The Letter Home From College
The Letter Home From College
Dear Mother and Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been
remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not
having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you
read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you
are sitting down... Okay???
Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and
the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my
dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival, are pretty well
healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see
almost normally and only get three headaches a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed
by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm and he was the one who
called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the
hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm,
he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really
a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have
fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the
exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are
looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the
baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me
when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my
boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our
premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon
clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is
kind and although not well educated, he is ambtious. Although he is of a
different race and religion than ours, I know your expressed tolerence will
not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat
darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family
background is good, too for I am told that his father is an important
gunbearer in the village in Africa from which he comes.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there
was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was
not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have
syphillis and there is no schwartze in my life.....
However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science.... and
I wanted you to see these marks in the proper perspective
Your loving daughter,
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