1. To start things off, why don’t you tell us a little
bit about your web pages and what you are trying to
achieve with them?
Well I run a few different sites. My personal website, The Cesspool,
is a rant site that I started in July of
last
year. So far the response has been better than I ever could have
imagined.
I also own NO-MAAM but I haven’t written much
for it
in a while. Bob Smash has been doing a lot of the maintenance and
actually
puts more effort into the site than I do. And of course, I help
maintain
Rant Lister along with Bob. That site does
exactly
what the URL implies. We list rant sites. Basically what I hope to
accomplish with these sites is world domination. World domination is a
long and difficult process. One must be patient.
2. In your opinion, what's the most prevalent type of jackass in the
world?
Definitively the politically correct jackass. Political correctness in
the
puss filled cyst on the genitals of modern America. It is because of
this
principle that all culture has been stripped from our country. People
want
to encourage honesty in all affairs yet we are not able to label or
even
acknowledge differences. It is that much more difficult for someone
with
my obviously superior abilities. If I tell the truth and acknowledge
how
much better I am than everyone then I am cocky. If I down play my
abilities then I am a liar. Apparently it is only acceptable to be
honest
if no one gets their little feelings hurt. This is one aspect of
society
that will be abolished when I achieve world domination.
3. Give me an example of some kind of sexual encounter with a
vegetable,
or use of a vegetable in some sort of sexual way, that you might have
had:
Hmmm…I’m trying to think of a story that doesn’t end with a
cucumber up my
ass. Well, there was this one time (or 7) when I stuck a cucumber up my
ass. Or was it a zucchini? I forget. Of course that was for science so
it
doesn’t really count. I think the closest I’ve come to fruit was
when I
accidentally spilled a strawberry shake on some hooker (I’m sorry,
some
“woman”) I was fucking. I’m not really a big health food guy. I
have a lot
of rotten fish head sex stories though.
4. What's the hardest you've ever fucked somebody?
Well there are the stories I’d like to share and then there is the
truth.
I’m pretty fat so pretty much every sexual encounter I have is hard.
5. What's your opinion on forums?
I’ve never been to Rome but as a political tool I think they are very
effective. But I believe you are referring to internet forums? I think
they are fine if that is your thing. I only frequent one (the rant
lister
forum) but they seem to be an effective way of communication (the term
communication is extremely broad) on the internet. I don’t see how
people
can frequent multiple forums. That’s a sure sign of anti-social
behavior
(contrary to popular belief, unless it actually leads to physical
interaction, social networking on the internet is not a legitimate
source
of social contact). It’s also very dangerous to take what you read on
forums seriously. Any idiot that has taken a psych 101 class can fill
in
the rest.
6. If somebody made a vest that inflated to three times the density of
the sun, would you buy one? What do you think the consequences would
be
of turning it on?
Hmmm….that is a good question. It’s amazing that I have been asked
this
question like 3 times this week so I have been giving it a lot of
thought.
After several days of writing formulas and equations I have come to the
conclusion that the vest, like Rosie O’Donnell, would serve no useful
purpose. I would probably buy one because I’m sure that I could find
some
use for it eventually in my quest for world domination.
7. How do you know when you've opened a good bottle of scotch?
If the bottle is full then it is good scotch.
8. Do American women piss you off? Why or why not?
Holy shit. I don’t think there is enough battery juice in my wireless
keyboard for me to answer this question completely. In a nutshell, yes.
I
would love nothing more than to love and worship a woman that deserves
it.
The problem is that American women DEMAND it which makes me want to do
nothing but punch them in the ovaries to keep from spreading their
infectious seed. There are still some good ones left but they are few
and
far between. Foreign women are where it’s at. I want a woman that
greets
me on the floor naked with my slippers, my pipe and my dinner on her
back
and disappears until it’s time for our evening pleasantries. The last
American broad I asked to do that decided it would be fun to fuck my
best
friend. Cunt.
9. Did you ever piss your pants when you were a little kid? Did the
other children see you? Was it on accident or on purpose?
Can’t say that I have. I am fortunate in that my cock is so large
that is
just barely sticks out the bottom of my pant leg making it impossible
to
piss myself. It’s a curse and a blessing at the same time.
10. If Death Pestilence was teaching a class at the local school,
would
you send your children there? What would they learn?
Well, I work at 2 different local high schools so I can tell you that
ANYTHING would be an improvement over the bullshit they are learning. I
think that you could teach them the fine art of the drunken interview.
But
beyond that I sincerely doubt that they would actually learn anything
unless you randomly inserted words like myspace, ipod, or suicide.
Teenagers are fucking stupid.
The End