How do you brainwash a blond?
Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear

How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear.

How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.

What will she ask you?
Is it mine?

How does a blonde kill a fish?
She drowns it.

How do you know a blonde likes you?
She screws you two nights in a row.

Why is a blonde like Australia?
They're both down under and nobody cares.

Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
Who cares.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, she's got a grenade in her mouth.

Why are blonde coffins Y-shaped?
Because as soon as they're on thier backs, thier legs open.

What's the mating call of the blonde?
I'm *sooo* drunk!

What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
(Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

What's the mating call of a brunnette?
~* "All the blondes have gone home!"
~* "Has that blonde gone home yet!"
~* "When is that blonde bitch going to leave?"

What's the mating call of a redhead?
Next!

What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
Elvis has been sighted.

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop.

What's the difference between a blonde and a bitch?
A blonde will do anyone, a bitch will do anyone but you!

How does a blonde commit suicide?
Gather all her clothes in a pile and jumps off.

How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.

How do you drown a blonde?
~* Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
~* Don't tell her to swallow.
~* Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

How does a blonde high-5?
She smacks herself in the forehead.

Do blondes read Shakespeare?
No, who wrote it?

Why did the blonde stay up all night studying?
She had a urine test.

What does a nympho, a brunette, and a blonde say while having sex?
The Brunette: "Are you done yet?"
The Nympho: "Are you done already?"
The Blonde: "Beige, I think I'll paint my ceiling Beige."