BIO: PROJECT DAN

code name: Project Dan. a.k.a Spike, mister arugula face, totalitarian leader of chimps and other primates everywhere(including humans)

age: judging from the rings around his eyes we judge he is either 108 or 21.

height: 5'6"

weight: 135 lb.s

location of origin: born originally on mars it is believed he was first developed for the purpose of complete global destruction by the agents. he has since escaped and is believed to have accomplished the following: destroyed what was once the planet pluto which is now referred to as a "moon", attempted to breed a kangaroo with a pirhanna with disasterous results(see destruction of pluto), and is most likely your father, you illegitimate bastard!

purpose: 1) the pursuit of social degenration through complete gender disalignment. 2)the betterment of mankind. if by betterment of mankind you mean beating the senseless crap out of random people on the street and taking there wallets. 3) to look damned good in heels. 4) to take over the world and give it one hell of a bitch slap.

occupation by day: experimental drug tester. are you a mad chemist? did you mix a lot of crap together and put it in a jar? pay me and i will happily consume it.

weaknesses: the overwhelming need to be a better looking woman than my girlfriend, bright shiny objects, saturday night live(causes painful convulsions), and carrot top(any contact with him causes horrible rashes and vomitting to ensue)

loves: lauryn, old console systems, lauryn, coffee, lauryn, frantic theater life, and did I mention lauryn?

superpower: the ability to render complete silence in any large group through the spouting of completely random and perverted personal experiences that no one wants to know about. like that time i ate the bad cheese and got the worst case of liquid pooping.

weapon of choice: ruger 989D 9mm