Warnings: child abuse, depression, suicidal tendancies
Summary: Devoid of the will to live, Harry decides that it is simply time to end it all. Too bad for him that one of his professors had to come and screw it up.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. I am simply borrowing them; therefore, do not sue me.
This is set approximately 4 years after Harry's year would have graduated.
A private life apparently meant a different thing to everyone else than it did to Harry and Severus. They, therefore, made sure to organise all the particulars of the bonding ceremony themselves, letting very few know about it. Though they had chosen Dumbledore to officiate, neither of them trusted him not to 'accidentally' leak information out, so they didn't even let him know that they were exchanging vows at all until the day of the event itself.
Severus suspected that the old man knew anyway, because that was just how the universe worked. It was his job to kidnap Albus, whilst Harry went and rounded up the rest of their guests on the pretext of a family emergency.
"Severus, how nice to see you. It's quite unusual for you to voluntarily step into my office unless there is a Gryffindor up for expulsion. Please, don't tell me that they've blown up the dungeons again?" he was greeted cheerfully, with a tin of sweets offered.
"No," he drawled. "Albus, I need you to come and talk to Harry. I don't understand what's been... He won't talk to me and I thought that you might..."
He gradually shepherded the Headmaster towards the fireplace. Albus fixed him with a knowing smile and grabbed some floo powder.
'"I'm always happy to help, in whatever way I can. All you had to do was ask."
The winking man called out the name of the hall they were going to hold the ceremony in. Severus sighed, it was supposed to be a secret. The old coot had known after all, and all his finely honed acting skills were for nothing.
He followed, silently fuming at the man for his cunning. All he wanted was for all this fuss to be over, so that he could sit down with his husband.
Husband. That sounded so strange. Even after five years of living together, if not peacefully, he doubted whether this new step was the right one to take. Harry was still so young. He didn't doubt his partner's love or commitment, but neither did he wish to tie him down so early in life and stop him from achieving his dreams.
Harry had just laughed at him, and said that all his dreams were of just one person, and that all he sought was a lifetime with him.
How could Severus argue with that, especially since he wanted it so much himself?
The event was quiet after all, or at least, as quiet as it could be with hordes of Weasleys in attendance. The vast majority of them had been reconciled to Harry's lover, even if they weren't always entirely civil. For his sake. Mrs Weasley, once she was sure that he wasn't being mistreated, became one of his staunchest supporters.
Ron was there, largely because Hermione would never have spoken to, or slept with, him again if he hadn't come. His hair had mutated through several shades of green until it had arrived at the current one, dark with highlights. Severus had mentioned to Harry that Hermione had become a master of potions herself, just to get the right colour for her husband's hair.
Draco cruised around, casually looking for a new girlfriend. He had told Harry that they should have more stunts like this to increase the pool of girls that he had to choose from. Harry had smacked him, but only half- heartedly; he knew that Draco was lonely and couldn't seem to find anyone who met his standards, as well as Harry's, and Severus', and Dumbledore's...
Remus looked like he was going to cry. When Molly offered him a handkerchief he explained that the twins had dropped something in his coffee that was making his eyes water. Harry didn't doubt it, for he'd been watching them at work, but he had seen Remus wiping away tears before the drinks had gone round.
A few more friends from school were there, and several colleagues that Harry and Severus knew from their potion making circles, but generally it was quiet.
There were no reporters, and an animagi-reveal spell was cast on the room just in case. The only photographs taken were by Molly Weasley, who was to get them copied and sent out to everyone.
Harry and Severus' hands were tied, words were spoken, promises made. Neither of them were quite sure how they got through it considering that they had been thinking of the look in the other's eyes the whole way through.
Severus thought Harry looked content. On the outside his lover was bursting with happiness and exuberance, displayed in the crazy dance he did round the hall, but what Severus saw on the inside was peace and security, love.
Harry thought that Severus was happy. He looked like he was going to murder the entire population of the building, and had spent the entire time being stingingly sarcastic to anyone who approached him, but for Severus that equalled happy. Besides, Harry detected a little gleam hidden deep within the other's eyes that told him that despite despising all the fuss, Severus wanted this to happen, and had not remained unmoved.
"I'm tired," moaned Harry with feeling, as the last bits of cake were demolished by Fred and George.
"I couldn't agree more," whispered Severus in his ear.
They left discretely. Which of course meant that everyone present saw them, but forbore mentioning it until they were out of sight.
When Harry left the shower, his lover was already in bed. He slipped in beside him and snuggled up to his back.
"Severus," he purred suggestively.
"Go away, you brat. I thought that you said that you were tired?"
Harry pouted, then realised that Severus couldn't see it. "Well, yes. I mean, no. Not that tired. I just wanted to get away from all those people."
He started licking his lover's neck, but this pleasurable activity was halted when Severus turned to him and stopped his pursuit by cupping Harry's face with a restraining hand.
Harry whined unhappily.
"Well, I'm tired even if you are not. I suggest you get some sleep."
But... it was their wedding night. Sort of.
"Just so you know," Harry said petulantly to the darkness, "I'm sulking."
"Just so you know," came the response a minute later, "I'm smiling."
"Bastard," muttered Harry without rancour.
"Shhh, go to sleep."
Harry cuddled up to Severus, who no longer held him away, and did as he was instructed.
Waking up was a decidedly pleasurable experience, and more than made up for any remaining complaints that Harry might have had about the previous night.
The first thing that he was aware of was feather light touches all over his body, gradually becoming firmer and moving to more sensitive areas. He didn't open his eyes; though Severus must have known he was awake due to the drowsy smile which had invaded his face.
As one set of fingers teased over his nipple, and the others softly caressed him down below, he nudged his head blindly forward until he found a convenient shoulder to bury it in. Even when his whole world had narrowed down to the exquisite torture that those hands provided, and the silky, slightly salty taste of Severus' skin beneath his tongue, he did not open his eyes. Like this he felt as though he was encompassed by his lover, every sensation he experienced was dictated by the other.
He came with a groan, and a heartfelt, "I love you, Sev."
Only when he felt his lover's tongue begin to lick the essence that he had spilled off his body did he finally drag his eyelids open. Severus looked up at exactly that moment, seeming to sense Harry's gaze, and gave him a wicked grin.
Then again, wicked was the only type of grin that Severus' mouth was able to form. Not that Harry was complaining.
Back to Smut Indeed Fics