"Oh my GOD, Ashley!! I, like, broke a nail today." Courtney looked sadly at her hand. "I hope none of the fans noticed during the concert."
"I know, Cour… We're supposed to be, like, role models. Ya know? They look up to us," Ashley said importantly.
"Honestly, it's just as well," Natalie said wisely. "You were wearing iced coral polish. This season's color is definitely matte fuschia."
"I'd say shimmery light fuschia, but the editor of Cosmopolitan thinks the best color for this summer is sun-kissed grapefruit," Meggie advised.
"Really? Do you really think so?" Cait asked hopefully. "I'm, like, so glad I wore this top tonight." She indicated her coral-toned midriff-baring halter top.
"It's, like, so cute, Caitie, but it, like, clashes with my tube top. See?" Natalie pointed at the fabric of her skin-tight tube top, which was a slightly pinker color than Cait's halter top.
"We should really try to coordinate this…" Courtney shook her head. "We shouldn't let the BSB fans have any doubt about which colors are in this summer."
"Hey … who's that? They're not dancers." Ashley pointed at two girls wandering about in the parking lot, looking lost.
"Oh my GOD. She's not, like, wearing blue, is she?" Courtney couldn't believe the girl's seemingly blue t-shirt. "How could she wear blue? Blue is, like, so …"
"Oh my GOD," Meggie echoed, then promptly forgot about the dilemma of a blue t-shirt. "Do you think Brian likes this color? It's sun-kissed grapefruit, but I've heard his fave color's blue…"
"Blue is not a color to wear, especially not in the summer," Natalie said loudly. "He'll love it. Meggie, he loves everything you wear."
"What did she say?" Tara pointed at a small horde of scantily-clad girls prancing around looking disdainful. "Blue is not a color to wear… What are they doing, anyway? We got kicked out of the parking lot. Why are they here?"
"I don't know. Where are we supposed to go now?" Rose asked unhappily. "We need a ride!"
"They obviously don't know we're dancers for the Boys," Cait observed haughtily. "We're supposed to be here. They are NOT."
"They think we're not supposed to be here," Tara mused unworriedly.
"Yeah? Well they don't know me and Brian are MARRIED," Rose shouted, sending Tara into a fit of laughter.
"You are NOT!" Meggie screamed back.
"Meggie honey, calm down. It's okay. She's just a lying bitch with no fashion sense," Ashley reminded her. "And she's not supposed to be here. I'm sure AJ's on his bus now. He'll do something about these … people."
"He will NOT!" Tara retorted. "Why would he? He wants us there. Those asshole bodyguards kicked us out!"
"Wow, I, like, wonder why," Courtney said bitterly.
"They got mad because they don't want any of the Spice Boys to have human contact!" Rose informed her. "So I hope you ladies aren't expecting to sell yourselves to them tonight, because Ken and Jobob have other ideas."
"They're, like, ALLOWED to have contact with us!!" Cait stomped her foot. "We're DANCERS, not prostitutes!!!"
"Oh, pardon me." Tara smiled cordially. "There's a difference?"
"You BITCH!" Natalie shrieked, running up to Tara and slapping her.
"Jeez. Don't, like, break a nail or anything." Tara stepped away from her complacently. Cait charged at Tara and seized her hair. She tried to drag Tara down to the ground, but she didn't have enough mass. Tara shoved her away and Cait fell, landing heavily on her right elbow and shrieking loudly.
"Nick!! SAVE ME!" Cait squealed, lying weakly on the asphalt.
"How disgusting." Rose looked at Cait, unimpressed.
"You BITCH!" Natalie shrieked again. "You hurt Caitie!" Natalie ran at Tara, but tripped and broke one of her stiletto heels. She took off her other shoe and tried to stab Rose with the heel.
"Don't FIGHT you guys!" Courtney started crying loudly. "Howie HATES fighting!" She collapsed on the ground, sobbing.
"You and Brian are SO not married!" Meggie shrieked. She staggered over to Rose (the combined weight of her shoes was really weighting her down, it was about two pounds total) and noticed that Rose's black hair had streaks in it. Blue streaks. Meggie cried out in disgust, raking her VERY long nails down the side of Rose's face. Rose punched her in the jaw, and Tara stole one of her bracelets. "My bracelet!!!" Meggie shrieked despondantly as Tara threw it into the road. She ran to retrieve it, not noticing an oncoming car.
"Fetch!" Tara said happily, watching the car. The car swerved and hit another car, and Meggie picked up her bracelet, running back to the parking lot, sobbing. Natalie was still trying to stab Rose with her shoe, but she kept missing because she was rather drunk and somewhat spacey, having not eaten since breakfast two days before. Tara put her out of her misery by punching her eye, then Natalie reeled backwards, clutching her face. The five dancers started shrieking on cue, and Tara and Rose decided it was time to leave.
THE DAY AFTER THE NEXT DAY
AJ's cell phone rang. He looked at a clock. Ten minutes till show time … He was tired. They'd been driving for the past day and most of today, leaving him with lots of time to mourn the loss of Tara and Brian's new wife.
"Hello?"
"AJ. This is Kevin."
"That's nice, Kev. The show starts in ten minutes. Are you in your dressing room?"
"SHIT. I'm far away and YOU didn't notice I was gone!"
"Well you're always on your bus! No one wants to bug you 'cause all you ever say is SHUT UP," AJ said apologetically. "Uh, dude … how far away are you?"
"I'm on vacation, okay? I need a break! I'm still recovering from Shannon."
"Uhh … Kevin…" That sounded ominous.
"I'm with Erin. Remember Erin?"
"Easter Egg…" AJ recalled. "NO! Kevin, what the HELL is going on?"
"YES! She's letting me stay here and-"
"But-"
"There's nothing you can do about it! I just wanted to let you know. Okay? Tell the fans I'm on vacation."
"Sure. Whatever the hell you want. I can't believe you just… Damn!" AJ sighed. "I hope you're happy there!"
"Since you're WONDERING, it SUCKS! Those crazy chicks who said Erin was crazy…"
"Who? You mean Tara… And Rose?"
"Yes, damnit! They came home at five in the morning yesterday babbling about some battered barbies and how Rose had gotten married. They said Erin was crazy. They've been bringing teenyboppers in to see me and letting them take free photographs and they call me Posh."
"Fine. Whatever!" AJ hung up angrily and went to tell the other guys. It wasn't fair that Kevin got to be with Tara and Rose and didn't even appreciate it!
"So, Meggie … What happened to your face?" Brian asked casually, in reference to the bruise on her jaw.
"Some … Some whore was beating me up two days ago! For no reason whatsoEVER! She must have been drunk!" Meggie tried not to cry. It was so hard having an imperfect face.
"Oh. I'm sorry," Brian said disinterestedly. Ken walked by and smiled at him. He pretended not to see him.
"And do you know what she SAID?! She said she was married to you! She was so UGLY, Brian! You'd never marry anyone like that. She had … her hair .. blue streaks were in her hair! It was so nasty." Brian looked at her, shocked, and then AJ ran up to him.
"Do you know what Kevin did?!"
"Guess what happened to Meggie here," he said placidly, smiling.
"Kevin's not HERE! Dude, he's in the city where the last venue was! He … He's hiding out with that chick Erin!"
"Erin! Erin knows Rose and Tara, doesn't she?!"
"YES! And Kevin thinks they're crazy! He doesn't like them!" AJ said indignantly.
"So Kevin's gone?"
"Yeah," AJ affirmed. "But that's not the POINT! He's staying in the same house as Tara and Rose and he doesn't give a damn!"
"He's screwed up!" Brian declared. "But guess what happened to Meggie." AJ didn't have time to reply, as four more dancers came prancing up the hallway.
"Hi Ashley! Hi Natalie! Hi Caitie! Hi Courtney!" Meggie chirped as they gathered around her. "Guess what!" she whispered. "Brian feels sorry for me!" Everyone but Courtney cooed delightedly, but Courtney was rather absorbed with someone else.
"Hi AJ!" Courtney smiled and tossed her hair.
"Hey Courtney, sup? Anyway, Bri… what happened to Meggie?"
"My wife beat her up!" Brian grinned. "Hey…" He turned to Meggie, who looked horrified. "My wife's not a whore." He meant it as a joke, but Meggie gasped, then blacked out. Luckily, between the four of them, her friends could support her meager weight and she didn't fall on the ground.
"You're married??" Ashley squeaked.
"He's married?" Courtney asked AJ.
"Brian's married?" Cait and Natalie echoed.
"Oh my god." Ashley started fanning herself.
"Not technically," Brian explained, feeling guilty.
"Oh my god. Brian's engaged," Cait said weakly. She started to feel light-headed. Luckily, Nick found them and Cait had a reason not to pass out.
"He is NOT! He's MARRIED." Nick clarified for Cait.
"He TALKED to me!" Cait swooned and fell over, trying to aim for Nick. Nick caught her awkwardly, then dropped her accidentally.
"Oops. Sorry." Nick looked down at her cautiously.
"Kevin is in St. Paul with Rose and Tara." AJ informed Nick.
"He is? That's not fair!" Nick whined.
"And he doesn't LIKE them! He doesn't like Tara and Rose!" AJ continued his rant.
"Kevin is such a dumbass." Nick said scornfully.
"Yeah." AJ nodded.
"Rose killed Meggie." Brian said proudly to Nick.
"Really? Wow!" Nick was happy.
"There was another girl too." Natalie said haughtily.
"Tara!" AJ exclaimed.
"Whatever. She was wearing this BLUE shirt! Blue is SO not in season! Especially THAT blue." Natalie tossed her head and cracked her gum.
"Brian is engaged!" Courtney said bemusedly. She wheezed a few times and collapsed.
"No! He's MARRIED!" Ashley, too, fell to the floor.
"We can NOT dance tonight." Natalie informed AJ, Brian, and Nick.
"Um, okay. Kevin isn't here anyway. Where's HOWIE? Did his fan ever go home?" Nick asked confusedly.
"Oh God! Howie's fan! I don't think she ever went home!" Brian smacked his forehead. "We have to give her back to Tara!"
"No! If we keep her, Tara will come visit us." AJ reasoned. "And YOU will get to see your wife again!"
"Rose!" Brian looked happy. "Okay, so no show tonight. I'm gonna go find Howie."
"I'm coming too!" Nick yelled for no reason.
"Me too!" AJ and the other two left. The dancers were still arranged on the floor. Natalie looked at her unconscious comrades amusedly and nudged Ashley with her foot.
"What the hell is going on?" Ken ran up to her angrily.
"Oh, there's no show tonight." Natalie cracked her gum again. "It has something to do with these girls Tara and Rose. They were here last night or something and Brian's married to one of them." Ken's face turned bright red and Natalie knew she'd done her job well. Ken ran off down the hallway and Natalie proceeded to revive her cohorts.
"This way, this way! No crowding, please!" Tara looked at the growing crowd of teenyboppers waiting for their turn to meet Kevin.
"Tara… I don't think this was such a good idea." Erin wrung her hands nervously.
"Oh go wash your hands or something." Tara said dismissively. "Please leave your video cameras by the door, ladies!"
"Hip, we're running out of film." Rose informed her. Rose had become the official photographer, armed with a polaroid.
"Oh no. Um.. Erin! Go get more film." Tara commanded.
"NO!" Erin stomped off to her room and slammed the door.
"Hey, people! We're out of film, you gotta come back tomorrow." Tara said authoritively.
"NO! KEVIN! WE WANT KEVIN!!!" A little girl shrieked. The crowd started chanting Kevin's name over and over.
"No! COME BACK TOMORROW!" Tara slammed the door and locked it before they could start swarming into the house.
"Well that was fun!" Rose said cheerfully. "Now all we need is the rest of the Spice Boys and we could have a ZOO!"
"Yeah!!!" Tara liked that idea. "We could put Shayna in it too! The mad fan!" Tara suddenly thought of something and looked at Rose, horrified. Rose looked back at her, equally scared.
"SHAYNA! WHERE THE HELL IS SHAYNA?!" Rose yelled.
"My sister!! My stupid sister! She's probably lost somewhere or shooting heroin in an alley!" Tara spazzed.
"It's okay, Hippo. We'll find her. She can't be that far off. Maybe still at the concert place. Maybe Howie decided to keep his one fan in sight." Rose laughed. Howie would never kidnap a fan.
"We HAVE to find them." Tara said seriously. "I bet she's with them. She probably stole away on Ginger's bus." Tara noticed that there were faces pressed against the windows, and someone was beating on the door savagely. "Oh no. The …. THINGS are trying to get in!"
"Uh oh. Maybe we should go find them NOW." Rose said thoughtfully.
"Yeah, we can leave Egg and her little buddy to deal with the rabid kiddies." Tara liked that idea. Kevin probably knew how to handle them anyway.
"What's that? I HEAR A PHONE!" Rose dove at the phone that wasn't ringing. She picked it up and slammed it back down unhappily. "It must be Posh's cell."
"Posh Posh Posh. Posh gets all the guys, it isn't fair." Tara shook her head.
"Um, what's your guys' phone number?" Kevin asked timidly, standing in the hallway.
"No!" Rose yelled. "You can't have it! It's MINE! Get back in your cage, feeding time isn't til three!"
"Where the HELL is my sister?!" Tara asked the ceiling.
"Um. What's your phone number?" Kevin repeated.
"That's the worst pickup line and you KNOW it, Posh. Stop it." Rose snatched his phone. "I'm sorry, but Posh Spice is currently indisposed. You can call back after he's had his nap, but you can't have our phone number, so THERE!"
"Rose!!" Brian realized happily.
"Brian honey!" Rose squealed exaggeratedly. "You wouldn't happen to have Shayna would you?"
"Howie's still keeping her hostage." Brian informed her.
"Oh no. Not Princess! Tara, Ginger has your sister." Rose looked at Tara.
"Damnit!! Damn that guy with the hair!" Tara stomped her foot.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" The horde of teenies yelled.
"The munchkins are trying to kill us, Brian." Rose said somberly.
"Why?" Brian was confused.
"Because!!! We let them take pics of Posh and we ran out of film and made them leave and we're going to have a zoo!" Rose laughed. "Where are you guys? We should really get Shayna."
"We're in Minneapolis. Can you visit us???"
"I think so. We should leave now, before the teenies break the door down. Watch for a hearse, okay?"
"What?!"
"Bye honey!" She hung up the phone.
"A hearse?!"
"Come on Hippo! We're going to Minneapolis!" Rose announced jovially.
"All right!" Tara ran into her room and found some clothes, shoving them in a bag. Rose went and packed a few very essential items as well, and they were ready to go.
"BYE ERIN!" Rose yelled as they left. "Get out of the WAY!" Rose shoved past the teenies, Tara following.