Part 276
Becca's mood the next morning was as dark as the early morning sky outside her window. She'd signed the release papers before even getting out of bed and had patiently listened for the third time to the list of instructions she was to follow and who to call in case of an emergency. She'd smiled through all of the nurses' goodbyes and well wishes and promised to keep in touch. She'd dressed and undressed Garrett at least four times now, looking at the clock every two minutes like a condemned prisoner awaiting execution. Nick had given up trying to talk to her, for anything he could have possibly said would have been a blatant lie and a transparent, half hearted attempt to cheer her up. She looked out her window at the sky as it grew lighter and bit her lip, determined to make it through the next hour without crying.
She was doomed to failure.
"Hey, Nick," Sarah said quietly as she pushed open the door. She looked at Becca's back, ramrod stiff, and then back at Nick, who simply shrugged and ran a weary hand through his hair.
"Morning, Bec," Howie tried cheerfully.
"Morning," she said softly, not even turning around.
"Kaos, let's take some of this stuff down to the car." Howie motioned to Nick to grab Becca's suitcase, and he gratefully complied. "We'll be back in a few, Angel."
Sarah took Garrett from Nick and peeled back the blanket to get a better look. She began to talk softly to him, just comforting nonsense, when she heard Becca sigh. Sarah was ready to try anything to get a response out of her. "You didn't eat your breakfast."
"I'm not hungry."
"Bec, you need to eat, especially now that you're nursing."
"I'll eat later."
"If you don't eat-"
"I said I'll eat later!" she cried angrily before bursting into tears and leaning against the window.
Sarah put Garret down and went to hold her.
Becca cried as if her heart was in a million pieces. "I'm sorry. I
didn't mean to yell at you. It's not your fault."
"Bec, I hate this. I want you to come, too." She pressed Becca's face to her shoulder, tears filling her own eyes.
"I can't do this, Sarah. How can I let him walk away from me like this?"
"Bec, he doesn't want to go either. You can't blame him."
"I'm not, but-" She lifted her tear-streaked face to Sarah.
"Are you sure?" Sarah whispered.
"We were apart for so long and I need him," she said pitifully.
"Bec, he needs you, too." She brushed Becca's hair away from her face. "But so does this little guy," she nodded toward Garrett. "Like it or not, three days ago, the entire focus of your life shifted dramatically. It's no longer just about you, or just about Nick. Your child has to be number one from now on. Forever."
"Thanks," she sniffled, turning away. "You make me sound so selfish."
"That's not what I meant. I'm just saying, if you can focus on him for the next week, then maybe you won't miss Nick so much."
"Uh huh. Sure. Then later I'll click my ruby slippers together three times and Glenda the good witch will whisk me away. Shit." She blew her nose, the color of which was now just about a dead-on match for the ruby slippers, and sighed. "Where did they go?"
"We've got a van parked down by the emergency entrance. Once all your stuff is loaded, Billy and the rest of security will help get us out of here."
"What, no fake 'me' heading out the front?" she giggled, wiping her nose again.
"Nope, not this time. Besides, the other guys have already pulled out of town."
"Then we need to get going. If I make you late Kevin'll have my head."
"Nah, you're too cute," Nick said, strolling through the door. "Besides, he'd have to go through me to get to you and I think he's secretly scared of me."
Howie laughed. "Kev? Scared of YOU? Not even close, Nick."
"Wanta bet?" Nick retorted.
"NO!" Sarah said. "No more bets."
"Bec…" Nick hesitated.
"I know. We need to go." She sobered instantly.
Nick held her face in his hands. "You okay?"
"Sure," she lied, smiling just a little.
"Liar," he whispered, kissing her gently.
"Okay Boss Lady, your ride's here." Billy held the door open for one of the nurses who was pushing a wheelchair.
"I don't need that," Becca protested.
"Sorry, Mrs. Carter, hospital policy."
"C'mon, Bec, hop in," Nick said with a grin.
Becca sat down, and took one last look around her room. Heading out into the unprotected world was more than a little daunting and she shivered as Nick placed Garrett in her arms.
"I'm right here, Bec," he said, squeezing her shoulder. The ride downstairs was blessedly free of incident and in no time they were headed across town to Julie's.
Becca looked over at Garrett, sound asleep in his car seat, and began to laugh.
"What?" Sarah asked, trying to turn around.
"I thought he was big until I actually saw him in his car seat. Sarah, he's so tiny!"
"You'll be surprised how fast he grows. He'll be out of that one in no time. The same with clothes. Don't worry about not having a lot of clothes, because he'll be in the next size before you know it."
Nick reached for Becca's hand and squeezed it tightly. Garrett was in between them on the bench seat in the middle, and Nick's gaze shifted back and forth between Becca and his son, trying to memorize every detail. They were lost in each other's eyes when the van came to a halt.
"Oh god…" Becca sighed.
"We're here," Nick said. "Come on, let's go get you settled." He unbuckled Garrett and gently cradled him to his chest as Billy helped Becca out the side door and down the step.
"Hey you guys!" Julie greeted them warmly. "Coffee's on in the kitchen, come on in and have a cup while we get all the stuff brought in."
Nick started to protest, but changed his mind at the look Sarah gave him. "Sure, just a few minutes, though."
"I know, you have a six hour drive ahead of you and if the stories I've heard about Kevin are true, then you damn well better be on time. Just one cup and then we'll shoo you out of here."
"Thanks, Julie," Becca said with a sad smile.
"Give me the little prince, it's my turn." She took the baby from Nick, giving him the opportunity to walk in with Becca. He showed Becca around and proudly pointed out all the things he and Kevin had brought over the day before.
"This is perfect, thank Kevin for me?"
They'd stalled long enough. Howie was forced into being the bad guy, and he pointed to his watch.
Nick nodded and pulled Becca into a fierce hug. He could feel her tremble as her arms wrapped around his waist and she held on for dear life. He rested his chin on the top of her head and the tears began to stream down his face.
"Nick," Sarah whispered, "we're gonna go on out."
He nodded, unable to speak.
Sarah moved behind Becca and hugged her tightly. "I love you, sis. See you as soon as we can." She could feel Becca trying to hold it in and had to get out of there before she herself lost control. She kissed Becca's shoulder, turned to take Howie's hand and fled to the waiting van.
Lynne was the only one left. "I'll be just outside," she whispered and left Nick and Becca alone to say their goodbyes.
Becca sniffled loudly and Nick rubbed her back as she cried. "I love you," he whispered raggedly.
"I know," she squeaked. "I love you too. You need to go or you'll be late." She tried her best to stop the tears, but finally gave up. She looked up at Nick to find his face wet as well. "God, don't Nick. Please?"
"I tried Bec, I tried to be strong, but damn…" He was crying openly too and wiped his nose on his sleeve.
"We're so pathetic." Becca tried to be light, but it didn't work.
"Who cares?" he shrugged. "Bec, I have to go," he whispered brokenly.
"I know. Call me?"
"I'll call tonight. I'll call every night."
"Please get some sleep? I worry."
"I promise."
"Go, Nick."
"Bec-"
"Please, Nick, just go."
"Do you know how much I love you?" He held her face in his hands one last time and looked into her tear-filled eyes.
Becca nodded, no more words would come. And then he kissed her; he kissed her like she hadn't been kissed in a very long time. Slowly, tenderly, tasting her mouth and stealing her breath. Then abruptly and without another word, he was out the door, down the walk and climbing into the back seat of the van.
"Becca?" Julie came in to see how she was, and found her sobbing.
"Get Sarah… don't let them go yet," she begged.
Julie took the front steps two at a time and caught the van just as it was backing up. She could see Nick in the back, leaning against the glass with his eyes closed, his arms wrapped tightly around himself. Silently, she pulled Sarah out and back to the house.
"Bec?" Sarah called out, looking up as Becca came in carrying Garrett, her face contorted with grief. "God, Bec, don't do this to yourself."
Becca shook her head. "I have to, Sarah. Let me get it out of my system. But … I need a favor."
"Anything, Bec, you know that."
The tears spilled over again as she whispered, "Take care of him for me. Please? Please take care of him."
"I will, okay?" The van horn sounded through the closed door. "Bec, I have GOT to go."
"Call me later, okay? I just need to know he's going to be all right."
"I'll call you when we get to Ottawa. I love you, sis."
"You too. Now go," she said, attempting a smile and almost succeeding.
Sarah looked at Lynne on her way out and said, "I’ll call you, too."
"She'll be fine, Sarah. We have plans to keep her busy and we have all of your numbers. See you next week." She pushed Sarah toward the waiting van and closed the door before Becca could see it pull away. It had the potential to be a very long week.