Dragon Ball Z On Jerry Springer
Disclaimer: I do not own, or have copyright to any of the characters in this story, no matter
how much I want to etc. etc.
Original Programme: Dragon Ball Z/Jerry Springer
Theme: Chat show chaos
Characters: Goku, Gohan, Trunks, Vegeta, Bulma, Krillin, Chichi, Piccolo and Jerry
Settings: Jerry Springer Show
Two Warnings:
1) There has been a little mistake made in the age thing here. Basically, Trunks is about 16, and
Gohan is still only a kid. Just pretend there was a time warp or something (Or that it is Mirai
No Trunks)
2) There is some mild swearing and some sexual themes, so if you feel you will be offended -
don’t read it, or at least keep telling yourself - its just a story, its just a story - that’s what most
of my friends do - heehee
Dragon Ball Z on Jerry Springer
[the scene opens on the Jerry Springer show. The crowd (as always) are chanting Jerry's name
and Jerry himself is standing looking dodgy (as always) smiling at the camera)]
Jerry: Hello, and welcome back. Now today's show is another anime variety show [much cheering
from crowd] as proven so popular by our last one, which contained many of the characters from
Pokemon. [muttered] hopefully this one won't end so violently. Anyhow, let's meet our first batch
of guests on the starting section of the show entitled 'Help, my parents are ruining my life'
[camera pulls out to reveal our first guest Trunks.]
Jerry: Hi there Trunks. Welcome to the show. Now tell us, what has brought you here today.
Trunks: Hi Jerry, thanks for having me on the show. What has brought me here is my parents. They
have always been kinda argumentative, but recently, things have been getting more out of hand
than usual.
Jerry: Please continue,
Trunks: Well, lets just say that things were hard enough growing up, what with me and dad being
Saiyans from outer space, my mums hairstyles only making things so much worse, so when
recently my school had a dance, I was gonna have to be very careful about how I was gonna act, I
mean, I am on the brink of unpopularity. Anyway, I was thinking about going with some of my
mates, y'know, to have a laugh and stuff, but my parents have completely different views on what I
should be doing, and the arguments have been so intense. I don't know how much more I can take
[holds head in hands, showing total despair]
Jerry: Please Trunks, don't give up yet. [starts patting Trunks on back, much to Trunks dismay.
Trunks gets panicked look in eyes and coughs loudly, moving slightly to the next seat. Jerry stops,
and coughs awkwardly] Anyhow, lets bring out Trunks parents, Bulma and Vegeta.
[Bulma and Vegeta enter the stage from opposite sides and in true Jerry Springer style run
towards each other and start a cat fight (Yes a cat fight!!) They are pulled apart and seated on
either side of Trunks, refusing to make eye contact with each other. Jerry turns to face his new
guests]
Jerry: Hi there, it is great to have you on the show.
Bulma: It’s a pleasure to be here Jerry.
Vegeta: Silence fools!!! What is this place?? Why am I here?? Trunks, this had better have
something to do with your training
Trunks: See what I mean Jerry. Already with the training. [Jerry gives Trunks a sympathetic look,
and then winks. Trunk shakes his head and turns to Vegeta] You always do that!!! I may have the
capabilities to be a super Saiyan, but dad, do you not think I deserve a break
Vegeta: Silence. You are the son of a prince, and you will learn to fight like a prince.
Bulma: Aww come on Vegeta, lighten up. Don't act like you've never had any fun, I mean, I think
your son is living proof you've had fun.
Vegeta: What!!!!
Bulma: At least I am teaching the boy how to have fun, right Trunks??
Trunks: Don't act all innocent now. Jerry, she is just as bad as my dad in a completely different
way. [Bulma looks shocked. Jerry looks interested]
Jerry: Please extend on this Trunks. In what way has your mother forced you to have fun?? [
dodgy looks are exchanged between Bulma and Trunks in Jerry’s direction]
Trunks: Well Jerry, as I mentioned earlier, there is this school dance I am interested in going to.
Now, I just want to go with my friends but my mum is being awful. As soon as I told her, she got
all enthusiastic and was insisting I did all this stuff, and got all involved, and she is just taking all
the fun out of it
Bulma: How??!!!
Trunks: Well, you started insisting I went with a girl because I am cute like my father?? [Vegeta
glares at Bulma, Bulma grins at Vegeta, Trunks shakes his head, Jerry grins in agreement]
Bulma: So I wanted you to go with a date! What’s the big deal??
Trunks: The big deal is you’ve been arranging interviews in our front room all week, you sent four
applications in my name to blind date and invited so many girls for dinner, dad and I didn't know
who to expect at the dinner table every night.
Bulma: Ok, so I go a little enthusiastic about you having a date. Its not like I was expecting you to
marry the girl, I just wanted you to experience what it was like to have a date with a girl.
Trunks: HA!!!!
Bulma: What??? What now?
Trunks: Didn't expect me to do anything else with the girl?? You were instructing me on
'protection' and so many embarrassing things I did not want to talk about. For gods sake, I thought
I had stumbled into a sex-ed class!
Bulma: I was preparing you in case anything did happen. I didn't expect you to do anything.
Trunks: You booked a hotel room!!
Bulma: Just in case!!
Trunks: Oh that’s it, I am just sick of you and your interfering ways [Jumps up and attempts to
attack his mother. Security guards move towards the fight, but before they get near, a giant
explosion separates the fighting mother and son. Smoke moves back to reveal Vegeta standing
proud]
Vegeta: BWA HA HA HA HA!! SILENCE YOU IMBECILES!! I refuse to allow this to continue
any longer. Bulma, you are to leave Trunks alone while I teach him to fight.
Bulma: I refuse to let you do that. Trunks is a growing boy and needs to have some practice in the
art of dating. [Vegeta growls] Hey, you look kinda cute when your angry
[Bulma cuddles up to Vegeta. Meanwhile, unnoticed, Jerry has slowly edged towards Trunks, who is
distracted by his parents, and put an arm around him.]
Jerry: Hi there [Trunks eyes open wider than usual, the camera flicks to Bulma and Vegeta]
Vegeta: What do you mean I am cute???
Bulma: I mean when you get all angry and worked up, you look really hot, and kinda cute
.
Vegeta: How dare you, I am a Saiyan warrior [raises chair above head] not a [pauses] Cute?
Really, you think so??
Bulma: Oh yeah. How about you and I, go backstage and [whispers something in Vegetas ear]
Vegeta: Bulma you dirty little fox
Bulma: [giggles] Well I learn from the best. Come on. [grabs Vegeta’s hand and pulls him
away. The camera follows them until they get to Trunks. Around Trunks are scorch marks, as if an
explosion had occurred. Trunks himself is in Super Saiyan form and looks incredibly angry. Jerry
is lying on the floor, looking suitably bloody and damaged. He turns to he camera and pulls it
towards him, looking kind of insane.]
Trunks: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!! MY MUM AND DAD, WHO HAVE
BEEN FIGHTING FOR THREE WEEKS, THREE WHOLE WEEKS, ARE NOW GOING
BACKSTAGE TO SNUGGLE???!!! AND ALL THE WHILE JERRY HERE [points to bloody
corpse] HAS BEEN MAKING PASSES AT ME ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!! HOW MUCH CAN ONE
BOY TAKE??!!!!!![Security guards appear, and try to grab trunks] Hey, hold on! What’s going
on here.?? What are you doing?? [starts kicking and lashing around, he kicks the camera and the
screen goes black. All that can be heard are screams from audience members, security members
shouting things like 'Hold him down' and all the while Trunks laughing evilly and screaming '
Look at me now dad!!' Suddenly a large beeping covers all the noise, and then dead silence and
the black flickering screen. After a long wait, the screen flickers back to life, to reveal Piccolo]
Piccolo: Hi there, my name is Piccolo, and I will be filling in while Jerry is in casualty getting
those cuts, bruises [whispered] broken bones and severe burns [voice back to normal] checked
out. Any way, our Topic for today was 'Help, my parents are ruining my life' but this is just a set up
for another show. titled 'I am sorry but I cheated'. Now our first guest is in on the set up. Lets give
a warm welcome to Gohan.[camera flicks over to reveal Gohan sitting on a small chair] Now
Gohan, you understand why you are here today?
Gohan: I sure do Jerry, I mean Piccolo. On the show today, my mum is going to tell my dad about
a bad thing she did, and I am here as a decoy so my dad doesn't catch on prematurely
Piccolo: That's great Gohan. Now, lets bring out, Goku and Chichi.
[the audience cheer as the couple walk on hand in hand. Goku gives Gohan a big hug and a
warm smile. The couple sit down either side of their son]
Goku: Hi Piccolo. Now Gohan, whatever it is that is bothering you, you must tell me now. Don't let
it bug you. Let it all out. [Chichi is sitting looking awkward]
Gohan: Daddy, I know you think you are here about me. But its not really me, its mum. She has
something to tell you.
[Goku turns around to face Chichi]
Goku: Chichi, whatever it is that is bothering you, you must tell me now. Don't let it bug you. Let it
all out. [Chichi turns away]
Chichi: Oh Goku, you know I love you dearly, but there is something I need to confess. Do you
remember that night Yamcha threw a party, and everyone was having lots of fun drinking.
Goku: Sure I do They had the best food ever. And there was sooo much, I just couldn't stop eating,
until Yamcha banned me from the buffet because there were only three sausage rolls and a cheese
sandwich left, but that’s ok, because I had already eaten enough to last me until dinner time. I tell
you, there were pancakes, and sushi, and rice, and soup, and cocktail weiners, and sausage rolls,
and little itty bitty sandwiches with all kinds off fillings and:
Chichi: Goku please stop! I have to tell you this now, before you find out from someone else
Goku: But the food….
Chichi: FOR GODS SAKE GOKU YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE FOOD WHEN I HAVE
SAID THIS!! [regains her compsure] Goku, I cheated on you at that party, while you were
stuffing your face at the buffet [holds face in shame]
Goku: Oh, well as I was saying about these sandwhiches they come in little fingers, rectangles,
squares and triangles, and you had a choice of the large ones or the…..WHAT!!!!!!!!!! You
cheated on me!! But why?? With who??
Chichi: I am sorry Goku, but I couldn't help myself. You were always away, saving the world, or in
a different dimension, or on another planet ………. and I was drunk, and he was drunk, and we
didn't realise what we were doing until afterwards, but by then it was too late.
Goku: Chichi, who was it?
Chichi: It was Krillin. [a hushed cry comes from the audience. Piccolo takes this opportunity to
jump in front of the camera]
Piccolo: Lets bring out Krillin
[Krillin emerges from backstage and walks down, with a bunch of flowers in his hand. He sits
next to Chichi, who promptly whacks him with her handbag. Scared, Krillin jumps up, and makes
his way over to Goku. Krillin sits down and shakes Gokus hand. Goku gives Krillin a hug. They
both sit down. Goku takes the flowers and sniffs them. He then starts making polite conversation
with Krillin about how nice the flowers smell. Piccolo, Chichi, Gohan and the audience watch on
in confusion. Finally, Chichi snaps]
Chichi: What the hell is wrong with you two!!! He is your best friend, and he cheated on you with
your wife!! And all you can talk about is how nice the flowers smell!! Well that is it! I can't stand
it!! Will nothing get your attention. I have tried everything to get it across to you. I don't want you
near Gohan.[everyone in the room gasps in surprise] You are a bad influence!! He could be a
scientist, a journalist, anything he wants but you have to turn him into a warrior. Don't you see he
could do anything he wants.
Gohan: But mum, I do want to be a……………
Chichi: Be quiet Gohan. This is between me an your father, it is nothing to do with you. [turns
back to Goku] NOW STAY AWAY FROM GOHAN. KEEP AWAY, DON'T COME BACK,
GO LIVE WITH BULMA, BUT DON'T COME BACK TO MY HOUSE, WHERE MY CHILD
CAN BE INFLUENCED BY YOUR PRESCENCE!!
Goku: Chichi, what are you trying to say? [Chichi gets a look in he eye, similar to the one she got
when she inhaled the Black water mist. Without warning, Chichi screams extremely loudly, her
power level raising to well over 150,00,]
Chichi: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY SON!!! [she turns to Goku and looks directly at
him] KAME HAME HA!!!!!!!!!!!!! [she releases the attack before Goku has a chance to escape.
He is knocked out straightaway. Krillin, Piccolo, Gohan and the audience stare on in shock.
Krillin is the first one to make a move]
Krillin: Chichi, that is just not fair. Goku hadn't a chance to fight back. I am afraid [pauses] I am
afraid I am going to have to hurt you.
Chichi: Bring it on shorty, and I don't just mean your height.
[Krillin looks down and then looks especially angry. Chichi just smiles evilly. Piccolo pulls the
camera away from the two fighting couples. Screams (mostly Krillins) are heard behind Piccolo.]
Piccolo: I am afraid that is all we have time for today. I hope. OW!!!!!!!! What the…………….
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! [Piccolo is sent flying, barely missing the camera. The scared
camera man chooses that moment to make a run for it, flinging the camera round as he does. The
camera reveals what has been going on behind Piccolo. Krillin, Goku and Piccolo are lying
knocked out on the floor. All the audience have fled in fear. The only two left standing are Gohan
and Chichi. Chichi has her back to Gohan]
Gohan: Mum, this time you have gone too far. I didn't want to have to do this but……….. well you
leave me no choice. [Chichi turns around and looks her son dead in the face. He runs over and
turns the camera away. Screams, shouting and large explosions are heard. The last sound to be
heard is Chichi's voice, screaming as a window is heard to smash. Footsteps echo toward the
camera. It is turned round to reveal Gohan sitting in Jerry's corner.]
Gohan: And our final thought for today is that, although talking things through is said to solve
many of life's problems, however, in some cases, violence IS THE ONLY answer. I believe I speak
on the behalf of everyone involved in today’s incident when I say 'Please, no more anime/Jerry
Springer cross overs. We can't take the pain any longer. With secrets like these, the only way to
stay safe is to keep our skeletons in the closet. Don't air things to people, bottle them up
and……….. [an odd sound is heard] What the…….What the hell is that? I best find out. Come
on. [Gohan grabs the camera and pulls it along with him while he travels around the backstage
corridors. Finally, he reaches two cupboards. Strange noises are coming from both of them.
Gohan (hidden behind the camera) opens the first one. Revealed are two figures who look rather
busy. Gohan flicks on the light.]
Gohan: VEGETA!!! MUM??!!
Vegeta: Chichi!!?? I thought you were Bulma!!??
Chichi: Well I knew who you were all along sweet pea.
Vegeta: But where is Bulma? [the three figures become aware of the sounds next door increasing
greatly. Gohan runs around and pulls the door open.]
Gohan: OH my Gosh. Bulma!! What are you doing with my dad??
Vegeta: KAKAROT!!!!!!!
[the cheesy Jerry Springer music comes on, and the images on everyone’s screen becomes blurry,
as panic ensues where none of the viewers can see at home. The credits come up, revealing the
end of our story…. or is it????]