What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Do you know how to save a drowning laywer?
A1: Take your foot off his head.
A2: No.
A3: Good!

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of feces?
A: The bucket.

What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his rear.

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.

Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetary.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A. When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

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