Random Clinton Jokes

THE WIZ IN D.C.
The Wizard of Oz visits Washington DC. He sees Al Gore and asks if there is anything he wants. "Well, sure!" says Al. "I'd like to have a brain."
"Done!" says the Wizard, and he gives the veep a brain.
Next he sees Al D'Amato, the Senator from New York, and asks if there is anything he wants. D'Amato thinks for a second and says he would like to have a heart.
"Done!" says the Wizard, and he gives the Senator a heart.
Finally the Wizard sees Bill Clinton and asks if there is anything the President wants.
Bill pauses, looks around for a minute and quietly asks, "Where's Dorothy?"

Q: What California city can't Bill get off his mind lately?
A: Scent o' Monica.

PET NAMES FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL MEMBER
(Compiled from calls to the Tom Leykis Show, 22 Jan. 1998)
All the President's Ten
Buddy II
The Chief's StaffCommander in Brief
Dogbone (A commentary on where it's been)
The Erectoral College
The Executive Head
First PhallusHillary (So Bill can say, "I've only had sex with Hillary")
IRS (Intern Ramming System)
Lincoln Room Womb Broom
Little Rock
McTool (Over 3 Billion Served)?
Microsoft ("Where do you want to go today?")
Peter of the Free World
Pocket Veto
Politically ErectPower Pole
Presidential Probe
Pubic ServantScandal
HandleTop Banana
The Ugly Stick
West Wing Nut
White House Woody
Hillary's personal names for it: AWOL, Missing In Action

Q: How did the feds finally trap Bill and Monica?
A: They Tripped them up, of course.

KEY PERKS FOR A WHITE HOUSE INTERN

A deep appreciation for domestic affairs
Lousy pay, but generous hush money
Fabulous "on-the-job" training
First-hand knowledge of President's commitment to youth
More exciting than those boring Americorps sessions
New meaning for the Gen-X slogan, "Rock the Vote"
Complete knowledge of Pentagon's "Manual of Arms"
Generous help with independent study

RANDOM CLINTON THOUGHTS If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what's wrong with Bill Clinton doing the same?
This is the second time in history a "Deep Throat" has been at the center of a presidential controversy.
Do you suppose Monica Lewinsky was the head intern?
They say the President's favorite movie is "Free Willy."
Definition of an Arkansas virgin: A girl who can outrun the Big Creep.

What Ted Kennedy has that Bill Clinton wishes HE did: A dead girlfriend.
Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
Q: What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play?
A: Swallow the leader.

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter.
Right in front of him, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is ticked. He storms into the Secret Service compound and yells, "There's a death threat on the damned front lawn! And it's written in urine!
Sonofabitch had to be standing on the porch when he did it. Where the hell were you guys? I want to know who did it, and I want to know NOW."
The Secret Service agents scurry for the door. That evening, the chief agent approaches Clinton and says, "Mr. President, we have some bad news and some really bad news. Which do you want first?" Clinton says, "Give me the bad news first."
The agent says, "Sir, we tested a sample of the urine. The results just came back. The urine belongs to Al Gore."
"Oh my god," Clinton says. "I feel so ... betrayed! My own vice president! What's the *really* bad news?" "Sir, the handwriting belongs to Hillary."

CASE CLOSED
U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno has closed the case of President Clinton's alleged affairs with young White House aides. Sources say Reno closely examined the President and found no hard evidence.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?
To meet the chick.

POLLING DATA
Two thousand women were asked this question in a recent poll:
Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?"
Thirty-four percent responded: "Never again."

OBSERVATION:

It's interesting how the press has started to go after Monica Lewinsky, practically overnight. I mean, all she's probably guilty of is "talking" to the presidential Staff...

Monica Lewinsky wanna-bes are popping up all over America OnLine. For real. For instance:
AOL MEMBER PROFILE: UNABLOWER@aol.com
MEMBER NAME: Monica Lewinsky
LOCATION: Your Pants, USA
BIRTHDATE: EVERY day can be YOUR birthday
SEX: Female
MARITAL STATUS: Home-, nation-, pecker-wrecker
HOBBIES: Perjury, not washing "evidence"-stained dresses, sashaying through the West Wing after hours, perjury, having bad hair, perjury, being clueless about people tape-recording my calls, perjury, all-around skank
COMPUTERS: Compaq Presari
BLOWOCCUPATION: Serial Oralogist
PERSONAL QUOTE: Ask not what your country can do for you ... ask how you can blow your President and get a Pentagon job out of it.

SUGGESTED NAMES FOR THE LATEST SCANDAL
Tailgate
Lolitagate
The D-Cup Domes Scandal
Starr Wars
The Lay of PigsStain of the Union Undress
Monicaca
"Paid for by Gore/Rodham 2000"-gatePubic
Missile Crisis
Linguapalooza
Honey, I shrunk my approval rating
Gaining-On-Wilt-gate
Tail to the Chief
Bad Will Hunting

Q: What instrument, besides the saxophone, does Bill Clinton play?
A: The whore-monica.

President Clinton didn't say, "Lie for me." What he said was, "Lie DOWN for me."

People are starting to say that Al Gore is only an orgasm away from the presidency.

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