Chp 32
"Oh my God!" Elena gasped and starting running towards him when she realized that he wasn't getting up. "AJ!!!"
A young woman who had witnessed the whole scene got to him before Elena did and was crouching over his still form.
"Oh my God! Oh my God! Is he ok?!" Elena screamed, stopping abruptly and dropping down to her knees beside him as the tears streamed down her face.
The woman looked at her with uncertainty in her eyes. "I-I-I don't know," she stammered, "I'm gonna---I'm gonna call 911, ok?!" And with that, she sped off to a payphone.
Sobbing, Elena leaned over him to check if he was still breathing and that's when she noticed the little rivulets of blood trickling down the pavement underneath his head. "Oh God!" She covered her face with her hands and cried uncontrollably. A small crowd started to form around them. The woman who had gone to call an ambulance returned.
"They're on their way!" she informed Elena.
"Oh my God! I know him! I know who he is!" a girl about thirteen years old shouted. A man standing next to her nodded his head in disapproval of her outburst and the girl immediately shut up.
"Who is he?" the woman kneeling beside Elena inquired curiously.
"He's my husband," Elena choked out slightly annoyed. Now was not the time for publicity.
AJ could hear many voices float around him, but he couldn't see. The voices were all muffled and blended together to become one garbled and unrecognizable sound. He felt cold shivers and the sensation of pins and needles jabbing him all throughout his body as he struggled to open his eyes.
Elena saw that he started to shake and to convulse and became even more panicked than she already was.
"Oh God, what's happening?!" she shrieked on the brink of losing her mind.
AJ furrowed his brow in effort and frustration and forced his eyes to open. When they did, all he could see was a bunch of blurry blotches of colors thrown together to create a hazy collage of confusion. Finally, the image gradually began to take form until he could distinguish two distinct pairs of eyes staring down at him. One pair clearly showed concern while the other was red-rimmed and watery, displaying great worry and anguish. The brown ones he did not know, but the green eyes he recognized as belonging to the one person he was destined to be with for the rest of his life.
"Elena?" he whispered hoarsely, his eyes darting in all directions, confused by all the people surrounding him. "Where am I?"
"AJ," she wept happily, planting a gentle kiss on his forehead and then softly running her hand down the side of his face. "Oh God, I was so scared that you wouldn't wake up! Are you ok? Can you stand up?"
"I think so." Elena and the other woman each took him by the arm and slowly and carefully pulled him up to a sitting position. He glanced nervously at all the questioning pairs of eyes looking down at him.
"Are you ok?" Elena asked him concerned.
He nodded his head. "Yeah. I think I can stand up." His confidence started to fade away and he felt light-headed as they cautiously helped him to his feet. His hand shot to the back of his head as a sharp, stabbing pain hit him. Squeezing his eyes shut and growling, his knees gave out from under him and he went crashing down onto the ground. Elena gasped and caught him before he hit the floor. "Ok, maybe not," he groaned, trying to will the throbbing pain to go away. When he brought his hand out in front of him, his eyes widened at the sight of the dark crimson liquid coating his palm and fingers. He whimpered in fear.
"It's ok, sweetie, the ambulance is almost here. You'll be fine," Elena comforted him as she dried the last of her tears and held him. He rested his head against her shoulder and closed his eyes, finding himself drifting away as she tenderly stroked his hair. "Don't fall asleep," she whispered into his ear. "You have to stay awake until the ambulance gets here, ok?"
"I'll try," he muttered trying his hardest to keep himself conscious. His eyelids felt so heavy and all he wanted to do was fall into a nice, peaceful deep sleep. But he knew he'd be risking too much if he gave in to his desire and he had promised Elena and himself that he would never leave her. Never.
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"Oh Jesus, things like this can only happen to me," AJ grumbled as he stumbled into the house after spending an agitating two hours in the emergency room. Elena walked in right behind him. "Don't ever be a dumbass like me."
"It wasn't your fault. It was that bastard that nearly ran you over," Elena seethed.
"Oh yes, I avoid getting hit by a car only to wind up with a concussion and stitches anyway."
"Does your head still hurt?"
"Yeah, but it's more like a dull pain rather than the feeling of someone poking a knife into my brain every five seconds," he replied bitterly, tripping over his own feet. Elena grabbed his arm to steady him.
"Maybe you should lie down." It sounded more like a command than a suggestion.
"Ok." He looked around slightly confused. "Where's our room again?"
An expression of concern spread over Elena's features as she guided him to their bedroom. "Maybe they released you too soon. Are you sure you're alright?"
"Yeah yeah, besides the headache and dizziness, I'm A ok." He plopped down onto the bed and sighed. "I swear I'm cursed. Maybe I should write out my will right now. Who knows if I'll survive my next incident."
"Oh stop it. Of course you will. I'm going to die before you do."
"Oh? And why is that?"
"Because I'm older."
"Haha. Life doesn't work that way, hon." The morbidly humorous atmosphere suddenly turned uncomfortably somber. AJ glanced down at the ground before looking up at Elena with sadness in his eyes. "I've been lucky too many times," he said softly. "I think my number's coming up soon."
"Don't say that," she scolded him giving him a fixed glare as she sat down beside him. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. This isn't the kind of conversation I want to subject our child to."
"But, honey, we have toI'm going to leave everything to you and my mom. The guys could find someone else to replace me. Tell them they don't have to dedicate anything to me. Eleven years of happy memories are enough. When they make me up for the funeral, tell them I want my hair dyed blue. I wanna go out with a bang."
"AJ," Elena frowned not liking where this was headed.
"And don't cry too hard because I'll be happy. I won't be alone. Howie will be up there to welcome me. We'll party like old times. So feel free to remarry, I won't mind. I'll want you to move on with your life. He just better be good to you and our kid or else I'll come back to haunt him." He looked down at the silver cross around his neck and grasped it firmly in his hand. "You can have this when I'm gone" He ran his finger over its shiny surface. "Or maybe I should just give it to you now. Just in case. If I die gruesomely, I don't want it to get stained."
"Please stop," she implored, feeling her heart wrench inside of her.
He unclasped the chain and shoved it into her hand. "Please pass it down to our son or daughter when they get old enough. I want them to have something to remember me by." He took her hands into his own and looked her straight in the eye. He saw the unshed tears glistening in her gaze. "A-and if I die tomorrow, I want you to know that I'll always love you and that I'll be watching over you. When you feel the sun's warmth surrounding you, that will be my arms holding you. When you feel the cool raindrops on your face, they will be my kisses from heaven. When you hear the gentle breeze whistle in your ear, that will be my voice whispering words of comfort. And when---"
Elena tore her hands away from his and covered her ears. "Stop it!" She jumped up from the bed and threw the cross at him. "I don't want it! And I don't want to hear this anymore!"
"But---"
"NO! Why are you doing this to me?! I don't want to talk about this now!"
"Then when?! When they're lowering my casket six feet deep into the ground?!" he cried urgently, standing up. "Will it be convenient for you then?!"
Elena turned and faced the wall so he wouldn't see the tears flowing down her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit down hard on her bottom lip. "Why are you hurting me?" her voice cracked as she held her arms tightly across her chest.
Her words cut through AJ's heart like a knife. Suddenly realizing what he had done and feeling a deep sense of guilt and shame wash over him, he swallowed the lump lodged in his throat and cautiously approached her. His head swam and his knees wobbled when he saw all the pain he had caused her. He wanted to die right there. That was the one thing he swore on his life that he would never do.
"I'm sorry," he choked out as he came up behind her. His warm breath hitting her skin made her involuntarily shiver. A small sob escaped her throat. He feebly suppressed the urge to break down, draining all the strength he had in him. He gently placed his trembling hands around her arms and slowly turned her around. She didn't resist, but she avoided eye contact with him. Staring down at her, he tenderly brushed her wet-stained cheek with the back of his hand and tilted her chin up. He couldn't believe that he had done this. He made her cry. He made her suffer. He put the anguish and the sorrow on her face. "I never wanted to hurt you."
She fell into his embrace and buried her face into his shoulder, releasing the torrent of tears she couldn't hold in any longer.
"I swear I never wanted to hurt you," he whimpered softly as he felt himself caving in. "I just don't want things to remain unsaidbecause I know that when we finally do say them, it will be too late. And we will both regret it."
"I don't want to say anything," she squeaked out, her voice muffled by his shoulder. She looked up at him pleadingly. "Except that I don't want you to leave me. I don't want it to happen again. Especially with you. Not with you. Our life together is going so great. It's better than I ever dreamed it would be. God can't take you away from me now."
"Elena, I know I'm going to die. I can feel it. I don't know when. It could be tomorrow or ten years from now. And I don't know how. ButI can feel it."
"No," she sobbed, fervently shaking her head. "No! It's not going to happen!"
"We don't know when," he lamented, the tears now gliding down his face. "That's why I---"
"Shhh," she hushed him placing her finger on his lips. "Not now. Please not now," she whispered begging him.
He nodded solemnly. She leaned her head against his shoulder and placed her hand on his chest. He rested his chin on top of her head and they just stood there satisfied with only each other's company, listening to each other's breathing, and feeling each other's heartbeats.
"AJ," she murmured barely breaking the silence. "Today, with the car that could've been me."
Like a horrid revelation suddenly bestowed upon by him an invisible minion of Satan, he suddenly realized that what she was saying was true. If he hadn't woken up and stopped her from going to the Dairy Queen when he did, it would've been her crossing the street. The black Mustang would've been speeding towards her and it surely would've hit her. Her condition wouldn't have allowed her to jump out of the way fast enough. He could've lost his wife and his child.
He felt his pulse quicken and a wave of cold shivers rush throughout his body. He tightened his arms around her. "I won't let anything happen to you," he vowed as she closed her eyes and exhaled quietly. "I promise you thatand forever."
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"Hi, Dad. I know I haven't been around much. My life's been so hectic lately. It's quite ironic actually. It seems like we're busier when we're not touring with all the weddings happening and all the drastic changes in our lives. AJ's wedding went well. It really came out nice considering they only had one week to put it all together. But it was really beautiful. Brian's is coming up soon. Next week actually. Overhearing the girls talk about it, I can only imagine what it will be like. It sounds like it's going to be damn near a royal wedding. I hope it lasts. I really do. I hope all of them stay as happy or even happier than they are right now."
Kevin crouched down in front of the tombstone and placed the flowers beside the ones his brothers and mother had laid to rest on the grave. "As for meI think I made the right choice. I know that we haven't been together that long and you've always told me not to rush into things, but I feel that now it the right time and Staci is the right one. I've never met anyone like her before. I've never felt this way before. Not even with BethI wish I could say that my life is complete, that I have everything I've always wanted, and that there is nothing left for me to desire. ButI can't. There will always be an empty void that can never be filled. This hole in my heart will not be mended until the day I die and I get to see you again."
Kevin had to pause for a moment and swallow the lump in his throat. Today was that very same day cancer had finally claimed the life of Jerald Richardson thirteen years ago. It was a long time ago, but it was still hard. Kevin often pondered why his father, the kindest, most honest and hard-working, most loving, and grandest man he had ever known, had been so unfairly stricken with the fatal illness. Why did God make him suffer? Why did God have to take him away from his family? They still needed him. But then Kevin would always come to the conclusion that God needed him more. And yet, he still felt the loss, piercing and heavy, as if it only happened yesterday. It was his father whom encouraged him to move to Orlando and pursue his dreams of becoming an entertainer. Kevin had always imagined him being there when he finally married the woman he loved. He had always pictured him proudly standing beside him as Kevin held his first child in his arms.
Kevin took a deep breath and desperately tried to suppress the deluge of tears that threatened to fall. "I don't know if this will hurt you or make you happy. There are so many emotions whirling inside of me right nowsadness, reliefguilt. I miss you, Dad. And it still hurts me to know that you're not here, butI feel that Staci somehow lessens the pain. Having her by my side helps me cope. She doesn't have the slightest idea exactly how much she's helped me. I've lost a loved one, but I've also gained one. It's incredible how one instant can change your life forever. The second she walked through the door, I knew she would be my companion for life. You would've loved her."
Kevin wiped away the single tear that rolled down his cheek with the back of his hand and glanced up at the sky. Ugly gray storm clouds were settling in and the wind suddenly turned bitter cold. He tightened the jacket around his body and continued to talk. "I only hope that I can come remotely close to the loving father, loyal husband, and great man you werestill are. All I've ever wanted was to make you proud."
A chilling gale surrounded Kevin causing him to shiver. He could hear the rumbling of thunder resonating from the hills abroad and the bright flashes of lightning illuminating the sky in the distance. It wasn't unusual weather for that time of the year in Kentucky, but it still sent a slight twinge of fear into him. Kevin wasn't usually afraid of storms. He didn't know why this one was the exception. Maybe it was due to the fact that he was in the cemetery in the middle of a soon to be tempest on the thirteenth anniversary of his father's death. He took it as it not being a very good sign. He somberly looked down at the inscribed slab of cement and ran his fingers over the engraved name and dates.
"Looks like a big storm's coming. I better get home. Staci must be worrying about me. She reminds me of Mom." He smiled and stood up. "Bye, Dad. I love you." He kissed the tips of his index and middle fingers and touched the cold, gray stone. Then slowly and silently, he walked away.
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Staci quietly stepped down the stairs to the recording studio Kevin had built in the basement of his Kentucky home. Every creak her foot made in coming in contact with the oak wood polished staircase made her cringe in fear that she was disturbing Kevin's concentration. She would usually leave him alone when he was working, but a pretty unfamiliar melody had emanated from the studio and into her ears sparking her curiosity. She tip toed into the room and just lingered in the doorway, watching silently as Kevin played with all the buttons and switches on the mixing board. The euphony became louder and softer, fast and slower, and then it reverted back to its original state. Staci noticed the fine lines etched into his forehead, a tell tale sign that he was in deep concentration. After releasing a sigh of frustration, Kevin turned off the music and lied his head back against the chair he was sitting in. He held a sheet of paper on his lap and began to rhythmically tap his pencil on the edge of the soundboard.
Staci decided that now was a good time to make her presence known and loudly cleared her throat.
Kevin jumped slightly at the noise and turned his head to her.
"Oh, I didn't even realize you were there."
"I know. That was the point." Staci grinned and walked over to Kevin. "That was really beautiful. Did you write it?" she asked him. The beautifully sad and poignant melody still echoed in her ears.
"Yeah, but I can't think of any words that are good enough for it. I'm going to send a copy to Brian. Maybe he will have better luck. This really sucks. I have so much inspiration in front of me and yet I still can't compose lyrics I'm satisfied with."
Staci frowned at the pressure he was putting on himself and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Don't worry, the words will come to you soon," she cooed softly. "Either that or Brian will come through. You're both magnificent songwriters in your own rights. Don't stress yourself out so much, it's not good for you. " She planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. Kevin sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her down onto his lap.
"Ok, I'm going to forget about it for a while now that I have you to distract me for a few hours," he smirked. "So what are you up to?"
"Oh nothing. Elena just called. They arrived home safely."
"That's good to hear. Did they have fun?"
"Yeah, she says that they were really enjoying themselves. Everything was wonderful up until AJ's little accident. Only AJ can manage to crack his head open on his honeymoon."
"Wait, hold up a second, what accident?" Kevin inquired, worry evident in his voice.
"He hit his head on a curb while trying to avoid being run over by a car. He was out for a couple of minutes before the paramedics came."
"Jesus, is he ok?"
"Yeah. He had to get stitches and once in a while he'll forget something minor, but otherwise he's fine. He gave Elena quite a scare though."
"I can only imagine. Damn, it seems like not a long amount of time can pass without him giving everyone at least one heart attack."
"You think it's bad for everyone else, what about him? The poor guy can't live peacefully a few months at a time without having an incident where he ends up in the hospital."
"I know. I feel sorry for him, too. I swear he's like a cat. How many incidents has he survived now? Seven? Uh oh, only two more lives left. This has an incredibly creepy resemblance to that movie Final Destination. It's disturbing."
"Kevin, don't say that. Everyone eventually died in that movie."
"That was a good movie. Although it made me fear planes for three years." There was a thoughtful moment of silence before Kevin spoke again. "Staci, now that AJ's got a wife and a kid on the way, you think it will affect the group?"
Staci was a little surprised at his question. "Well, I'm not certain for sure, but I know that having families most frequently changes a person. Usually for the better."
"But you do think his changing will affect the group?"
"I-I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Why are you asking me?"
"Because I want to anticipate what we'll be going through when we have children. You do want children, right?"
"Yes, very much so. Well, I think there are two sides to this. I think that AJ having a kid, or you, or whoever, could affect the group two ways. The new focus of your love and affection can inspire you or it can separate you slightly from the rest of the band. It wouldn't be a bad thing. I mean, I'm sure that you'd like to take some time off to spend time with your son or daughter every once in a while."
Kevin slowly nodded his head as he listened to her words, drinking in every syllable.
"Being a father is a hard job. Especially in the business you're in, but we'll find a way. Will Smith does it. Kid Rock does it. I'm sure you'll be able to do it, too."
"I know, but it's different when you're in a group rather than alone. When you're by yourself you just have your own schedule to adjust. But us, if all of us are planning to have kids, we're going to have to do some serious compromising. I'm afraid we won't be able to hold it together."
Staci gently ran her fingers through his soft raven black hair and kissed the top of his head. "It will be ok. You don't have to be afraid. The bond I've witnessed between the four of you is the strongest I've ever seen. You guys are family. I don't think the bond will ever be broken."
"But I'm scared. I'm scared andI'm hopeful."
Staci didn't think she heard him correctly. She shook her head and stared deeply into his emerald colored eyes. "I'm sorry, what?"
Kevin diverted his gaze to the red light flashing on his soundboard. "I said I'm hopeful."
"You do mean you're hopeful that being on the road won't strain the relationship between you and our kid right?" He didn't answer her. "Kevin?"
Kevin continued to avoid eye contact with her. "I went to visit my dad today," he began quietly. "Mom, Tim, and Jerald already had gone there this morning. Today's the thirteenth anniversary of his death."
Staci knew how much Kevin missed his father and how his passing still pained him. "Oh Kevin" she whispered sadly, placing a reassuring hand on his arm. She would have done anything to bring his father back and end all his suffering.
"Sitting there with him always brings back so many memories. Great flashbacks of my childhood. I can still see him playing football with me in our backyard or cheering me on the field in high school. I still remember how I'd help him in the summer camp and how he used to yell at Tim and Jerald when they'd chase me with the Kiss figures that I was so afraid of." He laughed weakly at the last reminiscence. "But you know what I remember most of all? How he encouraged me when I told my parents that I didn't want to go to college, that I wanted to be a singer. If it wasn't for him and the support from all my family, I wouldn't be here right now. He was always there for us, always. He was the greatest father who had ever lived. I want to follow in his footsteps. He's taught me so much that I want to apply to my life. But I can't do if I'm always on the road or off somewhere doing a TV show, or press conference, or interview. I can sense that AJ feels the same way. He always found some way to get home to Elena when she needed him the most."
Kevin gingerly took Staci's hands into his own and brought them up to his lips, kissing them feather lightly. "I want to always be there for you. I don't want to have to wait hours and hours on a plane to get where you are when you need me right at that moment. I love this job and I know that I'm fortunate to have it. But I love you more and I'm even luckier to have you. You are my first priority. If I don't have you, I have nothing."
Staci choked back a sob and ran her hand softly down his face. "Kevin," she croaked out. "Do you want to quit the group?"
The tears glistened in Kevin's eyes. He nodded his head dejectedly. "I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't want to let you down, but Nick, Brian, and AJ are like brothers to me. What if my decision tears us apart?"
She didn't have an answer for him. She knew it took a lot out of him to admit that. She knew that Kevin wouldn't be able to stand losing any of the guys after all they've been through. The moment the five of them became a group, there was a tacit agreement that they'd go with it for as long as they could, nothing or no one could stand in the way. The group would be number one in their lives. But they were young and naïve. It was before they had any idea of what real life was. After Howie's death and even before that, they began to think about what really mattered. But it was his untimely demise that had really opened their eyes and made them see things clearly. The fame was great and everything, but in the long run, if they didn't have their health, their families, and their happiness, their careers meant nothing.
Kevin buried his head into her chest. Staci rested her cheek on the top of his head while she tenderly stroked his hair. Kevin was always so strong and resolute in front of everyone. Staci loved it when he'd show her his weaknesses. She wanted him to let her take care of him every once in a while. It wasn't fair that he always had to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders alone.
The angry heavens continued to strike the earth with their fury and rage. A loud crash of thunder startled Staci. She warily looked out of the small window at the dismally overcast sky. Staci sensed a portentous aura about it that made her involuntarily shudder. She tried to clear her mind and silently kept telling herself that it was nothing, it was like every other storm and that it was probably just a cold draft that drifted in from somewhere that made her shiver. She desperately tried to quell her uncertainty and fears. But the ominous feeling would not go away.
Chp 33
Chp 31
