I'm afraid to say your name
In case it should decide to hover like frost in the air
And then disappear
Erasing all trace of your strange and mysterious ways
The long black letters so lovingly traced on the ground
No longer hold any meaning
A strange eye would see nothing more than just a name
But I
I see a world of hate, love and fear
I fear that I will lose you

I hate to say your name
You've brought me so much pain and heart sorrow
The first time my heart broke in two
It was with a resounding shatter
When I say your name, a small piece breaks off
And falls to the ground, lying there in the dirt
Until I find it again
I can't say your name

My mouth goes dry
Fear jumps into my throat at the thought
I might actually see you
Disappointment sinks into my stomach
When I fail to see your face
I cannot even bear to write your name
I fear I will lose you
If the curving letters should rise into the air
And like ethereal faeries, vanish
My outstretched fingers curl around nothing
The happy memories gone

I can't say your name
It breaks my heart a thousand times over
And I'm growing tired of picking up the pieces
I fear I will lose you
But I fear even more that you've given those dark, curling
letters
To someone else
When I utter your name, it would only hover like frost
And vanish like night when someone else called your
name

It breaks my heart to say your name
But I hide the tears and silently pick up the pieces
I no longer dwell on memories
I've turned your name into stone
As long as I can't see your face the stone will remain
But even the smallest stone will break a heart that's
turned to glass

When I saw your face again after so long
I felt something fall
I saw on the ground lay the broken remains of my heart
Only a stone lay there, among the glass pieces
I picked it up and turned it over in my hands
A stone lay there in my heart
And it bore your name

--------------------------------------------------

You infuriate me
Livid pools of anger bubble up inside me
I can't talk to you
Shut up
Shut up
I said I don't want to talk to you
I can't stand the sight of you
Hisses and growls escape my lungs
I can't help but steam at you
I want to get back at you
To exact my revenge
I can't talk to you
You infuriate me
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up
I hate to talk to you
I get so mad
Boiling anger reveals the worst side in me
And it's all because
I like you
Fuck you

--------------------------------------------------

Dammit! Speak to me
Fuck you
Why can't YOU make a commitment
Why do I have to do all the work?
Why can't you just chill?
It doesn't mean what you think it does
Can't you see I'm outside the constrains of society??
The rules don't apply to me
I'll twist your way of thinking around and around until you get dizzy
Fuck you
This isn't who I am
Quit being so blind
Dammit! Speak to me
Fuck you

---------------------------------------------
11:51AM
paradoxofmendy: well you're on again
harlequinschild: hah, yeah I just woke up : )
paradoxofmendy: lol
harlequinschild: sleep well? same here.. except it was more like 2 hours ago - courtesy of Mendenbar >,< hehe, got to love kitties yeah pretty good for like 4 or 5 hours.. went to bed at 4:40 lol yeah they're cute ain't they? u sleep well? 4:40??? why so late? just surfing the internet writing, reading.. stuff hah! Did you read MegaTokyo?? yeah i did actually.. I still don't know what you were trying to tell me 11:55AM ::looks sheepish:: I was just asking if you saw Largo... But my ASL sVxx0rs...so no worries er.. yeah i know you did.. but like Largo makes an appearance quite often - was it any SPECIFIC Largo? lol Specific? Ehh...Largo is always Largo lol ok so it's a general statement i gotcha i'm kind of curious.. you seemed like you didn't want Alexia to know what we were talking about. how come? brb brb 12:05PM back you have fun last night? okay, back. Sorry, my sister was on the tele What do you mean I didn't want her to know what we we're talking about? When? she didn't know what largo was never mind.. it's nothing Oh, that. Could you imagine me trying to explain that? Yeah, that was supposed to be a quick aside to you, but umm...yeah I hope she wasn't upset? : ( nah i don't think so 12:10PM so you enjoyed her company huh? ::smiles:: She's very nice So are you, of course : ) ::laughs:: i know she is i'm not so sure about me, lol but thanks pssshhhh! Don't shortchange yourself. You put up with me, don't you? lol well thanks for showing up last night. i wasn't expecting that at all 12:15PM Well, neither was I. It was a pleasent suprise. I'm very glad I got to see you both : - ) I don't know what I'm going to do the rest of this weekend.. I have no idea - maybe drive around or something 12:20PM "maybe drive around or something"? lol! I shouldn't laugh, I do that all the time. I love driving though. I'll just set out on the road and only God knows where I'll end up driving is fun! ^^ I find it's a good way to just chill and think about a lot of different things what's the farthest you've gone? Or nothing at all Just randomly? Let's see...up to Vancouver, out to Camas, down to West Linn, south to Salam then back up I-5 home. yeah ::grins:: ah? cool Probably 150 miles there ; ) lol lucky lucky? oh, that you're able to go so far just randomly.. i usually go a lot of different places, but never far enough so I can't get back within the time frame.. you know.. b/c I'm sneaky lol Mom never usually knows where've I've really gone yes i'm a bit irritable right now.. no i promise not to bite your head off 12:30PM why are you upset? huh? oh oops. tch, tch I'm planning my road trip to medford/ashland - did I tell you? and i'm just irritated at the people I was supposed to visit ... I'm ready to just go somewhere else by myself if not for the expenses 12:35PM why? Who are you staying with then? and why are they irritating you? And what's down that way that you want to see, anyway? my, nosey... ::winks:: jk. I learned from the master both JM and Danica invited me to visit each of them this summer LOL JM? it's helpful to have information sometimes yeah another of my friends that I met at camp and my ex-bf but it's never going to work out.. they wanted me to visit, so I was going to stay with Danica i'm irritated at them because they keep changing the plans whereas it is MY road trip and therefore MY choice what I do ex-boyfriend? when was this? ::laughs:: and what's his name? haha! I know that feeling uh like 2 years ago or something... or maybe 1 1/2 lol it's JM it wasn't working too well because i liked another ::shrugs:: Oh, that sucks. hmm why? lol And he lives in Ashland. That's got to present some difficulties That things didn't work out. I don't know. It's sad I guess yeah i guess so. but you live and learn, eh? i don't really think he turned out to be my type really ::shrugs:: oh well But you're still friends? You'd like to visit him? yes as friends we get along better that way lol right, right. I understand and yeah... it's hard to just throw away friendships.. it costs too much, see? didn't you tell me you and Colby were going to visit some friends in CA? 12:45PM Sort of. We're going down together just for fun. We'll probably end up camping in Death Valley or Yosemite. We'll visit my niece in San Hose (near San Francisco) - then we might visit a friend of mine in Los Angeles, but I'm not sure yet fun I was going to go down to a beach cabin that my friend's grandma owns with her and several other girlfriends... we planned out everything to the last detail and got it all worked out under a budget.. we were pretty excited about it, as her older brother had made the same trip for his senior year.. But her mom nixed it you enjoy hot weather, right? Hell yeah. The hotter the better. bleh. lol 12:50PM not for you? i guess hot is ok but humid is the worst. i still wanted to go to california though. i can't believe her mom said no just coz we were girls. >< ::frowns:: eh it's ok Japan was hot, but surprisingly not as hot as here in oregon (normally it's much hotter there than here) Really? I always thought Japan would be pretty temperate, maybe leaning towards cold since it's a string of islands Why did she not allow it because it was girls? oh i don't know - because we're girls?? don't ask me. Moms worry too much about their girls it's another one of those idiotic double standards But it was just girls, right? no guys? so what's the problem? ehh, yeah, whatever ;P lol exactly. they worry too much about strangers attacking us or whatever.. but i think she failed to notice there were 5 of us, not just one :: shrugs:: yeah, whatever. isn't Death Valley in the desert? how are you planning on camping out there? 12:55PM Death Valley is the hottest, lowest place in the Northern Hemisphere It's going to be great : ) And we're going during the hottest, driest month ; ) lol sounds like you have a death wish are there campgrounds out there? Yeah, a few. sounds like fun. let me know how it went so what are you doing today? 1:00PM lol, nothing Chatting with you. Do some chores later, I guess wanna go get something to eat with me? no ::grins:: Sure, when? lol whenever we get hungry, ofc! are you hungry? lol I actually just finished off some chicken (mmm, chickON!) What about tonight? Do you want to go out? I have chores around the house I have to finish up anyway tonight? like where are you thinking? Starbucks, lol Oh, you meant "food", huh? are you going to be able to stay awake that long? lol of course i mean food! Yeah, yeah. Joke kiddo, joke. ice cream counts, though lol I don't care, where do you want to go? Do you want to go out for dessert? Have you ever been to Rimskies? no i haven't been to Rimskies... i've always wanted to check it out, though isn't it open from 7 pm to 1 am or something? 1:10PM What's tonight? Saturday? Yeah, something like that. It's open late in any case. i don't know where it is.. it'd be better if i came over and then you drove there b/c u know where it is, right? yeah so that's good uh huh now.. what time... hmm ::thinking:: any ideas? ::sighs:: I'm and idiot. I think I may have locked myself into something else. Can you hang on like 5 minutes while I call someone? hmkay ::frowns:: I should have figured.. sorry! I have to check. Chris was planning on going out with his girlfriend today, and I told him if they weren't out too late he could come and hang out with me afterwards. Don't be mad, please? : ) let me just call him and check, ok? ::sigh:: ok it's fine, really no it's not. I overextended myself by asking you, and now you're upset. brb 1:20PM kk, I can't even get through to him. I hate it when he does that. Chris never answers his cell phone. Blah. does what? oh lol Alright, let's just go What time will you be finished with dinner, do you think? erm. maybe around 9:00 or 9:30? how about you? oh, that's fine. where do you want to meet? Is it easier to just come to my house, or the coffee shop or what? ehh I don't really want to leave my car alone at starbucks... lol hah! It's right next to the Beaverton Police Department, but that's alright. Just come to my house, then. lol Okay, so I'll see you at 9:30ish? oh really? lol i didn't know that ok sounds good ^^ Yeah, that's why there are always all those police cruisers yeah well that makes sense lol it doesn't explain why people continue to do drugs right under their noses, though... lol but yeah. If you think Alexia would like to come, feel free to invite her. Drugs? what? have fun doing chores ::grins:: 1:30PM no, no. Tell me about the drug use at Starbucks! hehe oh some kids have been known to take them in the parking lot or whatever.. once my friends and i were walking through freddies and some guy came by and asked "hey is ona my boys in there shoplifting?" .. we looked at him funny and sure enough, some police were cornering some guy in the bathroom ok, I'm not suprised, actually lol oh i've seen some kids in the parking lot and like once the police were searching all of them - presumably for drugs.. and then stories do circulate around westview lol no? We've seen drunken boxing matchs, drug deals, lesbian catfights, tree climbing contests...lots of weird shit tree climbing contest? lol well that actually sounds fun but not at starbucks.. lol well again, people are very interesting to observe ::smiles:: it's amusing lol ab-so-lute-ly 1:35PM so read any good books lately?