Part 261
Arriving back at the hotel, Howie and Sarah stopped in the lobby to talk to the handful of fans still waiting allowing Nick to go on up to his room. They thanked them for the well-wishes and prayers before making their way upstairs.
Tommy opened the door for them and Howie led Sarah inside where they found Raoul sacked out on the couch.
Quietly and with a yawn, Sarah said, "D, I’m gonna go check on Jess."
"I’ll go with you, Angel."
Together, the couple went quietly into Jesse’s room, the light from the other room shining softly on the little girl. Sarah pulled the covers over her and sat down on one side of the bed while Howie sat across from her.
Sleepily, Jesse asked, "Mommy?"
"Hey, baby," whispered Sarah kissing her on the forehead. "Go back to sleep."
"Where’s Daddy?"
"I’m right here, Princess," responded Howie.
"Sing to me…please."
"Which one of us, baby?" asked Sarah.
"Both of you."
Knowing that ‘Drowning’ was Jesse’s favorite song, Howie began and Sarah joined in until Jesse was sound asleep. Howie picked the stuffed Pooh Bear up off the floor and tucked it under Jesse’s arm then kissed her on the forehead.
Both moved to the end of the bed where Howie took Sarah in his arms as they looked at their daughter. He felt the all-too-familiar tears on his hand and he kissed her tenderly on the cheek. "Tell you what. I’ll send Chelsea home as soon as things are clear for her to travel. We’ll do what you wanted all along."
"Thank you."
"Let’s go to bed. You’re exhausted."
Howie led Sarah to their room where Sarah quickly changed into a purple satin gown that Howie had given her last Christmas. She knew it was one of his favorites.
As Sarah changed, Howie had gone into the bathroom and as he combed out his hair, he called out, "You’re dad was really impressed with your show."
"Mmmmm….he’s never seen me perform. Mama always took me when I was younger."
Sarah snuggled into bed waiting for Howie to join her.
"Did you get a chance to see Becca tonight?"
"Not really. She…." Sarah yawned, "had…"
Howie asked, "She had what, Angel?"
Silence was Howie’s only answer so he looked around the corner to see Sarah sleeping peacefully. "You were exhausted," he said to himself as he finished in the bathroom.
Cutting out the lights, Howie joined Sarah in bed. He lay facing her, brushing her hair out of her face and watching her sleep. He took her hand in his, kissed it tenderly, and as a peacefulness fell over the room, he drifted off to sleep relieved that Sarah was able to sleep.
That peacefulness was not to last. In the early dawn hours, just before the sun was about to peak over the horizon, reality crept into Sarah’s dream.
Drenched in sweat, Sarah sat bolt upright screaming.
Reacting quickly, Howie sat up and took her in his arms. "Sarah…shhhh…"
Sarah’s body shook as she began to cry clinging to Howie.
"Shh…" he soothed stroking her hair as he held her. "I’m right here, Sarah. Nothing is going to hurt you."
Raoul appeared in the door. "Boss?"
Waving him off, Howie said, "I’ve got her. Check on Jesse."
Pulling Sarah to him, Howie settled back into the pillows and continued to hold her tight.
Sarah sobbed, "Oh, god..Howie! All I could see was the plane flying into the tower."
"It’s okay, Angel. You’re safe now," reassured Howie.
"Why?"
"Why, what?"
"Why did it happen? Why did so many innocent people have to die?"
"I don’t know, Angel. I don’t understand myself."
"How do we go on?"
Howie lifted her chin to him. "You said it yourself at the hospital, Sarah. If we don’t go on with our lives, then the people who did this have won."
Sarah looked into Howie’s eyes, "I tried one time to go on with my life without you and it didn’t work. I CAN NOT do this without you."
Howie kissed her. "You don’t have to. We’re together forever."
"You can’t guarantee that, Howie. Look at what just happened! I could very easily have been on that plane."
"You’re right, I can’t. We could BOTH be in an accident tomorrow on the way to see Becca in the hospital but we’ll BE together when it happens. Angel, stop dwelling on it and look at what we have…we’ve got Jesse, our family, careers, the fans…."
"Each other," she said in a small voice.
Howie smiled, "The most important part of it all, Angel."
Sarah yawned, "I love you, Howard."
"I love you too, Sarah. Now go back to sleep. I’m not going anywhere."
Sarah nestled next to Howie, her head on his chest and her hand on his stomach. Yawning again, she whispered, "I feel safe here. Can we stay right here…just hide from the world?"
Howie kissed her on top of the head, "Do you REALLY want to hide,
Angel?"
"I just want to be safe."
"You’ll always be safe, Angel, as long as I have anything to say about it."
Sarah sighed contentedly. "I’m exactly where I belong."
With Howie holding her, Sarah fell asleep easily, his heartbeat a soothing lullaby.
Howie, however, couldn’t sleep. He listened to her breathing and watched her sleep. All the signs were there from last fall…the clinginess, the mood swings, but most of all, the nightmares…and he was scared. There were three innocent bystanders in the equation this time that would be hurt if Sarah fell apart and he couldn’t stand the thought of losing her, not after all they’d been through.