After the Slayer left, the naughty boys first plundered the goodies Willow had brought, and then, turning like a hungry pack, pounced upon the bored-looking vampire who had been watching them eat. The Spikes had suffered a moment of panic when Human-Spike's stomach made a noise like a charging rhino, but were calmed by the Xanders' desire to share all their favorite flavors with the new human. Once the Xanders were sure that Human-Spike had had a taste of everything, they tackled Vampire-Spike before he made it out of the kitchen. Both Xanders were very careful when romping with Human-Spike so as not to set off his chip, but Vampire-Spike wasn't nearly as cautious with his counterpart. With a growl he rolled the honey blonde version of himself away from the Xanders and pinned his squirming double on the hard linoleum floor.
With a look and a nod the Xanders
formed a plan. Sweet-Xander got up and started to root through
the refrigerator; Suave-Xander crawled over to the game-faced
vampire. Using the half-remembered body language of the hyena,
showed submission, and that he had no intention of trying to take the warm human prize from the demon, by keeping his head lower than the growling vampire's. Suave-Xander brought his face low, near Vampire-Spike's chest and turned it up to lick along his chin and mouth.
"What are you up to, Pet?" the demon asked.
Suave-Xander slid between Human-Spike and the wall and pulled the man on top of him. "The floor is hard, Spike. I'm just going to keep him warm and comfortable," Suave-Xander said and positioned Human-Spike flush against his body. He hooked their long legs together and spread them wide while simultaneously pushing the borrowed, over-sized, drawstring pants down over Spike's slender hips.
Sweet-Xander bounded over like a puppy and plopped down next to the human pretzel. He held an open tub of Cool-whip toward Vampire-Spike and said, "This is the best I could find."
""What the hell is that?"" the Spikes asked.
"Whipped cream," Sweet-Xander
said. The vampire had dropped his game face at the sight of the
Cool-Whip. Sweet-Xander brushed a tender kiss to Vampire-Spike's
temple and murmured, "You can't take him dry, you'll hurt
him, and we can't wait for Buffy to get back with the lube - frankly, I have doubts about her motivation."
Suave-Xander mirrored his twin's movement and nuzzled Human-Spike's temple while amending, "Technically it's whipped topping - I'm pretty sure it's not a dairy product."
"Oh, well, that makes it fine then!" Human-Spike snarked, still trying to close his legs now that his dangly bits were hanging in the wind. "Mhergallfee!" he hissed as Sweet-Xander began working the cold non-dairy topping into his warm, puckered opening.
He didn't stop his struggles until, amid the boy's giggles and his double's snickering he heard the man holding him whisper, "Come on, Spike, be good. Just enjoy this; I'll clean you up afterward with my tongue." It was too much - the man's strong arms holding him tight and safe, the boy's questing fingers slick and probing and the hot proprietary gaze of his double watching him be prepared - his cock sprang to attention. He relaxed into Xander's embrace and turned his head for a deep, long kiss. Soon one Xander's fingers were replaced by the other's.
Human-Spike watched as the boy licked his fingers clean before using both hands to remove the vampire's jeans. His double's only offer of assistance to the boy, who had stepped into the role of acolyte in the bizarre food related ritual, was to stand while the denim was wrestled down and off his body. Once Suave-Xander was satisfied he had worked enough whipped topping into Human-Spike's passage, his fingers began to make knowing crooks, searching for the spot, guided by the breathless noises the honey blonde made. Suave-Xander was enraptured by the look of wanton lust on Spike's flushed face.
Kneeling in front of the vampire,
Sweet-Xander took shameless advantage of his position. Spike was
momentarily blinded while he removed his tee shirt and the boy
swooped forward and swallowed the vampire's cock. Spike howled
and pumped into Xander's mouth. As abruptly as he had started, Sweet-Xander stopped, sitting back on his heels, giggling and shaking a squeeze bottle he had brought along with the whipped cream.
"What the hell is that?" Vampire-Spike was beginning to sense a common theme in this encounter.
"Smucker's Three Musketeers Sundae Syrup." The boy bounced in place, looking up with an excited smile. He positioned the tip of the bottle at the base of the vampire's erection.
"What do you think you're gonna do with it?" Vampire-Spike asked sinking to his suddenly weak knees.
The Xander currently finger fucking his double pulled his attention away from biting that one's all-too-human earlobe long enough to snicker at the demon. The boy brandishing the chocolaty syrup thrust out his bottom lip and wheedled, "Come on you big bad baby, I'll make the same deal as Xander and Spike have. I'll lick you clean after."
The vampire didn't know he had agreed until the cold, thick syrup was squeezed out onto his cock from the base to tip. In one smooth movement the Xander holding his double removed his cream-covered fingers and the Xander smearing the chocolate syrup topping over his cock guided it into Spike's double's slick passageway.
The heat was a surprise. He knew
that this him was human; he had pushed him against the wall and
listened to the blood moving and the heart beating in his body.
But now as he leaned over the human version of himself and felt
the tight warm flesh contracting around his cock it finally seemed real. This is what he had looked like before he died. The short gasping breaths, the dilated blue eyes, the golden hair spilling back contrasted beautifully against Xander's thick brown hair and dark eyes. But his human self wasn't William. Or rather, his human self was no more the William he had been before death than Spike was. So much made sense now.
Spike had spent much of last night's
sexcapades in rapt enjoyment but part of his mind had been dedicated
to wondering about the Xander twins. They had shared his body
like children with a new toy but had shown no sign of
jealousy or possessiveness. He had figured it meant he was just a sex toy, not worth fighting for - how wrong he had been. Now he knew. Knew how they finished each other's sentences and why they were so willing to let the other try whatever came into his head. They were the same person. What one liked the other did. Just like he and the warm human doppelganger he was slowly thrusting into.
This was him. This was someone who had been with him through it all. When Angelus abandoned them, when Dru had turned her back, even when Buffy had said he was beneath her. This, this one had shared every heartache, every bottle of Jack, every bruise, every desire to walk into the sun. Damn chip - damn Slayer - damn Sire, he slowed his thrusts, spreading his legs, practically standing to get the right angle. He was relieved that there was a Xander cushioning the strokes into the human. Both of Suave-Xander's hands were firmly gripped on his double's firm thighs, lifting and spreading his entrance. Spike morphed to game face and braced both of his hands on the wall to either side of Suave-Xander's head. When they were reintergrated, he would have it all - the memory of fucking and the memory of being fucked. Just like Xander would have the memory of every experience either twin had with Spike, before and after he had split. Entranced by the sheer pleasure on the man's face, Spike reveled in the hot breath of his counterpart gasping out each time he pushed in.
The whipped cream and chocolate
sauce were being churned into a sticky mess and now coated the
stomachs, cocks and balls of both Spikes. Sweet-Xander, not having
received even a half share of the limited Xander-patience trait,
maneuvered around the vampire. He began working his way down from Spike's tail bone until he was making tiny kitten licks along the back of Spike's dripping nads.
"Xander!" the vampire shouted.
"Oi, you're fucking me. Can
you at least pay attention here?" Human-Spike grabbed two
handfuls of the vampire's hair and pulled him down to glare eye
to eye. Human-Spike's Xander cushion dissolved into a wicked throaty
which set off a giggle fit in the Xander between Vampire-Spike's thighs.
"He's sucking my stones. I'm bit distracted. Anyway, what are you complaining about?" What had started out as a fierce response ended with a laughing smirk. The vibrations from the boy's giggles and the wonderful connection he felt with the blue-eyed man he was driving into sent him over the edge. Human-Spike couldn't maintain his glare and arched into the orgasm which seemed to move between them in a wave.
The Xanders admitted that cleaning up the kitchen wasn't nearly as much fun as cleaning up the Spikes. Buffy came through with the blood and ice cream but had drawn the line at buying lube or searching through Spike's crypt for a change of clothes. Willow, however, left a note apologizing again with a sealed box containing three flavors of lube -strawberry, watermelon and banana - not before the Spike sundae - along with a six pack of film for Xander's Polaroid. There was a reason she was his best friend.
Shortly after Buffy had, as she said she would, rung the doorbell and run, the Xanders tossed a coin to see who would go to work in the morning. Suave-Xander threw the coin toss. He adored his happy, bouncing other half but figured that if he wanted to keep his job he should leave Sweet-Xander home to continue the food products verses lube experiments. Just as the four of them were settling down to watch 'Evil Dead I and II' to argue about whether a bigger budget made the same movie any scarier, Human-Spike looked decidedly unwell. The noise in his stomach was back and it was getting closer. A frightened look of confusion crossed his face and he bolted to the bathroom.
Suave-Xander followed and, assuming the role of the good boyfriend, *Boyfriend! Where the hell did that come from?* brushed back his hair and gave him a cold damp cloth to wipe his face. When Spike finished praying to the porcelain god, Xander pulled him into his lap. They sat quietly on the floor of the bathroom, Xander stroking the sweat-damp hair off of Spike's clammy face.
"Well. That was humiliating," Spike whispered.
"Been there. It's not pleasant, finally being old enough to have to admit that there is such thing as too much of a good thing." Xander gave him a tired smile and softly kissed his temple. "Our fault, we should take better care of you - not like you've been doing the whole fuel and maintenance thing on this classic machine of yours." Xander gently poked his stomach and was pleased to see that this Spike had a ticklish streak.
"I'm over one hundred and twenty years old, Xander, I don't need someone to take care of me." Spike's protest lacked the energy of his usual snarky response and he had dark circles under his eyes.
"Everyone needs taken care of once in a while. Here's a thought - how 'bout I make you a cup of tea while you take a bath. Trust me, a nice soak will make the world seem a lot friendlier. I think I have some herbal stuff Willow gave me especially for stomach aches."
Since Xander had started running the water for the bath it didn't look like he would take no for an answer. Truth was, the vomiting had left Spike feeling weak and rather wrung out. Before he knew it Xander had peeled of the third set of clothes he had borrowed that day and had him comfortably resting in the tub. Spike had fallen into a light doze when the smell of mint awoke him. Xander had set the cup on the edge of the tub and was setting out thick towels and a robe. He turned and smiled. "Sleeping Beauty, feeling any better?"
"Yeah, thanks," Spike lied. He felt human and he was beginning to remember how bad that had felt. It wasn't just that they were blind, deaf and weak, they were slaves to this fragile shell they were trapped in. He had thought Xander would leave, but the man sat on the edge of the tub and handed him the cup.
"Drink." Xander used shower gel and a rough wash cloth to make a thick lather, then he meticulously washed every inch of Spike. Xander took off his shirt and set the cup aside before telling Spike to close his eyes, and with equal thoroughness he lathered Spike's honey-blond hair with strong calloused hands. After carefully rinsing the blonde Xander helped Spike to stand. Once he was out of the tub and standing on a fresh towel lain down for a rug, Xander dried him from head to toe.
All this had been done in companionable silence. When Xander wrapped him in a fluffy robe and started toweling his hair dry, Spike tried to speak. Nothing came out. It was just as well; he had no idea what he had been going to say. 'Thanks' didn't seem enough - this went beyond hospitality to a one night stand that had been held over on account of magic. So he kissed him. A closed-mouth, reverent kiss that spoke of tenderness and longing. Xander smiled.
"I have work in the morning. I was gonna go to bed soon anyhow. Can't promise you up-all-night sex, but how 'bout we just snuggle up together and let the kids out on the couch store up the memories of the sexual Olympics, hum?" Xander asked. Strong hands held him up; not a hug, just holding him. It was a good thing too. After the bath and everything before it, he was tired. Spike didn't remember ever being tired. As a vampire he had had reserves of strength, and it had only been since the chip had inhibited his feeding that he had stopped healing so quickly. Sleep was how humans healed.
A nod and a smile was enough to get the man who had taken such good care of him to guide him to bed. It felt so good to lay down - to lay down with Xander. Spike's last thought before falling asleep was wondering how all four of them would fit into the bed.
Suave-Xander was shaving when the honey blonde brought him a mug of hotchocolate in the bathroom. Spike gave a graceful shrug and said, "You don't have coffee and I've never seen you drink tea."
"I don't believe in eating or drinking anything you have to acquire a taste for. Who thought that up? If it doesn't taste good on your first try, try it again until you're desensitized to how bad it is?" Xander kissed his thanks and tried to resume shaving. Whether it was juggling the razor and the cup, or the quiet contemplative stare of Spike, looking human and delicious, something distracted him enough to nick his jaw. He cleaned off the shaving gel and blotted the cut, to no avail.
"It's still bleeding," Spike volunteered when Xander reached for his tee shirt. The blonde backed Xander up against the sink. He stood on tip toe to first kiss and then suck the tiny wound. Xander felt the fabric of the loose pants Spike had been wearing whoosh against his jeans as they slipped off Spike's slim hips.
"Spiiike," Xander moaned. "You're gonna make sure I'm late for work, aren't you?" Xander gently tugged on the blonde's jutting erection.
The bathroom door opened and the vampire entered in game face. "I smell blood."
"I'm doomed. Guys, [I really like this job." Xander said. Xander felt one set of lips replaced by another, but there was a world of difference. Warm tingles spread straight from the cut to his cock and then out through the rest of his body. His knees went weak and his hand mindlessly pumped Human-Spike's erection - which convulsed and sprayed the mirror that was still reflecting only the two of them.
Vampire-Spike pulled back and looked into Xander's heavy-lidded eyes, "You are moist and delicious, Pet."
"He's a nummy treat," Human-Spike added.
"Just what the hell did you think you were doing?" Vampire-Spike asked his double.
"I thought I could stop the bleeding...I forget sometimes that I'm not...that I'm..." He sighed and stuck out his bottom lip.
Suave-Xander reached out to stroke back the silky hair. "It's okay, Spike. Giles'll be back tonight."
Vampire-Spike spotted the blood still at the corner of his double's mouth and plundered the pout for any traces of Xander's rich blood.
"I beg your pardon!" Human-Spike pushed firmly but unsuccessfully on his double's chest.
"S'not like you need it." Vampire-Spike stalked out of the bathroom, leaving the door open. The other two watched as the vampire crawled back into bed next to the sleeping Xander and pulled the boy on top of him like a blanket. Sweet-Xander blinked at his new bed, blinked at the light from the bathroom and then buried his face in Spike's armpit.
Suave-Xander finally managed to leave. No easy task since Human-Spike had given up on the too-large pants and walked him to the door naked. At work, he found keeping all his limbs no easy task either when his mind kept wandering back home and mentally calculating how much sex they could squeeze in before Giles' plane got in at nine.
However, it was a horrific homecoming. The apartment looked like a cross between a fraternity house and a murder scene. Amid the chaos of food and clothes was a pacing, snarling vampire - and no one else.
"Spike?" Xander surveyed the damage while taking off his work shirt. "What..."
"They went out. Two hours ago - said they were just going to get himself a pair of pants. I trusted them. What was I thinking? He's evil - just because he's human doesn't mean he's not me." Spike lit up a cigarette and resumed his pacing.
"Calm down. Have some blood. Two hours isn't that long - it's still daylight..." Xander started picking up the empty pizza boxes and other trash.
"Don't say that. This is Sunnyhell, remember. He's human and out with the demon magnet..." The vampire flashed in and out of game face.
"Hey! Not a demon magnet!" Suave-Xander got right back into the face of the cranky demon he was sleeping with, thought about it, and started to laugh. Which did not calm Spike down. Xander would have gotten it, he thought, then thought about that and laughed again. It had been a long day. He missed his double and wondered, not for the first time, if the constant need to touch and hug Sweet-Xander were his body's way of trying to reintegrate them. "Did they ... no, I had it." He unpocketed the cellular and checked to see if there were any messages from himself. There wasn't but there was one from Buffy saying Willow had called Wesley and he was sending a book up from LA. It seemed the spell she had cast was based upon notes she had taken from a book she had borrowed from Wesley in high school. Things were becoming less and less reassuring.
Suave-Xander placed both hands on Spike's shoulders. This was not a Spike who would let him cuddle, but this one obviously was climbing the walls, being trapped inside with his most vulnerable half out in the sunlight. "Listen, you wait here in case they call or come home. I'm sure they'll be back. If they're not here by sunset leave a note and meet me at the Magic Box. I'll go out now and check the mall and the arcades. I know all the places Xander would take him, okay?"
"It'll have to be, won't it?" Spike ground out through clenched teeth.
"You have my number?" Xander asked, and then wrote it down just in case.
At sunset Xander called the magic shop. Tara answered and he asked if he was there. She giggled. Then after she thought about it she asked, "Aren't you together? I mean not together together but with each other?"
"Xander took Spike out shopping today and they haven't come home. Is Spike there...ah, the other Spike?" he said.
"No. Is he supposed to be?" she asked.
"We were going to meet there when the sun went down, but I had a thought..." Xander didn't get a chance to finish.
"Where the hell are you?" Spike growled, suddenly replacing Tara on the other end.
"I think my mistake was thinking like Xander, when I should have been thinking like Spike. I'm gonna see if they're at Willie's, " Xander said.
"They're stupid, not suicidal, and you're not going in there by yourself," Spike snarled.
"Well, there aren't many bars I can think of that would serve a human looking as young as Spike does without ID." Xander thought about his brief stint as a bartender. "Wait, I've got an idea. Meet me at Buffy's dorm."
"I'm on my way." Spike disconnected the call.
The campus bars didn't pan out although Xander made a mental note that asking really drunk girls if they had seen him earlier seemed to be working as a pick up line. As a last resort they went to Willie's. Suave-Xander felt a bit like an old western gunslinger when he walked into the bar with Spike. Silence descended at the sight of the bleached blonde. Xander had been there before with Buffy, but it had never been this crowded.
The little man behind the bar said, "Spike, you look more like yourself. Did your pretty pet talk you into taking your old look back?"
Spike snarled, but before he could
say anything Xander reached across the bar and grabbed Willie
by the collar. He hauled the snitch over the bar with both hands
fisted into his shirt and punctuated each question by smacking
Willie's head against the bar. "When were we here? When did we leave? Where did we go?"
"Xander!" Buffy ran over from the door to rescue the bartender. Angel followed in her wake.
"What the hell is he doing here?" Spike asked Buffy while growling at Angel.
"Deadboy? What brings you to the Club Med of the undead?" Xander left Buffy to interrogate Willie.
"Willow called Wesley asking for a book. Wes said it sounded important so I brought it." Angel glared at Spike while keeping an eye on Buffy and the snitch. "I should have known you were involved. What have you done?"
"Back off, Deadboy, there's more involved than your wounded ego," Xander grated out while leveling a homicidal glare at Angel
"Ego? He shoved hot pokers though me. And could you not call me that?" Angel was now devoting all of his attention to Spike and Xander.
"Well, you look fine now. If he had really wanted to hurt you he would have shaved your head," Xander said.
Buffy interrupted their reunion and said, "He swears he didn't serve them."
"Willie? What do I owe you for the drinks?" Spike drawled.
"Twenty bucks....oh shit." The little man bolted out the back. Since the bar had begun to empty at the sight of the Slayer, there really wasn't any reason to stay.
"So where to now?" Buffy asked.
Xander frowned down at the floor then looked at Spike. "You really want to drink, but you can't stay here. Where do you go?"
"Huh?" The blonde stopped glaring at his Sire and looked at Xander like he thought maybe he had switched Xanders at some point.
Smack. Xander hit Spike in the center of his forehead with the palm of his hand. "You. Really. Want. To. Drink. But. You. Can't. Stay. Here. Where. Do. You. Go. Question mark."
"I got hooch in the crypt," Spike answered without thinking. Then he thought.
""The crypt."" Spike and Xander bolted toward the door.
Buffy and Angel followed, asking what was happening. The four of them jogged toward the cemetery.
"Stupid bloody tosser," Spike ranted.
"Who are you calling stupid?" Xander glared without slowing down.
"Both of them." Spike growled as the entered the cemetery.
"Yeah," Xander agreed. "We should have probably checked to see who got the sense of self preservation."
The crypt showed signs of Human-Spike and Sweet-Xander drinking and playing dress up. Clothes were strewn everywhere. Some were new with tags still attached, some were dated and had been down in Spike's storage crates and one set was what Sweet-Xander had been wearing when they went shopping. The crypt smelled of sex and whiskey. Angel's nose twitched and he started to ask a question but Buff cut him off with a brusque, "You don't want to know."
They went back outside and started to fan out but Spike grabbed Xander by the collar and said, "Oi, stay with me, you're human."
"I've always been human, you big doof. You're the one we have to worry about. You think...er he thinks.. that ...You're the one who isn't used to being human." Xander pulled free.
"Huh?" Angel said.
"What's that noise?" Buffy asked.
"Someone's hurt, maybe dying," Angel speculated.
As a group they cautiously approached the loud singing - maybe singing - coming from the top of one of the mausoleums. Sweet-Xander was naked, swinging an almost empty bottle of whiskey and singing "La Vida Loca". Suave-Xander groaned and buried his face in this hand. This was why he didn't drink - or go to karaoke bars. As his double serenaded the full moon Xander realized that although the lyrics were definitely "La Vida Loca" the tune was closer to "Pop Goes the Weasel". Buffy giggled and Vampire-Spike quickly scaled the small building. Angel gaped as he watch the drama between the second Xander and his Childe.
"What the hell are you doing?" Spike grabbed the boy and tossed the bottle. He held on to Sweet-Xander's hips and shook him. "Are you stupid or suicidal? Why not just yell 'Dinner!' you moron? You smell like blood."
Sweet-Xander shut up mid-note and thrust out his lower lip. He put a hand on the vampire's chest and started to speak, then looked thoughtful and returned to pouting. He swayed through all this and would have been on his ass if Spike wasn't holding him. Finally, holding up the arm not clutching the vampire he said, "I got an owie."
"How did that happen?" Spike asked, looking the boy over carefully to see if he was hurt anywhere else, but the thin red scrape from forearm to elbow, beaded with blood, was the only mark on him.
An inelegant shrug was Sweet-Xander's only reply and the vampire picked him up and jumped with him down to the ground. Buffy and Suave-Xander were searching the bushes and behind tombstones looking for the other Spike.
Angel said, "There are two of you."
"Didn't I mention that?" Buffy cocked her head and looked up at the tall, confused vampire.
"No. No, you didn't. Wes said Willow needed a book. You said you needed to find Xander and Spike. No one said anything about two Xanders," Angel said.
"Oh. Sorry. Spike, put some clothes on him." Buffy turned away, making sure that Suave-Xander noticed she was turning pointedly away from his drunken, naked double. He smiled and nodded thanks.
"You're going to die of lockjaw, you are. You humans are all fragile," Spike growled to the clinging boy and set him down, still holding on because he didn't seem steady on his feet.
"Please!" Suave Xander said, "As if with our lifestyle we don't have a tetanus shot every year."
"It hurts," Sweet-Xander pouted to Spike. "Kiss it better."
Spike didn't need to be asked twice and lifted the arm back up. He licked off the drying blood and began to suck at the long shallow wound. Sweet-Xander made happy noises and lay his head on the vampire's shoulder. "Ooooh, tingly," he said and leaned in to bite hard on Spike's neck. Vampire-Spike morphed into game face and made his own happy noises.
"Angel! Quit checking out Xander's ass and help Xander find Spike," Buffy said.
"Huh?" Angel whipped around but the Slayer had stalked off.
Vampire-Spike took Sweet-Xander back to the crypt to dress him. Suave-Xander looked around and started off, with Angel in tow, in the opposite direction that Buffy took. He could here her calling "Spiiiiike."
"Oh great, that'll work, unless someone's dog answers." Suave-Xander muttered to himself and was surprised to hear Angel chuckle.
"How did this happen?" Angel finally asked when it looked as if this quiet, confidant Xander wasn't going to volunteer the story.
"The short version? Willow
loves me very much. The long? It's complicated." Xander seemed
to know his way around the grave yard quite well and trotted over
to a nearly buried crypt. Angel hung back when he heard someone
heartbeat stumbling up the stairs.
"There you are. Dressed yourself, did you? Pet, one more bloody verse of that song and chip or no chip I was going to kill you myself." The man sounded familiar but Angel was unsure and waited while Xander saved him from tripping and caught him in his arms.
"Spike, are you all right?" As soon as the blonde nodded Xander yelled, "What the hell were you thinking?" He realized how much he sounded like Spike and laughed. "I was worried," he whispered and kissed the blonde, whose face had been shifting emotions with Xander's lightning mood swings.
Human-Spike cuddled into Xander and pulled his head down for a deep kiss. "Jesus, Spike, how much did you drink? You do realize you can die of alcohol poisoning now?"
The blonde pushed out his bottom lip, and said, "Didn't have that much, I'm sober."
"I can hear your brain cells dying." Suave-Xander made as if to steer Spike back toward his crypt when the blonde pulled away and stalked toward Angel. It wasn't quite his trademark prowl; although he had on the pornographically tight jeans and black tee shirt, he was wearing a pair of sneakers instead of his Docs and didn't have the duster to hide his slim frame. The weaving didn't help either.
"You! You poofed up nancyboy, what are you doing in my town?" Spike took a wide swing at Angel, [missing by a mile. Xander rushed over to make sure he didn't dash his brains out on a tombstone.
"Spike?" Angel stood open-mouthed, looking at his human Childe. Spike struggled to be free and when Xander let him go, he barreled toward Angel. The vampire picked him up and studied his face. Holding Spike pressed back against a tree Angel studied his human face, lightly brushing his nose and cheeks with his fingertips.
"Back off, Deadboy!" Xander pulled ineffectually at Angel's arm. Spike was trying to shake them both off. He said through gritted teeth, "Back off now or I'll tell Buffy you made a pass at him."
"Xander! I...I'm not...he's human," Angel stammered out.
Looking at Spike, Xander said, "And he was the brains, right? How the hell did you stay alive...er, not dust for so long?"
Vampire-Spike came out of the shadows with Sweet-Xander wrapped in his arms, dressed and far more subdued. "Right. You found him, 'bout time. Slayer went to brief the Watcher. Lets head back."
"You're walking steadier, little brother," Suave-Xander said, taking advantage of Angel's distraction with his double to pull Human-Spike away and tuck him under his arm.
"I hurled," his double said sheepishly.
"Yeah, that'll do it." Suave-Xander offered him a smile. As the five of them left the cemetery he asked Vampire-Spike, "You think Giles will hold off on the integration until after the hangover?"