Useless Facts!
THESE BELOW ARE LINKS TO THE STUFF WITHIN THIS PAGE! SO HAPPY READING!
*If you
yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it!)
*If you fart consistently for 6
years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy
of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
*The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
*A pig's orgasm lasts for 30
minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig!)
*Banging
your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Still not over that pig thing!)
*Humans and dolphins are the only
species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
*On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
*The strongest muscle in the body
is the tongue.
(Hmmmmm.....)
*You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
*Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.
*Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
*You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
*Right-handed
people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people do.
(If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?)
*In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked every hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
*A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
*The ant can lift 50 times its
own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls
over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?)
(Did the gov't pay for this research??)
*Polar bears are left handed.
(Who knew....?,Who cares!)
*A cockroach will live nine days
without it's head, before it starves to death.
(Creepy!)
*The male praying mantis cannot
copulate while its head is attached to its body - the female
initiates sex by ripping the males head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....")
*Some lions mate over 50 times a
day.
(In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over
quantity!)
*Butterflies taste with their
feet.
(Oh, geez!)
*Elephants are the only animals
that can't jump.
(But if they could...)
*A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
*An
ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that too!)
*The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
*A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
*The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar an England in 1896.
*Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
*A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.
*Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why, Elvis' middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.
*Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
*Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
*More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane rashes.
*Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
*Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
*Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
*If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
*Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
*The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
*The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
*The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
*TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
*If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
*The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
*A snail can sleep for 3 years.
*American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
*China has more English speakers than the United States.
*The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
*Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with a population of 1000 and a size 108.7 acres.
*The longest town name in the world has 167 letters.
*Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.
*"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
*The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.
*No president of the United States was an only child.
When something
is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something wrong with it before.
People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room
for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and
change the channel manually.
When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat
it too". Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't
eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?
When people say "It's always in the last place you
look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after
you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see
that?" No dicknose, I paid $8.50 to come to the theatre and
stare at that thing over there. What did you come here for?
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't
really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know
where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at
my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
People that turn down the radio when they are looking for a
certain address. It's not like you'll be able to hear it coming
up!!
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at
a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida......and they
hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But
seriously,whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year, stock options and a Michael
Ovitz-style severance package. If that's not possible, make an
offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens
and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited
to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here
would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no; on my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model
who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
> Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it.
> Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other.
> Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you.
> Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer.
> Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman.
> Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
> Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you.
> Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband.
> Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually.
> Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in.
> Good: You go to see a strip show. Bad: Your daughter's the headliner..
> Good: Your boyfriend's exercising. Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
> Good: Your daughter's on the Pill. Bad: She's eleven.
> Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude. Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
> Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex. Bad: You live downtown.
> Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude. Bad: She's coming home.
> Good: Your wife's kinky. Bad: With the neighbors. Worse: All of them.
The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she says something!
> You want = You want
> We need = I want
> It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
> Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
> We need to talk = I need to complain
> Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
> I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
> You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
> You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
> I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
> Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
> This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
> I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
> I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
> Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
> I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
> Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
> How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
> I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
> Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
> You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
> Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
> Yes = No
> No = No
> Maybe = No
> I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
> Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
> Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
> I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
The Woman's Guide to What a Man is Really means when she says something!
> "I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
> "I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.
> "I'm tired." = I'm tired.
> "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
> "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
> "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
> "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
> "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
> "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
> "What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
> "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
> "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
> "I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
> "I love you." = Let's have sex now.
> "I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
> "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
> "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
> "Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
> "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
> (while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III.
Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means
the order of third (3rd.)
By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-
values and adding his (III), you get the following:
B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
+ 3
--------------
666
Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?"
Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate
and total enslavement?
YOU decide!
Before you decide, consider the following:
M S - D O S 6 . 2 1
77 + 83 + 45 + 68 + 79 + 83 + 32 + 54 + 46 + 50 + 49 = 666
W I N D O W S 9 5
87 + 73 + 78 + 68 + 79 + 87 + 83 + 57 + 53 + 1 = 666
Coincidence? We think not
Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse lasts 4 min.
The average number of strokes is 9 per minute, making the average intercourse
36 strokes. Since the average length of a penis is 6 inches the average girl
receives 216 inches or 18 feet per intercourse. The average girl does it about
three times a week, 52 weeks annually. 156 x 18 feet makes 2808 feet or just
over a half a mile. So girls, if you are not getting your half mile every year,
why not let me help you catch up.
*there was a man
called Dave
who hid a dead whore in a cave
he admitted he was shit
that he fucked like a git
but think of all the money he saved
*"I'm a
cool girl in a cool town
It's takes a real motherfucker to put me down
kissing is a sport
fucking is a game
guys get all the pleasure
girls get all the pain
the guy says i love you
you believe it's true
then 9 months later he says "the hell with you"
the baby is a bitch,the mother is a whore
none of this would have happened
if the rubber hadn't have torn
General warning labels for alcohol.........
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath
that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
asshole.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you
REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
ever happened to your pants anyway.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you
can't remember)
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burn on the forehead.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named
Psycho.
How the word 'FUCK' can be used in many situations!
1. Greetings........."How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud..............."I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation......."Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble............."I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Agression........."FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust................"Fuck me."
7. Confusion............." What the fuck....?"
8. Displeasure............"Fucking shit man..."
9. Lost........................"where the fuck are we?"
10.Disbelief.............."UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!!"
11.Retaliation............."Up your fucking ass!"
12.Apathy................."Who really gives a fuck?"
13.Suspicion............."Who the fuck are you?"
14.Directions.............."Fuck off."
It can be maternal........"MOTHERFUCKER!!"
It can be used to tell time......." It's four fucking twenty!"
It can be used as an anatomical description............."He's a
fucking asshole."
"What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshema
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic
"Who the fuck is gonna find out?" Richard Nixon
"Heads are gonna fucking roll." Anne Boleyn
"Any fucking idiot could answer that." Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!" Picasso
"Fuck a duck." Walt Disney
"Houston we Have a big fucking problem." The crew of Apollo 13~
