I have roamed many a website featuring profiles of gay men over the last several years. And have been surprised at the level of cluelessness I found there. Herewith, a helpful guide for those who either have a profile online, or who intend to create one. A list of DOs and DON'Ts. It may seem like a lot of guidelines, but if you think about it, these should all be common sense.
1. Do have decent pictures of yourself. That means they accurately depict your current appearance. That means in focus. It means well-lit. It means I can at least get an idea what you look like from the waist up. It would also be nice if you were smart enough not to take pictures of yourself in a mirror with a flash.
2. Don't use homophobic phrases like "clean", "discreet", "not into the gay scene", or worst of all, "straight-acting". I'm not looking for someone who's straight or an actor.
3. Do have face pics. If you're so closeted you can't even show your face, I'm definitely not interested.
4. Don't tell me you're "disease free", because it's impossible to possess such knowledge. It makes you sound ignorant. Diseases sometimes have no symptoms, and some diseases and viruses can be present without showing up on a test for several months (hiv, for instance).
5. Don't be self-righteous if you're seeking a monogamous relationship. It does not make you a better person.
6. In the same vein, don't disparage sex for the sake of sex just because you're not able to enjoy it.
7. Don't engage in bitter ranting or a high level of negativity in your profile. It's very unattractive.
8. Don't list a thousand likes and dislikes. You're holding people up to impossible standards. (Note that I'm aware the last two points could be used to describe this list. But also note that this list is not in my profile.)
9. Do learn how to spell and write a cohesive sentence. Avoid lazy web abbreviations like 'ub2'. They make you look stupid. The same goes for intentional misspellings such as "hott" and "HUGGGGZ".
10. Do avoid lame, cliché jokes like "I don't bite... hard!" Austin Powers was a funny movie, but imitating the title character is not, especially since the movie has been out for over a decade.
11. Don't describe yourself as "hot". I can
decide that for myself. And no one likes a guy who's full of himself.
"I'm told I'm attractive" isn't any better, unless you’re trying to
advertise your low self-esteem. It’s also a completely pointless statement –
who cares what others say about you?
12. Do have more than just face pics. I'm not interested in meeting a disembodied head.
13. Do contribute to the conversation if you decide to say hello. That means more than "yes", "LOL", and "woof".
14. If you're in a relationship, do make it clear in your profile whether or not it is of a monogamous nature.
15. Don't use "looking for friends" as a euphemism for "looking for sex".
16. Don't indulge in verbal diarrhea in your profile. I want an introduction, not your life story.
17. Do write something in your profile. If you don't care enough to speak, why should I care enough to pay attention to you?
18. If you have a joint profile with your partner, do describe yourselves in the profile to make it clear who's who. Also, when you message someone, always start by stating which of the two you are. It's only common decency to let the person you're addressing know who's messaging them.
19. Don't tell me you're "real", or that
you're looking for someone who is. I've got news for you: we're none of us
fictional.
20. Don't stay logged on 24/7 just so you'll get lots of messages. It makes me feel like it's pointless to message you, cause instead of making me assume you're there, it makes me assume you never are.
21. Don't tell me you're looking for someone attractive, because that's meaningless. No one has the same definition of 'attractive'. It is equally useless to ask "liars and drama queens" (for instance) not to message you. Nobody thinks of themselves in those terms. And if they do, your plea won't stop them!
22. Do avoid using the term 'husbear'. It is nauseatingly cutesy.
23. Don't wear sunglasses for a picture. I assure you,
they don't make you look "cool"; rather, they conceal the most
important part of your face.
