5.14.04
9:00PM

So I've been working on a project for a while now (off and on). Its going to be a either a novel or a lengthy short story about friendship, acceptance of one's situation, death and the supernatural. You might have guessed that I got some inspiration from Stephen King. I've got eight pages of the first draft so far and hope to post the prologue, at least, on this site in the next couple of days. Alrite, 'til next time, horror hardcore.


5.8.04
11:30PM

so thursday nite i rolled out to the hop for viv's bday. i was on the guestlist but so where a bunch of other people and i managed to arrive a little too late to beat the crowd. but jason, being the homie that he is, pulled me out of line and walked me in. yeah, connections rock. inside, we were up on stage. then again, a lot of people were up on stage. but it gave my an awesome view of one of the gogo dancers. in a drunken stupor, i even slipped her a dollar. the one thing that made the nite most memorable, though, is one of viv's homegirls. they say dancing can be a form of magic. man, that was some strong voodoo.*sigh*...

The writing bug has been nibbling at me. All these ideas are jumbled in my head. I don't know where to start...

Have you ever read the lyrics to any of the songs on The Distillers' "Coral Fang"? The lyrics to the title track is rich with imagery that paints a dark grisly scene. Yet it is set against a chorus that is enchantingly melodic. Obviously, the coral fang is a metaphor, but for what? What is the coral fang for you?


5.02.04
6:30PM

Last night I drove to Arcadia for a friend's birthday party and realized that I've missed house parties for too long. It had all the essentials: homies, hard liquor, beer, and chronic. And a few entertaining extras: a swimming pool, girls in bikinis, wet girls in bikinis, wet intoxicated girls in bikinis, and wet intoxicated girls in bikinis tongueing and freaking. Ah, happy birthday Viv!


4.26.04
1:15PM

Joan of Arc, kill your crusade,
Your horse is pale, you've come too late.
The end arrived long before
Your faulty convictions washed ashore
And your campaign of retribution
Stomped down hillsides towards solution
For a conflict that has long been resolved,
Joan of Arc, why be involved
In the affairs of ghosts and graveyard gusts?
The battlefield before your eyes now lies
A burial site undone by this storm,
And if the oath you've sworn
Remains unfaltered, remains your sword,
Then meander through these tombstones to
One stone in the shape of a cross,
Brush the blood from your brow and read:
"Here lies Joan of Arc, Forever Lost"


4.23.04
9:00PM

Badly hungover... but worth it.


4.17.04
7:00PM

Theres a site on the net called poetry.com. I registered there years ago and submitted poetry, just for fun. Every so often they'd send me a letter asking to publish something I wrote in an anthology they were planning on putting out. Of course it would be on a page with other people's works, (in other words, filler) but I didn't care. I write for the art of it. So I gave them my ok, time after time.

A few days ago, I recieved another letter from them. Again, they want to publish one of my pieces. This time, however, it will be on a page of its own as well as entered as a finalist in competition with other works. There are no fees or obligation and I retain the copyrights to my poem. It'll be awesome to win, but that isn't why I wrote the piece. Anyway, here it is:

Los Angeles Twilight

You came through, that night, vibrantly
Incandescent against their torrid transparencies,
My Venus on a half shell from the ocean's mouth
To my heart. And to your heart I am her servant.
To your intricate soul I am one solitarily lonely part
Among the others. Yet, you have
Carried me across into its center,
And nested my quaint insignificance
Into your butterfly gardens, into your happiness.
And in my happiness? There is nothing else
More pleasingly complete,
There is nothing else that exists
Immutable amid the constant cycles of life's challenges,
Except you, my reason and my reward.


The enchanting beauty of life surrounds us everywhere, whether it be in a person you loved long ago or in the gritty underground rave scene of L.A.


4.1.04
12:30PM

I went to Orion on Saturday. An old pal of mine from SD decided to join the service so a few friends and I had a send off for our homeboy from Diego. One of the things we enjoyed to do, back during our slothful year and Cal Poly Pomona, was to go to small rave clubs. We decided to do it again.

Supposedly, the event that night at Orion was "March Madness". Things started off well. We all dropped white pills and felt the rush of hurried bliss it gives. The beats were broken notes pleasurably ricocheting in my skull. Everywhere I turned, there were girls for every fantasy one could dream of: cheerleader, schoolgirl, white, black, and asian. Yet, it felt as if something was off.

As the hours wore down, and the x stopped pumping its fever hot euphoria through my veins, I started to feel detached from the party kids bouncing in front of the blaring speakers. As I sat on a couch, coming down, I felt myself looking out at a distant scene from a dream I might have forgotten years ago. Its like the feeling you get when you read a long lost ex's love letter. You let out a sigh and know that those were good times but, as soon as you drop the note, your heart feels detached from it again. I guess I've out-grown those kinds of parties.

My friends, though, will always remain. Its unlikely I'll ever out-grow them. Good luck, guys, in all your endeavors.


3.16.04
9:00AM

Hey you with the pretty face,
Welcome to the human race,
A celebration,
Mr. Blue Sky's up there waitin'
And today
Is the day we've waited for...

-ELO


3.4.04
11:30PM

Sometimes when just watching tv or surfing the web, you come across certain clusters of words that perks your poetic ear. Here's one I came up with after I translated tagalog into english on an internet translator:

In her grave duration, she lists every vapor,
Our time together:
Not a cloud for me to breathe on;
You fled in excessive velocity, yet behold
The quantity of memories collected
As we've regressed towards normalcy

Dispersed intermittently between untranslated words, untranslated perhaps because of misspelling, were the phrases "gravel duration", "list every vapor", "not your cloud for me to breath", "behold quantity of memories", and "regressed towards normal". Not much work to tweak things a bit and put it all together if you have the eye for it. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I was translating tagalog because a cute bubbly little pinay decided to add me as a friend on Friendster. After chatting with her a bit, I decided to read her testimonials. That should bring you back to the top of this entry, so read it again if you want. 'Til next time, fall backward into a grave of red roses.


2.20.04
8:30AM

I am the rolling stone:
No friend and no home,
No end after how I've begun;
How I begun was lost in my run.
I am the rolling stone,
No use for a heart,
You can give me your's
But in a second well part,
And I will never look back
I will never be claimed
I will never remember
I will never remain,
It's true what they say:
I gather no moss,
But long be my run
And I will gather no frost;
I am the rolling stone:
No heart and no home,
Long may I run,
Long may I roam.


1.19.04
2:14AM

Some days I catch this show on Fox called "Classmates". It seems there are people out there who hold on to the past for years. They drive themselves crazy thinking, "what if?" So they turn to a daytime television show to help them arrange meetings with people who most of the time have no idea who they are meeting. Some encounters are quite comical, in a darkly sarcastic way, while other reunions are greatly life changing.

One thing I’ve noticed about this show is how the people on it rarely change. Is it true? Are we are who we are, never to make that great 360 degree transition into that other person watching us from the other side of the screen? Sure we're not static. Life events will alter us, somewhat. But a social fly on the wall will never become the center of attention at a party. Perhaps one day he'll open up and small circles will form around him on the edges of that larger main circle, but his inherent streak of shyness will hold him to, intrinsicly, himself.

And so 23 has come. I am a year older than I was, well, a year before. But has any great change occurred? It’s hard to say.


In addendum: I thought I’d have a quiet birthday alone but there was a serendipitous occurrence on that un-serendipitous occasion. While chatting online, an old friend from my Cal Poly Pomona days invited me to see a movie. After having dinner at Joe’s Sushi, we caught “Along came Polly” at the West Covina AMC 30. It was still a relatively quiet night, though thoroughly enjoyable.


12/3/03
Midnight

I want to live but all life is
Is a load on your soul, carry it
Until you're too tired, you're too old,
Carry it to the end of your day,
And then burn out, and not fade away

My drowsy fog from yesterday's gray,
My starving manic and mad depression,
My cluttered tables and deep descension,
I need to burn out, not fade away,
I tried to reach out, there's nothing to hold

I've carried the brass and found it cold,
It slips from my fingers as hearts turn gold,
And If I'm missed, remember this:
All life is, is a weight on your soul,
All life is, is a weight on your soul.


10/15/03
7:30PM

The Distillers' new album, "Coral Fang", came out yesterday. After listening to it, I can honestly say that it is my favorite Distillers album thus far. The soundscapes are rich and haunting. Brody's beautiful wraith-like rasp conveys the complexity and darkness of suicidal human angst consistently throughout the 11 tracks on the disc and then breaks down towards the end of "Deathsex", the last track, as her voice is drowned by a consuming crash of screeching guitars and unrelenting drums. "Coral Fang" illustrates the sadness and beauty of a disturbed mind like few other albums I've heard. If you're a fan, be sure to pick it up if you haven't already. If your not, but just curious, then go here: "Coral Fang" media player. The title song on the album and "Hall of Mirrors" are two of my favorite.

Friendster is one of the coolest sites I've signed up with. Those who are on it know what I mean. After meeting a few people at clubs, I've been able to contact them through the site and, as a result, got a few AIM screen names (mostly hot girls, of course). Also, I've come to find out that people I've met recently have know a mutual friend just as long, or even longer, than I have. Small world.


10/6/03
11:30PM

"When I was walking up the stairs,
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today,
I wish, I wish, he'd go away."

I've added the link to my poetry. If you scroll down the page, you'll find it under my journal. For right now, there are only a few poems. I'll add more as I organize older works into appropriate collections and begin on new projects.

On a different subject, as I was driving to Hollywood Video last night, there seemed to have been a couple cooing sweet nothings on every sidewalk and street corner I drove pass. There was even a pair of pidgeons atop the street light that was glowing red before me, caressing one another feathery cheek to feathery tick infested cheek. I know, I know, son seulement amour, but I'll remain jaded until someone persuades me to be otherwise.


10/5/03
5:00PM

Last night was one of the best nights I've had in months. Jason, my homeboy from Cal Poly (where we tread darker lawns and caused random trouble), had his birthday party at Club 49. Being part of the Legend Entertainment promotion team, he got me in free. It was a relatively small venue with an outdoor smoking area and crowded dance floor. I know this has been said before: what made the night enjoyable was not the club itself but the people there.

Alan, also a member of Legend, was there along with Vivian, Jason's girl, promoting their right to be under-age and inebriated. Having had a volcano and an adios earlier in the night, I was at the bar chatting with Alan, Viv, Jason and Bong (he's a pothead, get it?) when Emily, who was an aspiring architecture major, under-age drinker, beautiful creature, and one of Vivian's friends, pulled me to the dance floor. After I finished off the half-a-cup of straight vodka in my hand, I followed her as I thought to myself, 'fuck it man, just let loose, this ain't ballet'.

On the checkered dance floor, she swayed like the whitest linen hung on a clothesline, being caressed by a summer breeze. I tried to follow each of her graceful movements, but was lost in awe. She stopped dancing soon, though, and turned to me, as she was fanning her face with her hand, and mouthed the words, "whew, its hot." I just smiled at her, inebriated and aroused, and continued to dance with her friend Jenny. Jenny, also a friend of Vivian, speaks as if each word would be lost if she did not get it out quickly enough. I, however, seemed to understand her. Yet the way she danced epitomized feminine elegance. After a while, I gestured to them and Alan, who was now also on the dance floor, that it was time for a cigarette.

Alan followed me and the girls stayed on the dance floor, as far as I knew. After I smoked a camel and told him how intrigueing I thought the girls were, we made our way back in. The girls were gone. I found Vivian and asked her where they ran off to. "To a house-party," she replied. "They were gonna go to the party first and then come here, but I told them they wouldn't be able to get in for free after 10:30." After a slight pause, "Emily's cute, huh?"
"Yeah, kinda," I said.
"Well, I told her you thought she was cute and wanted to dance with her."
"You did?"
"Yeah, and she said, 'ok'." She smiled. I smiled back.

Jason was spinning trance now. I wanted to get on stage and dance, so I did.


10/2/03
11:30PM

After a long hiatus from poetry, I've been feeling a bit insane lately. All the ideas and thoughts that race through a person's mind have been riding in jet plane circling 60 times a minute in my head. So, I'll soon add a link to my poetry: new, old, profound, doggerel (though, there is an underlying art to writing it), whatever old emotions recall or new ones inhale, it'll be posted for the whole world to see. Alright, paint your nails black before you have a heart-attack, later phr33x.


9/19/03
10:30PM

A philosopher/theologian once said, that if you look back on your life, it is as if each event unfolded to the next, with each moment connected to all others. Yet, while you are living life, its events seem to be the trees from which we cannot see the forest. It has also been said that the friends you keep in college, or during your post-high school existence, are likely to remain the friends you keep for the rest of your life. With these two ideas in mind, it would appear as if Cal State Long Beach is a pivotal point where the lives of certain people from different phases in my life converge.

Evelyn came from Cal Poly Pomona, my first digression after high school. P.J. came from Cerritos Community College, where I sought my redemption. Then there are a handful of others who came from Jordan, the place where it all began. Of those people, I have seen a few.

Today, as I waited to see an admissions evaluator, I saw two guys who I went to high school with. With my mood already relaxed from some fine marijuana (thanx P), I called out to one of them and initiated a conversation.

Cal State Long Beach, I know, will develop into an interesting part of my life, especially as other players are beginning to be introduced. I am in preparation for a moment that may never be, yet I will not be caught unprepared.


9/17/03
11:59PM

...And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends, to the dead
To the dead

With your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping
Your halo slipping down...

From "The Noose", A Perfect Circle


9/16/03
11:59PM

I had lunch at the CSULB campus today with a friend who I hadn't seen in roughly three years. On our way to the cafeteria, she introduced me to her boyfriend, who was getting ready to leave. Though he had a firm handshake, he struck me as a bit mild. As for her, she has remained resoundingly beautiful yet she seemed a bit meeker than I remembered. I then recalled something I read in her AIM profile, "Evey and Randy's 4 Year Anniversary!!!!: 10 Months and 30 Days". As we were chatting during lunch, I could not resist the urge to ask her how they kept it going three, soon to be four years, straight. In response, she made it a point to let me know that a good relationship is not without conflicts. Most of the things she told me I already knew or had heard from other people. Knowing, however, is a far leap from acting. To hear those things again, admittingly, to see her and her boyfriend interact, I realized that there are a few good things to "love", though I won't hold my breath in wait of it. It's not a question of being ready. Rather, it's a question of whether I want it or not.

There is an attractive girl in my statistics class who I've been sitting next to for the last three class meetings. Though she is shy, I sense her waiting for me to introduce myself to her, or, at the least, initiate a trite conversation. (Critics will say that I am thinking too highly of myself, yet I am confident in my perception.) The day when we introduce ourselves to each other will come, but I won't do anything to make it happen sooner than it will. As for her motives, perhaps she'd like to know me and perhaps she'll want to know more. I have no desire to mull over further upon the matter.


9/15/03
12:00AM

On Friday night, I went to Elvis, a nice little karaoke place in Fountain Valley. Let me first apologize to anyone who had their eardrums burst as I flexed my vocal chords (and perhaps butchered a few songs, *cough*). Yes, Mickey's and a cheap martini knock-off in a can, good times. Hey guys, lets do it again sometime, yeah?


9/14/03
12:40AM

I'm jaded, I could care less.


9/8/03
11:00PM

Sometimes when I work out, I hear the "Rocky" theme in my head...dhew dhew dhew, dhew dhew dhew...


9/6/03
8:30PM

A.F.I. is playing at UCI's Bren Event Center 11/2/03. Tickets are SOLD OUT. Then again, true fans (and scalpers) already have their tickets. True fans get involved. If you border-rats keep on watching from afar then you're all too far to watch, ya heard? Aight, see ya in the pit.


9/3/03
1:00AM

Ok, let's see... at the last days of summer break: Club Orion with the Cal Poly Clique, Gotham Hall in Santa Monica (met a 23 year old finance major named Jen and beat her in a game of pool on a technicality, cute as evil with the softest skin), became aware that I could knock almost anyone out, blah blah blah, and now I'm at CSULB. Special shout out to Angie, I hope its not too hot in New Mexico, I'll see you soon cutie. Ok, until the next post, Rancid rocks but doesn't give a fuck and watch out for my left leg roundhouse.

Monday
Weight Training: chest, back, shoulders, biceps

Tuesday
Kickboxing: 1-2-3 combos, low kick-high roundhouse, roundhouse-hook, etc., 5 2min rounds, 1 min breaks

Wednesday
See Monday

Thursday
My Secret

Friday
Monday and Tuesday

Saturday/Sunday
Repeat Monday or Tuesday As Necessary.

Rest? The fuck you talkin' 'bout?


8/12/03
11:00PM

There's this quaint korean eatery-slash-bar in Cypress called The Fifth Wave. Across the street is Forest Lawns Mortuary and to the side of it is a liquor store. The liquor store is owned by a middle aged vietnamese woman who is prone to chat with her girlfriends over a speaker phone whilst, with a wonderful vulgarity, she deals with a customer. What would her friend have done, I wondered, if she heard the crackling a gun makes as one of its hot brass sons splits the air on its way to the liquor lady's forehead? The obvious... maybe. I let the thought wander as I walked out into the summer air. Though the sky was a dark icy blue-violet, there was a sickly orange humidity slithering against our skin. My beautiful friend, with cigarettes in hand, walking alongside me, asked, "have you ever had soju?" Our mutual Monday-night-nothing was a good enough excuse to get drunk and, in doing so, find out more about each other than we did in eight-or-so months living in the same dorm. When I asked, she said she never had a crush on me in Freshman year. Looking into her eyes, I wondered, "does she have a crush on me now?" Perhaps I'll never get the answer to that question but I am content to have found a new friendship in an old friend.


8/10/03
4:20PM

I unexpectedly met up with a friend of mine from Cal Poly last night at Chris's BBQ. She's beautiful, she's cool, she's sweet, but she is also troubled. Yet, from what I gathered from our conversation, it is not all her fault. She's going to drug school, getting her life together, making up for our lost year at Pomona. She had a crush on me back then, and, though we hadn't seen each other in three years, I sensed that the feeling has not completely left her. Maybe in a year or two, after her ex-boyfriend stops stalking her, I'll see how far I can take things.

There is a lot about her that reminds me of my ex-girlfriend... good and bad. It is no wonder I was drawn to her last night.


8/3/03
9:00PM

And Death Shall Have No Dominion

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

- Dylan Thomas

"Solaris"... a film about death and second chances, science and spirituality, dreams and reality. Is life predetermined? Is death absolute?


8/3/03
5:00PM

All things in reality are incomplete and fleeting.


7/27/03
3:00PM

"Movement"

The people that make the laws and rules for us...
They don't give a fuck about us
Our hearts are being bought
Our minds are being washed
We must interrupt, we must interrupt

We are just a moment away...


7/20/03
11:00AM

After "seeing" cubes, spheres, and other three dimensional objects, Square finds its harder to live in his two dimensional world. He becomes insane, he can no longer have conversations with his loved ones without seeing each of them as a section of something else. He begins to feel that life here is less than real. Nothing is the way it was before. Yet, what has changed? His own world, or his own mind?


7/18/03
9:00AM

It feels good to feel bad... even when you know who your friends are.


7/16/03
11:30PM

Cellar Door


7/13/03
6:30PM

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-Robert Frost

This is Ice.


7/13/03
1:30PM

The Warped Tour was sick! Even two days after the event, the taste of sweat, marijuana smoke, and punk rock vividly lingers in my mind.

The day at CSULB's Athletic Field began with The Used. As their first song started, I was caught in a tempestuous mass of human bodies shoving each other back and forth. As the song progressed, the sea of flesh and heat calmed as a mosh pit formed in front of me. It was exhilarating. The Used's lead vocalist, Bert, ended their set by leaping off a 20 foot platform onto the crowd below. I spent the rest of the day enjoying Sum 41, Pennywise, and Rancid high off my ass and loving it. Of course, however, it would have been many times better had AFI played.

I also managed to catch Tsunami Bomb, who, despite being an indie label quartet, gathered a sizable crowd. I was in perfect view of the beautiful Agent M. Her performance was hypnotic. With her as the band's vocalist, Tsunami Bomb will make waves.


6/21/03
12:30AM

I am a lonely house, black and haunted,
All that enter are darkness and silence,
My friends, where have you gone? Awaiting death,
With chillen breath, with what the wind has swept.

Inside these walls I only find myself,
A lost heart, a broken soul (I feel old)
I am cold, I am cold, I am too cold.


6/19/03
11:30PM

I thought I'd never be able to take her out. The date was canceled on Monday. She had a few unexpected visitors. On Tuesday, I asked her out again. And, tonight, after nearly three years, I got to see her again.

Tonight, fact was lovelier than fiction.

My friend has changed, as we all have. I could see the strain of life in her eyes and perhaps she saw the same in mine. Whatever resolve she made after I released her from my embrace, I do not know. I, however, have resolved long ago to never leaden my heart again. Until next time, watch the change around you as you behold your own transformation.


6/11/03
12:20AM

If you've seen "Natural Born Killers" then you might remember the tale the Shaman told:

There once was a woman who found a snake frozen in the snow. She took the snake home, nursed it, and, when it regained its strength, the snake bit the woman on the cheek. As she laid dying, she asked it why, after taking care of it, why had it bit her. The snake grinned and replied, "Look bitch! You knew I was a snake."


4/26/03
12:30AM

"Infiltrate the walls that are caving in..."

Figure it out.


4/17/03
10:00PM

Queens of The Stone Age have some of the trippiest videos around. If your system is capable, check out the "Go With The Flow" video.


4/16/03
8:15PM

Another day... "just live till you die..."


4/13/03
11:00PM

Cracks in the ceiling, crooked pictures in the heart
Countin and breathin, I'm leaving here tomorrow
Way down low, I never do you any good
Laughin is easy, I would if I could

Ain't gonna run
Just live till you die, wanna drown
With nowhere to fall into the arms of someone
There's nothing to save I know

You live till you die

Live till you die, I know

Loosing feelin, but I couldn't get the way ??
Countin and breathin, disappearin in the fade
Lay down low, I never do you any good
Stoppin and stayin, I would if I could

Ain't gonna run
Just live till you die, wanna drown
With nowhere to fall into the arms of someone
There's nothing to save I know
You live till you die

- "In The Fade", QOTSA

What's between life and death? I'm still searching for the answer.


4/6/03
11:00PM

All Spirits are enslaved which serve things evil...

Percy Bysshe Shelley, "Prometheus Unbound"


2/22/03
5:40PM

While driving, I usually don't pay attention to the inane babble of radio commercials that come on in between music. As I drove home from work today, thinking the thoughts I've been recently occupying my mind with, the voice from the radio told this story:

"I was talking to this guy in college, you know, blah blah blah. And, well, a couple of years later we got married. The point is that wouldn't have happened if we hadn't talked...good things happen if you just talk."

Some would say an event such as this, an event where one's thoughts are addressed to him in an unconventional manner, is, at most, coincidental. As for me, I... I think I have some things to do, though marriage is too far an event for me to worry over now, before I contemplate such phenomena.


2/21/03
10:55PM

They say fear is a defense mechanism, that it stops you from doing something that might hurt you. I've let fear lead me away from many things before. And, as much as I try to make the best of this life, there are times I lay awake wondering how things could have been if I had turned away from my fears. I've had a better life since I've let go of my fears. I've let people into my life who I cannot imagine living without. Fear, however, is an omnipresent fog. I've let it cloud my thought...but I've also made up my mind deny it from overcoming me. Whether the sun is in front me when the fog clears or a curving path ahead of me appears, I'll continue to walk on, with her warm smile upon my face or without.


2/20/03
9:30PM

Sleepy blue...


2/16/03
10:00PM

There's someone here with me
Who isn't here at all,
The ghost of a forgotten past
Remembered only by his deeds,
His face I see each day,
His breath I now breathe,
His sorrows I now count
For his sorrows are my dreams,
I've been where he has walked,
Places inside the depth of Sin.
There's someone here with me
whose presence is like a fog,
A distant scene of a suicide,
Or a gunshot in the night,
There's someone here with me
Who was never here at all.



2/16/03
10:05PM

I Feel

Like the final drag from your last cigarette,
Or a broken fingernail in your hand,
Like a question left unanswered and written down
But carried through the rain,
Like a hangover hallucination
Of the things you should have done,
A trail of regrets or the last breaths
Of a guilty man hung, I feel
Like a horse with a broken leg
And its forehead near the shotgun.



2/7/03
7:15PM

Hemp Pumas

I wear my torn pair of sneakers with worn
Out soles, I find comfort in shoes this old.
Though my sole's sore from the briefest of walks,
I squeeze into these Pumas with laces
Black and unreplaced and tied in loose knots.
The last pair I bought I've long since forgot,
And though I can afford a pair of shoes,
Perhaps a trendy set, otherwise new,
I'll wear my torn pair of sneakers with worn
Out soles, I've found comfort in shoes this old.



1/23/03
12:45AM

I've lived my life dedicated to you,
And for you, dear, I've done the best I can.
We've touched and held after we've done with feuds,
And, in our passion, you've made me a man.
No other pair could compare close to us,
Not one. Not bee and flower, sky and land,
Not one, no, not one.
Yet, through all of this, here, alone, I stand.
I've lived my life dedicated to you,
Dear, and for you I've done the best I can.



10/13/02
10:18PM
I have just seen the movie "Rules of Attraction". It was very unique, to say the least. If you're a fan of "Pulp Fiction"-esque films, this movie may be one for you. And if you're a fan of the teen movie genre, well, this ain't it.

Regarding this site, I've added two links to two music videos and replaced the two previous songs with a new one. I've added links to Godsmack and Orgy as well.

On a different note...I have had the strangest feeling...I've felt one with my car today. I've felt my mind extending into the inner workings of the car. I've felt myself not as myself inside a car but as myself the car itself. Is this System Assimilation? I am sure that System Assimilations occur often, mostly between two or more people and are commonly referred to as "psychic rapport". Yet, is it possible for a similar phenomenon to occur between a man...and a machine?