Transcriptswav 1 Well, maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly". I don't "wear clothes that fit me". I'm not a "heartbreaker". I haven't "had sex with a woman"; I don't know "how that works". I guess I don't "fall in line". I'm not "hygenic". I don't "wipe properly". I lack "style". I don't have "charisma" or "self esteem". I don't "own a toothbrush" or "let my scabs heal". I can't "reach all the parts of my body". When I sleep, I "sweat profusely". But I guess the "powers that be" will keep signing my paycheck, at least until John and Jane Q. Viewer start to go for the remote so they can get back to watching commentators who don't "frighten children" and don't "eat their own dandruff" and don't "pop their white heads with a compass they used in highschool" wav 2 "That's right, Bennett Brauer, here with a commentary. Not quite what you're used to, perhaps. Not a tidy picture, is it? Because in today's souped up society, apparently John Q. Viewer is only comfortable getting his opinions from a Ken doll. "Well, maybe I'm not a "G.Q. model" or a "hunk". Maybe I'm not "handsome" or even "presentable". I'm not "pleasing to the eye". Maybe I'm not "witty". I have no "charm" or "appeal". I'm not "smart" or even "the average". I don't "pee in the potty". I'm not "clean". I don't "smell good". I'm not "polished" or "prepared". I have nothing "interesting to say". I guess I don't "play the game". When I eat, I don't "use silverware" or "wipe my face". I don't "wash afterwards" or even the "next day". So I guess I just don't "fit the mold", and if that 's the case, I'll just step back and I'm sure John and Jane Doe can go back to enjoying the endless parade of commentators who don't "make people queasy". Thanks, that's all for now, Kevin. wav 3 "That's right, Bennett Brauer back with another commentary. Thought you've seen the last of ol' Bennett, perhaps. Thougtht the network bigwigs would have sent Bennett and his negative "view rating" on a slow boat to shanghai. Well, maybe I don't "look the part". I'm not "felt". I don't "look comfortable on camera". I'm not "gabby". I don't "understand what'd going on in the news". I'm not "likable". I don't "get along with people". When I go to work, I don't "make eye contact". I guess I don't "fit the mold". I don't "wear the latest clothes" or even ones that don't "reek". I don't "change my underwear". I'm not "buff". I don't have "firm breasts". I don't "exercise". And when I do sweat, I don't "shower". I'm not "spick and span". I don't "clean the area between my crotch and legs". But, for the time being, I guess the network "enforcers" are opting for my approach, until Joe Consumer tells them he'd rather get his 2 cents from commentators who don't "make babies cry" and don't "drink maple syrup straight from the bottle," and don't "leave old dried up deodorant cakes under their arms for weeks at a time," and- I'm flying! I'm flying!! ..holy shnikes!..I have a weight problem..." |
