Three Point One Four
Bulma scratched her head in confusion. As far as she could tell, Vegeta and Yamcha were actually getting on. It was the strangest thing! They argued non-stop, but give them both a few glasses of wine, and all of a sudden they were best friends. The last she had checked they were sitting in the front room discussing Yamcha’s love life. Bulma sighed as she continued fiddling with a small piece of equipment Goku had given to her to fix a few weeks ago. She had to admit, ever since she had broken up with Yamcha, he had gone through quite a few girlfriends (and if she remembered correctly quite few nasty surprises too). Vegeta seemed quite amused at Yamcha’s bad luck with women, and seemed to like discussing it with him. She sighed, brushing sweat from her brow. At least they weren’t fighting anymore.
**~**~**
Yamcha swung his glass of wine in the air, continuing to tell Vegeta all about his latest experience.
"My last girlfriend didn’t like me, thought she might be-"
"Most likely a dyke?" Vegeta suggested. Yamcha nodded.
"She just didn’t excite me." Vegeta nodded
"Lefty?"
"Yeah but that was alright, she was hotter than the sun-" Vegeta cut him off, immediately catching on
"But she just wasn’t that bright." Yamcha laughed, nodding
"My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony." Vegeta started to laugh even more, remembering his one meeting of this girl.
"I think a wooden post would have been much better company!!" Both men were laughing now
"It’s like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she’s a flunky, so my love for her died quicker than a batch of sea monkeys." Both men leaned back in their chairs. Vegeta started up the conversation again.
"Early bird gets the worm, spread your legs or spread the word."
"So what if I’m not the smartest peanut in the turd!" Yamcha said indignantly. "I’m white which goes with everything, but I can come in any colour and I’m looking for the kind of girl who remind me of my mother." Vegeta looked at Yamcha with an expression crossed with both disgust and intrigue.
"But it’s hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy. And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies!?" Yamcha shrugged, slightly worried that Vegeta knew this information.
"I like ‘em easy hot and sweet, like a rice-krispie treat. Gee, you know what I really want in a girl?" Vegeta raised an eyebrow. "Me." Both men fell off their chairs laughing.
**~**~**
Bulma looked up at the sound of manic laughing. Perhaps she should go check on them…….
**~**~**
This time, Vegeta decided he would give this obvious loser in the romance department some advice.
"Women are like dog doo, hear me through don’t interrupt" he raised a palm to Yamcha, stopping him before he could comment "It’s just the older that they are the easier they get to pick up." Yamcha stopped and considered what the Saiyan was saying. Inspiration seemed to strike him.
"I’d fill the generation gap, clean the cobwebs from her rafters." He nudged Vegeta, who grinned with approval.
"Most hens would rather put out then be put out to the pasture." Yamcha stopped laughing though, shaking his head.
"No age just ain’t a gauge I like my girls like my cheese." This time Vegeta really did raise a confused eyebrow. "Preferably for me fat free American singles only." Vegeta grinned drunkenly as he caught onto the joke. "I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner."
"Won’t have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner" Vegeta suggested "like sizzler"
"She got a beef we’ll chew the fat." Yamcha decided to go for a diplomatic look "If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap."
"Let her lash out and crack the whip-"
"But not in bed!! I don’t play rough. No I can’t be tied down with a girl who wants me tied up." Yamcha’s eyes widened and both men shuddered as they recalled things Goku had told them about Chichi
"Just independent like NOFX, smart like Jeneane Garafolo" Vegeta ticked off qualities on his fingers
"She’d use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know. Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the dewy decimal system" Yamcha added to the list "Gee you know what I really want in a girl?" Yamcha summarised once more, causing Vegeta to once again nearly fall of his chair with laughter as Yamcha repeated. "Me!"
**~**~**
Bulma was becoming increasingly worried by the amount of laughter coming from the room next door, especially when she heard a loud thump. She rolled her eyes back. Probably Yamcha falling off his chair. With a deep breath, she made her way into the front room.
**~**~**
Bulma’s eyes widened about ten times at the sight that met her weary eyes. Before her, the once feuding human and saiyan were standing up, leaning against each-other with their arms linked in a drunken act of balance. Perhaps most disturbing of all was the drunken rhyme they were singing. Yamcha’s voice rang out above the Saiyans though, his enthusiasm seeming more realistic.
"I need to find a new vagina" he hiccuped slightly "Any kind of new vagina" He scratched his head as he paused mid-song, before turning to Vegeta. "It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina." Vegeta nodded in agreement. "Calvin Klein?" Yamcha tried. Vegeta raised one hand, allowing it to waver slightly.
"Hmm… Kind of."
"North Carolina!!" Yamcha yelled victoriously as he found a decent rhyme. Bulma’s jaw was on the ground.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!!??" she yelled, causing both men to jump out their skin in fright. Everything seemed to go dead silent, as Yamcha and Vegeta struggled for an explanation as to their sudden friendship. Yamcha held up an empty bottle of wine in a pathetic attempt at explanation. Bulma placed one hand on her hip and glared at them.
"You see Bulma-" Yamcha began, before being interrupted by Vegeta who leapt forward.
"HOORAY FOR BOOBIES!!!" he yelled before passing out on the floor. Yamcha watched Vegeta, before deciding the only way to get out of this situation was to do the same. So he did, allowing himself to fall on the floor in a drunken heap. Bulma scratched her head again.
"What the Hell…….."
**~**~**
"What the!!??" Yamcha awoke with a start. "What the Hell was all that about……" he scratched his head in confusion. "Dude… that is so the last time I fall asleep with the Bloodhound Gang playing in my walk-man." He reached up to remove the headphones from his ears, only to find nothing there. "What…?" he trailed off as he realised he was not in his bed but lying on the floor, an empty wine bottle in his hand and a passed out saiyan laying somewhere near him.
"So.. your finally awake…" Yamcha gulped as Bulma’s voice rang out. Wincing slightly, he looked up to see a very pissed looking Bulma. "You wanna explain this?" she held up a small tape recorder that seemed to be playing back his own voice, as well as Vegeta’s. He swallowed even harder as he listened to the words he was uttering. He wiped a sweat-drop from his forehead.
"Oh…… shit……"
End