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The Severe Beating of Several High School Band Members & Some People in Mods 13-14 Gym

by: Deidre and Megan

It all began one sunny day at after school marching band practice. We were all in our formations, listening as the drummers acted like they were supreme beings. Sara, being Sara, was as usual, flirting vigorously with Mitch, much to the dismay of Deeeeeeeee. Sara does have a boyfriend, Adam, but does she care??? NO!!!!!!! Jana and Dee stood away from the scene of the crime and talked about how much Sara disgusted them, flaunting herself in front of everybody.

Well, as it happened, Adam came along. He saw the situation concerning his dear, beloved Sara and the Immortal Mitch, and flipped out. I mean Sara? Flirt with another man?? UNHEARD OF!!! So, even though Mitch was doing his best to ignore Sara, Adam took it upon himself to punish Mitch for existing. He stalked over to the Immortal and tried to kill him with his fists. But DUH, Mitch is Immortal, and seeing as Immortal people don't die, well you get the point (Adam is a dumbass).

Mitch was lying on the ground, moaning, Adam standing over him proudly, when Little Miss Quads herself, Kimmy, scoots her bare little ass across the practice field to see what the commotion is. Upon seeing her beau, (who she uses like a pair of dirty underwear anyway), she goes into a rage, since, you know, Mitch is her ride home. Poor Adam gets pounded by the tyrant that is Kim. This sets Sara off, and as she goes for Kim, Mitch raises his throbbing body off the ground. All of the sudden it's like pure massacre. Everyone is beating everyone else. Poor Mitch gets hit by everyone at least once, usually more than once. Finally, Dr. Fly blows his whistle and everyone freezes. The guilty parties are punished. Severely.

Dee decides that Kim must pay. So she kills Kim, figuring no one will miss her, and the hero of the story, Megan, deposits her dismembered body into John's quads. So, at practice, John notices bloody body parts seem to be dropping out of his quads, and feels something is amiss. Then suddenly, it all makes sense to him. Kim isn't at practice, well at least not in the alive sense. She's kind of dead, and sliced-n-diced just like carrots, only a bit bloodier. No big deal to John, except for the fact that the quads were very messy. There was no way he could play the grotesque drums at the game. So, Dr. Fly helped John transport the pieces of Kim over to the creek and dump them in, saying a few kind words in the process, such as, "I'm hungry", and, "When is this over?" To this day, no one knows whether Kimmy enjoyed this or not, and we're not sure anyone cares.

At the game that night, Kim's ghost haunted John, making him mess up. The whole band got extremely ticked because John's mistakes were very noticeable and made them sound worse than usual. So, we had a giant ambush in which John was sacrificed to the Band Gods. The entire process in which Kim was disposed of was repeated and everybody had good, clean fun.

The title suggests mods 13-14 gym, so of course we must discuss it. Briefly. You see, 13-14 gym bites. I {megan} hate it, Rachel hates it, even Dee hates it and she's not in it. That's just wrong because Dee hasn't given it a chance and learned to love it as she should, but that's a different subject. Anyway, 13-14 gym bites, as was previously mentioned. End of story.

The morals of this document are as follows:

1. Don't let Sara prance in front of important fellows.
2. Immortal people CAN'T DIE. You CAN'T KILL THEM.
3. Don't let John dump anyone's remains into the creek.
4. Give gym a chance.

Note: No blond hussies were harmed during the writing of this composition.

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