dirk

Dirk is a happy man. Why? Well he now has his own bachelor's pad. And, no women in the neighborhood is safe 'cause he has some sweet lovin' in mind and plenty of time. Awwww, yeah!

Dirk is renting the house from his friend, Joe. Well, it's actually the parent's house---but, Joe assured Dirk that he could redecorate. So Dirk has some plans to make this little one-bedroom home into a real HOT love nest!

First off, this bed has got to go! How is Dirk suppose to take care of a lady properly in this wimpy 'momma's boy' bed.

Dirk usually lived at the country club when ever he was back in Sim City, and he realized that he doesn't have all the luxuries like a swimming pool and a dart board. However, now he can give in to his secret love for soap operas. But, that doesn't mean he prefers that over MAKING his own real life soap operas.

Ah, company. Jolene came by to say hello to the new neighbor. Her son, Lawrence, came by to pout. He's not too thrilled that Dirk has moved out of Club Sim; after all, Lawrence already has trouble finding a woman. And he's heard about Dirk's reputation.

...and obviously it worked! Jolene not only cooked his dinner, but she cleaned the dishes, gave him a foot massage and washed a load of his jock straps. Dirk uses women any way he can.

But, unfortunately, Jolene is very happily married, which means she has a husband to return home to. Oh well, Dirk likes them young and a little on the naive side anyway.

And, he's exhausted from the long plane trip, so he's glad to spend this night alone.

However, Dirk wasn't alone for very long.

"Ooooh, I'm the burglar....I came to steal your 'family jewels'. I know you have them hidden in your bed, so let's get to it, big boy!"

"Uh? What? What's going on? How did you get in here?"

"Oh, come on, sweetie, that window wasn't left open by accident!"

"Don't worry, Dirk! Tee hee! I'm an OFFICER OF THE LAW. I'll take care of this bad, naughty, naughty burglar! Tee hee!"

"Oh, yeah? What did you have in mind, hmmmm, officer? Do you have something special hidden under that badge?"

"Go ahead, frisk me, officer. Then you can give me a nice, slow thorough frisk also, Dirk. And don't forget the handcuffs! I've been such a bad little girl. But, I'm sure Joe told you all about that, huh?"

"Joe? Yeah, I think... are you his house warming gift? Damit! I'm so tired! Look girls, I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, really, but I have an early morning meeting with my agent. Can we get together another time?"

"Well, teehee, I guess this awful, awful burglar isn't going to get any of your goodies tonight, or vise versa for that matter! <giggle> My number is 555-1212. Call me sometime. If a guy answers, that's my brother. Don't worry about him, he's cool."

The next day, meeting over, Dirk gets a work out while shooting some hoops. Sweating is one of Dirk's ways of releasing stress. And right now he is stressing over not being able to play 'cops and robbers' with those chicks last night!

Ah, the maid. Joe made arrangements with the local French Maids R' Us for a little cutie to come over for a few hours every day to take care of Dirk's needs. His DOMESTIC needs! But, Dirk has been feeling a little 'lonely' and has something else in mind.

"Hey honey... looks like you did a good job cleaning my room here. Let me give you an EXTRA tip. I've got it right here in my pocket. Come on over and I'll GIVE it to you anyway you like."

"No, monsieur, I'm only here to clean. Not for the hanky-panky."

That evening, Dirk invited an old girl friend over for dinner. He had heard she was back in town and he thought he could rekindle the torch she once carried for him. Unfortunately, she was only interested in her tennis game-- or is that some kinky sex game? Dirk wasn't sure.

Well, as you can imagine, this stud was getting pretty frustrated. So, when the 'plate on the floor' plan to get a free look up the maid's skirt didn't result in something a little more exciting (damn, if only she wasn't trained how to properly bend her knees to pick some thing up), Dirk cooks up another plan.

"Ahem, excuse me Mimi...when you're done with the dishes, I need your help with something in the bathroom."

"Oui, monsieur."

And when the dishes are done and the maid enters the bathroom...

"Oh, there you are! I just called you for a minute because I need you to-- WHAT? Come on, baby, it's not like you've never seen a naked guy before..."

"I just wanted to make sure that the toilet was good and clean. I'm expecting company."

"Oui, monsieur. What ever you say."

She still bends properly, but Dirk has a nice view just the same! Ooooh, la, la!

It didn't take much to get Zoe to return that night to Dirk's pad. He only had to let her beat him at one-on-one in basketball to get her to agree to some one-on-one in the bedroom. I guess Zoe decided that what she and Dirk once had wasn't so bad after all. Now she's willing to give him another chance.

It would appear that Lady Luck has kissed Dirk once again. Except for one small problem....

It seems that Greta Meinheimer, the young maid at Club Sim, heard through the grape vine that Dirk was back in town and decided to pay a surprise visit to her very special American lover.

And here's the problem: more than one of Dirk's women heard through the SAME grape vine that Dirk was back. They had already forced their way in to have a comfrontation over who he did what with, and when, on the same night that he was supposed to be practicing before the last home game.

Dirk tried to stay in control of the situation. He turned on the 'studley charm' and started lying his butt off! After all, he had worked too hard to get these chicks in his little black book, and he wasn't going to loose them over some one having a big mouth!

"Come on baby, there was nothing illegal about any of that. That bimbo was a friend of Joes. I promise you, you're the one I want to be with. I can't help it if a fan gets posessive now and then. And remember, what we got is between me and you. No one needs to know."

Looks like the problem is getting bigger. Dirk had completely forgotten that Zoe was still there. When she came out of the shower, it didn't take much for her to put two and two together, and she realized Dirk was up to his old tricks. And you know what women are capable of if they've been scorned! Zoe figured she start a few rumours of her own before she left Dirk for good. And, she found one woman who was VERY interested in what she had to say.

"You didn't HEAR about what he paid that one fan in Cleveland to do, did you?"

"No. Tell me more, girlfriend!"

In the meantime, poor naive Greta is stuck in the bathroom with a stranger blocking the door, glaring at her when she has no idea what's going on. Greta's english isn't very good and she believed Dirks's explanation about a Tupperware party.

When the tension was so thick, you could smell it, Dirk tried to play it cool and calm everyone down.

"You all just have things so wrong. Everyone just relax. There's a lot negative energy in this room. Be cool and I will explain everything."

This became too much for Zoe (she wasn't as young or naive as Dirk liked), and she decided to depart. As she was leaving....

...she let a VERY unexpected guest in.

"What are you doing with my wife? Alise, I knew I find you here! You promised me you'd stay away from this...this...man!"

Damn! This was NOT what Dirk needed. A jealous husband always meant trouble. Dirk began to wonder if he was going to get ANY of these chicks in bed that night.

...BITCH!! GO HOME TO YOUR CHILDREN!"

WOW, a cat fight!! Dirk suddenly wished he hadn't forgotten to set his hidden cameras up yet!

However, Alise wasn't into the fight as much as Dirk was.

"Booo, hooo, hoooo"

Her husband wasn't very sympathetic either.

"No, Alise. Don't bother coming home! I'm calling my LAWYER first thing in the morning!" He stomped to the door and looked over his shoulder to Dirk, and announced, "this won't be the last time you'll hear from me, Mr. Homewrecker!"

Well, when the smoke finally cleared, more names thrown around, teary eyes dried, Greta caught on and put a gypsy curse on everyone's head, and there was no one left for Dirk to 'explain' to any longer, he found himself waking up in the morning alone. Again.

Do you think our stud has learned a valuable lesson from all this?