| Commonly caused by poor social skills or low self-esteem, many men suffer MPS because they believe their penis is inadequate, or in fact, it really is inadequate. This is the single biggest cause of MPS, worldwide. Generally speaking, this strain of MPS develops between the ages of 15-22. If a man can make it through college without developing MPS, he is fairly safe for the next 15 years or so, at which time he should take extra precautionary measures to help combat late onset MPS. | |
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MPS first develops in
early childhood. It is in elementary school that children first
develop social skills. Some children have great social skills; they
share with others and have lots of friends. Others have poor social
skills, due to poor parenting, but that is not topical to this analysis.
Those with poor social skills
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 "my big muscles more than make up for my tiny schlong" |
The most
common form of MPS, it is typically most visible in two forms: body
building, and sport-compact car modifying and racing. Similar to
prepubescent MPS, those infected use a material crutch in order to deal
with a perceived (or sometimes, real) inadequacy. At this stage of
life, it is most often because the victim feels that his penis is not
large enough. I could blame the porn-industry for giving us the
likes of John Holmes, and Ron Jeremy. Men, however, do not resort to
this childish blame game. Whereas a woman would be mad at magazines
like Cosmo for promoting an idealistic image of the female form, men lash
out in a different manner. Instead of being frustrated by the
inadequacy, they believe that it is somehow possible to make up for it by
overcompensating in other areas. Two prime examples of this
manifestation are body building and "tricking out" your rice car.
Closely examined, these two "lifestyles" are of no interest to anyone in
the world (except for a few, very shallow women,) except for those who
participate in them.
Seriously, have you ever seen a
grown man, skin glistening with baby oil, muscles rippling from months of
steroids, and a week of diuretics, and thought to yourself "wow! he is soo
cool. I really wish I could be more like him. I bet all the
girls flock to him, and also he probably has a gigantic cock." If you are
like most men, you probably have never thought anything like this, in
fact,
still has a micropenis ------> |
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Fast car = giant cock
If you think my rims are huge, wait till you see my penis. you will be dissapointed. But look at my rims! |
Rice cars, *tricked out* imports, and 22-inch rims. Very similar to body building, but I will examine it a little bit, anyhow. I understand if you like cars. I don't, though. But I understand how you may want to rebuild a 1964 Chevrolet Impala, maybe as a bonding thing with your father, or another close male relative. Or maybe you just like working on cars, or racing cars, whatever. That's all well and good. But ever since "The Fast and the Furious" debuted several years ago, there has been a severe MPS epidemic in the 15-22 demographic. You have seen these poor, sad souls. They frequently drive imported rice cars, like Hondas, Mitsubishis, and Toyotas, although I have seen several Chevy Cavaliers, and Volkswagens. The victims of this form of MPS will spend thousands of dollars on ridiculous rims, carbon fibre hoods, gutting the back seat, Nitrous Oxide systems, engine modifications, suspension modifications, etc. In the end, they end up with a car that is, suffice to say, often illegal and unsafe. They will then spend more money to load it up with decals to make it look like they are paid representatives of Edelbrock, Enkei, V-TEC, etc. When in fact, these companies did not pay you to advertise for them, but rather, you paid them to buy the fucking stickers. In the end, nobody cares about your shitty rice rocket, except for others who suffer from the same affliction, MPS. Similar to body building, most men do not see these foolish looking ricers on the road and say "man, I wish I had a supermodified honda civic with no backseat and stupid 20-inch rims on it. I bet all the girls would think my penis was superbig." Because, most men realize that these cars are just a piece of armor designed to protect the wearer from the cruel, cruel world of men with average sized penises. Remember this the next time you see some sancez in a 1995 civic dx with a severe case of trunk-rattle. Similar topics: SUVs that are larger than a jeep cherokee. SUVs with 19-inch rims or larger. Escalades. Navigators. Excursions. Massive sub-woofers (because really deep bass = really huge dick.)
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Otherwise known as Late Onset MPS, this
is a form of MPS that occurs in men age 35-50. These men, often
burdened with the weight of a collapsing marriage, mortgages to pay and
mouths to feed amidst mounting debt, along with being underappreciated in
an unfulfilling career, often try to revert to a
unidentified grown man with red miata = bitch.
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If you are already displaying symptoms of MPS, I'm sorry, my friend, you are beyond my help. As a researcher, I am familiar with the causes and effects of MPS, but I am not a doctor, and my advice has not been evaluated by the FDA. It is not guaranteed to treat, prevent, or cure MPS, or any other disorder. To my knowledge, there is no known *cure* for MPS. Although we know a great deal about what causes it, the fact of the matter is, it is really quite difficult to prevent. Late Onset MPS is probably the easiest one to prevent. For this, I suggest that you take the following preventative measures:
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often
find it necessary to impose their will on others in a Nietzsche-esque
manner. Commonly known as "bullies," they steal lunch money and toys
at recess. They beat up the smart kid with glasses. They spit
on the girls in class. All of
this is done to combat the adverse effects that their poor social skills
have on their prepubescent psyche. It is a vain attempt to make up for
their social inadequacy; they find that temporarily they feel better about
themselves by inflicting physical or emotional pain on others.
Prepubescent MPS is usually a chronic disorder, that only years of
counseling, or incarceration can overcome. 
you
have probably thought something to the contrary, such as, "why would you
waste the time and money to do that?" or "who does he think he's
kidding?" My research indicates that very near 100% of all
body-builders suffer from MPS. They firmly believe (subconsciously)
that if they grossly exaggerate all of their physical features, everyone
will forget that their penis is only 2 inches when erect.
Ironically, the steroids that these men use to get bigger actually have a
shrinking effect on their genitalia.
time
when life was simpler, and crazier. They take whatever money they
have at their disposal, and summarily waste it in one fell swoop on
something that they may have wanted 15 years ago, but couldn't afford.
For instance- Motorcycles, Sports Cars, and Boats come to mind. Late
Onset MPS may not manifest itself physically. Sometimes men
suffering from LO-MPS find it necessary to divorce and marry a 19 year old
intern. Or they take their new Harley and drive across country.
Or they leave their family to work on a yacht in the Caribbean. This
form of MPS is often the most harmless, but it can be just as harmful as
the others, and often makes you look like a fool in front of everyone you
know.