could have, and her facial expression is really what made me think it." -Litigia] The nurse brings Felicity her blanket. Lauren tells Felicity that she is sorry. Apparently this little speech won Lauren some sympathy from Felicity, because when Lauren asks if she can see Ben, Felicity agrees. If I were Felicity, I wouldn't have let that woman within a mile of Ben.

Richard shows up at Elena's, complaining about his black eye. Elena calls Richard an "ugly, rude boy." That's the best she could come up with? I think the writers hate Tangi and are purposely giving her bad lines. I also have this whole theory about how Keri and Speedy hate her, too. I don't really have any concrete basis for this theory. It's just that she made some nasty comments about people dating their onscreen love interests in an article once, and so, I've imagine a whole scenario in my head, where they hate each other. And it's fun to speculate that that is the reason for Elena's recent lack of screen time. ["Uh, Tangi Miller is on another show. And, if everyone hated her so much, and thus, didn't want her to have any screen time, why didn't they write her off the show ages ago? Why only in the last few episodes? Oh yeah. Because she's on another show now." --Carmexa] ["She only has a recurring role on that other show. And Greg Grunberg has a similar role on "Alias," but he has still managed to have plenty of scenes. Yeah, yeah, adjoining lots, I know. But I'm still sticking with my imaginary scenario. Because it's more fun." -Litigia] It could happen! Anyway, Richard explains that Elena hitting him could have screwed everything up with his non-violent, ultra-PC chick. Elena thinks that's good. Richard says that it isn't good, and that she is lucky he is quick on his feet. Apparently, Richard told her he got beat up by the police at a tree-saving protest. That was actually pretty quick thinking for Richard. Richard tells Elena she has anger issues. Elena says that Richard is racist. Richard tells her to take that back. Elena explained that he used her because she is black. Richard says that he thought her being black was a good thing and that she should be flattered. Then, he adds that it's not like she's really black. Elena wants to know what that means. Richard says that she's black, but not black, as he does some sort of rapper pose. Heh. Richard explains that she doesn't have black friends, she's dating a white guy, and she doesn't like Spike Lee movies. Elena did have two black boyfriends on the show, and she dated that fat black guy, too, so I'm not sure where Richard is coming from here. Elena is just pissed and starts chasing him out of the apartment. Richard defends himself, yelling that he's not a racist, but is just a guy in college trying to get laid. Heh.

Noel shows up at Zoe's apartment carrying a grocery bag with flowers sticking out of the top. Zoe answers her door, surprised to see him. Noel makes up a story about having found the grocery bag on the street and thinking maybe Zoe had dropped it and that's why he wanted to bring it to her. ["Wow, that's the lamest cute-to-get-me-in-the-door-and-laid story I've ever heard. He should be happy she didn't slam the door on his fat head." -- Bitchavia] Zoe says it's not hers. Noel says he'll check the people next door. Zoe invites him in. Okay, that was actually kind of sweet and charming.["I respectfully disagree." -- Bitchavia] Now, don't ever say I don't say occasional nice things about Noel when he deserves them. It's not my fault that he rarely deserves such compliments. Noel and Zoe sit on the floor in her living room, eating ice cream and flirting. Noel pulls the oldest trick in the book by pretending to wipe away some ice cream from Zoe's chin and then moving in for a kiss.["Did Noel buy some old handbook on how to be smooth with the ladies at a secondhand bookstore and has decided to cop the moves from it all night?" -- Bitchavia] Zoe kisses him, but then pulls away. Noel wants to know what's wrong. Zoe doesn't know what he means. Noel drones on and on, but basically complains that they're not "connecting physically" like they were when they first started going out. Zoe complains that they've only been dating for three weeks and she didn't realize he was on a timetable. Noel says there is no timetable. Zoe tells him he should leave because she's not in the mood. Noel gets up to get his stuff. Zoe's phone rings. She answers it and hands it to Noel, telling him it's Sean. Noel takes the phone and, I assume, gets the news about Ben's accident, because he just says, "What?"

Lauren walks into Ben's room where Felicity is asleep in a chair. She offers her some tea. Lauren tells Felicity she should go home, but Felicity says that she is going to stay with Ben for the night. Lauren tells her that she better go, so she can get a hotel room. Felicity looks at her for a moment and then offers to let Lauren stay at her place for the night. Lauren says she'll just get a hotel, but Felicity tells her it's okay.

Lauren and Felicity walk into Felicity's bedroom. Felicity explains that she is going to grab some stuff to bring back to the hospital. She walks into another room and plays the answering machine messages. The first message is Chaca calling to tell Javier that he has a guy for him. The second message is from Prof. Carnes telling Felicity that she got her friend's message and hopes her boyfriend is okay, but that she can't reschedule the meeting on such short notice, so she'll need to see Felicity at the meeting at 8:30 the next morning. ["I thought it would have been really cute if there'd been some little sweet message from Ben on the machine, and Felicity could have gotten all teary, but they've never listened to me before, so…" --Carmexa] ["Why didn't they ever hire us to write for the show? Hell, we would have done it for free! And it would have been so much better!" -Litigia] Felicity looks stricken. Lauren asks if she is okay. Felicity says that she is. Lauren tells Felicity that she was just thinking that this whole situation must be hard for Felicity. She was just thinking this? As in, this was the first time this thought might have crossed her mind? I'm not saying Felicity's situation should have been high on her priority list, but the idea that she hasn't even once considered how this situation must be for Felicity, just makes me hate her even more. Bitch. Felicity just shrugs it off. But Lauren says that she has put Felicity in am impossible position. Felicity says that she wishes she would have done things differently. Now, I think she is referring to sleeping with Noel here. Sure, Ben wasn't right to blame Felicity's cheating for Lauren being pregnant. But how can Felicity not be thinking that if she had never slept with fuckface, none of this would be happening? None of it. Not the baby. Not her paper. Not the car accident. None of it. Anyway, that's my theory about what she meant. Lauren says she wishes she had done things differently, too. I don't know exactly what she's referring to. Wishes she had an abortion? Wishes she had told Ben sooner? Or never told him at all? Or never fallen off the wagon? Or never driven? I don't know. ["I think that she wishes, at the very least, that she'd never slept with Ben….which, if I were Lauren, would be the one thing in my life I did NOT regret, Felicity or no Felicity." --Carmexa] ["Then why do you think that's what she wishes? I know she's a bitch, but she's not totally insane." -Litigia] ["Because, inexplicably, not everyone's biggest wish in life is to have sex with Ben. And Lauren is one of those dumbasses. So, I think she regrets it. Moron." --Carmexa] Felicity says she's going to head back to the hospital and asks Lauren if she's going to be okay. Lauren says she is and thanks Felicity again. Felicity smiles and says goodnight.

Felicity is asleep in Ben's hospital room. Her head is resting on his bed and she is holding his hand. His fingers start to move. He slowly starts to open his eyes and then grabs her hand. Felicity wakes up and sees that he has grabbed her hand. She looks up at sees that he is awake. Ben can barely speak, but manages to get out a "Hi." Felicity smiles at him and says, "Hi." She touches his face and says, "Hi" again, almost crying. That was really simple and beautiful and sweet. ["But it could have been just as simple, beautiful, and sweet if it had lasted, oh, fifteen minutes more." --Carmexa]

Meghan and Elena are pestering the desk clerk to see Ben, saying that they've been waiting for hours. The desk clerk tells them that visiting hours are in 45 minutes and until then, only doctors and family can see him. Meghan says that Elena is pre-med and wants to know if that counts. The desk clerk says it doesn't. Elena wants to know if she can at least call up and find out his condition, but the desk clerk tells her to wait like everybody else. Meghan says that the hospital "blows." The two of them walk back to the chairs where Noel, Javier, and Sean are waiting. Javier's head is resting on Noel's shoulder and as he wakes up, he sniffs Noel and tells him he smells good. Noel is kind of grossed out by this and tells Javier to get away from him. Personally, I would find that flattering, but whatever.["But that's Noel's closeted homosexuality speaking. He doth protest too much." -- Bitchavia] Felicity comes out into the waiting room and sees all her friends. She asks what they're doing there. Javier asks if Ben is okay and Felicity smiles and says that she is. Javier gives her a hug as Felicity explains that Ben lost a lot of blood, but the doctors said that he was going to be fine. Felicity asks how long they've been down there and they tell her not very long. She tells them that she has to go meet with her professor, but they should go up to see Ben, since he's awake now. She thanks them for coming and Meghan apologizes, since she knows Felicity said she didn't want them to come. Felicity tells her that she's glad they didn't listen to her and came anyway. She heads off to her meeting.

Back at school, Prof. Carnes wants to talk strategy with Felicity before the meeting. She points out her evil nemesis professor and says that he is already backing down because he can't remember the name of the student whose dissertation he thinks Felicity copied. Felicity tells her professor the student's name. Prof. Carnes is stunned. Felicity hands her the dissertation and tells her that she did exactly what they accused her of and she apologizes for having hurt the professor's reputation and putting her in a terrible position. Prof. Carnes tells Felicity that this means she will have to fail her. Felicity says that she knows and apologizes again. Prof. Carnes then tells Felicity to go tell the board what she just told her. Felicity starts to walk away, but Prof. Carnes yells after her, asking if she is a senior. Felicity says that she is and that she is supposed to graduate in May. Her professor tells her that she will "have to think about this." I guess that means she might reconsider failing Felicity in the class, because that is the only way Felicity will graduate, since she told us last week that she needed these credits to graduate. Anyway, at least this stupid storyline is pretty much resolved. ["I was suprised Carnes has to think about anything. Felicity plagiarized it, and then lied about it for a while, and that's grounds for failure and academic probation or expulsion. I wouldn't think the prof would give a rat's ass if it meant Felicity wouldn't graduate. The punishment fits the crime. I guess at my school, I never witnessed a leniency clause called "Boyfriend Problems and Plagiarization" -- Bitchavia]

Richard bangs on Elena's door and begs her to open up. She doesn't and so he yells through the door that she was right and what he did was offensive and stupid and racist. Of course, right as he says, "racist," a black guy and an Asian girl walk by. Richard's eye looks worse than it did before. He begs Elena to look at his eye because he thinks it's infected. Elena yells through the door that it isn't. But Richard begs her, saying that he doesn't have enough friends to lose one over this. Heh. Elena opens the door and is horrified by his eye. They sit at the kitchen table and Elena apologizes for hitting him. Richard says that he was insensitive. Elena agrees, but adds that what he said made her think about her friends. She says that she loves them, but it must mean something that they're all white. Elena thinks it means that she wants everybody to see that she fits in and that she's like everybody else. She says she's always tried to prove that she's not different. Richard says that all he wants is to be different. Then, he makes some sort of analogy between his "Star Wars" culture to Elena being a part of the black culture and I long for one of Noel's bad analogies. Elena says that she hasn't been to the African-American House since freshman year. Richard says he'll go with her because he's "down with the brothers . . . [he's] got it going on, sister . . . [and he's] funky fresh." Hee. Elena threatens to hit him again. Richard gets up to leave and says, "Peace up." Elena tells him it's "peace out." ["I love Richard. I miss Richard. Bring Richard back!" --Carmexa]

Noel and Zoe are at work and Noel starts to break up with Zoe, saying that she's not attracted to him. Zoe tells him that she is completely attracted to him. ["Delusion can stem from extreme depression, no?" --Carmexa] Noel says that every time he tries to get close to her, he feels her pull away. Zoe asks if she can explain something to him that might change his mind. She closes the door and then says that she hates talking about this. Then, she reminds him about her depression. She tells him that she was on medication, but when she started dating Noel, she felt better and so she went off them. She got depressed again and that's why she hasn't been in the mood. But she's back on her medication now and it just takes some time for them to kick in. I don't understand why Noel has never told Zoe about his depression and the fact that he is on meds, too. She seems very embarrassed to discuss it and she might feel a little more comfortable about it if he told her that he had gone through the same thing. I don't get it. Anyway, Noel and Zoe make up. Zoe tells Noel that seeing him is the best part of her day. No wonder she's depressed! They kiss.

Felicity comes home. Lauren is gone and has left her a note. We hear Lauren in voice over, thanking Felicity for everything. She tells her that seeing Felicity face her problems made her believe that she could face her problems, too. Her voiceover continues as Felicity returns to the hospital. Lauren says that when the morning came, the baby kicked, and she had to go. Felicity walks into Ben's rooms and they exchange "hey"s. Lauren says she doesn't know where she is going to be, but she'll call Ben when she gets settled, whatever that means. Felicity walks to Ben's side and smiles at him. He smiles back at her. They hold hands and Ben closes his eyes. Felicity sits down on his bed. With her left hand, she pulls his right hand into her lap. She takes her right hand and touches his neck, then runs it through his hair, strokes his face, then his neck, and finally rests it on his chest.

["I would like to reiterate that, if it makes you feel any better-it makes me feel worse, but whatever-this episode was originally way, way better than this boring-ass stupid-fest you saw. But they cut out a truckload of Ben scenes, and there is no quicker way to ruin an episode than to take the Ben out of it. You all know that, I'm sure." --Carmexa] ["If only the writers and editors knew that. Dumbasses." -Litigia]

Next week: Felicity and the gang graduate, Felicity says goodbye to Noel, Felicity sits on a bench, Ben and Felicity kiss (finally!), Ben proposes. I'm counting on next week to be a classic. After that, all hell breaks loose.

 


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