Three of my friends and I were walking along the coast when we came across the body of a whale. It had beached itself or something. We ran over to look at it more closely. Immediately weird Artie wanted to have sex with the blow-hole. “Come on guys we can take turns!” he said excitedly as if it would be some kind of bonding experience. “You go ahead,” I replied and I went around to the other side to let the freak do his thing in private. “Why do we always bring that guy along?” I asked. Nobody could answer me. He was just the tag-along we all felt too sorry for to make stay at home. That and he’d probably kill us if he got mad enough, there was no sense in needlessly provoking him. We found ourselves near the white stomach of the wale. We took out our knives and started cutting in. Great sheets of wale-flesh fell to the ground all around us. We went in deeper and deeper. It was like exploring an ancient cave. It was really hot in there and we stripped off our clothes. The weird blood and wale innards started dripping down all around us. We laughed and sang and cut deeper and deeper. Suddenly I reached the stomach and, not knowing what it was, opened it up with a big horizontal cut. Fiery acid sprayed out into my eyes and onto my skin. I didn’t even have time to call out before my friends were sprayed too. We fell to the ground screaming and writhing in agony. I lost nearly all of my hair and couldn’t see for a week. In the end, it was Artie that saved us. He heard us screaming and ran around to the other side of the whale. He pulled us into the ocean and the waves cleaned us up enough that we could wait in only relative agony while he went for the ambulance. That was the only time that I was glad that we had Artie along. I never did ask him if when he heard our screams he came running right away, or if he finished fucking the blow-hole first. My suspicion is that he waited.
The End