Man, I was just thinking to myself how colossally, mind-bogglingly bad everything Will Smith appears in or puts his hand to is. I mean, first off, he’s the biggest money grubbing whore in Hollywood, Maddox does a good job of noting the ridiculous product placements in his films in this article I, Robot in a Nutshell . I mean, come on. There is a scene in “I, Robot” that is essentially an ad for a pair of converse sneakers. You shouldn’t have to pay to see that crap. It must be tempting to hire a dude who manages to defray production costs of a film by hiring himself out to advertisers, but Jesus, you should have a little respect for your fucking craft.

Then there’s the movie “Hitch” which is the biggest piece of shit that I’ve ever had the misfortune of exposing my soft and delicate eyes to. What a load of crap that movie is. And the worst of it is that it starts off OK and then totally gets its balls cut off. I mean, the movie is going on about what a bunch of bitches American females are, and then it just bails out in favor of a “just kidding, can we please have sex with you still?” attitude at the end.

Screw that crap.

Now, I suppose that Will Smith is all charismatic and would probably be fun to go to a bar-b-que with and all that, but there’s just something truly evil in his whole career and attitude. I can’t quite put my finger on it, and I’m sure a lot of people are going to think I’m crazy, but I just have the sense that there’s something that Will Smith embodies that is really dangerous not just to society as a whole but to you as an individual.

I guess it’s just that propensity for selling out. Using your charisma to make an idiotic idea seem like a good one. Perhaps it ties into Dante’s “Inferno.” You remember, of course, that Dante reserved the 9th level of hell for the false councilors. AKA, people who give you misinformation.

Is it too strong to say that Will Smith fits this profile simply because he uses his natural charisma to try to make us think a steaming piece of shit script like “Hitch” or “I, Robot” is actually good? Hmmmm, well, it’s hard to argue with Dante isn’t it? I mean, who the fuck are we?

And how the hell does Will Smith manage to have that super squeaky clean image all the time anyway? I mean, I spend all my time in Lima, Peru helping out impoverished people, but everybody I know in the US always makes snide remarks about my loose fucking morality. Will Smith has a song where he’s singing crap like “Go on and hit it!” referring to the nether regions of female genitalia, and he’s on fucking Oprah. Oprah would probably chase me away with a baseball bat, what gives?

Maybe the whole squeaky clean image deal isn’t about being squeaky clean at all, maybe it’s just about being obedient. Obedient little lap dog that does what it’s told.

Makes me think of the game my friend’s parents used to play to try to trick us into silence when I was young. “Let’s see who can be quiet the longest.” They used to say, and my friends, fools that they were, would shut up thinking it was a legitimate contest. “No! I’d cry, it’s just a trick, they just want us to stop making noise!” But the parents would only say, “you lose!” and my idiot friends would remain silent, not talking to me.

More false councilor fuckers, in the end, they all wind up the same. Frozen upside-down in ice next to Judas and Satan himself. If you believe in that crap.

In reality, I think the whole fucking Bible is an example of false counciling. They should have Will Smith play Jesus next time, perhaps he could sell the image of Christ to Coke and make the film for free.

The End