Cosmic Sez:
Cosmic Sez:
Opportunity knocks once. Trouble sneaks in the back door.
Cosmic Sez:
Opportunity doesn't knock...It telephones when I'm in the shower!
Cosmic Sez:
Opportunity doesn't knock; it rings the doorbell and runs.
Cosmic Sez:
Quick! What's another word for "thesaurus"?!?
Cosmic Sez:
Men are from Mars...
Women are from Venus...
Dogs are from Pluto!
Cosmic Sez:
I wonder: Is Jerry Garcia grateful yet?
Cosmic Sez:
Why would carrying a rabbit's foot be any luckier for you than it was for the rabbit? And he used to have four of 'em!
Cosmic Sez:
Many politicians have kissed the Blarney Stone...Bill Clinton slipped it the tongue.
Cosmic Sez:
I don't even LIKE Raymond.
I'm not too crazy about Lucy, either!
Cosmic Sez:
Why do they call it Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do at their meetings is stand up and tell everybody your name?!
Cosmic Sez:
I wouldn't pay for a nude housekeeper unless I got a li'l scrubbin' myself!
Cosmic Sez:
There was something about her I liked, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Cosmic Sez:
I didn't know how to dicker, so I just stood firm.
Cosmic Sez:
I finally woke up and smelled th' coffee...Then I turned around and went back to bed!
Cosmic Sez:
Say this phrase five times fast:
"Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits!"
Cosmic Sez:
Why do people getting their hair curled call it a "permanent" when they have to keep going back every couple of months to do it again?
Cosmic Sez:
I've put my foot in my mouth so many times I have athlete's tongue!
Cosmic Sez:
I've met some strange women on the internet. One turned out to be an ex-con. I didn't mind that fact so much as the way she kept referring to our dates as conjugal visits.
Cosmic Sez:
brevity = wit
Cosmic Sez:
Somebody shook MY family tree once, and you shoulda SEEN all the nuts that fell out of it!
Cosmic's Law:
Cosmic's First Law:
Jesus LOVES you, whether you LIKE it or NOT!!!
Cosmic's Second Law:
The time needed to perform any given task automatically expands to fill the time allotted for that task.
Cosmic's Third Law:
Oddly enough, pounding the crap out of something due to sheer frustration will often fix it when nothing else will!
Cosmic's Fourth Law:
The diameter of a man's nostrils is directly proportional to the circumference of his index finger.
Cosmic's Family Sez:
Cosmic's Dad Sez:
Since liberals are for euthanasia, it's surprizing that they haven't proposed saving Social Security by putting all of the old folks on ice flows and pushing them out to sea like the Eskimos (very multicultural)!
Cosmic's Dad Sez:
Abortionists are serial killers, and all the politicians that enable them by defending and keeping abortion legal are their accomplices.
Cosmic's Brother Sez:
Abortionists should be required to write out a death certificate for every baby they kill.
Cosmic's Brother Sez:
I remember that when I was growing up as a kid, I thought "damndumbdemocrat" was all one word!
Cosmic's Brother Sez:
Whether or not a glass is half-full or half-empty depends not upon whether one is an optimist or pessimist, but upon whether it was full or empty to start with.
Cosmic's List
of advertising slogans that never quite made it off the ground
(If anyone ran them up the flag-pole, no one saluted!!!):
Taco Bell
Make a run for the bathroom!
Peach Schnapps
...Comes back up as smooth as it went down...
Cosmic's Epitaph
(in the event he dies before the rapture!):
"Ed was a good egg, if slightly cracked..."
Entire written contents copyright© 2001 by Ed DeVore
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