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Puppyboy's Thoughts... |
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Some Poetry...
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my dad is buzzing in my left ear
my dad is buzzing from the bar tonight
my dad is buzzing and I'm not listening
my dad is fifty two years old, I think
my dad is happy being a welder
my dad knows how to be a welder well
my dad is smart, albeit not that intelligent
my dad is buzzing and I'm not listening
my dad likes philosophizing because he thinks much like me
my dad likes my mom because she's too timid to do much else but listen, but
I love her
my dad has only laid a hand on me once in my life
my dad is buzzing and I'm not listening
my dad works hard and is fun in public
my dad is a know-it-all
my dad carries a great deal of guilt with him
my dad wants to cry sometimes, I think
my dad has sacrificed everything he is and everything he had for his four children
for the past thirty years, unquestioningly
my dad is buzzing and I'm not listening
graceful-unhappy
a chance hello she smiles
eyes half-seeing, smile half-wide
the woods or wherever the wind blows her
tearing at the beautiful sunshine
apart from the learned talks and revealing of zen
she cries
behind closed doors in open arms
or maybe a smoke or pills to pass the time
wistfully pulling the sutures closed
on daily rigors
brevity like a cat clawing to be free
and through all the half-open smiles
and the marionette acts of
her little dance through the day
she floats gracefully unhappy and
happily alone
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Upstairs
We walked the four of us
She sat facing the wall
Behind a subdivision of life
We were leaving
She turned and said "You're boring"
but I say
she's just a little bit
barren
(I don't understand what's picking at her like she was the carpet beneath her)
On religion...
Buddhism states that Form is born from Emptiness, therefore Emptiness is the true nature of everything, but then again, Buddhism also states that the boddhi-sopta shall meditate on the east side of a tree, for the east side only has the strength to guide the monk to Buddhahood. I'd prefer Taoism.
My friend calls this ‘getting it'.....I, in my overly poetic, overly emotional manner dubbed it the Wonder myself, simply for that indescribable feeling that drives and individual to walk out of his house and explore his streets at four in the morning. I had a theory with another coworker once that every person encompassed every emotional and mental state within them, and individuals are stamped out with differences in levels in these states, some supressed, some expressed. But even this theory didn't click inside the dark regions of my mind. Not before my uncle anyway.
He knew about it, felt it all to well, and described it better than anyone I've heard yet. He was elaborating about the great change human culture felt, the shift to insecurity after the year 1914, the start of World War I. During and shortly after this period not only did humanity learn that it wasn't invincible, that it wasn't exactly held within the bounds of righteousness, but the whole of the knowledge base changed. Physics, Chemistry, and Psychology were questioned, which lead to a very skeptical and reasonable mindset. It lead to great advances, but it also came equipped with a price tag. No longer could any single person be proficient in multiple subjects, no longer could anyone have a deep understanding of how things worked. And even when we look deep within the system today, the cracks still show. But after that year, philosophers, writers, thinkers lost the sense of ‘embracing the world' in a work, in a single piece.
To embrace the world, in oneself and ones works.
To find the unity of everything, the Unified Field Theory, the God in everything. Stunning.
It was only later, only now in fact that I realized that this was the nature of the Tao. The Tao is the basic idea behind the philosophy of Tao Te Ching. Allow me to elaborate:
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There was Something undefined and yet complete in itself,
Born before Heaven-and-Earth.
Silent and boundless,
Standing alone without change,
Yet pervading all without fail,
It may be regarded as the Mother of the world.
I do not know its name;
I style it "Tao";
And, in the absence of a better word, call it "The Great."
To be great is to go on,
To go on is to be far,
To be far is to return.
Hence, "Tao is great,
Heaven is great,
Earth is great,
King is great."
Thus, the king is one of the great four in the Universe.
Man follows the ways of the Earth
The Earth follows the ways of Heaven,
Heaven follows the ways of Tao,
Tao follows its own ways.
–Tao Te Ching
Lao Tzu
Translated by John C. H. Wu
Though I speak of wondering fondly, and though I think fondly of it when I rant about it, the idea is more of a burden than anything. It forces me to be individualistic and incommunicable. I could carry on a conversation with the same first friend, and we could argue the color of a tree, I saying red, and he saying blue, but we would be arguing the same side. This is one idea that's completely far beyond communication, beyond redemption in conversation. Only in the grey mists of one's own mind can one mash together personal ideas of it.
And in ones quest to find the nature of the Tao persay, one learns that it is inconceivable, yet lingering in the air around us. It drives me to madness at the least, and forces me on though I know that every step closer to it is a step closer to futility and disconnection. Step in Tantalus, Greek mythology, and his banishment to Hades for gluttony, where he was forced to reach for pools of surrounding water out of desperate thirst, but never to achieve it as the pools recede before his fingers touch it.
But this thing, this idea exists....I know it....
