I want to start off by saying that I don't think of this as being a trial by ordeal,
but instead I look forward to it as a long awaited opportunity to set the record straight once and for all.
I would like to keep this on an informal level so I can speak my mind freely, openly and honestly.

Also Judge Starr, I would appreciate it if you would call me Bubba and if I may, I would like to call you Kinny.

Look Kinny. You and me are just a couple of good ol' boys talkin'turkey.
We know where we're comin' from. I read the papers. You read the papers. Let's both of us get past all that. You know what I mean? It's time to chaw.

About this Monica thing. Tell me the truth. Don't you ever wish you could have somethin' like that? I mean a hefty Jewess Goddess with a bigcaboose. The kind you can really sink your teeth into, if you know what I mean.The first time she stepped into that Oval Office, I tell ya, it was love at first sight. And when she turned around and bent over to pick up those papers, I thought I died and went to heaven.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I tell ya Kinny. I popped a boner so big I thought I'd fall on my face from the weight.
Hillary told me that being President can be fun but I had no idea just how much.

This little girl, Monica, sure is God's gift to this great Earth. And I would never do anything to dishonor her. I let her make all the first moves. And when she started to shake those big casaba melons in my face, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DOGGY. I nearly went and busted my load.

She talked to me like "Do it for me Billy. Do it for me," Then her dress came off and she got down on her knees and started rubbin' up an' down on my loins.
What can you expect a grown man to do? How could I be inhospitable at a time like this. I wasn't brought up that way by my mammy in Arkansas. We were raised to be gentlemen and we got taught how to treat a lady with respect.
I tell ya Kinny, she had a mouth that just wouldn't quit, even if I wanted her too. I didn't have a chance.

That's when I had to think fast. I pulled away just in time. Lucky her dress was layin' on the floor protectin' the Presidential Seal on the carpet. That would've been a disgrace to the office and I thank Almighty God to this day that that dress was there.

So there it is, Kinny. I don't think that one man, anyway a man who calls himself a man, on God's green earth, would not understand what went on there.

And I repeat. I have never had a sexual relationship with that woman.

Thank you.

Can I leave now? What's so funny?

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