AJ fought against the winds to the best of his ability. The cold rain slapped him in the face and the lightning blinded him. 'I am SO fuckin' insane!' He trudged through the mud puddles and entered the gates. He dodged flying twigs and swirling leaves as he slowly made his way through the vast fields of long past memories. He winced as he took in each name that was etched into the constant reminders of what was. This place was scary enough during the day, imagine coming here in the middle of a stormy night! AJ deduced that he was immensely deranged. That had to be the reason he was doing this. That and the fact that he felt a mysterious need to come here. How in hell he was going to find it in the pitch-blackness of night, he did not know. It had been a long time since he had last visited. Guilt washed over him at that thought. Maybe that was why all this was happening? No, it was something deeper. 'Where the fuck am I going?! I can't see shit!' And as if answering his plea, a bright flash illuminated the distinguished site. Ironically enough, the angry heavens were guiding him. AJ trekked towards his destination, his feet occasionally slipping from under him as streams of watery mud ran down the slanted landscape. Breathing heavily, he slowly walked towards the headstone and collapsed onto his knees in front of it from exhaustion. Battling Mother Nature uphill was no easy feat.
AJ stared intensely at it. There it was. The source of his despondency. The objectification of his most insuperable sorrows. The raindrops trickled down the contours of his face as he furiously dug his fingers into the wet earth. His eyes narrowed as he read the inscription. Overwhelming remorse but mostly rage shook his frail body.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" he shouted toward the brightly illuminating skies. "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"
An unexpectedly strong gust of wind knocked him back into another gravestone. Pain shot throughout his head and back. He didn't attempt to move. He felt his eyes drifting shut as sleep took him over.
"I'm so sorryI'm so fuckin' sorry," he uttered softly before he was hurled into darkness.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Denise, do you have any idea as to where he might have gone? Any vague idea at all?"
She nodded her head dejectedly. "I don't even know at what exact moment or why! He couldn't have gotten far, could he?! God! I can't stand this! I should be out looking for him!"
"Kevin's already doing that. Besides, you shouldn't be driving in your condition."
"I know, but it's been over two hours! Kevin hasn't even called yet!"
"Just give him a couple more minutes."
"Elena, how do you manage to stay so calm in these situations? My sanity is hanging by a thread!"
"Denise, I am a total wreck! I just hide it well."
Denise smiled weakly and took another sip of the tea to calm her nerves. She couldn't remember the last time she was going through all this trauma. There wasn't a last time. This was by far the worst. As she stared out the window and watched as the trees bent because of the force from the hurricane, a terrible thought entered her mind. "Oh my God."
Elena looked at her expectantly, hoping she had just remembered something that would give them an idea to where he might be. "What?"
Denise's frightened eyes turned to her. "What if he went somewhere to"
Elena didn't even want to think about it. "No, that's not---" She was interrupted by the shrill call of the phone. It had to be Kevin. She answered it praying that she'd hear good news. "Kevin?"
"Yes."
"What is it? Did you find him?" she inquired anxiously. Denise moved closer to hear.
Elena could hear the rain and the windshield wipers of his car trying to push away the water. Kevin sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry. Nothing. It is really bad out here. I can't see a thing! Besides that, the roads are really slippery and I've skidded a few times. It's really dangerous and there's no hope in finding him with this weather. We have to wait until it clears up. I'm really sorry."
Elena handed the phone over to Denise. "Kevin, stop looking. I don't want you ending up in an accident. Maybe he'll come back soon. And if not, we can look in the morning when there's a better chance of finding him."
"Are you sure? I can make one more round."
"No, it's ok. You've done more than enough, Kevin. Thank you."
"I haven't done shit. But, ok. I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Alright, bye."
"Bye."
Denise put the cell phone down and placed her head in her hands in frustration. Elena hugged her lightly and rested her arm around her shoulders.
"Denise, everything will be ok."
Unfortunately, no one could assert that that was true. The only thing they were certain of was that no one would be getting any sleep that night or any other night. For as long as AJ was missing, so was their peace of mind and desire to move on.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
AJ
He stirred as the gentle breezes caressed his face and a vaguely familiar voice called him.
AJ, it's ok. Go home.
He felt a hand land on his shoulder and was immediately startled awake. He looked around taking in his surroundings as the events of the night before momentarily fled his mind. 'What?' He stared out right in front of him and it took a while for everything to register. A cold shiver ran down his spine as he realized where he was.
"Fuck." He stood up and brushed himself off. Seconds later, dizziness swept over him and he had to lean on a marble angel for support. As he steadied himself, he wondered how he ever managed to fall asleep during a hurricane against a cold hard tombstone. Well, he'd be paying for it now. He rubbed his neck as sharp pains jolted his body. Not to mention the hot and humid morning Florida weather hit him like a truck. He took off the damp trench coat he had been wearing and started walking towards the exit gates. He glanced down at his watch.
"Oh shit, I am going to be so dead."
Plodding at a slow pace, it took him half an hour to reach his mansion. Luckily, neither the gate nor the front door was locked as he didn't have his keys with him. He cautiously entered into the foyer, the only noise being the steps of his own feet. The dead silence was so creepy. He quietly proceeded to his living room. A slight smile crept onto his face at the sight before him. Elena was sprawled out on the couch, her peaceful features so endearing and her shallow breathing music to his ears.
He silently walked over to her, removed a strand of her beautiful hair from her eye, and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. Her bright green eyes fluttered opened and dilated in surprise and happiness as his image became clear.
"AJ!" She shot up from the sofa and hugged him tightly. "I'm so glad you came back! Where the hell did you go?! We were so worried!" She pulled herself away from him to look at him. "Are you ok?! What happened?!"
"Where is everyone?" he asked her ignoring her questions.
"Kevin, Denise, and everyone else went out to look for you! I stayed behind in case you came back."
"When did they leave?"
"About three hours ago. Where were you?"
He remained silent as he tried to devise an explanation. He couldn't exactly tell her that he had snuck away in the middle of a tropical storm to the cemetery to yell at the deceased. She'd think he was insane. He didn't want that even if it was true. She looked into his eyes.
"AJ?"
"We looked everywhere! Where could he have---" Kevin, Denise, and Brian stopped dead in their tracks. They were utterly shocked to see him just standing there after all this time. "AJ!" They all stampeded towards him and each gave him a hug and expressed their worry.
"Dude, we missed you!"
"Alexander James McLean, I am going to beat you senseless!"
"Why did you leave?! Didn't you realize what you would be putting us through?!"
AJ pulled away from Denise's embrace and looked sheepishly at all of them.
"I'm sorry."
Kevin confronted him not satisfied with his apology. "You're sorry?! You run away in the middle of the fuckin' night, during a fuckin' dangerous storm where you could've easily been killed, not to mention you shouldn't have even left your bed because you are in no condition to be fuckin' around! We searched for you all fuckin' night worried to death that something might've happened and you don't show up until the next fuckin' day and all you can say is that you're fuckin' sorry?!"
AJ recoiled in fear and backed away afraid that Kevin would hurt him. Brian put himself between them and gently pushed Kevin back. "Easy there, Kev. We can't have you killing him now. All that matters is that he's back and he's ok." Brian turned to AJ with concern in his blue eyes. "You are ok, right?"
"Yeah," he answered quietly.
"Where did you go?" Elena asked again.
"It doesn't matter."
"What do you mean it doesn't matter?"
"Where I went is not important. All you need to know is that physically, I feel much better. I don't know how it happened, but it did. And mentally and emotionally, I want to get better. I realize that I'm harming myself being like this and I can't take it anymore. I want be healed. I want to go on with my life."
Denise put her arms around him while Brian patted him on his back smiling.
"You can't believe how incredibly happy and relieved I am to hear you say that. We will do all that we can to help you."
"Thanks." He looked over to Elena. She wiped away a stray tear and laughed.
"God, I'm such a mess." AJ walked over to her and took her hands. He glanced down at the ground and then met her gaze.
"Elena, will you come with me to see Dr. Peters tomorrow?"
"Of course. Are you sure you're ready to?"
"Yes. I'm ready to face my past and move on to my future."
She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. "Welcome back," she whispered.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Elena accompanied AJ to his next session and almost every other one following when she could. Of course Nathan was all over her ass about it, but she ignored his complaints. Her affection for him seemed to fade little by little with every dispute they had. On the contrary, with AJ, she just grew closer and closer to him. Granted they had always been like brother and sister, but she was beginning to have impure thoughts about him. She'd immediately push those ridiculous ideas out of her head and scolded herself. How could she think of such preposterous things?! Still, as she gazed into his big brown eyes, she couldn't help but wonder how he'd be in bed. The prospect of marrying Nathan became more and more absurd.
Elena tiredly entered her home and plodded to the kitchen to set down her bags on the counter. After spending the day with AJ, she went to the bank to deposit her paycheck and grocery shopping. She groaned and rotated her neck. After hearing the crack, she sighed contently and proceeded to her living room to check her machine. She could see the red light flashing from her place in the adjoining dining room. She switched on the lights and walked towards it. She had six messages, one from Staci, one from the dentist, and four from Nathan.
She cursed quietly and spun around only to be met by fiery hazel eyes. She gasped and closed her eyes, letting out an annoyed sigh.
"Nathan, goddammit! Stop scaring me like that! You're going to give me a fuckin' heart attack!"
"Where were you all day?!"
"I told you already where I was going so don't you dare start with me!"
Nathan clenched his fists and turned around. "Frank from The Westwood called to confirm the reservation."
"Ok," she replied nonchalantly.
"You could at least pretend to be a little excited!"
"I'm sorry! I'm just so tired."
"Then why do you insist on accompanying him everywhere if you're going to be too tired to discuss with me our wedding plans?!"
"Because he needs me!"
"Oh and I don't?!"
"I didn't say that! But he needs me more! I don't want to risk him going down hill again after he's gotten so much better because of me!"
"It's not your fault he can't deal with his own problems!"
Elena could see where this was headed so she decided to stop it now. "Nathan, if you came here to argue with me, I suggest you save your breath and just leave! I am not in the mood!"
You're NEVER in the mood anymore! You're never in the mood for ANYTHING! We haven't had sex for THREE DAYS!"
"Is that ALL you care about?!"
"Of course not! But when I need you, I expect you to be there!"
"Well fuck you! I don't exist just to soothe your horniness! YOU haven't been very affectionate towards me neither! What happened to I love you and I wanna be with you forever?! Now all I hear is accusations and slanders directed to my friends! I've had it up to here with you! When are you going to grow up and except the fact that there's more to my life than just you?!"
"When are YOU going to realize that you always put HIM before ME?!"
"I do NO such fuckin' thing! Why can't you understand that I WANT to be there for him?! That I NEED to be there! He helps ME as much as I'm helping HIM! Maybe even more so!"
"Oh really?! How so?!"
"He's been there for me for everything! When I'm sad, he'd make me laugh! When I cried, he wiped away my tears! And when I felt lost and alone, he'd take me into his arms and tell me that he loves me and that everything would be ok! Something I NEVER hear from YOU anymore!"
"Well if you weren't so wrapped up in his arms, you would hear it from me!"
"God, Nathan! For one second, stop thinking with your fuckin' dick and start thinking with you're heart! How would YOU feel if one of YOUR friends were going through so much shit, huh?! If they felt such profound despair that they attempted suicide?!"
"I'd give them a good slap and tell them to get a hold of themselves! It wouldn't be MY fault so I wouldn't let them drag me down with them! It's HIS problem, Elena, not YOURS!"
Elena was at her boiling point. They've had many fights before, but this one seemed to be the worst. He was being exceedingly overbearing this time, even for him.
"NATHAN! HE ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF!!!"
"Is that MY fault?! NO! Is it YOUR fault?! NO! He dug his own grave and he might as well have put it to use! But did he have the balls to go through with it?! NO! If he did, the world would be a better place! Or at least he would've done ME a great favor!"
Elena could not believe what she was hearing! This had done it. This was it. She took a deep breath and held it until she regained self-control. Finally, she knew what she had to do.
"You crossed the line, Nathan. It's over."
"What?!"
"You heard me. It's over."
"No fuckin' way! You ARE my fiancée and we ARE going to get married!"
"Like fuck we are! I've finally seen the light!" She pulled the ring off her finger and threw it at him. "I hope you DIE a long and agonizing death and BURN in the eternal fires of HELL, YOU DICK SUCKING, MOTHER FUCKING, CHAUVINIST SON OF A BITCH!!!"
She pushed him against the wall and ran out of her front door into the night. He pursued her.
"ELENA! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?! GET BACK HERE!" She didn't even bother to turn around. She just kept on running. Nathan began to feel a sense of loss and realized his mistake. "ELENA, PLEASE! COME BACK! I LOVE YOU!"
She raised her arm and gave him the finger still refusing to look back before disappearing around the block.
After fifteen minutes of wandering around, Elena glanced back. If Nathan really loved her, he would've gone after her. Not that she cared because she wouldn't have gone back with him anyway, but still. All he ever told her were lies. She felt the hot tears cascading down her face. She was alone in the cold dark world. Where could she go?
AJ was sitting in his den writing down some lyrics that had been floating around in his head when he heard the doorbell. He sighed as his train of thought was disrupted and proceeded to answer the door. He was met by an incredibly upset Elena.
"What's wrong?"
"AJ, I didn't know where else to go," she sobbed.
He embraced her and stroked her hair soothingly. "It's ok. You're always welcomed here. Shhh, it's alright. Come here." He led her to the couch in the living room and crouched down in front of her. "What happened?"
"It's over, AJ," she uttered hoarsely.
"What's over?"
"The engagement. It's off. I never want to see him again! I hate him! God, I hate him so much!" AJ seated himself beside her and pulled her into his arms as she broke down. "God, I'm so stupid! How could I have fallen for him?!"
"Elena, I don't know what happened and I'm not going to push you to tell me. But what I am going to tell you is that whatever he did to make you cry, he's going to regret it. He doesn't deserve you, Elena. You could do so much better."
Not knowing what else to say, silence followed. Elena curled up on the couch resting her head against his chest while his arms comfortably surrounded her weeping body.
"C-can I stay here?" she croaked out staring blankly out in front of her.
"Of course. Do you want to stay in the same room as last t---"
"No." She looked up into his concerned eyes. She felt so safe and warm in his strong embrace. Nothing in the world would make her want to move from her place. "Can I stay here?" she whispered.
He stared at her confused for a moment. But then like a lightning flash, he understood what she meant. "Yes," he answered softly.
"I love you, AJ," she said quietly while drifting.
"I love you too, Elena," he replied and kissed the top of her head. He lied back and closed his eyes. He held her all through the night.
Chp 22
Chp 20
