1. To start things off, why don’t you tell us a little
bit about Rantlister, Bob Smash, and what you are trying to
achieve with them?
They’re about expressing my rage at damn near everything on earth. The political bickering of the democrats, the impotence of the republicans, the flood of mexicans, the price of porn, and fucking Dr. Phil. And to prove my awesomeness and rightful place as emperor of the U.S.
2. What, in your opinion, would be the worst way to die?
To be eaten by Michael Moore in the presidential box at the Democrat convention.
3. What foreign countries have you been arrested in, and what was the infraction?
I was arrested in Alabamastan for bodily grabbing a female and throwing her after she insulted me by showing me her teeth.
4. Which is your least favorite American State and why?
California. Way too many socialists are bred there.
5. Which food would you least like to cook naked?
Eggs. That's a long story.
Care to elaborate on that?
Okay, this is silly, gay, and very true. For a while when I was younger, I lived with a homosexual friend of mine because I had nowhere else to go. One day I woke up (at 2 PM) and decided I wanted some eggs. It was hot as hell in the house because the thermostat wasn't working right, and that made it even hotter in the kitchen. My gay friend worked at night, so I felt comfortable he would stay asleep, and decided to do my cooking in only the pair of shorts I had slept in. You know those tight-ass jogging shorts dudes wore in the 70s? That's essentially all I was wearing (I was buff back then - before I started siring children).
So there I am, at 2 in the afternoon, half naked, sweating over a stove cooking eggs - and my friend gets up, wearing not much either, and comes into the kitchen. At that moment, my dumb friend (refer to my article A Tutorial In Awesomeness for more on my dumb friend) decides to just walk in without even knocking, with another of my friends in tow.
I'm sure you can imagine how it looked, and all the gay jokes I've had to endure in the years since. Thus my desire to never cook eggs naked. Again.
6. If you had to kill somebody, how would you do it?
I would hang them from a hook, and begin chopping off digits with a large pair of pruners until they bled to death or died from shock. Hell yeah.
7. What, in your opinion, would be the most decadent way to construct a urinal?
Make a ceramic kneeling Jesus with his mouth open, and you would have to push down on the crown of thorns to flush it.
8. How far can you throw a baby rabbit?
If they weigh the same as a kitten, about 20 yards.
9. Do you get any thrills from beating up pacifists?
That's the best. I used to be a pacifist you know. My mom taught me to turn the other cheek, and eventually I learned I only had two cheeks. Now I like to teach other pacifists that lesson, and pain is the best teacher on earth.
10. World domination is a common desire. If it fell to you to utterly dominate the world, what changes could we all expect?
I would utterly and totally demolish all tax codes and unions. Then I would unleash the combined military might of the U.S., Russia, Britain, and Israel on militant Islam. All this "appeasement" bullshit would be out the fucking window. Of course I would be a benevolent dictator, and allow individual freedom and free enterprise. That would be the leading reason for abolishing the tax system - to ensure personal freedom.
The End