I found that guy at my house again.
He was sitting behind my couch and eating a sandwich.

And he was watching "The Fifth Element"
on TNT, with Bruce Willis and some black guy.
Notice the nipple.

He broke his arm.
I told him that it made him look like Edward Elric from FullMetal Alchemist.

And here's a random photo of that guy being a lustful hitch-hiker trying
to make his way to his homeland of China.

I've gained a lot weight lately.
It's lonely here at my house when nobody is around, so I eat to keep me sane.
I've run out of good food to eat, since I have eaten it all.
I found some twinkies inside a cupboard way in the back.
They were covered with dust and a dead cockroach fell out when I opened it.
My stomach has become so enlarged, that I can no longer touch my fingers together.

I bit into a twinkie, but it no longer tasted like twinkie.
It tasted like ass.

Then I remembered that I didn't like twinkies in the first place, so I threw it in the garbage.

I decided to look in the fridge again for the 37th time.
But there was still not much in it.
There was cheese.
But I didn't really feel like eating cheese right now.

I found some peanut butter.
And I opened it, but my arm was too short to reach over my monstrous girth and into my mouth.
I was really sad and smelled like peanut butter.

I realized that eating that GIANT twinkie increased my calorie input for the day and pushed me over my limit.
I really am a fatty fat fat.

I looked in the freezer to see if maybe there was some good food in there.

I found me some carrots and peas.
And something called preservatives.
The only good thing I found was that popsicle.
It was well worth it.

I got stuck in the door.
That guy came and pulled me out, but it was only after the movie had finished.
He didn't care about my gutteral moaning enough to help me during the movie.

I know where all my food went now.

That guy worked out until all of his fat had melted off his body.
He could take on anything and everything now.

That cushion didn't stand a chance.

CAN NOTHING WITHSTAND HIS POWER?!

Look at him show boating.

He's actually gonna punch the wall.

* ~ CRUNCH ~ *

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Yep...well...uh..good job.

Look at him moaning in pain. Shame.

He was there for a long time.
I got bored watching him and decided to go take a dump.
He better not knock over my Kibbles N' Bits.

At some point, I guess he left.
When I came back he was gone and he took the Kibbles N' Bits with him.

He left the door OPEN AGAIN, DAMN IT!
And...and..and...
HOLY BIRDS IN HELL!
HE STOLE MY KIBBLES N' BITS!!!!