31 Things you only do when you're drunk
1. Ask for extra-hot chilli sauce on your kebab
2. Try and get off with your best mate's girlfriend
3. Give a running commentry, out loud, on everything you do, even though you're alone (ah'm gonna go into the kitschen, ah'm gonna get myshelf a beer, an'ah'm gonna drink it.. thatsh whad ah'm gonna do... )
4. Get a tatoo/ try and tatoo yourself
5. Use classy chat-up lines like "you've got phemoninal ... hemonim ... great tits. Can I shag you?"
6. Think it's really funny to put all of your female flatmates underwear in the freezer
7. Make "punch" out of half a bottle of vodka, a bottle of red wine, and some Strongbow
8. Drink it
9. Sing
10. Sing "Beers, beers, we want more beers, all the lads are cheerin', Get the fookin beers in. Beers, beers, we want more beers..." to your girlfriend's parents
11. Dance as if you are John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. And bump into stuff. And break them. And not give a flying fuck about it
12. Make yourself a delicious snack of English mustard on stale white bread.
13. Decide to walk home, even though it's seven miles away.
14. Fall asleep on the night bus and wake up at dawn, in the middle of nowhere, having had your shoes nicked
15. Watch 1970's Hammer House of Horror films starring Patrick Mower.
16. And think they're good
17. Fall asleep with a full pint of water on your chest, and only spill it when you wake up in the morning
18. Steal bottles of milk from doorsteps
19. Attempt to shag any women who shows a passing interest in you
20. Say "You're my best mate, you are", to people you've just met.
21. Decide you and your ex really should be together
22. Make a bonfire of photos of your ex
23. Get really emotional, put on the most morose music you can find and weep about nothing in particular
24. Dig out your old photo albums, get more emotional, ring old friends and tell them they're your best mate ever
25. Join the French Foreign Legion
26. Think you're whispering when you're not
27. Dance like a wanker
28. thay shhings like thish
29. Think you have mystical Kung Fu powers
30. Believe you are invisible
31. Think people are laughing WITH you
Sober up!
