Last night, I made the decision to see a movie. I go to the theater for sparing reasons. One was to be disappointed by the Matrix Reloaded, one was to see if Arnold could still kick ass in T3 (which currently is yes, but if he is elected governor he will become what I like to call “a big fat wad,” because all governors, even Jesse Ventura, suck. And by wad, I don’t mean spitball. I’ll assume you can take it from there) and one was to see the epitome of shitty Matrix rip-offs, Bullet-Proof Monk. They said it was based on a comic, fucking great for you, so was the Matrix. And by based, I mean completely ripped-off and the Wachowski brothers got away with it. Don’t believe me? Well, fuck you. But look for the Invisibles. It’s the comic they ripped-off. You can do your own detective work from here, you big fat wad (no, its not gum, but you can do it into someone’s mouth.) The Wachowski brothers say, “We aren’t ripping off, we’re changing something and borrowing its elements to make it even better. We improve.” They forgot to mention the part where they don’t give the makers of the Invisibles fucking squat. And if you can improve so damn well, why didn’t you improve the Matrix Reloaded? Huh? Answer that one, you Wachowski bastards. Actually, they never said that, but in reference if they got ideas from the Invisibles they did say “We do enjoy that comic, but no.” Hey, I have a great idea. I’ll make a movie about robots who travel through time to kill off the mother of the general who will save the human race after “Judging Day,” before he is even born. I will call the robot a Killanator. What’s that? Did I get any ideas from the Terminator movies? No, but I don enjoy them. Now I’ll go masturbate all over my brother’s face. Anyway, I’ll get to the point. There is one reason, and one reason alone, why I would go to the theater in this sea of recent shitty movies that only Pirates of the Caribbean sails atop of. Technically there are two. When I think about what I’m really going to type there are three. Freddy Krueger. Jason Voorhees. Fighting.
With that said, anyone who denies this movie kicks anything but ass should be loaded into a rocket, fired into the ground, loaded into a cannon, fired into the moon, put in a giant slingshot, shot at the sun, and have the sun be imploded on them. Or have them fight Freddy or Jason. Personally I’d take Jason. Freddy kind of fucks with you a bit, but Jason just WA-BAM and you’re dead. Well, before we roll into the movie, lets take a look at our candidates.
JASON VOORHEES
Weapon of Choice: Dull-ass Machete
Size: I’m guessing like 6’5”, or Fucking’ Huge”
Getup: Hockey-Mask, dirty sweater, pants, boots,
First Appearance: Friday the 13th - Part 2 (The first one was his mom. Yeah, fuck you, look it up)
Earthly Demise: Drowned because of negligent counselors Dis
Home Turf: Camp Crystal Lake
Advantages: Made of muscle, Fucking huge, He’s on he warpath 24/7, I dunno…how about doesn’t fucking die?
Disadvantages: Afraid of water, fucking clumsy man, bum ass ugly
And in the red corner...
FREDDY KRUEGER
Weapon of Choice: Knife-Finger Thing, I honestly have no fucking clue what it is
Size: Like 5’11” or something, I don’t care
Getup: Plaid sweater, brown hat, burned up face
First Appearance: Nightmare on Elm Street
Earthly Demise: Burned up by pissed off parents (for some reason they get mad when you kill their children. I know, weird ain’t it? It’s a free service!)
Home Turf: Elm Street
Advantages: Can invade your dreams, can control your dreams, shit with dreams, etc
Disadvantages: Sucks ass outside of dreams, has no fashion sense, he’s a fag
Well, with those vital statistics laid out, let’s get to the start of the movie. The movie opens with Freddy Krueger giving some stupid voice over about how much he liked killing people, but got killed, invade dreams, and now he’s really weak. It’s kind of stupid, so we skip straight to the good stuff. There’s a chick that’s standing on a dock at Crystal Lake. CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE OH NO BUM BUM BUM!!! She’s decided to go skinny-dipping; apparently she’s waiting for some choad, I don’t remember his name, but I do remember the important part. She gives her titties a good waggle, and shakes up and down. And let me interject, these are Prime A titties. I actually searched for porn when I was done with the movie on her. Actually I didn’t, but I thought about it while I played Counter-Strike. Awww, yeah. Then she gets pissed off because she’s a woman and hasn’t met her “imabitch” quota for the day and, WOOP-naked, dives in. After a bit of naked swimming, she gets scared, and decides to book it. But only manages to get on a t-shirt, which is very tight, and wet because she just got out of the water. This movie fucking rules. I give it an A. Without seeing anything, she runs out into the camp and sees a big ass mysterious guy moving through the mist, gives a horrified look, and runs.
This is actually one part where I’ll interject and complain. Why the fuck is she surprised to see Jason? Ok, there have been 9 Jason movies (that Jason X in space shit doesn’t count, I’m not even going to get started with that piece of cantilenas) NOTE: THIS IS THE WORD THAT MICROSOFT WORD SUGGESTED FOR SOME REASON WHEN I TRIED TO SPELL SOMETHING NAUGHTY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS. CONTINUE READING.
That was odd. Okay, 9 Jason movies. NINE. That means NINE instances at a specific location where people have been routinely murdered without failure every time they go there. Once, it’s just bad luck. Twice if you aren’t me and can’t figure this shit out. But nine times? He’s probably killed well over 50 people at Camp Crystal Lake. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING SKINNY-DIPPING THERE? Not that I have any real complaints, I got to see grade A titties. What pisses me off is, why is she so surprised to see Jason? That’s like if there were bear attacks in a forest constantly over a period of 20 years in which over 50 people were killed, I went camping covered in honey, wearing a sign saying “BEAR-FOOD. I HAVE PIC-A-NIC BASKETS,” yelling into a microphone that fires meat flavored sound, “Hey, you bears, bet you can’t eat me,” and was suprised to see a bear. But then they might make a “Bear X,” in space and ruin the whole idea.
Well, that’s all over and done with. Hot-tittie girl runs into a forest, and falls down. She then backs up slowly into a tree but LOOK OUT OMG ITS JASON RUN OH FUCK!!! …just kidding, it’s only a friendly tree, that is conveniently positioned so Jason can WA-BAM! OH! He just impaled you on a tree bitch, awesome. Then Freddy makes Jason dream that his mom wants him to go to Elm Street and kill people to get fear so Freddy can have power, I dunno. The point is, Freddy is fucking with Jason and will regret it.
ELM STREET!!! It’s raining, and Jason is standing around all badass, and decides to take a walk. Then we go into a house where there are three teenagers all getting drunk. The power flickers on and off, which provides motivation for this chick (who’s kind of attractive + nice body + drunk + likes to be bossed around = my kind of woman) opens a window while its raining (?) and sits on the window sill. But…oh, no…GET OFF THE WINDOW SILL OH MY GOD JASON IS RIGHT OUTSIDE OH FUCK YOU’RE FUCKED and she gets off and throws a cigarette out the window, whew, that was close. But the cigarette hits Jason who is right outside by the door, this is called foreshadowing, boys and girls. A knock at the door and she goes to open it but OH MY GOD DON’T ITS JASON HOLY SHIT YOU ARE SO DEAD OH FUCK but it’s only My-Kind-of-Woman’s boyfriend and his dumb friend. I mean dumb, as in, “I didn’t notice the 6’5” guy who smelt like dead people on your front lawn two feet away from me,” dumb They get drunk and then abusive boyfriend orders My-Kind-of-Woman upstairs for sex. While they’re at her best friends house. On her parent’s bed. Where her mother was murdered. Some people, like me, have fetishes like slapping babies. They have fetishes of fucking on their best friends mom’s deathbed. All right! Then the dumbass best friend starts hitting on the girl with the best rack in the whole movie. She’s the main character also, but never takes her shirt off. When I realized this, I became really pissed off. It’s actually a low point of the movie. Like the lowest. Somehow, they get bigger through the movie. She must have the power to grow her breasts. I wish I had a girl who could do that-oh wait, it’s called changing the picture I’m jackin’ to. STUDIO ART!
Ok, Big-Rack talks to Destiny’s Child person, who isn’t that bitch from Austin Powers or the other one, about the one true boy she ever had who disappeared. Would you like some cheese with your foreshadowing? I’ll call her Black-Girl. Cause she is the only black girl in the whole movie. There’s one black guy, but he’s an astounding moron. They are best friends and Black-Girl wants Big-Rack to get busy with Dumbass. It’d be lucky day for Dumbass, but too bad Big-Rack gets him to go get them some bears. I mean beers. But the back door is open, he notices this because some candles get blown out. That’s oddly perceptive for Dumbass. Someone must have gotten in, could it be foreshadowing? While Big-Rack and Black-Girl are talking, someone bursts in behind OH NO COULD IT BE JASON OH SHIT no worries, its just Dumbass with the beers. He’s proud of shutting the back door. Way to go Dumbass.
Meanwhile My-Kind-of-Woman is having sex with Abusive-Guy. He bitches about something, and then she decides to take a shower. With some pretty good shots, I might add. I even catch a glimpse of the snatch. I love this movie. Sweet mercy, the seventies era of pussy in movies is coming back!
Ok, Abusive-Guy is lying on his belly, and is being an asshole when WAM! Fuck you! BWAHAHAHA! Jason nails him in the back, through the mattress. I assume because he was sleeping on his stomache, which only assholes and circus freaks do. Jason is a good person. But that’s not enough. Abusive-Guy isn’t nearly dead enough for Jason. He grabs each side of the bed, and snaps it up, breaking Abusive-Guy in two. Fuck you, Abusive-Guy. In the words of my brother, “It’s okay when people die in horror movies because they are either the hot girls that won’t have sex with me, or the asshole’s who are jerks to me in school.” Jason is so awesome.
My-Kind-of-Woman notices something, goes to find Abusive-Guy has had his shit ruined. They all run outside, My-Kind-of-Woman in a towel, and Big-Rack in a t-shirt that gets wet in the rain. Boo-yah. Okay, fast forward. They meet Stupid-Cop, interrogate the people in the house, and talk about Freddy Krueger. Oh no, she has a dream about him. Cut to a mental institution where a blonde schizoid and a guy with a rhombus for a face see the T.V. on and they are talking about the Elm Street murder.
Oh no, Rhombus-Face notices the Elm Street and gets mad, but then takes his mysterious pill that no one knows what it does. This is kind of stupid. Basically they easily escape the secure mental institution that has trapped them for like 7 years in approximately 1 and plot-hole seconds.
Dumbass and his father are sitting at their home after Dumbass was being interrogated. They demonstrate some fine acting skills...
Yes, he literally has a flask in his hand while he denies he was drinking. What a fucking…Dumbass? Just like his name! How ironic. Freddy shows up, scares him, uh oh. Not strong enough to kill. Yeah, yeah. Then he wakes up, and sees his dad. He shakes him, and his head falls off, because it was decapitated. He then holds up his Dad’s head, looks over and sees Jason. Oh shit, you’re dead Dumbass. Jason cleaves, but Dumbass holds up his dad’s head. So let me write this out for you: JASON CUTS OFF THIS GUY’S HEAD THROUGH HIS FATHER’S ALREADY DECAPITATED HEAD. Holy shit, this movie is so cool.
Schizoid and Rhombus-Face go to school, talk to Big-Rack, and make everybody panic about Freddy Krueger. Oh yeah, and Uber-Nerd is introduced. He’s a fucking loser. Oh no. Freddy sucks. You can beat him by saying “Fuck you, you aren’t real.” Real scary. I feel sorry for when Freddy attacks me, cause here are my dreams.
Moving on, everyone goes to a party in a cornfield. Okay, that’s a bit too far for me. Who the fuck goes off and parties in a cornfield? Especially after someone was mysteriously murdered. Who? Not me, that’s who. Anyway, party, yeah, but you see a big muddy arm grab a big, rusty, steel pole off of some kind of machinery that farmers have. The point isn’t what the machine is, but that Jason now has a big, rusty, steel pipe. If I had a nickel for every piece of foreshadowing in this movie, I’d have like 15 nickels.
Anyway, Uber-Nerd is forced to beer bong, Black-Girl gets her stuff showed what’s up, Rhombus-Face has ditched Schizoid to hit on Big-Rack, and My-Kind-of-Woman gets drunk and wanders off into a field. Freddy tricks her in a dream, blah, blah, oh shit she’s cornered. The best part of the whole thing is when a guy who is covered in glowsticks starts to rape her. And by rape, I mean, lick her face. Freddy is about to stab and kill her in the dream, when her chest explodes in blood. What? OH SHIT! Jason just impaled Glowstick Man and My-Kind-of-Woman on the pole. Then he throws it, and Glowstick man goes flying. Fucking awesome. Freddy gets mad, but no one cares about him, so it doesn’t matter. But what’s about to happen is one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen in the Universe’s existence.
Jason walks up to a couple of frat boys, who are drinking Everclear. A whole pitcher. For those of you who don’t know, Everclear is 95% alcohol. If you want to get fucked up on Everclear, you buy a vial of it, not a pitcher. This is the most unbelievable part of the movie. There is no way, not even Ravor the Evil Liver, that anyone could ever keep drinking a pitcher of Everclear. He might as well been drinking gasoline. Ok, ok, going on. They decide to make fun of him. Okay, let’s review Jason.
You are making fun of him. You fucking morons. I will state another fact. Even if someone was fucked up on THAT much Everclear without their liver exploding in the force of 83 atomic bombs, there is no way they would make fun of Jason. They start calling him farm boy. He has a fucking Hockey-Mask. You will pay for insulting Jason!
Jason breaks the first guy’s neck, and looks on at this guy who’s trying to be John Belushi, which is another unforgivable crime, like sleeping on your stomach. Read this slowly, because what is about to happen to so cool, I have a hard time comprehending it. If I have trouble, your eyes will explode into syrup and your head will pop off and start spitting out frogs that do Riverdance. Actually, that’d be pretty awesome. Read as fast as possible, and turn on your web cam.
Belushi-Rip-Off throws the Everclear on Jason. Then he uses a torch he got from thin-air to light it on fire. I will let the fact that Everclear would evaporate before it hit Jason and even if it did hit him it would burn up in about the time it takes the speed of light to go past an atom slide, for the coolest thing is about to happen. Jason gets lit on fire. And just looks at Belushi-Rip-Off. Basically, he’s completely fucked, and he knows it. Jason goes for the machete he has tucked away, which is also on fire. Belushi-Rip-Off fucking books his ass into the cornfield toward the party he wandered away from, and Jason walks behind him, razing the field wherever he walks.
That by itself is fucking-totally-rules-bingo-book-holy-shit-laid-an-egg-awesome. Belushi-Rip-Off runs out of the cornfield, and breathes a sigh of relief, because he is safe. WOOSH-KA-CHUNK. A flaming machete flies out of the cornfield and imapes him through the back. That’s for disturbing John Belushi’s grave fuck head. Oh well, the rest of the partiers are safe, right? I mean, if you are in a big group, a killer won’t come after you. Scream said it best. That is a horror movie rule.
Jason busts out of the cornfield, pulls his machete out of Belushi-Rip-Off (he’s still on fire mind you), and starts killing everyone. He just hacks them down as they come. One by one, they’re dropping like fucking flies. He kills like twelve people. He cuts open a keg to get the flames off of him. He takes high-pressured water to face. Cause he is so cool. Well, Rhombus-Face, Big-Rack, Uber-Nerd, Black-Girl, and newly acquired Rip-Off of Jay from Jay and Silent Bob jump in a van and bust it out of there.
They escape to pick up Schizoid, but just watch him get killed by Freddy, as he is asleep, although he is clearly awake and begs for help. That’s okay, Freddy sucks ass, and I don’t care about plot holes regarding him.
Somehow the come to the conclusion that Freddy is using Jason to gain power. I’m not really sure how, seeing as they don’t know anything about Jason’s legacy until Stupid-Cop shows up and tells them. Ok, this is another part that really pisses me off. Stupid-Cop talks about Jason’s past, and ADMITS that there were past killings on SEVERAL occasions and the only culprit was always a zombie. He says this as, “He drowned because the counselors weren’t watching,” makes ‘such a shame face,’ “But then they made the mistake of killing his mother.” Woah, what? Where the fuck did that come from? That totally blindsided me. I would have accepted “they made the mistake of shitting in his dead body’s mouth” or “fucking him in all of his dead holes” over “they made the mistake of killing his mother.” For those of you who don’t understand, Jason drowned, his mom got pissed, and decided to kill the counselors about 23 years later. That’s right, 23 years. Anyway, she kicked a significant amount of ass, then got killed. This spurred the resting spirit of Jason, who became a big old killing machine, that happens to be a zombie.. That’s what he means, “they made the mistake of killing his mother.” The way he says it though, it makes it sound like the counselors got done with some sex, saw a drowned kid, and decided to kill his mother. Not even the guys who made fun of Jason would do that. See, Jason is a good person who murders the blindingly stupid. Anyway, back to my previous point. They say, “That must be Jason killing people.” And Stupid-Cop says, “I don’t think so, it must be a copy cat. That just doesn’t make sense.” Really, is that why it’s HAPPENED BEFORE ON 9 SEPARATE OCCASIONS? What a lousy cop, no wonder everyone in the department hates him. He’s also “not from around here.” Why would you import a stupid mother fucker who blindly ignores the facts? Well, the answer is he’ll get his soon. Blah, blah, there’s a MYSTERIOUS DRUG that makes you not be able to dream! Because all of the mental patients at the place Rhombus-Face came from were around when Freddy Krueger was around, and they got rid of them! Instead of distributing this drug to the general population in regulated doses. Brilliant. This paragraph is too long. On to the next one!
So, Stupid-Cop, Uber-Nerd, Black-Girl, Big-Rack, Jay-Rip-Off, and Rhombus-Face go to the facility to get this drug. They go in, and find a bunch of people in a coma from the drug. It might have been called Hypnosia or Mysterio, I don’t really give a shit. Cause quite frankly, that shit is stupid to begin with. But don’t worry. Jason comes a knocking. Literally.
At this point I retract about the lousy security of the facility, because they really do just have jack shit. There is ONE incompetent black security guard. Incompetent? How so? Well, let’s look at an example. Jason is at a pull door, and he is smashing on it. Thus, he is trying to push a pull door. Yes, I can copy the Far Side, too, but that’s not the point. The point is he is smashing on a metal door, fully steel, so hard you later see huge fucking dents where the paint got knocked off, and the hinges are shaking with each hit. Security guard pulls out his gun, slowly walks towards the door, and stands right beside it. Needless to say, he gets smashed by the door. And rightly so. Somehow he manages to get a shot off, which is heard by Stupid-Cop and Uber-Nerd. They run to find out what happened. By the way, there are 5 shots in the door. Math isn’t this movies’ strong point, lucky for them Jason is. Ok, Jay-Rip-Off smokes a joint, because he is a rip off of Jay and Jay likes pot. He also does this in a room that looks like it’s designed to launch everything ever on earth. Just imagine what you think the inside of NASA looks like, only times it by 50,000. There ya go. Apparently you instantly become asleep when you smoke pot, because he sees Freddy as some kind of hash-loving worm.
I may be exaggerating a bit there, but he seriously whips out a huge bong and takes a big ole suck. Then the worm then proceeds to jump inside him or something stupid like that, and Freddy takes over Jay-Rip-Offs body. Freddy grabs the Hyptazio pills and dumps them down the drain. Two problems here, and I will point them out. A) There are only two bottles of Gimnasio despite they are in a room full of people who are in comas because of too much of that drug and more importantly B) This is the same room with all the coma people in they were first in, so they NEVER PICKED UP THE DRUG WHEN THEY HAD THE CHANCE. What a bunch of assholes. Just when you think this movie sucks, Jason busts in. Good timing, Jase, good timing.
Jason swings his machete and hits the control panel when Stupid-Cop pulls a slick one and avoids him. But too bad for Stupid-Cop, just because you’re an idiot, you’ll still be killed if thousands of volts of electricity are pumped through your body. Unless your name is Jason, and are an invincible zombie. Most unlucky for Stupid-Cop, Jason grabs him by the face, and RUNS THE ELECTRICITY THROUGH HIS BODY TO BBQ HIS FACE. Holy shit, awesome. Uber-Nerd gets the gun somehow, and runs away because he’s a pansy.
Suddenly everyone is downstairs and running from Jason. Freddy in his new pot-smoking body fills up some tranquilizer and jams it in Jason’s neck, putting him to sleep. But not before He cleaves Jay-Rip-Off’s body clean in half.
Jason and Freddy go to their world, where basically Jason beats the shit out of Freddy until some water starts leaking, and Jason is afraid of it cause it drowned in it. This is where the movie goes downhill, and ALMOST sucks. Also Freddy goes into his brain or something lame like that and shows that Jason keeps all of his victims in some kind of lake inside his closet. Whatever.
The “gang” puts Jason in their van and starts driving him to Crystal Lake. Big-Rack has now come to the assumption that they should make Jason and Freddy duke it out. This is a fucking great idea. Suddenly, Jason starts coughing up water cause he’s drowning in his dream. No. If being set on fire, electrocuted, and having enough tranquilizer to kill a herd or whatever the fuck elephants travel in jammed into your carotid arteries doesn’t do it, drowning ain’t gonna do shit. I’m sorry, no. Fuck you. There is symbolism at this part, because Jason is drowning just as the movie is almost going to die with him.
Big-Rack goes to Freddy’s dream world and starts fighting him. And by fight, I mean wakes up Jason and gets her boobs cut up. Now, these are NICE tits. I am made angry that they are hurt.
Meanwhile, Jason wakes up, which causes Uber-Nerd to fire the gun, hurting Rhombus-Face’s ears, so his van flips, lands on its side, spins, and hits a tree. Somehow, only Jason is tossed out into the wilderness and, despite that no one had seatbelts on, everyone is fine. Including Big-Rack, who is fast asleep. They take shelter in an abandoned cabin, and Jason shows up, because he’s going to fuck shit up nice. He knocks shit over, and stuff sets on fire. Rhombus-Face can’t get Big-Rack to wake up, probably because all sides of his face are proportional, yet slanted. Jason somehow gets his machete stuck in a table. That’s right, he can knock steel doors made so psychopaths can’t escape in like five punches, but he takes ten minutes to pull his machete out of a table that’s like 12 years old. Fine. Uber-Nerd attacks Jason, who tosses him with one arm into the wall. He hits some metal thing that really has no practical use. It’s way too high to put your coats on. I don’t know what its there for, but it hits Uber-Nerd and he starts bleeding. That’s cool, cause if Jason tosses you with one arm into Marshmallow Pillow Mountain you’d probably be fucked up beyond recognition, much less black thing sticking in a wall. Now that I think about it, that’s probably why he has it there, for that exact purpose. Oh yeah, Black-Girl gets tossed and her head starts bleeding. Just when Jason pulls his machete free, Big-Rack gets back from dreamland with Freddy. Freddy looks like he’s going to kill some shit, but notices one problem. Jason. And Jason doesn’t get mad. He goes on the warpath.
The run out into the woods, and Uber-Nerd dies cause his inside is all fucked up. Jason picks up Freddy, rams him through a window, and drags him along the side of the building, effectively breaking all the supports. The building falls on Jason, but because he’s Jason, he’ll be back in like two minutes after a quick mach-latte. Get it? No? Fuck you. Freddy pursues Big-Rack and Rhombus-Face, but Black-Girl stops him by saying his penis is small. Sure enough, Freddy points behind her, and it’s Jason. Jason hits her with the blunt side of his machete, sending her flying into a giant tree, killing her. Fuck yeah.
Freddy starts launching propane tanks at him, like eight, on a rack of twenty. If he hadn’t of hit Jason, he would have shot some more. Jason gets launched into some construction, but yadda, yadda, shit happens. Oh yeah, Freddy killed Big-Racks mom. That’s like important maybe. It’s stupid, but oh well. That’s not the point of the movie.
So Jason eventually gets Freddy cornered on the dock by the lake, while Big-Rack gases up the dock and also enough propane to knock the moon into Russia and back into space. Holy shit, there is so much. It’s like Crystal Lake was a labor camp where kids made propane or something. There is so fucking much. Oh well. Jason dices up Freddy, but Freddy chops off Jason’s fingers, making him drop the machete. So basically, it’s oh shit for Jason. Shit happens, and Jason cuts off Freddy’s arm with that blade-finger thing. Then they detonate the propane. It blows up five times. And it sends out rings when it happens. Remember when Luke nailed the Death Start and it exploded with that huge ass ring? It’s about that except to the thirteenth power, five times.
Oh well, out of the smoke comes Freddy, about to chop up Big-Rack with Jason’s machete! THOK. I’ll have that back now. BA-BAM. Jason shoves FREDDY’S ARM THROUGH HIS CHEST, PICKS UP HIS MACHETE AND CUTS OFF HIS HEAD. Then the movie ends with Jason walking off with Freddy’s head, and it winks at you.
Basically, despite it’s ups and downs, this movie has Jason. And he kicks ass the entire movie. Go see it, or Jason will fuck you up.
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