there follows a transcript of the new answering service recently installed at a mental health institute.
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press - no-one will answer
If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the hash key until someone answers
If you have amnesia, press 7 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth and your mother's maiden name
If you have short term memory loss, press 8
If you have short term memory loss, press 8
If you have short term memory loss, press 8
If you have short term memory loss, press 8
thank you for calling
back to humour
