Written By: George W. Bush
Status: Staff Writer
Recently, outside of Sr. Jordan's door in the sophomore hallway, a gargantuantly sized pale of putrid smelling bodily excrement of all kinds, from vomit to urine, saliva to semen, was found. No one seems to know how it got there, but it makes for a very interesting inquiry. Why the sophomore hallway? Why in front of his classroom? Why a 40 gallon bucket? Well I, being quite the little investigator, went on a Sherlock Holmes type search. All over the school, from the cafeteria to the pool, I found nothing. In the junior and senior hallways, in the gym and in the locker rooms, on the track and near the student parking lot, nothing. However, when I got to the place, the very magical place we call the "Lobby", I found exactly what I was looking for. This new-fangled machine, dubbed "The Fluid Manufacturer 4500XZ", was set to "bodily fluids." I thought to myself, this must be the reason that big bucket was found outside Seņor's door. I knew that I had to come to this most respectable website and let everyone know the truth, before people started to think that Seņor had some sort of all-male gay orgy in his classroom...