Now don’t get me wrong, I thought Spider Man 2 was a pretty damn cool movie, but I just couldn’t help thinking about why Spider Man kept wasting his time going after petty criminals and muggers when the real evil in the world is committed by people wearing business suits who have stolen elections in democratic countries. Spider Man’s precious time should not be wasted taking care of the crimes that our regular police force can handle. Spider Man should police the police force!
The one thing I really liked about the movie is the fact that Spider Man himself, despite his super human powers, is forced to live in squalor and lonely isolation. Now, here is a guy who could easily take over the whole world if he wanted to, but no, he chooses to do what he believes is right and is thus painted as a monster in the local paper and forced to give up the woman he loves. Are you hearing this message little boys and girls, because it is the fucking truth! Doing the right thing brings you no wealth, no comfort, no love, and very little sense of satisfaction. I’m glad to see a Hollywood movie actually representing reality for a change, although in our recent super-patriotic environment, I’m surprised that the media hasn’t painted Spider Man as a communist or terrorist sympathizer. I mean, after all anyone who has the potential to make billions of dollars simply by stomping on those weaker than him and CHOSES NOT TO is simply un-American!
Another place the Spider Man franchise has real potential for social commentary is in the courtship and marital relations department. How long do you think it is going to take Mary Jane Watson to get sick of Spider Man jumping out a window to save the day rather than sit and politely listen to her boring diatribes about what happened to her that day at work?
MJ: It’s so good to see you here honey, I was hoping that we could spend some quiet time together, I rented the BBC version of “Little Women.” It’s 12 hours long.
Spidey: Gee, that’s great…..uh-oh…Spider sense tingling….there’s a burning building with a baby in it, I’m sorry, I gotta run.
MJ: Oh no you don’t, it’s time that you started putting family first!
Spidey: Wha….?
MJ: I want to have a career too you know, it’s not right that you think you can go running off at a minutes notice!
Spidey: Can we talk about this later, there’s a baby in a burning building!
MJ: Don’t you try and silence me you oppressive patriarch! I have just as much right to pursue the things that interest me as you do. This is a relationship and I have needs!
And what about that Doc Oc dude? I mean, his ambitions were to make a controllable source of fusion. The guy built a functioning sun the size of a basketball! That’s pretty fucking cool, not to mention ambitious. Then later on he’s got to go out and STEAL money to continue his research! What the hell is up with that? I’m sure that in line with typical conservative thinking, the consensus belief was that the dude should have to earn his own funding by working some cheap shit job at McDonald’s before he got enough to finance his idea for FREE UNIVERSAL ENERGY! Of course, at that point he was a little bit nutty because of the artificially intelligent octopus limbs that he had surgically grafted to his spine and which he could only control through a flimsy plastic chip that he had placed in the most exposed careless position on the whole contraption.
Doc Oc: I am the most brilliant man alive….therefore I will protect my brilliance with an easily fragmented plastic chip that I will place on the top of my spinal harness without even a metal cover to shield it against random debris as I wrestle with the power of the sun.
I mean somebody should have really seen that whole Doc Oc insanity thing coming. The only surprising thing was that the artificially intelligent robotic arms wanted nothing else but to continue the doctor’s research. Just think of the amusing episodes that would have resulted if they had been possessed of more basic instincts, like the desire to procreate for example. I think it would have been funny to see the Mechanical arms smashing Doc Oc against a school bus in the futile desire to mate, but that’s just me and I suppose the movie would have lost its pg rating in that case.
The End