Chp 35
"Are you sure about this?" AJ asked Elena quietly as they sat in the waiting room at the clinic. "Because it doesn't really matter. You're my wife and this is our child and I'll always love you both no matter what."
Elena smiled and leaned over to plant a soft kiss on his lips. "I know, but I have to be sure."
"Mr. McLean?" a nurse called out walking into the room. AJ and Elena both stood up.
"Yes?"
"Are you ready?"
AJ looked back at Elena and nodded.
"Alright. Follow me please."
He turned to Elena and hugged her.
"God, I hope this is just a huge mistake," she murmured burying her face into his shoulder.
"It won't matter to me. Whatever happens happens. Just remember that this is not going to affect us at all."
"If only I could be as strong as you." She hesitantly separated herself from his embrace and longingly stared after him as he walked away with the nurse. They held on to each other's hands for as long as they could, his palm slowly sliding across hers until their fingers intertwined for a moment and then finally lost touch completely. After he disappeared through the door, she sat back down and clasped her hands together at her chest. Tightening her eyes shut, she engrossed herself in a prayer to God.
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"Elena, I can't go. I won't. I can't leave you here alone," AJ whined taking her hands into his own.
"You have to go. You have to tell them. You may not have the opportunity to do it again. You may not have the courage to tell them next time," Elena reasoned.
"What makes you think I have the courage now?"
"The longer you put if off the harder it will get. You have to tell them the truth or before
you know it, you'll be dragged right back into the studio to record for the next album."
"But I don't want to leave you here all by yourself when they call with the results. I have to be here with you."
"I'll be fine, sweetie. Now go on." She took his hand and pulled him off the couch. He
just stood there in front of her pouting. "Do I have to push you out the door and drive you there myself?" she teased amused at his adorable stubbornness.
"Elena, you know that there's just the slightest possibility that it's mine. It would have to be a miracle for it to work out that way."
"Slight or not, there is still a chance. I believe in miracles." She looked down at her stomach and rubbed it lovingly. "There's one growing inside me right now."
AJ placed a small kiss on her belly and then slowly raised his head up until their mouths were level with each other. He then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a deep passionate kiss. She felt herself melt in the warmth of his embrace and surrendered to him. Time seemed to stop as they lost themselves in their love. Only when the phone rang did they snap back into reality. But even then, all they could do was hold each other as the phone continued to shrilly call.
"I can't move," Elena whispered staring at the bellowing contraption.
"Me neither."
"Well, one of us is going to have to answer it."
"No we don't."
Elena shot him a look and then nervously approached the phone. Her trembling fingers curled around its neck and she slowly raised the receiver to her ear. She swallowed hard and finally choked out, "Hello?"
AJ felt his heart beating rapidly in his throat. But his anxiety soon converted to confusion as he watched Elena's features change from tense to relieved. She let out a sigh. "Oh hi, Kevin." AJ released the breath he was holding. "Yeah, he'll be right there. Ok, bye." She hung up and stared at AJ. "He just called to make sure you were going to the meeting." She glanced at the clock and laughed. "You're a tad bit late."
"Oops."
"Oops is right. Now get your sexy butt over there and make me proud."
"One more kiss? Please?" he begged puckering up his lips.
Elena nodded her head. "Nope. No more stalling. You have to go now." He groaned and gave her the puppy dog eyes, his last resort. If that didn't break her nothing would. But Elena remained resolute. "Don't give me that look. It's not going to work this time. This is something you absolutely undoubtedly must do." She pushed him to the foyer and shooed him out the door.
"Elena, this is going to be so hard," he said turning back to her. "I don't think I can do it."
"Do you still feel the same way about quitting?"
"Yeah, but"
"It's your choice, hon. No one's forcing you to do this. It's not too late to reconsider. You don't have to do it if you don't want to."
"I want to."
"Then you have to tell them."
"I'm going to ruin their lives. They're probably going to hate me and I've accepted that. I know I shouldn't be a coward and I should tell them in person. I owe them that much at least, but it's still going to be so hard."
"I know, baby, I know." She gave him one last hug and kiss on the cheek. "But you can do it. I have faith in you."
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AJ hadn't been paying attention at the meeting at all. Kevin, Nick, and Brian all noticed it as they pitched in ideas and discussed plans amongst themselves. AJ couldn't force himself to pretend he cared about what was going on. They were talking about things that didn't apply to him anymore unbeknownst to the other three. AJ knew he wasn't being fair in allowing his now ex-bandmates to continue believing that his heart and soul was still into the group, but his mind was somewhere else. He could clearly picture Elena sitting all alone in their living room, nervously rubbing her sweaty palms together anxiously awaiting the phone call that would change their lives forever. He could see her trembling and praying, furiously fighting back the urge to cry. He understood perfectly well that the child was most likely if not undoubtedly not his. But that small glimmer of hope still shone and he prayed fervently that that faint gleam would grow brighter and brighter until the light illuminated the world and overcame the darkness. He meant every word he had said to Elena about him not caring whether the baby was his or not. But he still wanted more than anything in the world for it to belong to him. To belong to them. AJ felt so incredibly guilty. He shouldn't be here. He should be there with her. They should be hoping and praying, waiting and fretting together. But once again his job interfered with the number one love in his life. However, after today, he reminded himself, things will be different. He wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do with his life after the Backstreet Boys, but he decided that he could worry about that later. Right now all he needed to do was emancipate himself from the bondage of the entertainment business.
"That sounds like a good idea, Nick," Kevin complimented. "Bri?"
Brian bobbed his head in approval. "I don't think anyone's ever attempted doing that before. Just leave it up to our Nicky to think up such a cockamamie scheme. But I think it could work." He turned his attention to AJ who, to no one's surprise, was staring into space, totally existing in his own little world. "What do you think, AJ?"
AJ's mind drifted back to the time when Elena had first told him of her engagement to Nathan. That was the beginning of the end of his life. From then on, he recalled how it all fell apart. He stared down at his opened hands and saw the faint lines that ran horizontally on his wrists. He remembered that night he attempted suicide so clearly. The details were so vivid, like he was reliving the nightmare all over again. He could almost feel the cold metal touch his skin as he prepared to end his misery once and for all. Like he had gone through a portal back in time, he saw himself within himself. Presently happy and confident AJ was helplessly trapped inside his past despairing and hopeless counterpart. He could only watch as the familiar knife slowly slid across his flesh, splitting his veins. He wanted to stop, but he was not in control. It was as if an invisible force was impelling him to sever his ties with life. He wanted to call out, but the pain and reality of it all kept him silent. Never before had he seen it in this light. When he was actually doing it, it didn't seem so terrible. Sure there was pain, but only initially. After a while, the pain lessened and lessened until he was completely numb. He knew it was because his body was slowly dying. His desire for death and peace overpowered any remorse or pain he would've been feeling. But now that he wanted to live, it was one of the worst things he was suffering. He could see his blood incessantly flowing from the self-inflicted wounds. He could feel his body growing cold. He could hear death skulking in the shadows waiting for the right moment to pounce and claim its prey.
"AJ? Yo, dude, you ok?" Nick inquired worriedly as he noticed the terror on AJ's face as he silently looked down at his hands. When he didn't respond, Nick turned to the others who also expressed concern.
Kevin rose up from his seat and crouched down in front of AJ, hoping to divert his vacant stare. He followed AJ's gaze and tried to figure out what exactly had captured his attention so viciously that it wouldn't let him go. But Kevin could see nothing. He didn't understand. What was AJ so afraid of?
'No. I don't want this. I don't want to die! Why am I here?!' AJ could only think his thoughts. He found himself not being able to say them out loud or carry them out. 'Someone please help me! I can't die yet! Not yet!' He felt his eyelids getting heavy. His vision gradually began to fade. 'No! I can't go yet! I have to tell them that I'm leaving! I have to return to my wife! I have to raise our children!' Everything around him became dimmer and dimmer
"AJ! AJ, wake up!" He felt someone grab his arms and violently shake him. Kevin's frantic booming voice forced him to open his eyes. His sight slowly returned to him and the blurred images in front of him began to clear. He could see the outline of Kevin's strong jaw line. Soon he could focus on distinct features, the most prominent of them being Kevin's frightened green eyes which exuded great concern and stared at him intently.
Perplexed, AJ warily took in his surroundings and saw that he was no longer in his bathroom with a knife in his hand, but in Kevin's conference room with Kevin, Nick, and Brian looking at him, fear present in their eyes. He glanced down at his hands and still saw rivulets of the dark scarlet fluid running down his arms, dripping to the floor to form various little puddles of red right by his feet.
"AJ, are you ok?!"
'No! I'm bleeding to death, you fool! Can't you see?!' He tightened his lids closed and after a second or two, they slowly fluttered opened. He focused on his arms. Now there was nothing there. The blood had disappeared. Gaping incredulously, he looked at his palms, the back of his hands, and then at his palms again. There weren't any wounds or anything. He turned his attention to the ground. The droplets of blood were gone.
"AJ, can you hear me?!"
AJ suddenly realized that Kevin had been calling his name for the last five minutes.
"I-I---" he stammered, utterly confused. "What just happened?"
"You tell us!" Nick exclaimed clutching his chest. "You scared the shit out of me! You were so completely out there! We didn't know what the hell to do!"
AJ glanced at Kevin then at Brian whose blue eyes were still as wide as saucers and then back at Kevin.
"We thought we were losing you there, buddy. Are you ok now?"
"Y-yeah, I think so."
"Good. Dammit, when the hell are you going to stop giving me heart attacks?! God, you are going to be the death of me."
"Sorry, Kev," he muttered. The guilt washed over him once more. Kevin had saved him before and again now. He owed his life to him and to Howie. Howie. Dammit. Howie was the one that had convinced him to stay the last time he contemplated quitting the band. Would he be spitting on his grave or disrespecting his memory by leaving? He hoped that Howie wouldn't be too mad and that he'd still be accepting of him when it was his time to enter the pearly gates. That was if he didn't wind up burning in Hell first.
"What happened?"
"I'm not sure"
"Well, what did you see, what did you hear? Where did you go? Did you feel anything?"
"Yeah" AJ shifted in his seat feeling extremely uncomfortable with the interrogation. Kevin was asking him questions he couldn't really answer. Well no, that was a lie. He could very well answer them. He just didn't want to.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"Aren't you going to tell us?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Because what?"
"Because there's something else I have to tell you." Now was the time. He couldn't conceal his true feelings any longer. Kevin slowly sunk back into his seat and stared at him. Nick and Brian had also had given him their undivided attention. With the blood pounding in his ears and a major headache coming through, AJ took a deep breath, held it a few seconds to calm his racing heart, and then let it out raggedly. "Guys," he choked out clutching the armrests of his chair so tightly, his knuckles were turning white. "I don't want to a Backstreet Boy anymore. I'm leaving the group."
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'Oh God, I hope he's ok,' Elena prayed as she thought about AJ. Just then, the phone rang. Elena gasped and turned her head towards the shrill ringing. This had to be it. She had experienced the disappointment of two false alarms already. The third one was always the charm. She scooted herself closer to the phone and with quivering hands, she answered. "H-hello?"
"Mrs. Elena McLean?" an unfamiliar voice inquired.
"Yes?"
"This is Dr. Ethan's Center for Pregnancy Care. We have the results to the paternity test"
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With bated breath, AJ awaited the responses to his declaration of independence. Kevin didn't say a word. He just clasped his hands together, brought them up to his chin, and began to slowly rock back and forth. He appeared to be deep in thought. Brian also remained silent. He simply turned his eyes to the window and gazed out into the spacious backyard. AJ couldn't tell what they were thinking. They didn't look too upset. But looks can be deceiving to quote an old cliché. Nick, on the other hand, had a whole different attitude about it. He was smirking and shaking his head. AJ was puzzled by his unusual reaction. He didn't know what else to say. What he had gone there to say he had said. "Umm" Unexpectedly, Nick began to laugh. Brian and Kevin both looked at Nick also surprised and baffled by his cackling. "You think this is funny? I'm not joking," AJ remarked slightly annoyed.
"Oh yeah, I think it's very funny," Nick snickered. His voice soon took on an angry tone. "I find it fuckin' hilarious how you think you can just waltz in here, late might I add, and decide to destroy our lives! What, did you just wake up this morning and realize that you didn't like us anymore?! You feel that we're not important enough to discuss this with?! You think it's just you that your decision would be affecting?!"
AJ was somewhat prepared for this kind of response. He knew they had every right to be angry and he decided that he was going to handle this calmly and maturely. "Nick, it's not like that at all. I have been struggling with this for such a long time. It really took a lot out of me. I love you guys. You're more than just bandmates and friends to me. You're my brothers."
"More like ex-bandmates and ex-friends!" Nick stood up, the ire flushing his cheeks. "How could you do this to us?!"
"I'm really sorry. I sincerely am. But I can't do this anymore. Please understand."
"I can't understand, I'm sorry! When we first started, we made a pact that we'd be together forever---"
"Did you honestly think that that was how this was going to work out? Nothing lasts forever, Nick. No matter how much we hope and pray and believe. This chapter of my life is done. It's closed. I want to start a new one. Everything's changed now. We aren't the same five little boys that excitedly scribbled our names on the dotted lines eleven years ago."
"I know that! But why does it have to end?! Did you even consider what we want?!"
"Believe it or not, I did. I felt that it wouldn't be fair to the group to have someone that just didn't care for it anymore. I would just drag you all down with me."
"What do you think you're doing now?!"
"I'm telling you that I want out. Replace me, go on as a trio, I don't know, do what you want to do. I'm just letting you know that I don't want to be a part of this anymore."
Nick jeered and threw his hands up in the air. "Unfuckingbelievable. Do you actually think we could find the same success as a trio like we did when we were a quintet?!"
"We did as a quartet."
"But not by choice! Howie was so into the group. He never wanted to leave. He lived for it. I honestly think that he was the one who held it all together during those trying times we've had. He didn't want to go, but because of you, he was taken away from us too soon."
AJ tried his best to conceal the hurt Nick's harsh words caused him. But he never anticipated being blamed for Howie's death. He knew that in reality, it was his fault and at the same time it wasn't. Anytime he thought about it and was feeling down, his friends would assure him that he was not guilty and that Howie had done it at his own free will. But now, one of the men he had considered family, was resurrecting an old conflict he had thought was buried deep beneath the sands of time, driving the stake even deeper than before.
Kevin decided that now it was his turn to talk. "Nick, I don't think that was necessary." Nick narrowed his eyes at Kevin. "I know you're angry, but we have to be rational about this."
Nick sat back down with a huff and crossed his arms. "Fine. Let's hear what you have to say, Mr. Rationality."
Kevin glanced down at his hands for a moment before focusing on AJ. AJ was now staring out the window attempting to hide his sorrowful visage. But Kevin could see right through him and he knew that it was difficult for AJ to go in there and assert his desire to leave. He had been thinking about it, too, but now that it was actually happening, he found it a little hard to swallow, but not completely unacceptable. "To tell you the truth, I was kind of expecting this. I even thought about quitting myself." All eyes turned to Kevin in surprise. "It's true. The day I proposed to Staci, I knew that nothing would ever be the same again. Being married is a full time job. It's hard enough being a Backstreet Boy and a husband. Can you imagine being a father on top of all that? I understand you, AJ, I really do."
"Thanks, Kevin," AJ said quietly. "I appreciate it."
"We have been together for so long and in the past eleven years I've had some of the best times of my life. But I knew it had to end someday. I just never thought it'd be this soon. I've noticed that we have sort of been drifting apart for some time. And I thought it was perfectly natural because now Brian has Jen, I have Staci, and AJ has Elena and a baby on the way. The group wasn't the only thing in our lives anymore. But I was too afraid to say anything." Kevin slowly spun his chair around so that his back was facing AJ. "I knew you'd be the one brave enough to say it," he added softly.
Nick couldn't believe what was happening. He had given up his adolescence for his career. They thought that he was too young or naïve to understand, but he had sacrificed a lot as well. Maybe he didn't have a wife and a kid, but his life was just as important as theirs. "Ok fine, you side with AJ. Brian, you got my back right?" Brian continued to gaze out the window silently. "Bri?" He turned his head to Nick and looked at him with sad eyes. "Frick?" No words needed to be said for Nick to know what he was thinking. "Oh no, not you, too! Brian, you're supposed to be my best friend! Why are you taking his side?!"
"This isn't about taking sides, Nick. You knew this had to happen someday and I'm sorry to tell you that I agree. It's going to be much too hard balancing both aspects of my life and Jen and I want to have a family."
"So do I," Kevin stated.
"So do I, but you don't see me jumping ship!" Nick shouted. "I can't believe you guys!"
"Face it, Nick," AJ retorted firmly. "It's over."
The young blonde's temper exploded. He pounded his fist on the table. "Why, just because you said so?! No! Why do you have to screw up my life just to make yours work?! It's not my fault you can't handle the pressures of fame and fatherhood at the same time! Maybe you should have thought about that before you fucked her!"
AJ felt his blood pressure rise at his insolent remark, but he kept control. "Nick, I suggest you calm yourself down before you say something you'll regret."
"And I suggest you leave me the fuck alone! You said what you wanted to say so now it's my turn! Do you know how many offers I've had to go solo?! Do you know how many opportunities I turned down?! I could have left the group like that," he snapped his fingers. "I could've found success on my own and I wouldn't have had to worry about shit like this. But every time they shoved a new contract in my face, I'd turn it down. And do you know why I turned it down? It was because I felt at one with what I was doing. You guys were my best friends, the older brothers I never had. I couldn't see myself out in the world without the four of you by my side. We've been through so much together. We've endured so much doubt, criticism, pain, and grief, but we always made it out alive together. How can you be so willing to throw that all away?! All our blood, sweat, and tears?! All our hard work to get where we are?! I never thought that the critics who always said that we wouldn't last would win this battle! And I'm not happy to report that I can't accept this, I refuse to accept this, and that I am really really REALLY pissed off! I never thought that you'd betray us, that you would betray Howie's memory! He gave up his fuckin' life for you, but you end up leaving anyway! Why did he even bother?! That should've been YOU!"
That was it. AJ couldn't just sit there and condone his outrageous behavior. He expected opposition, but he never anticipated being accused of what could almost be considered involuntary manslaughter. He stood up and confronted Nick. Kevin jumped in the middle before jabs and blows could break out.
"Nick," Kevin stated with the booming sound of authority in his voice. "You're not being fair."
Nick turned to Kevin with disbelief and fire burning in his blue eyes. "I'm not being fair?! Who's the one who is so caught up with himself that he doesn't even have consideration for other people?!"
"Oh, I'm the selfish one right?!" AJ exclaimed with the venomous sarcasm dripping from his speech. "You have absolutely no FUCKIN' idea how hard it was for me to get it out! You think it was easy for me to give this all up?! Not only was it my success, fame, and glory, but it was also my passion! But things change! People change! Ambitions change! Reality overcomes the dream! I've got to focus on taking care of my family now! I am gladly giving it all up for Elena and our child! I have no regrets! You can bombard me with insults all you want, you can curse my name till the end of time for all I care! But nothing you say can make me change my mind!"
"You're ruining our lives, you're condemning us to endless years of agonizing flashbacks and painful memories, you're sacrificing us, the people who had been kindred to you way before Elena had ever graced your life, for a woman who tortured you for years with your unrequited love and nearly drove you to suicide?! For a child that ISN'T EVEN YOURS?!"
With the rage finally conquering him, AJ lunged at Nick. Nick moved back as Kevin caught him and held him back. "YOU FUCKIN' LITTLE PRICK! YOU DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE! YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOUR LITTLE FUCKIN' HEART DESIRES TO ME, BUT YOU LEAVE MY FAMILY OUT OF THIS OR I'LL FUCKIN' RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FUCKIN'ASS!!!"
"AJ, calm down!" Kevin shouted restraining him by his arms.
"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! TELL THAT LITTLE BLONDE FUCKER TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I POUND HIS IN SO BADLY, HE'LL MAKE THE FUCKIN' HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME LOOK LIKE BRAD PITT!!!"
"Nick, I think you better leave."
Nick's jaw dropped to the ground. "He's the one threatening me, and you want me to leave?!"
"Nick, come on," Brian said calmly taking his arm and leading him to the direction of the door. Nick furiously broke away from his grasp and took a step forward toward AJ who was still struggling to break free of Kevin's strong hold.
"Fuck you," he spat. He glared at Kevin, "Fuck you," and finally turned his fierce eyes to Brian, "And fuck you. I don't need you guys! I can have success on my own!" he screamed storming through the door. But before he left, he turned to them one last time. "I hope you all have happy lives," he growled and then with an angry slam of the door, he was gone.
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AJ was seething the whole drive home. He scolded himself because there were other things he should be worrying about. More important matters at hand like the discovery of the truth concerning his doubtful biological ties with the unborn child rather than the little immature blonde's temper tantrum. As he entered the anteroom to his home, he sensed that something was not completely right. The house was eerily quiet except for a strange beeping noise that emanated from his living room, one of many. "Elena?" he called out only to be answered by his own echoes. "Hello? Elena, are you here?" No response. 'Oh God, what now?' he thought to himself as he cautiously walked through the arch that connected the grand entrance of his mansion to the capacious den Elena favored to spend her time in. He descried that the shrill noise was the wailing of the phone that lay hanging off the wall. As he picked it up, the digital operator began to speak, but her automatic message was cut short by his placing the receiver back in its cradle.
"Elena?" he called again only to receive the same reply. Total silence. He darted toward his staircase when a loud crunch sounded from underneath his heel. He picked up his foot and saw that he had stepped on fragments of ceramic. He recognized the glossy black and grey marble pattern of the relics. Looking father across the room, he saw a broken lamp, shattered against the hard wood of the floor. Something was definitely wrong. Fearing the worst, he felt his pulse race and his breath quicken. He flew up the stairs, tripping near the top. He ignored the pain that surged through his knees as they smashed against the solid marble blocks and began his frantic search throughout his six-winged, three-leveled villa. "Elena! Where are you?! Please answer me!" Finding no success with the east wing, he ran through the west, poking his head into every room hoping to find her deeply asleep or completely engrossed in some activity that had captured her interest so intensely, his panicked cries fell upon deaf ears. Why the hell did he have to have such a big house?! He cursed his wealth and swore to relinquish it if only she'd appear safe and sound and return to his arms. Having no luck on the upper level, he raced down the stairwell once again and continued his frenzied search. Where the hell could she be?! Was she even there?!
The seconds that passed felt like hours for AJ who was distraught and imagining every horrible thing in the world that could've happened to his wife. Passing quickly across one of his several bathrooms, he almost missed the trembling figure curled up in between the sink and tub that appeared only as a blur of color in his haste. With his feet sliding across the slick surface of the polished stone floor, he sharply turned back and rushed into the bathroom and gathered her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "Oh God, I was so scared that something had happened to you! Why didn't you answer me?!" Elena wouldn't answer him with words. In lieu of her teasing him about his overreacting and scolding him for being so damn apprehensive all the time, all he got was a muffled sob and a deluge of tears he felt soak through his shirt. He looked down at her confused by her weeping. Her face was hidden in his shoulder but he could sense the sorrow that exuded from her quivering form. "What is it? What's wrong?" he asked quietly, softly stroking her hair. He felt something hard dig into his chest and he gingerly separated himself from her to see what was in her hand. He could see the unmistakable translucent tan coloring and cylinder shape of a plastic bottle through the cracks of her curled fingers. The now empty container that had formerly held two-weeks worth of prescription drugs. She unfurled her other fist to reveal a couple of pills lying in her palm. AJ's face blanched and he felt like he was choking. "Elena, please don't tell me you took them," he pleaded shakily. "Please don't tell me you tried to---"
"I did," she croaked out, her glistening eyes staring straight into his. "I tried to commit suicide."
"No"
She cried harder. "But I couldn't! I couldn't do it! I couldn't kill my baby and leave you!"
AJ felt somewhat relieved that she didn't take the pills, but he was still so scared for her. Now he understood how Kevin must have felt when he found him lying in a pool of his own blood. He tightened his embrace around her and gently removed the matted hair from her eyes and cheeks. "Why?" he whispered as the tears slowly made their way down the contours of his pale jowls. "Why did you want to kill yourself?"
"It's not yours," she whimpered barely audibly.
It was finally confirmed. Nathan, the mortal embodiment of Satan, was the father of Elena's baby. Their hopes were gone, their dreams shattered, and their spirits crushed. But AJ refused to renounce his promise to her.
"I told you it doesn't matter. Nothing has changed. I will always be here for you and our child. God, Elena, if I had found you here dead with the bottle still in your handdo you have any idea how much I love you?"
"I know, I know, that's why I couldn't do this to you. I wouldn't be able to stand being away from you. I'm sorry. I am so sorry," she sobbed clutching him tighter.
"It's ok, love, it's alright," he comforted her slowly rocking her back and forth in his arms. He lowered his lips to her ear and softly began to sing.
"The years go by so slowly
Another day is dawning
You look into my eyes and say,
If you had to leave, would you still stay?
I place your hand over my heart and whisper in your ear,
No matter what, no matter where we are, you'll always be right here
So another second, or a minute, or maybe a lifetime may go by
But the day will never come when my love for you will die
Time and time again I tell you
Nothing in this world was made to last
Except for the love in our future
And the memories we've shared throughout our past
Time and time again I say to you
Nothing in this world is guaranteed
Except for the passion I feel for you
And the need you have for me"
His voice faded with the song. "Always remember that," he whispered kissing the top of her head. "Always."
Epilogue
Chp 34
