I recently had the misfortune of returning to America from my various and nefarious worldly travels and I’d forgotten what a bunch of fat asses Americans are. Seriously, it’s embarrassing. I was in Florida with some friends from South America who spent most of their time trying to think up clever ways to surreptitiously film the fat people in their gross skimpy bathing suits because they thought they were funny and pathetic as hell. For me, it was shameful.
“Why are Americans so fat?” They’d turn to me and ask, and I was forced to respond, “because it is socially acceptable here.”
But you know what, it’s not socially acceptable here or anywhere else, it’s fucking disgusting and disgraceful. I don’t need to see some three hundred pound heifer of a woman waddling around on her repulsive cottage-cheese pockmarked legs. I don’t need to see some greasy pasty Caucasian with his damn Speedo lodged up his ass. It’s gross, screw that shit, it is not OK to be disgusting and fat like that.
All the excuses are bullshit, I’ve been all over the world and there aren’t fat people anywhere like there are in America. There just aren’t. End of story, it’s not genetics, it’s not depression, it’s fucking lack of self discipline. Get this through your head, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR IT!
I’m sick of the whiny TV advertisements and talk shows that talk about how ineffective and difficult diets are. Listen up! If you want to lose weight, eat less and exercise your fat ass. It’s that simple.
Now look, anybody can have a bad patch and lose it for a while. Anybody can become depressed and need some sort of external comfort or whatever and put on a few pounds, I don’t have a problem with that. If you’re currently fat I don’t mind so long as your taking steps to make yourself better. That’s my basic life philosophy, I don’t care what you are now as long as you are trying to make yourself better, I even respect people like that. What I have a problem with is a whole society that not only accepts fatness, but even encourages it!
There are all these damn factions in place that come down on you with righteous anger and furious vengeance if you dare to rupture the fantasy world of the fat person by even suggesting that maybe they should try to lose a little weight. They act like the paramount concern is the self-image of these people and the merest act of disrupting that fragile state is grounds for capital punishment.
But fatness isn’t healthy! It’s a pretty fucking damn dangerous way to be living your life! It’s imperative that you take steps to reduce your size because you’re not only cutting short your life, you’re robbing yourself of maximizing the joy you take in the present. Allowing people to be fat is the greatest disservice you can do to people.
And what about that crap that is said when a guy’s girlfriend becomes fat, if he dumps her now all of a sudden he’s cold and superficial. Of course they completely neglect the disrespect the woman shows her boyfriend by putting on the weight. Becoming fat is disrespectful to yourself and everybody that’s around you. Quit leaning on those damn empty intellectual arguments and get yourself in shape!
But the thing that really pisses me off is that I’ve been to countries where there isn’t enough food. I’ve seen rampant starvation and hardship. I’ve seen kids dying of starvation in the street. It’s fucking heart-breaking. What the hell am I supposed to think when I come back to my own nation and I am surrounded by unbelievable unattainable wealth and waste that is beyond the wildest dreams of those other countries. People driving around in brand new 75,000 SUV’s, every house newly painted and fully furnished, virtually all the citizens enjoying accessible resources that have been beyond the grasp of all of the greatest leaders in the history of the world! What do they use their great power for, their position of being able to do whatever they want, their unquenchable hunger for more? They get fat, that’s what!
You tell me that I should mind the feelings and the self-esteem of the fat people that live in the US? What about the fucking feelings and self-esteem of that fucking child I saw dying in the gutter? What about him? Is it worth it if some asshole fat American feels a little bit self-conscious for five minutes, or however long it takes to send a chicken McNugget down where it is desperately needed? These arguments and justifications for being fat always break down when you apply them appropriately. And don’t sit there and tell me that the people of the world are not our problem. They are our fucking problem, we just got lucky to be born here in the US where we can exploit the rest of the world. If we had any sense of right and wrong we’d be out helping the rest of the world. Not this bullshit token helping of sending a couple thousand dollars to corrupt officials and calling it aid that we are so eager to brag about, but something that really actually makes a dent in the problem.
So go ahead and get all self-righteous about me not liking fat people. Get all self-righteous about me believing they are an affront to humanity and a disgrace to the world. You can fucking hate me if you want, but if you do so, I’m going to think of you as a person who robs food from starving children to feed them. I think that’s a million times worse. And you can go and cry about how badly this article hurt you on any bullshit talk show you want, and you can get some bullshit pet psychologist to say your fatness and your enabling attitude is ok and to rip apart my arguments, but there is an undeniable truth under all of this that is pretty unavoidable.
The major health problem in the world is starvation. The major health problem in the US is over consumption. We can’t even share to save ourselves.
That’s not OK. It’s fucking disgraceful.
The End