INSULTS FOR MEAN HUSBANDS super oneline, tongue in cheek humor for mean hubbies


1. They were married for better or for worse.
He couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.

2. It must have been love at first sight.
If she had taken a second look, she’d have turned and run.

3. She must have had a real open mind to fall in love with him-a hole in the head.

4. She’ll never forget the first time they met. But she’s trying hard.

5. He was her ideal before marriage-now he’s an ordeal.

6. The only reason she’s had 9 children by him, is that she is trying to lose him in a crowd.

7. He’s made her so nervous, she is losing weight,
but she won’t leave him, she is waiting till she gets down to 125 pounds.

8. She thought she was getting a model husband – but he’s not a working model.

9. He has a certain something, but she wishes he had something certain.

10. He called her his ‘cute little dish’, now he calls her his cute little dishwasher.

11. A fortuneteller told her she’d be a widow soon.
that her husband would die by poisoning, and she asked; “Will I be acquitted?”

12. When she asks him for clothes money, he tells her to
"go to the best shops and pick some nice things, but don’t get caught".

13. He promised her a convertible after they got married and he’s kept his promise.
She’s wheeling a baby carriage with the top down.

14. He needed a wife because sooner or later something was bound to happen,
that he couldn’t blame on the government.

15. He takes his troubles like a man – he blames them on her.

16. She wanted a mink coat, so he got her a trap and a gun.

17. He treats the money he gives her like horseradish,
he parts with it with tears in his eyes.

18. The doctor says she needs sea air, so he’s fanning her with a mackerel.

19. He hasn’t paid attention to her in years, but he’ll shoot any man who does.

20. Once a cyclone ripped their roof off and whirled them a half mile through the air.
It was the first time in years they were out together.

21. He is a perfect gentleman. When she drops something,
he kicks it to where she can pick it up easier.

22. He’s the perfect gentleman; he holds the door open for her,
when she staggers in with a load of groceries.

23. He gave his secretary a fur coat to keep her warm,
and then had to give his wife one to keep her cool.

24. As a husband, he’s the world’s greatest lover – he has five mistresses.


By L.Safian

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